Hachiman had started to track every kind of smile Sayaka had. There was the mischievous little smirk she always had when she was teasing him, the gentle curve of her lips when she was being reassuring, the excited grin when something pleasantly surprised her… The list went on and on, and Hachiman was just self-aware enough to recognize that it was, maybe, just a little strange for him to keep track of that. But Sayaka smiled often and brightly, and he had given up pretending he was immune to it, even if just in his head.
She was absolutely spent by sunset, when she stepped into the pub and dropped down in the chair next to Hachiman with an exhausted sigh. He smiled a bit into his glass of water.
"I am beat," she announced, stretching her arms over her head.
"I bet," said Hachiman. "You've been pinballing around the town all day."
Sayaka waved a hand in the air. "Not my fault you've been slacking off," she giggled.
"I've done plenty," he replied in a huff. "You just wouldn't stand still long enough to pay attention."
"Oh, I pay attention to you, believe me."
Hachiman shook his head, and he heard her laugh next to him. She leaned with her elbows on the wooden table and looked around the tavern. "This is nice."
He hummed. The locale was crowded, but not too loud. The voices of the other patrons crisscrossed and overlapped, creating a wall of background noise that, paradoxically, made Hachiman feel like he and Sayaka were alone there. Whatever they said, nobody would be listening. Sayaka lightly bumped his shoulder and shook him out of his reverie.
"Hm?"
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Hachiman shrugged. "No thoughts."
"No penny then. Didn't think Hachiman Hikigaya, infamous cheapskate, would miss the opportunity for a nice pay-out."
"One penny isn't a nice pay-out."
"Never said how many. Your loss." Sayaka giggled, then she sighed and leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder. "I'm so tired," she said quietly. Hachiman got the feeling she wasn't just talking about part time jobs.
"Yeah," he said. "I know."
She sighed again, and he snuck a glance at her. She was staring into nothing, a slight frown on her face. Hachiman bit his lip. "You want anything? Something to drink?"
She huffed out a half laugh. "I'm good."
Hachiman looked at the crowd for a second. "…Wanna get out here?"
Sayaka straightened up. "Oh, yes. Yeah, let's." She got up first, and took his hand to gently pull him after her. They wove through the people around them until they slipped out into the chill night.
Sayaka shivered, but took a deep, relieved breath. "Thanks," she said.
Hachiman shrugged. "You could've told me you didn't wanna be there."
"I didn't realize," she said, with a sheepish grin. "Not until you said it."
He hummed. "D'you wanna go home? Or—"
"No, no." She glanced around. "I'm not that kind of tired." She shifted the hold on his hand—she hadn't let go—so that their fingers were entwined. "Let's just… stay awhile. Is that alright?"
He swallowed a knot in his throat. "Sure."
Sayaka smiled. She tugged lightly on his hand. "Come on—there's a great spot I found yesterday."
Hachiman let her lead him through in companionable silence, until they reached a small door. Possibly. Hachiman's sense of direction completely vanished inside the tunnel. Sayaka let go of him to pull the door open with both hands, then shot him a smile and walked through.
The door opened on a small balcony overlooking the entire dark valley. The night was clear, and the stars were shining like crystals scattered across the pitch-black vault of the sky. In the distance, Hachiman could hear the voices and music, muffled and faint.
He took a step forward. "This is…"
Sayaka laughed quietly. "Beautiful, right?" She leaned on the railing and motioned for Hachiman to join her.
Hachiman hummed.
She made a face. "I don't think I've ever properly gone stargazing." She looked up with a sigh, and Hachiman didn't reply.
Neither of them spoke for a while. Sayaka was looking at the sky, with her face softly lit by the lights. Their rays, as well as the stars, danced in her eyes in mesmerizing patterns and light games, and everything about her was at once sharper and blurrier. Hachiman didn't think he'd ever fully get used to Sayaka's contradictions. There she was, so close to him that he could feel the warmth radiating off her skin and hear her soft and regular breathing, but she felt so far away at the same time, like she was waving at him from the edge of the world, daring him to come after her. And he knew, sure as the rising sun, that he always would.
She turned to look at him, and Hachiman realized he'd never even glanced at the sky.
"You know…" she started, voice low. "You can say whatever's on your mind."
"Hm?"
"It's just…" She sighed. "Sometimes, you look at me like I'm a puzzle. Like you're trying so hard to figure something out."
Hachiman felt his ears burn. She was right—as always. "I do?" he asked, carefully.
She giggled. "Oh, you know you do. But…" She reached out and took his hand again. "If you wanna know something, you can ask. I'll try to answer, promise."
He nodded slowly.
"So… What is it?"
It was such a simple question. He didn't even have to have an answer, she was just expecting another question in return. But Hachiman shook his head. "I dunno," he replied honestly.
Sayaka cocked her head to the side.
"I don't know." repeated Hachiman. "It's on the tip of my tongue, though."
I can't stop thinking about you. I want to know about everything that's on your mind. I wanna make you smile until you forget what it was like to cry. But there's so much you don't say, so much you keep hidden. You always feel just out of reach. I feel like you'd vanish into thin air if I tried to hold your hand.
And yet, here you are. Holding mine.
Sayaka smiled. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
He gave a faux-annoyed huff. "Just my luck, huh?"
Sayaka just laughed and winked, then she met Hachiman's eyes and her expression immediately softened. "Yep," she said, squeezing his hand a bit. "'I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
It was a sort of shy smile that reached her eyes, crinkled with affection and wonder, as if she was looking at something special and secret. But it was just him.
Hachiman swallowed a knot in his throat. He was so, so completely screwed.
He could only nod with a small smile of his own. Sayaka drew a little closer to him and looked up at the sky again. "For the record, it's the same for me."
"Hm?"
"One of these days I'll figure out what questions I should be asking you."
"Oh." Hachiman furrowed his brows. He didn't think there was much about him she didn't know, much that she hadn't immediately understood when they'd met. "Okay. I, uh, I'll answer."
Sayaka hummed. "Thanks. Hey, you know about constellations, right?"
"A bit."
"Tell me."
"Alright."
She smiled.
Hello again.
It's night and Sayaka is alone with Hachiman. That's when some of the walls can come down. Not all of them though, and that still confuses Hachiman because how can she feel so open but be so reserved? He can't quite put that into words though, not yet. It's fine, though. They'll figure it out.
I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Stay safe.