Well... I finally finished Tony's chapter... BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME! I know it's been a long time since I published a chapter, BUT I have a good reason! Essentially life went fucking crazy and I had to move, I got another puppy, I had to move again, I injured myself several times, my computer deleted every single one of my files... INCLUDING MY FUCKING STORY! The panic was unlike any I have ever felt before... I may have cried... Nope, I definitely cried. Many many times. Anyways, then everything else just generally exploded and I had to rewrite the very long chapter that I was almost completely done with. So, anyways, HAVE FUN WITH THIS CHAPTER!
"Figure it out, Anthony," Howard Stark's voice echoed through Tony's head, "you should know exactly what's happening."
Tony rolled his shoulders, trying to relieve the tension in his back and neck. His heart was pounding as he tried to ignore the phantom feeling of Howard's breath on his neck as he stared at his team and tried to puzzle out the situation. They'd been drugged, that much was clear, but with what? And why? And who was behind this? He should know all of this already. He was better than this.
"Anthony," Howard snarled, "figure it out," the man sighed in disappointment, Tony flinching at the smell of beer that hung heavily in the air, "you're better than this!"
The faux sound of shattering glass nearly made the billionaire throw his hands over his ears. He could fight this. He could figure this out. He knew how to do this. His hands shook as he shuffled through invisible files, trying to gather the evidence together in his head and figure out the situation.
"Why did I have to die? I was brilliant," Howard raged, "It was all your fault! You should have stopped it! You were my biggest failure! You should never have even existed! I told Maria to get rid of you when she had the chance! She didn't listen and now I'm saddled with you! A failure!" The beer bottle slammed into the wall near Bruce, shattering and falling to the floor, leaving cuts along the man's back.
The familiar words from his father's drunken rages combined with the blood on his friend's back hit Tony like a truck, his shaking hands coming up to pick at the skin around his fingernails. He could hear his teammates bickering about who knew what, only adding to his panic. Howard's heavy hand on his shoulder brought him to a rigid standstill, halting his shaking.
"Look at you," and there he was. Howard stood in front of him, the familiar snarl of drunken contempt settled firmly in place, "you've grown weak in my absence, Anthony. Jarvis and Peggy made you weak. This team has made you weak. I created you to stand on your own! Instead you rely on these fools to bolster you! To help you! If it weren't for them, you wouldn't be in this situation. You're better on your own, they are holding you down."
"Shut up!" Tony snapped at the man, glaring as he resumed trying to solve the issue, trying to do his job, the only thing he was good at.
"Chill, Stark," Steve snapped irritably, "we're just trying to find a way out."
They didn't know. They had no idea that Tony was dealing with Howard in his head, then again, they never knew. Tony rolled his eyes and started pacing, looking everywhere except at Howard, not wanting to trigger a full melt-down.
"Well, Spangles," Tony snarked, trying to hide the tremor in his voice, "you're not doing much to help, here are you?"
"Leave him alone, Tony," Clint growled, clearly still affected by his own hallucinations, "you might be a genius, but at least Steve is communicating ideas."
"My words exactly, Anthony," Howard's voice grated in his ear, "even your own team thinks you're useless. Apologize, now!"
Tony flinched, looking down immediately at his father's echoing shouts in his ears, "my bad, Legolas."
"Don't be sarcastic," Howard snapped angrily, his hand tightening on the back of Tony's neck, "you know what happens when you're sarcastic."
Tony flinched at the tone, trying to pull away from the feeling of his father's hand on his neck. He ducked his head down further and continued to try and figure out a solution.
"Tony," Bruce's voice cut through the growing cloud in his head, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Bruce," he avoided the doctor's pointed gaze, "just trying to figure everything out."
"Try working with us, asshole," Clint rolled his eyes, "teamwork makes the-"
"Shut up Clint," Bruce cut him off, appearing suddenly in front of Tony and grabbing his shoulders, "dammit, Tony!"
"I'm fine," Tony pulled away, still feeling the solid presence of his father in the corner.
"No you're not," Bruce insisted, pushing up on Tony again, "you're starting to feel it aren't you?"
"I'm fine Bruce," Tony snapped shortly, pulling away, stumbling and falling over.
A figure loomed over him and Tony scrambled backwards as the cell morphed into a hauntingly familiar cave. Tony took a deep breath and stood back to his feet, continuing to try and puzzle through his foggy brain.
"I can figure it out," he said, resuming his frantic pacing.
"Tony," Bruce's voice was coming from down a tunnel, "Tony!"
"I can figure it out," Tony repeated, as a hole in the wall opened, revealing the space portal from New York, "I can figure it out," he said desperately, trying to ignore the literal mental torture shoving itself to the forefront, "I can figure it out!"
***Line Break***
Bruce watched Tony pace back and forth repeating, 'I can figure it out' over and over again. It was a heartbreaking scene that was unfolding outside of his control.
"What the hell?" Clint stared at the genius, "he was- did it happen that fast for all of us?"
"It was more gradual," Steve shook his head, "why did his come on so rapidly?"
"It didn't," Bruce growled, irritated at himself and the team for not noticing, "when did he start pacing?"
"A few minutes ago," Nat spoke up, watching the man pace and mumble, "why?"
"That's probably when it started," Thor picked up on Bruce's line of thinking, "and we did not notice. We were too busy quarreling among ourselves to recognize the same symptoms in our friend."
"Do we need to help him?" Steve asked, "he doesn't seem to be hurting himself..."
"I don't know..." Bruce shook his head, his eyes glued to Tony worriedly.
"I can figure it out," Tony sounded desperate as if he was trying to convince himself and somebody else that he could do it.
"Tony," Bruce tried gently, stepping hesitantly into his line of pacing, "hey, no one is questioning that."
Tony laughed bitterly, "everyone does, Bruce," his eyes were blown wide and it was clear the drugs were in full effect, "everyone always does," he flinched from something invisible and Bruce nodded that direction, hoping someone else got the hint.
Thor, bless him, did. The Norse god went and stood in between Tony and the invisible aggressor, which to them looked like a wall. The genius stopped short, his wide eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. Instead of calming him down, like the action had with Nat, Tony only seemed to grow more agitated.
"Don't do that," his voice sounded infinitely younger than usual, almost scared.
"Why not, friend?" Thor questioned gently, pulling on the skills he'd learned when approaching his first wild colt.
"He's mad now," Tony backed away, his eyes growing wide as he cursed, "dammit! I don't have gauze here! Don't do that!"
"Tony?" Steve stepped forward, "why do you need gauze?"
"Thor is bleeding, Steve," Tony rolled his eyes, sarcastic even when he was drugged out, "Dad threw his bottle at him."
Silence reigned in the room. Dad. Howard stark. It was normal in Tony's brain for a beer bottle to be thrown at someone. Bruce fought down his sudden anger.
"Brother," Thor spoke more gently than they'd ever heard from the god, "I am uninjured. Your father is not here."
Tony backed up a few steps, seemingly deaf to outside words now, "leave them alone, you're pissed at me, not them," he seemed to be having a full conversation with his father, "I can't back up Howard! Not unless you want me in space again! Leave them alone!" Desperation entered the genius' voice once again, "no! That wasn't my fault! Leave me out of that!"
"Tony!" Clint looked paler than he was a few minutes ago, "hey!" he grabbed the man's shoulder gently, "he's not here."
"I may be stupid, Barton, but I'm not blind," Tony snarled, his expression turning feral, "if you'd all just shut up, I could figure it out!"
***Line Break***
He was lashing out. He knew he was. He knew this was wrong. Pepper said this was wrong. He shouldn't be doing this anymore. This wasn't healthy. He just needed to figure it out. Then he would be okay. They'd all be okay if he could just figure it out! This was his fault.
He needed to breathe for a minute. He needed to tune his father out. He just needed to stop thinking about his father, ignore him.
"It is rude to disrespect your father like that," A hauntingly familiar voice hissed at him.
Tony whipped around, his face draining of blood at his captor and standing with Howard. The man was just as grimy and perverted as when Tony had killed him. His eyes bore into the genius hungrily. Tony's heart pounded as Howard approached him and grabbed his shoulders. Tony flinched backwards and Howard's grip tightened, his eyes sharp and unforgiving just as they'd always been.
"They have made you weak," Howard growled, Raza standing behind him with the familiarly threatening white cloth, "maybe I should let Obadiah's friend here beat it out of you."
Defensive anger flared in Tony's gut at the blatant mention of his torture, "He didn't break me then and he won't fucking do it now."
"Anthony, don't talk to your father that way," a new voice joined the fry and Tony felt his eyes water as his mother's gentle hand landed on his head, "don't cause trouble, 'Tonio."
"Mama," a single tear dripped from the corner of Tony's eye, "se fa male mi!" (he hurt me!)
"No, bambino," she murmured demurely, resting a hand on his cheek, "facevi il cattivo. Doveva, 'Tonio, tu ha dato no ultimatum." (no, child, you were being bad. he had to, 'Tonio, you gave him no choice)
"Mama," Tony protested, fully aware of his father's presence in front of him but desperate for his mother to believe him, "tu non credere cio! Se fa mele mi!" (mom, you can't believe that. He hurt me!)
"Hush, 'Tonio," his mother gently stroked his cheek, "he means well."
Anger surged in Tony and he yanked away from his tormentors, "no he doesn't," he snapped, sick of his mother defending Howard, "he doesn't mean me any good! He means to hurt me! I can't figure it out if he hurts me!"
"...'ny..." a voice permeated his head fog, "...'ony..."
"No," Tony grabbed his throbbing head and curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his legs, "no more people! No more of you! You're all dead! You can't hurt me anymore! You're not allowed to," he knew he was babbling. He knew Howard was probably angry at him for it. He felt all of six years old again as the voices of his past screamed abuses at him, while the voices of his teammates yelled his name. He wanted it all to stop. He couldn't control it. He couldn't stop any of them. He was out of control. He couldn't do it. he couldn't figure it out. He needed it all to sto-
His thoughts were cut off as a pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a tight hug. He stiffened and resisted for all of two seconds before the voices started up again and he found himself shoving his face into the person's shoulder. It had been so long since he'd been hugged like this. Someone just trying to make the voices go away. It felt like Jarvis' hugs. Like Yinsen's. Tears poured down his face as the voices screamed at him, threatened him, and abused him. Glass shattered and books were thrown to the floor, screaming Chitauri ships shot past him and buildings crashed around him, reporters and 'friends' hurled abuses at him, blaming for the deaths of thousands.
***Line Break***
Steve stared in shock as Clint held tightly to the sobbing man. His heart ached in sympathy as Tony begged for whatever was going on to stop. He had never seen the brunette so distraught. He'd watched Tony face a world falling apart and infested with aliens hellbent on destroying humanity while barely batting an eye. He'd watched Tony go on three week lab excursions without sleeping more than two hours a week then come out on the other end looking fresh and fine.
But whatever he was seeing, whatever he was hearing, had broken him down so fast it made Steve's head spin. He scanned the room, needing something to do. He hadn't expected Clint to hug the genius, but he'd seen something in Tony that he'd recognized. Steve had seen the moment when understanding had washed across the archer's face and then he'd simply pulled Tony into a tight hug. It had taken Tony all of five seconds to fold, leaning into the embrace and burying his face in Clint's neck. He was squeezing his teammate for dear life, shaking like a leaf.
"No more," Tony sobbed, further breaking Steve's heart, "make it stop."
Clint hushed him gently, running a hand through his hair, "it's okay, Tones, it's gonna be okay."
"Make it stop," Tony begged, clinging to the back of Clint's shirt and further burrowing into his friend's neck, "he won't stop!"
"Who won't stop," Clint asked softly, more gentle than Steve had ever seen him, "what's going on Tony?"
"Dad," the genius wailed, "he won't stop throwing them! I tried to figure it out! I tried!"
"Hey, shh," Clint sank to the floor with Tony, pulling the man practically in his lap and rocking him back and forth soothingly, "we know you tried. You're okay. We can help. He won't hurt you."
"No," Tony shrieked in terror as he leapt up and dragged Clint towards a corner, putting himself between the archer and the rest of the cell, "I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to! They'll leave me alone! Don't, Dad, please! Leave them alone! I'll leave! I'll stop seeing them! Just leave them out of it! Please!"
He shrieked again and curled into a ball, shielding his face with his arms, "stop! Stop! Please! I'm sorry! I can figure it out! I'll do it!"
"Tony," Clint pulled Tony against him, "hey, it's okay. You're okay. He's not here."
***Line Break***
Tony curled in on himself as he watched Raza and his men, Obadiah, and his father beat the hell out of everyone he'd ever loved. He could do nothing about it. They would keep hurting them and Tony couldn't do anything. He stared in horror at his teammates, his family, laid out on the floor by his torturers. Everyone from his whole life who'd ever given a damn about him was laid out on the floor, beaten and bloodied.
"They are all suffering because of you," Howard snarled, holding a bloodied Yinsen's body up by his shirt collar, the man's lips slowly turning blue from the lack of oxygen, "you should have figured it out."
"Tony," Yinsen was barely able to choke out his name, his hands scrabbling at his throat to try and release the pressure, "help me..."
"Yinsen," Tony's heart shattered just a little more as the man's eyes rolled up into his head, a familiar sense of deja vue hitting him like a brick wall, "not again..."
Howard shoved Yinsen's body to the floor, stepping over it like the man who'd shaped the of Tony's adult life was nothing more than a lg on a path. Unable to look any more, Tony's gaze swiveled and his eyes grew in size horrified, as ice crept across Steve's body, freezing him in place. He listened as Clint screamed, surrounded by the bodies of his children and wife. Nat followed, her face going blank and her eyes narrowing dangerously as scars appeared across her face and arms. Thor crashed to the floor, screaming and sobbing as he pulled the bodies of his friends and family to him. Bruce lay unconscious on the floor, blood seeping from his head onto the floor. They were all hurting. They were all in pain. And it was Tony's fault.
"I'm sorry," he sobbed, burying his face into Jarvis' chest behind him, "I tried. I didn't mean for them to get hurt. I tried."
"Now you apologize," Howard spat, "but you can't fix it can you? You're too stupid. You're a failure and they are reaping the consequences.. This is all your fault. They will die because you failed."
"No, no, no!" Tony yanked himself away from Jarvis, standing to his feet and placing himself between his enemy and his teammates, "don't hurt them! Please! Leave them alone! I can fix this! Just leave them alone!"
"Tony?" Tony's shaking worsened as his heart nearly stopped. Pepper.
It was too much. This was all too much. They couldn't bring her into this. They couldn't. She was innocent of all of this. She hadn't done anything wrong. He turned slowly, feeling nauseous as he took in the sight of Pepper, grimy and terrified, on the floor across the cell next to Rhodey's dead body.
"Mr. Stark," lights flashed around him as people swarmed the cell and words started blending together, "...merchant of death... killed millions... blood on your hands... your fault... your fault... millions dead... all your fault..."
"No," Tony stumbled against the wall, his heart tearing into pieces as the media voices echo around him, "I didn't mean to! I promise I didn't mean to! I was just trying to save you! I'm sorry!"
His brain started to fail him as the lights flashed in his eyes and voices roared at him, echoing the words he spoke to himself on a daily basis. His hands found their way to his hair as he slid down the wall and curled into a ball, trying to shut everything out. The sounds of the Chitauri war ships flew around him and he could feel blood trickle down his face as bottles smashed into the wall around him. He ripped at his hair as he tried to hold in the tears that threatened him, hearing Howard scream at his weakness.
It was all he could do to not scream at everything. He just wanted it to stop. But he knew he would never be heard. He was never heard. So he settled for a whisper.
"I'm sorry."
***Line Break***
The broken whisper from the genius floored the entire team. Clint felt his heart shatter as Tony tore at his hair and seemed to try and disappear into the floor. It reminded him a startling amount of himself when he had a panic attack. He crossed the room and knelt in front of Tony. He gently put his hands over the genius' and untangled his fingers. He tried desperately to ignore the cracking in his heart when Tony whimpered and clutched his shirt like a lifeline.
"Hey, Tones," he said softly, pulling the man's head up out of his knees, "hey, you're okay. It's the drugs, Tones."
The shattered expression on Tony's face very nearly had Clint running for a trashcan, "no it's not..." the genius sobbed, his eyes blown wide and scared, "they're right. They're all right. I break everything I touch. I hurt everyone who gets close to me. It's all my fault. Everything is all my-"
"No it's not," Clint assured him, recognizing the words a therapist had spoken to him after New York, "it's not your fault, Tony. You saved so many people, you build so many things."
"I'm poison," Tony shook his head, seeming to try and make Clint understand, "I'm dangerous. Everything special about me can be manufactured in a factory. I'm nothing without the suit. Cap was right. I'm not a hero. I'm a danger to everyone."
"No, Tony," Steve knelt on the floor with them, "I was so wrong. You help so many people."
Tony pulled away from Clint, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you all killed. It's all my fault."
He was babbling again. The drugs taking him over completely.
Clint could do nothing but hold onto the broken genius as he rode it out. Occasionally he would scream for someone, usually one of the team or Pepper or Rhodey, to stay alive. He'd beg his father to stop hurting him. He'd sob and try to convince someone that he had just tried to help. It was torture, leaving not a single dry eye on the team.
"Steve, we have to stop this," Nat finally spoke up, crouching next to them and grabbing them, "Tony," she said firmly, "look at me," she took his hands and put them on the side of her neck at the pulse point, "I am alive," she moved his hand to Clint, "so is Clint," she waited until life slowly began to filter back into Tony's eyes, gesturing for the rest of the team, "we're all okay, Tony," she slowly repeated the action with everyone on the team, pausing in between when it was clear the hallucinations were getting bad, "we're all alive. You didn't get us killed."
"But..." the genius' brain had turned against him, "but..."
"You didn't get us killed, Tony," Clint murmured in the man's ear, "we're all okay. I swear."
Broken brown eyes looked up at him, swimming with tears, "but you won't be," Tony whispered, his pupils still wide as his system tried to filter through the drugs, "you have to get out. You have to leave me."
"Absolutely not," Clint tightened his grip on his teammate, "we're not going anywhere."
The defeat in Tony's face would haunt Clint's dreams forever, "you're all gonna die. The longer someone stays, the worse their life gets. I'm poison."
"Says who," Clint fired back, Tony's words triggering long buried memories, "who says your poison, Tones?"
Tony laughed bitterly, "have you watched the news at all recently. It's all my fault, Clint. It's always my fucking fault."
"You're listening to reporters now?" Bruce challenged, latching onto Clint's tactic that seemed to get the genius talking.
"They're just saying what everyone else," Tony gestured around the room, "is thinking."
"But has anyone ever said it to you?" Clint bounced off Bruce, "to your face?"
Tony shook his head miserably, shaking slightly as his brain attacked itself. Clint barely restrained the sympathetic hum that welled up in the back of his throat. Tony's greatest weapon was his mind, and now it was fighting itself.
"And who's to say they weren't just pulling a load of bullshit out of their asses to piss people off?" Steve argued, joining the team on the floor, "the angrier people are, the more they watch the news."
"You kiss your mother with that mouth, Steve?" Natasha asked teasingly, easing some of the tension as she settled down next to them.
Tony shook his head viciously, his panicked gaze darting around the cave. Whatever was going on in his head seemed to intensify as he pushed himself harder against Clint. The archer wrapped his arm around Tony's torso and hugged him close, providing him what shelter he could.
"He's right, you know," Clint told the genius gently, "reporters are jackasses."
"They're telling the truth though," Tony laughed bitterly, "I... I've killed so many..."
"So have I," Thor knelt on one knee, dropping a hand to Tony's shoulder, "I slaughtered entire races in my youth, brother. There is more red in my ledger than in Natasha's, I fear."
"But... But I... the things I created," Tony ducked his head down, "the countless wars I've helped start."
"That wasn't all your fault, Tony, and you know it," Natasha crouched down and pulled him close, "you're a good man, Anthony Stark. You worked so hard to fix the world, Antoshka."
Tony whimpered, clawing at his head as he tried to quiet the voices. His head throbbed with the screams of those who hated him, and it was a lot of people.
"Tony," Steve grabbed his face and rested their foreheads against one another while Clint grabbed his hands, "just listen to us, Tones. You're safe with us. No one can hurt you. You're with us."
The mechanic's drug-blown eyes bored into Steve's icy blue ones, searching them desperately for any sign of a lie. the genius cataloged every eye movement and every subtle tic that crossed the other man's face, running them against his memory of lie indicators. Finding no sign of deceit, the man finally breathed a sigh of relief. The panic receding, Tony sagged against the members of his team. Clint, Steve, and Natasha held the man up as he fought silently with his mental war. The drugs beat down the man as his team tried to hold him together.
***Line Break***
Tony sagged in relief as the voices in his head began receding finally. The words his team was saying finally began to beat back the cruel words. He had no idea who he was leaning against, or who had a hold of his hands. There were hands all over him, a fact which usually would have sent him into a panic, but for some reason they were only a comfort. His eyes remained closed, for some reason he had no desire to open them. For the first time he could remember, the voice of his father wasn't echoing in his head.
"Tony," Clint's voice interrupted the silent solace, "you with us."
Tony groaned as he sat up slowly, the hands of his team never leaving him, "I am now..."
"How do you feel?" Nat murmured next to his ear, concern lacing her voice.
Tony rubbed his eyes as he stretched out his tight back, "like I got hit by a truck," he sighed and glanced around at his team, "so... that happened... was I the last one?"
"I'm pretty sure, unless it runs through twice. The likelihood of that happening is practically nonexistent," Bruce had started checking him over for injuries or any sign of damage.
Tony straightened up and pulled himself away from the team, sitting against the wall on his own, "so now what do we do?"
*** Line Break***
Hydra was having a blast with this. Watching the greatest heroes in the world fall to their knees, revealing their greatest weaknesses. Exposing the world's defenders as weak, breakable people. They unironically clinked their beers together as they celebrated what would undeniably be the fall of the Avengers. They were weak and broken people, hiding behind masks.
The doctor slammed the file shut and stalked out of the control room, fighting down the bile that forced itself into his throat. He was a doctor dammit! He was not a torturer! He didn't hurt people! This wasn't his job! This wasn't what he'd agreed to do! He braced his hands against the break room counter, his heart heavy in his chest. His mind wandered to his family waiting at home for him. He ran a stressed hand through his hair as he wondered how he was going to look his son in the eye after he did this to the world's mightiest defenders.
He slammed his hands against the desk and straightened up angrily. He was not going to be the reason that the Avenger's weaknesses were used to tear them down. He walked calmly back into the viewing room, glancing at the screen and watching while the Avengers attempted to pull each other back together. He flipped the file open and stamped down on it, determination steadying in his heart.
Tony Stark: Complete
So... what'd you think...? I hope it was worth the wait! Lemme know what you guys think! Construction criticism and comments are always welcome! Again, sorry for the long wait! Love y'all!
-storyspinner16