Tenten slowly but surely falls down the rabbit hole of too much alcohol, too much anger, and too much grief, which all results in a sexual frustration she's not able to keep under her shattered control. Making her mind up, she drags Kankuro out into a dark alley. Good idea? Not really...
Lee turns out to be much more mature than Tenten has ever expected.
Kankuro finds himself in a situation he hates to be in. Not having any say in what's happening can set off a panic attack in basically anyone. Him included.
Chapter 20: Selfish
During the incident with Ruka, there was a slight tension, skipping from one shinobi in the group to another. Even if Kankuro was sitting aside, he still sensed it. When he sought the source of his budding anxiety, his sight fell on the small frame of his teammate Ruka in the company of a suspicious man. Lee and Amai were following them. Immediately, Kankuro perked up, ready to jump into action. He prepared to go after them, but Omoi passed beside him, nonchalantly whispering, "Stay here." He complied, forcing his body to take on a fake-relaxed posture.
Soon after Ruka and some of the others returned, the tension started to decrease. Shikamaru's behaviour also helped ease off the group — he was calm and collected. His words were carefully chosen so as not to stir up panic or anything else that was unwanted at the moment.
Tenten's attention had also been driven away from Kankuro for a while, but soon after it was clear no problem would arise, she focused on him again. That was the moment she realised that she had lost count of her glasses a few of them ago. Her blood was boiling, and as it was usually happening in such situations, she felt a burning desire for physical… closeness. It was gradually becoming so strong that it almost succeeded in suppressing her fear of seeing Neji and her even bigger fear of not seeing him. The time was closing to midnight, and soon she had to go to the inn, snuggle in her bed, and fall asleep. But before that, she needed...
Her eyes fell on Kankuro, who had just risen from his seat on the bar. The hour had run out, freeing him from the bet. So he could now join the group. A tug, low in her body, made her look at him more carefully. His body was, to say the least, very pleasing to the eye; she couldn't deny that in the state she was in. A brief memory flickered in her mind of how that beautiful, dark-skinned woman slid her hands over his shoulders, smoothing the black top and making more visible what was lying underneath. Tenten felt a strong attraction, and it was purely alcohol and his good looks. There couldn't be anything more. That's what she told herself. For satisfying her physical needs, he definitely could do…
Tenten still loved only one man. And had he been alive, she would never even think of looking at another one, be it only for prosaic purposes. But this feeling — a desire — so strong and desperate had happened before, and there was only one way of getting it out of her system. It was the wrong day, but she couldn't do anything about the calendar except do it fast and throw it out of her head and memories. Selfish, the logical side insisted, but she hushed it.
Tenten made up her mind and got up, carefully bracing herself on the table. She ignored Ino's questions and Lee's frown and attempted to head towards the exit.
"Hey! Where're you goin'?" Atsui perked up, ready to shoot on his feet.
She eyed him, then replied, "Just outside."
"If you want to leave, I need to escort you," he said firmly.
"Right." She huffed. "Then I'll make sure to let you know when I want to leave."
Ino paled like a sheet. Chewing on her bottom lip, she whispered, "Oh, no…"
"What's going on?" Temari's ears pricked up, and she leaned in.
"She's mean," Ino pointed out, as if it weren't obvious.
"Yeah..." Temari nodded with a smirk. "She's also drunk and angry."
"In my experience, all of that is added to her being... bothered as well."
"Oh…" Temari's teal eyes drifted to Tenten, curiosity sparkling in their depths.
"She makes terrible decisions when she's in such a state," Lee muttered, drawing both of the women's attention.
Ino narrowed her eyes. "She's like your sister. Ain't you doing anything?"
"Knowing her… Whatever I try, I don't think it'll matter," he whispered, still ready to get up. "I'll try anyway…."
"I don't appreciate your tone," Atsui stated with a frown.
His tone's sharpness seemed to sober Tenten a bit, making her recalculate, take a deep breath, and carefully consider her next words. Even though he was very annoying at times, Atsui had direct orders, which he took very seriously. He was within his right to interrogate her motives and destination in case she wanted to leave the bar.
She bit back at her bitterness, leaning on semi-politeness. "I'm just going outside for some fresh air. I'm not leaving without notice, I promise. I'll be back in a few minutes."
"Anyway, I shouldn't—" he started, but his sister laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Let her go. After what happened, every shinobi in this bar already knows we are a big group, and there're guests from other villages. I can pretty much guarantee that no one'll lay a finger on her."
Atsui sought Shikamaru's face for confirmation.
"Your sister's right," he said. "I also think it's safe for her to go." But he turned to Tenten with a serious expression: "Make sure to come back in not more than twenty minutes." He paused, assessing her face. "And I really would recommend taking someone with you. Just for good measure."
Tenten affirmed with a curt nod. Casting a gaze at Kankuro, who still hadn't taken a seat, she pursed her lips in, at first glance, hesitation.
"I will," she said, tilting her head at the sand shinobi before meeting his gaze.
At her look, chilling shivers ran down his spine. He instantly knew something was very wrong, although he couldn't put his finger on it right away. There was something in her eyes — something dangerous — as if she was getting ready to do something that wasn't at all right.
Lee got on his feet and delicately sneaked towards the lavatories. He had calculated Tenten's path, knowing exactly where she was going to pass on her way out. That was his last chance to make her reconsider. Or at least warn Kankuro.
Tenten spun around with a muttered "will be right back", and headed towards the exit, grabbing Kankuro's sleeve as she did.
He shot a narrow-eyed look at the group. The answers to the mute question were mostly useless shrugs. However, the warning look he received from Ino confirmed his suspicions of wrongness and made him stand alert.
He fought with his conscience about whether to let himself be dragged out or if he should resist and make Tenten stop. The inner wrestling took him a few moments, in each of which he felt the gazes of some of the women he had already refused. It was at least unnerving, considering he had more pressing matters than being happy about random women's jealousy, if it could even be called that.
The tightening grasp at his sleeve made his jaw clench, realising that trying to stop her now, might result in an unwanted scene. He certainly didn't want that…
Lee's heavy hand fell on Kankuro's shoulder just before Tenten set foot on the street. His hand rose in an instant within his quick spin while forcing Tenten to stop in her tracks. The side of his palm stopped an inch before cutting into Lee's throat.
"Lee!" she exclaimed.
"Tenten," he said over the music, coming closer. "Please stop."
She frowned. "What do you want, Lee?"
"I insist you think twice. Whatever you have planned... My experience tells me it's surely not a good idea." He shook his head, boring his big eyes in hers.
Tenten let out an exasperated breath, showing better than a verbal answer what she thought of his request. She granted him a hissed one anyway. "Lee, I love you. But I need you to get out of my way. I need to take my mind off-" She shook her head and just went ahead, still pulling Kankuro after her.
"Don't let her hurt you," came Lee's whisper in the other man's ears.
It was the second warning he had gotten in less than five minutes. He knew better than to ignore it. Actually, Lee's words brought him dread and verified his decision to be extra careful.
Once outside, he stopped on the spot, refusing to follow further until he had some answers.
"What's going on?" he asked.
In the poor street light, he couldn't see the look in her eyes well, but the hints he thought he recognised made him tense up. She remained silent; instead of providing any information, she grasped his wrist, attempting to pull him towards the small intersection between the bar's wall and the building next to it. He resisted — he was bigger and heavier, and she couldn't just move him if he wouldn't cooperate. The nasty feeling that had already clenched his stomach now crept up his spine as the situation struck him as too familiar. He knew what might happen if he agreed to give her the lead and timidly followed her.
"Don't be a chicken," she hissed, challenging him.
Tenten had made up her mind and was not going to let him flee once he agreed to go that far.
He opened his mouth to fend her off, but a shrill laugh behind them shut his mouth closed at once. They both turned, and Tenten's fingers reflexively clenched around his wrist to an almost painful extent.
Kankuro instantly recognised Fumaya and her friends. They were heading out of the bar, laughing and staggering while clutching each other's forearms and shoulders in desperate attempts to stay up on their feet. One of them fixed him and exclaimed loudly through drunken laughter. "Hey! Isn't that' the guy you went for?"
Fumaya turned to him. The light coming from the open bar door reflected in her green eyes, illuminating the vivid curiosity flashing in them. She shifted to fully face him and Tenten. Judging by her movements and the way she carried herself, she was completely sober.
A smile formed on her lips as she replied to her friend, "He is indeed."
"He's with... girl!" The first woman continued, as if observing someone who wasn't able to hear or notice her. Or, as a more possible option, she was so wasted that she couldn't comprehend that he was indeed fully participating in the current scene. "He chased you off for this one!" Her swaying hand pointed in Kankuro's approximate direction.
"That's how it looks," Fumaya confirmed, searching for his eyes in the shadows, partly hiding his face.
Kankuro met her gaze, his lips firmly pressed in a line. She didn't need anything more to understand what was going on and who that woman with him was. She knew — she could see it clearly in his eyes. The next time she looked at him, she tried to pass all the sympathy she felt for him with a single half-smile; then, she gave him an encouraging nod, hooking her hand on her friend's arm.
"Good night, you two," she said to Kankuro and Tenten.
Her politeness startled Tenten, but she still got a hold of herself and returned a quiet "goodnight". Kankuro didn't, remaining perfectly still.
"Come on, honey. There's nothing here to see. Let's go home and get you to bed." Fumaya's voice was kind and soft, coaxing her giggling friend to go.
The women continued walking down the street, talking loudly and occasionally staggering to one wall or the other.
Once Kankuro and Tenten were alone again, she loosened the grip on his wrist but pulled him again. With a sigh, he let her do it. Whatever was about to happen — he tried to prepare mentally — it was best not to be in front of an audience.
She entered the narrow space between the two buildings, with Kankuro cautiously following. His brain cogs were spinning frantically, all the while an unpleasant feeling winded around his guts, tying in a tight knot. Through a very small window, about two steps above their heads, a dim light permeated the gloom. This intersection could hardly be called an alley — it was closed-in and dirty, with damp stains on the lower part of the walls. And the dead end just a few feet away definitely didn't make it any more hospitable.
Surging on his sense of scent, a stale and earthy smell made his nose scrunch reflexively.
He tugged her hand back, quietly asking, "Tenten?"
The distinctive apprehension about the certainty that he would have to deal with something he rather wouldn't crept with icy fingers up his shoulders and neck; it raked about its nasty, little, sharp nails deep into his skin, making his body shiver. Still, he had the time to feel terrified by the tingling feeling her skin caused when pressing firmly against his. Her fingers dug into his flesh, forcing the little hairs on his arm to rise. Kankuro's jaw clenched, rejecting the upcoming waves of excitement that threatened to wash over him and make him give out. The whole situation was dire and called for dire measures. He just needed to figure out what they needed to be.
"You can let me go, Tenten. I'm not going to run away," he suggested. Escaping her direct physical contact was a good start.
As if just now she realised she was squeezing his wrist, her fingers snapped open, releasing him in an instant.
He had been brought into dark alleys before. He knew how these social engagements usually worked. But Kankuro wouldn't commit to an intimate activity with Tenten being in the state she was in. Already suspecting what the answer would be, he still voiced, "Why are we here?"
Tenten stubbornly kept her silence but turned her face towards him. The pallid light fell on her, so he could finally see her beautiful features twisted in anger and… confusion? If it weren't for the determination and lust that were burning in her eyes — that truly scared him — he would have thought she didn't know why they were here either. Her enlarged pupils were sucking him in, heaving his breathing without fail, and imperilling to crack his weakening by the second self-control. But he couldn't let himself slip. It was too important for both of them that he stand strong and not succumb to the calls of his flesh. He knew he would regret it the moment it was over; both of them would. They deserved something better.
Tenten reached slowly, taking his forearm with both hands.
"Tenten… I don't think this is a… good idea," he said with all the calm he could muster. Still, the words came out much more breathy than he would have liked them to be.
"Come with me," she asked, whispering. Her eyes bored deeply into his, not letting them drift for even a second.
Against his logic, he still followed her further into the passage, not yet sure how to stop all of this... madness... without hurting her feelings. Or his own.
When they were well hidden in the shadows, she stopped.
Tenten assessed his face, or what was visible of it. And even if the depths of his eyes smouldered with passion, he looked hesitant. Without a doubt, this struck her as very atypical for him. There was no trace of his charming smile or the playfulness that could usually be seen. Kankuro was holding himself back… So he would either play along or run. And she needed to push just a bit more to see what he would do. She snatched his hat, letting his dishevelled brown hair on display.
Not expecting her movement, he jerked back. Kankuro stretched his hand. "Give me that."
Tenten dropped the hat on his palm while her other hand pressed firmly on his chest, pushing him back.
"Tenten, what... are you doing?" He hoped his voice wouldn't give away and break into the raspy whisper he knew might come out. Kankuro wanted to bring some sense into her; at this point, he wasn't even sure she realised it was him.
Her other hand was on his chest in the blink of an eye, and she used his stiffness to put more force into the push until his back hit the wall.
"You know what I'm doing," she half-hissed, her frustration distinctive.
Kankuro was well aware he wouldn't have any problem physically restraining her, but… he didn't dare touch her at all. He had lifted his hands to his sides, away from her.
"Tenten—"
"I… need this," she interrupted him, whispering. It sounded more like an attempt to convince herself of the rightfulness of this than to inform him.
The air hitched in his throat. He knew he had to stop her. But he also knew that if he did it the wrong way, their budding friendship would be cut short before he could execute his plan and really help her. If anything, he would leave her in a deeper hole than she was already in.
Her palms slid on his torso, bringing him unexpected shivers — it was something that he would love to keep hidden. She quickly snagged the hem of his top with one hand. Pulling it up, she bared his stomach, uncovering it to the outside air, just before occupying his sense of touch. Her other hand slid over the newly exposed skin, making his muscles contract at the sensation.
Kankuro sharply exhaled, squeezing his eyes.
Tenten's fingers skittered up towards his ribs, forcing a raspy breath intake on his side. Her senses, even dulled from the alcohol, were entranced by his warmth and the surprising smoothness of his skin. Unwillingly, she bit her bottom lip, focusing more and more on the sensations that were taking over her. Her hands insistently sought more contact.
Her lightest dabs set his nerve endings alight. He couldn't remember his body reacting so violently to anyone's touch before, and that both scared him and excited him further. She leaned in, bracing herself on his chest, and licked slowly her way up his jaw to his earlobe, extracting a low growl somewhere deep in his throat. His breathing laboured as it became more shallow and frequent. The wetness of her tongue over his skin literally set him trembling. His hands twitched in a hopeless desire to grab her and pull her closer, crashing her frame against his. He resisted, with the cost of his efforts almost overpowering the strength of his will.
Tenten's hand slid down until she reached his pants' waistline. The insistent brush over his belt buckle was exactly what made reality collapse down upon him, shaking him out of the temporary weakness — it all had become painfully real way too quickly. His eyes snapped open. A surge of strength filled his chest — to do what was right and needed. It helped him ground himself, anchoring him down.
Kankuro sprang into action, yanking her hands away from him, and with a firm voice, he stated, "No."
She jerked back, stilling the movements of her hands. Tenten tried to see his face, confused. Just a moment ago, his body was shivering under her touch, seemingly succumbing to her primal desire. But he was now opposing her, resisting her, and holding her hands in an iron grip. She lost the thread of thoughts somewhere in between his two polar demeanours.
"I can feel you want it too," she whispered, still puzzled. Kankuro didn't respond verbally but pushed her hands further away. "I need this," Tenten reiterated insistently.
He shook his head. "No." His tone softened, as did the hold on her hands.
"Why the hell no?!" She pulled back; her voice sipped with confusion and irritation. "I'm not up to your standards?"
Her words hit him like a bag of bricks. Had the circumstances been different, he would have feverishly proved her wrong. However, that was neither the time nor the place for such establishments.
"It's nothing related to me or my standards, Tenten," he said, restoring control over his voice.
"Then... what are you saying?" She quickly stepped back, twitching her hands away from him and close to her chest. She didn't let her eyes stray from his for even a moment. "It's just sex!"
"It's not just sex." He let out a breath with a quiet huff.
"I don't know what you're thinkin', but what I want is just sex," she insisted, the agitation evident in the little angry sparks in her eyes.
Kankuro crossed his arms. "Let me enlighten you, then," his tone was carefully picked. He didn't want to offend her or encourage her to draw hasty conclusions.
She gestured at him. "Please."
He pressed his lips together, trying to decide how much he could share right now.
In the pale light, Kankuro saw the changing expressions on her face. She looked as if she were about to lose her ground. Disappointment and quickly rising fear were trying to conquer her features while she was waiting for him to speak. He owed her some truth.
Taking a deep breath, Kankuro stepped towards her, saying, "It would've been just sex two weeks ago. But after you opened up to me, unfortunately, you became too dear."
She gave him a narrow look — a demanding one. "Go on," she whispered, keeping her defensive stance.
"You already saw how my body reacts to you. You can't possibly think that I have standards that you wouldn't be able to meet. But having sex with me… is not what you want."
Tenten didn't see it coming, but as it turned out, his statement was the last straw before she stumbled, falling deeply right into her personal rage pit, blinding her. "You dare tell me what I want? You think you know? Better than I?" she hissed, outraged.
He swallowed under her burning gaze.
"No, I don't know what you want," he said, purposefully lowering his voice. "But I know what you don't — you don't want me." Inwardly, he knew that for this woman, it would be all or nothing. He couldn't settle for just a tiny part, no matter how good it would feel while it lasted, when he craved it all. In this case... it better be nothing.
Tenten's jaw dropped. Had her brain been sober, she might have understood the subtle meaning. But her current state couldn't serve her well enough. So what she picked from his words was that he thought she actually didn't want to do what she clearly wanted to do. It really left her stunned. Provided that she was the one who dragged him here, pushed him to the wall, and almost unbuttoned his pants? Maybe Kankuro had gone crazy? Or maybe he had always been not particularly sane?
While asking herself some questions, her mind flashed her with a twisted comparison between the man in front of her and the man she loved so desperately. Neji, whose words and expressions were so sparing more often than not; and Kankuro, whose face and body were bubbling with emotions almost all the time. They could be both very rude, very polite, straight-forward, and still so different that there was nothing in common between them.
"You're telling me that I don't want to have sex with you? When everything points to the opposite?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "I won't turn a hair to pull your pants down and have my way with you right here and now," she frowned, stepping up to him, her balled-in-fists hands straightening with a snap beside her body.
"I don't doubt you're capable of doing it. And, believe me when I say this, if the circumstances were different, I wouldn't be happier to just let you. But I know that you just use me as a substitute for someone who's... gone. Even if I am the only person with you here, the reflection in your eyes... it's not mine."
Her eyes widened, and she reflexively jolted back, swapping her offensive posture for a defensive one yet again. "W-what?"
"I can't let you do this to yourself… or to me." Kankuro relaxed his arms beside his body, forcing his guard down. "I like you too much to let myself touch you and be touched by you. Not if I know that you just pretend I'm… him. And you'll regret it the moment it's over. I'm sorry, but I can't do that."
Her body shut him out. She stepped back further, tensed, ready to attack him. "You've got no idea what you're sayin'."
"I know exactly what I'm saying. And if I ever see myself in your eyes—" He clenched his jaw, silencing himself at once. It wasn't the time to pour out his still-young and illogical feelings. The right time might never come.
Tenten's face curled in confusion, as if his words were said in a language she didn't know. Again, her blurry mind wasn't especially cooperative. "You want to see yourself in my eyes?"
He shook his head. "Please, Tenten… I really don't want to hurt you. Please, let all of this go."
She stood there with emotions wildly washing over her mind and a face reflecting each and every one of them. Her body refused to bend into action, remaining in the exact same position. "You want me to get the hell out of here?" she checked quietly. "And pretend this has never happened?"
"I need you to get out of here," he corrected her. "Pull yourself together, go back to the inn, and get to bed." And brace yourself for facing whatever will come after that, he added inwardly.
Tenten didn't have any idea he knew of Neji's birthday and that he was aware of why she had freaked out tonight. Her body winced visibly, wanting her to go, while her brain wasn't quite ready to follow.
"You already told me that you wanted to keep our friendship the way it was. Please, don't just toss it away." Kankuro exhaled. "Please…"
Those words cost Kankuro a lot. He had just been the biggest hypocrite. But he couldn't do better than that at the moment.
Tenten's feelings still stirred in her chest, heaving her breath. Her anger was set loose just a few moments ago, but now she felt bottled, incapable of expressing anything else — anything more.
Keeping her mouth shut while looking at Kankuro, she suddenly felt very grounded; her head started to clear out of the dizziness, although the exasperation was still present. Her logical side knew that this man wouldn't have taken advantage of her drunken and desperate self, even if she urged him to. Maybe that's why her sight stopped on him. Or maybe she had hoped and counted on hearing the much-needed "no", so she could shake out of her fear. Kankuro's plea, so genuine and insistent, helped her come to her senses.
She gave him a light nod, bringing relief to the whole situation.
The realisation of what she had done fell on Tenten slowly. No, that wasn't correct — what she tried to do, but fortunately she had been stopped. A wave of guilt, fed by her ever-persisting anger, made her avert her face. She didn't know what to say. She was afraid... No, she was terrified that no matter what she said, it could destroy the little that was left of their fragile, almost broken bond. Instead, she straightened her attire, smoothed the loose hair, and spun towards the alley exit. With slow steps, she headed out on the main street and into the bar without turning back.
But Kankuro stayed, leaning back on the moist, cold, hard wall, still trying to catch his breath. And maybe put his emotions — volatile and painful — in likeness of order. What just happened had been… too intense, too heavy, too… soul-wracking for him. He wasn't ready for such a clash. Earlier, he suspected that the state Tenten was in went way beyond the normal boundaries of sadness and grief. Her sexual frustration wasn't something he thought he would have to deal with. Even so, he knew he did the right thing by saying no to her and bringing her back to reality.
Tenten had gone back to the bar, frighteningly resembling a gloomy ghost and without any desire to utter a word. She passed beside Lee, disregarding his frown the same way she did with Ino's raised eyebrows. She had sunk back into her personal little bubble, ignoring everything around her.
A little after Kankuro had come to the table, Shikamaru insisted they call it a night and go back to the rest house. No one had any objection, so the group moved together over the streets of Kumo.
Once in the inn, they all became quiet, minding the peace of the other residents. The shinobi scattered around, silently slinking through the hallways and even more silently slipping in their assigned rooms.
Later, when midnight had just passed, Tenten still lay in bed with her eyes wide open. She was staring at the dark ceiling, but seeing only the dark nothing above.
The water in the bathroom was running, and her ears caught the moment when the shower quieted down. Ino opened the door very carefully, and if Tenten had fallen asleep, she wouldn't have heard it.
Ino approached and hovered above her, sensing her awake state. "You are still up?"
Tenten sighed, letting her eyelids fall close. "I can't fall asleep," she whispered back. "I'm..." Whatever she wanted to say, she couldn't push the words through her lips.
Ino perched on the edge of the bed. "Are you afraid?"
Tenten averted her face, avoiding answering.
Her friend laid a tender hand on her cheek. "How can I help you?" she asked in a soft voice.
"I don't know... I really don't." Reflected by the tiny strands of light coming from the bathroom, desperation gleamed in Tenten's eyes — something that she rarely would let other people see. But she was so scared — more than she was scared during the war itself, even if there was no current danger to her life.
"Do you want me to lay down with you for a bit?" Ino suggested, caressing the side of her face.
Tenten shook her head. There was just one pair of arms into the whole world she wanted to be winded in; they weren't Ino's. However, Ino knew better than to insist. Instead, she leaned on her knowledge, experience, and impeccable perception. "Do you want me to call Lee?" she offered while her fingers stroked the dark, loose hair scattered all over the pillow.
Tenten sat up with a jolt, clasping her hands tight as if for a prayer. "Please!"
"Alright," said Ino, nodding and pushing up on her feet. "Hang on, I'll send him right away."
The kunoichi swiftly moved to the door — a slim shadow, sliding on the floor gracefully and without making the slightest noise. She sneaked out of the door barefoot, and in a blink of an eye, she was standing in front of Lee and Shikamaru's room. No hesitation could be seen as she knocked. If they decided to ignore her, she would enter anyway. But she knew Shikamaru was smart enough to know whoever was at their door at this time had an urgent request. So she waited for a sound or anything that would suggest a reaction. In less than half a minute, a foot-dragging sound approached. Shortly after, Shikamaru's sleepy face peered at her.
"I'm sure your mom taught you to tell the time," he huffed.
"I know what time it is," she bit back, impatient.
Her sharp tone, even if it was hushed to almost unhearable levels, shook the sleep off his face. "What's up?" he asked, leaning closer to her.
She sighed, inwardly scolding herself for alerting him about something that wasn't exactly his concern. A bit calmer, after taking a breath, she whispered, "Tenten needs Lee."
Shikamaru's eyes were suddenly very piercing. "What's going on? Is she alright?"
"She… She needs her teammate and brother. My consolation isn't enough. You know... Today's Neji's birthday," Ino explained, watching how understanding passed through Shikamaru's features.
He nodded. "Right."
He turned to enter and wake Lee, but the latter had already put his feet beside the bed.
"What?" He asked, his head swaying. A sloppy hand rubbed his eyes.
"Tenten has requested your presence," Shikamaru said.
Lee's back snapped straight, his eyes opened widely, and he almost jumped on his feet. He didn't lose time but headed to the door, mumbling something that neither of the other two could understand. The only woman he could call a sister needed his support, and he had promised her that he would be there for her. Lee disappeared into the darkness of Tenten's room, closing the door behind him.
Shikamaru stepped to the side, making space for Ino to enter. "My bed or his?"
"Yours," she replied without even thinking.
He nodded and, without any protests, dragged his feet towards Lee's just-freed bed and rolled in it with a quiet groan. Ino sat down on Shikamaru's bed. Curious, she strained her eyes — the man was already lying unmoving, and in a few moments, quiet snoring suggested he was asleep yet again. Ino snuggled under the blanket and relished in the residual heat from her teammate's body. A content smile graced her lips before she let herself relax and fall into deep slumber.
Lee didn't need to be told anything when Tenten moved to the side of the bed, making space for him to lay down. When he did, she pressed herself tightly, desperately grasping his t-shirt in her fists and snuggling her face against his muscular chest. Only after his familiar scent filled her nostrils could she start to relax. Lee brought her calm. He always had. He was the one person who was always there, no matter what. If she decided to lean on him and use his support, he would never refuse. Though during the last year, she had been avoiding doing it… A constant, heavy feeling that she didn't deserve his support weighed on her, so she stayed away from him. When he stepped in to offer her his shoulder, she would push back more times than not.
"Don't be afraid, Ten," Lee whispered, threading his fingers through her messy hair. "If I were in Neji's place, I wouldn't want to see anyone else but you. But you gotta give him a chance. You gotta fall asleep."
She took a raspy breath. "You… know?"
A laugh bubbled in his chest. "Of course I know, Ten. I'm not as stupid and misguided as most people think I am. Neji and you thought I was blind... And I let you believe for the convenience of all of us. But Ten… I knew when your feelings changed; I remember the exact moment you fell in love with him. I also know when his feelings reciprocated."
Tenten gasped as she squeezed the fabric of his t-shirt harder. Her mouth went loose, her eyes wide open, and she stared at his face in disbelief.
"Don't look at me like this," he kept chuckling, never halting his gentle stroking of her hair. "Playing oblivious has its own advantages. And your facial expression right now is priceless."
"Lee…" She choked. "It's like I don't know you at all!"
"Oh, you know me, Ten." He lifted himself up and kissed her forehead. "I'm the same guy you know by heart. Except, I've grown up."
Tenten was speechless. She opened and closed her mouth multiple times, but no sound was exiting through her lips.
"I… I really don't know how to react," she admitted in the end, placing her chin back down on his chest.
He smiled, relaxing backwards and lifting his face towards the ceiling. "How about you listen to what I'm going to tell you?"
She nodded, and he felt the movement.
"Maybe it's time for you to know. Maybe... it'll help you find peace..."
Tenten frowned at his word as a tiny apprehension tried to crawl up her back.
Lee closed his eyes. "When I realised that your feelings — Neji's and yours - are mutual, I asked him about it." She gasped, not daring to make another sound, let alone utter a word. "He denied it, of course, but I eventually convinced him it was safe to trust me with his secret. So he admitted, and... that was the first and last time I saw him cry."
Responding the only way she could: firmly clutching his top and burrowing her face in it in an almost failed attempt to swallow the upcoming sobs. Lee caressed her head.
"I asked him what's holding him back. And Ten… His family had already made a betrothal, from which he couldn't get away. He was trying to figure out an alternative to avoid it, but... That's why he kept you an arm away. He knew that if he let you get closer to him, he wouldn't be able to push you away when he had to. At the same time… he couldn't keep you far enough."
"Lee…" Tenten wanted to cry; she wanted to let her tears run freely down her face, but they refused to fall altogether.
"I remember that he planned to take you to an official dinner with his family. You remember that, right?"
She nodded through her sobs. How could she forget?
"He wanted to present you to his family. But, the snob he was, his uncle wasn't impressed by you being clanless and with no special hereditary skill. He had commented that you had a nice personality, but that wasn't for Neji's wife. I remember that Neji was devastated."
Tenten recalled that dinner and the dance lessons prior to it. She had thought Neji was conscious of his relatives' opinions because they had never met her or Lee in a formal setting. She had thought that Neji wanted her to be comfortable on the dancefloor when his plan had been something... else? He actually brought her there in order to ask his uncle permission to marry her. Her heart clenched so painfully that she started coughing. Lee gently patted her back and waited for the coughing fit to subside.
"Before we went to war, he shared with me that his uncle and he had come to an agreement. And had he survived and made sure Hinata survived too, Neji would be free from his chains and allowed to take you as his wife. His heart was flying; I could tell that."
The realisation hit her hard. Suddenly, everything fell into its place. This agreement, which she hadn't been aware of, was the reason Neji dared to confess his feelings at all. Then, there really had been a chance for them to be together. If… Her throat constricted, and she needed a few moments before she could talk.
"I never… I never knew." She choked. "And I certainly didn't suspect Neji and you talk so much," she almost scolded. Almost.
"No one knew." Lee chuckled, genuinely amused. "We both preferred it that way. Each of us had personal reasons." Wrapping her in a tight hug, he whispered in her ear. "I'm sorry it all happened the way it did."
Tenten squeezed him back. "I'm glad you told me, Lee. I think I needed to hear it. It answered a few questions. But... I'll never be able to look at you the same way as before."
Lee laughed. "It's alright; you'll get used to it." After taking a deep breath and relaxing back again, he continued with a bit more serious tone, "There's something else that Neji would like me to tell you... He knew he might die. And in case he did, he didn't want you to sulk your whole life. He told me that he'd hate himself if you pushed away all the chances for happiness because you keep grieving for him."
Tenten snorted. "I can't imagine myself happy without him," she stated.
"I guess... Maybe you still can't. But, Ten, time heals." He resumes threading his fingers through her hair since he noticed it relaxed her.
She was silent until a heavy sight filled the room. "Maybe," she said, neither agreeing nor tossing his words away.
Tenten mindlessly started to draw little circles over Lee's chest, making him giggle. Her hand stilled when she remembered that he was actually very ticklish.
"Let's talk about something else." His tone weighed on a more serious note, drawing her attention.
"What?" She rested her chin on his breastbone, her eyes fixed on his face in the darkness.
"What you tried to do to Kankuro... It wasn't right, you know that," he said slowly.
Her lips pressed together before she nodded. "I know."
Lee paused, as if searching for the right words. "He really likes you."
"Yeah, I know that as well." She also paused; the awkward feeling of wrongness about what she had done pressed on her shoulders, bringing guilt altogether. "I think I took advantage of him because I know he likes me."
"Did you have sex with him?" Lee asked straight-forwardly, leaving her agape.
She pulled herself together, repeating inwardly that that's Lee… He had just taken off his juvenile mask, but it was still him. Tenten focused on the question and, since she couldn't find the strength to talk, just shook her head.
"Good. Then there's a chance for your budding friendship to survive." Lee sounded content.
But Tenten felt the need to share with him what had happened, and... Probably he could convince her that she didn't act out of purely egoistic drive and that she wasn't as selfish as she felt.
"He... He pushed me back," she admitted quietly. "I think I somehow knew that he would."
Lee nodded. "He's a very decent man."
"But... He told me that he couldn't let me hurt myself or him. That... the reflection in my eyes wasn't his."
"Oh?" Lee frowned.
"Lee, he looked very sad and... and... and if I've let him down?" Tenten felt a clear sting in her eyes, though she knew there would be no tears to shed. Instead, she attempted to make an even more detailed description of the situation, but Lee's pointer finger pressed her lips closed.
"Shush," he whispered. "We will talk about it some other time." Lee settled more comfortably in the bed. "Now, let's get some sleep, shall we?"
Tenten was startled by Lee's new demeanour. Or was it his usual demeanour that she never paid enough attention to?
With yet another sigh, she snuggled into his body. "You're right. It's not the time for such a discussion.
"Good night, Ten. And say hi to Neji for me."
"If he shows up, I will."
Lee hummed and squeezed her tightly. Tenten bit her lip, still high on her personal anxiety level. But there wasn't much more to do. If she wanted any chance of seeing Neji tonight, she had to force her uncooperative body and mind to sleep. Closing her eyes, she started to count Lee's heartbeats, hitting on his ribcage just beside her ear. Eventually, Tenten relaxed enough to finally fall into troubled sleep.
Even as he chased sleep, Kankuro kept lying down awake. His eyes were closed, and he was quiet, but his emotions were still boiling wildly. What happened… hadn't been planned, and he was not ready. But if he had trusted his guts more, he might have been able to prepare and react better. He would have helped Tenten come to her senses faster.
Tenten had been teetering between her own emotions, desires, and logic, desperately trying to set foot on solid ground. Except, there was no such thing as solid ground when such strong emotions were shaking her whole inner world. It had been Kankuro who was the most solid thing around, and she clutched him tightly, subconsciously wanting to anchor herself.
Sex? Kankuro snorted with derision, even at the mere memory. When she had looked at him, all he could see were two pale, stern eyes staring right back at him. Accusingly nonetheless. As if he was going to really let himself touch her in the state she was in. But Tenten's lover had been there, claiming her for himself even from the grave. How was she supposed to recover and leave him in the past — to keep living — when his angry spirit was hovering above her head like a mother hawk? Or was it Tenten who had been keeping him shackled to her side?
Kankuro really wanted to stop thinking. He was emotionally drained and needed rest. Tomorrow was going to be a much worse day than today, and he needed himself in full possession of his faculties to be able to push through it. The breath he took was as deep as his lungs allowed, and then he slowly let the air out while counting from ten to one. He pictured detailed images of the numbers written in the sand, just the way he would write them himself with a bare hand. The feeling of sand threading through his fingers was so real that he smiled. He missed home... In the end, he succeeded in falling asleep.
Bright light forced him to squint his eyes. His brain interjected right away with the logic argument that it couldn't be day just yet. Kankuro couldn't remember getting up and preparing to leave, nor could he remember travelling to... Konoha? He was definitely in front of the Konoha gates, but... there was no one there on guard. Kankuro peered further between the two great wings of the gate. Whereas usually there was a lot of chatter and people walking around, it was now completely deserted.
There was something too familiar for his liking. Not the empty Konoha — he had never seen the village empty, which was a red flag on its own. It was the feeling that had started to crawl up his legs, starting from the toes.
Kankuro's ears picked up a rustling noise, which drew his focus away from self-absorption. He caught a slight movement in the corner of his eye. To have a better look, he turned to face what seemed to be a human silhouette — it looked like a dressed-in-white, slender figure leaning against a tree. Its arms were crossed in front of what should be its chest, while long, dark hair ran down its shoulders. It was impossible to guess who that might be, as the silhouette didn't have clear outlines.
Kankuro tried to step towards the figure, but his feet felt like they had been shackled to the ground. His attempt to talk wasn't very successful either, as no sound was produced by his vocal cords.
A dreadful feeling quickly spread within his body, grasping at his chest. He had already started to suspect what might have been going on. Had he been right about it, he wouldn't have asked for anything else but to get the hell out of there in an instant. Fear twisted his guts, but Kankuro forced his attention to the environment and events around him because there should be the main clue.
But when Kankuro's eyes tried to fixate on the figure's face, it jolted, its arms falling to its sides. Right after, it jumped into the shadows and ran deftly through the branches of the trees.
Kankuro, driven by fear and the rise of denial, gathered his will and strength, filled his lungs with air, and tried to yell. No voice came out. Involuntarily, his feet moved and carried him in the direction the figure went. He commanded his body to stop, but all it did was hold for a mere moment before resuming the run.
Little beads of sweat appeared on his forehead and back. He felt his palms were starting to cool and get clammy. Normally, such a short distance of running wouldn't do much to change his breathing or anything else, but at the moment, his breaths were turning shallow, altering to panting. The realisation that he had lost any control over his physical self and the current events rolled him deeper into the panic pit he so hated to be in. He knew what would follow, and he couldn't do anything about it for the time being. Not before he gained any information about what was exactly happening and why.
Kankuro cleared his throat and gave it another try at calling after the silhouette. The moment he opened his mouth, the figure made a sharp turn and dashed to the right, increasing its pace to a full-speed run.
"What do you want with me?" he hissed to himself, both angry and apprehensive.
Kankuro didn't have to guess anymore; he was already certain about being caught in a dream — one that might turn into a nightmare at any moment. He used to have quite vivid ones in his early teenage years, and the memory of not being able to control his body had been carved deep into his brain. He recognised the signs and the unpleasant feeling of intense anticipation. It would wrap around him like thick ropes or shackles that slowly tightened their grasp, restraining him, until his resistance melted away. Then he was sucked in even deeper. He was terrified of this moment.
But, logically, questions followed, such as: Was this really a dream and not some kind of delusion? Was it some kind of hallucination caused by poisoning, or maybe a high level of genjutsu? Why was he having it? Such realistic dreams used to happen often when he was in great fright or really stressed out, almost before emotional collapse. But as he matured in the shinobi way, he learned to keep his emotions in check. They would still gather up occasionally, but he was able to channel them and let them subside without erupting into self-destruction in the majority of the cases. This time, however, Tenten had influenced him a lot, raising his emotional level to highs that he rarely reached. Meaning that, technically, it was possible that he was having a nightmare.
Kankuro took a raspy breath — he had found out, after many attempts, that if he somehow wound himself in his dream, his brain would order his body to start hurting. And the physical pain was what would wake him up without fail. The problem was that he needed some control over his imaginary self to do so. He tried to force another stop, but this time his feet didn't even slow down.
Kankuro winced, feeling desperation was threatening to take over his senses and suppress the logic he needed so much. It became clear that he couldn't wake himself up for the time being; he could just go along and observe.
Thank you, girls!
And special, big thanks to jtoo, who not only bears my swinging moods and constant complaining but has drawn me the cutest mask, which I placed in chapter one on a03 (for anyone that would like to see it; I'm very touched by her gesture)!