Joshua's Sorrow
It was getting late in the evening. Jeremy was having one last beer before he walked Candy home to the dormitory. Joshua had already left to take Mary Alice home. Jason was out with Allyn.
Biddie and Corky were at the table with Candy and Jeremy. Biddie had just made everyone laugh with a funny saying of her Aunt Irene's.
Suddenly, the doors to Lottie's swung open with tremendous force. Jason stormed into the barroom. His eyes flashed fire. His jaw was set. With a few strides, he was at Jeremy's table grabbing his brother with both hands by his shirt.
After Jason yanked Jeremy to his feet, Jason punched him in the face. Jeremy fell to the floor. Jason snatched him up and punched him in the face again. This time when Jeremy fell to the floor, he tried to slide backwards away from Jason.
"Jason! Stop! Why are you doing this? I'm your brother!" Jeremy yelled.
"Some brother! Sleeping with my sweetheart! She just told me!" Jason growled. He picked up Jeremy and turned throwing him across the room toward the swinging doors.
"Jeremy run! Get out, he will kill you!" Candy screamed.
"You better not run! It will be worse for you if I have to chase you!" Jason snarled.
Jeremy gasped for breath. "Jason, you know I never slept with Allyn. I don't even sleep with Candy."
Jeremy got up from the floor. "You believe me, don't you? I wouldn't lie to you, Jason."
"Hell, no! I don't believe you! That would mean that Allyn is lying! Why would she lie to me?" Jason shouted. "Here's something I agree with. I agree with Candy. I believe I will kill you."
Before Jeremy could move, Jason was on him, hitting him over and over with his fists.
Candy ran out the door and down the street screaming, "Swede! Swede! Help! Help!"
When she got to Swede and Miss Essie's house, they were rushing out to meet her.
"Hurry, Swede! Hurry! Jason is beating Jeremy! He is going to kill him!" Candy screamed.
"What?!" Swede couldn't believe it.
"Run, Olaf, run! You must save Jeremy! He can't fight Jason!" Miss Essie shouted.
Swede took off running to Lottie's. Miss Essie tried to persuade Candy to stay at her house. Candy was grateful, but said she had to at least be in the room with Jeremy. Miss Essie decided to go to the saloon too.
When Swede arrived at Lottie's, Jason was continuing to beat Jeremy. Some of the men were trying to pull Jason off of his brother. Lottie was screaming for Jason to stop.
"Get out of the way!" Swede yelled at the men trying to overpower Jason.
The men moved fast. Swede stepped forward quickly. He got hold of Jason's jacket collar and the seat of his pants. Swede lifted the big lumberjack off of Jeremy and slung him across the room.
Swede bent down to Jeremy. Jeremy's face was a bloody mess. His breathing was shallow. Swede picked up Jeremy very carefully. Jeremy moaned in pain. "Joshua, help…" He murmured.
"Which room, Miss Lottie?" Swede asked.
"Room seven."Lottie answered.
Swede ran upstairs carrying Jeremy to the room.
Candy, Miss Essie, and Joshua came running into Lottie's. The ladies had stopped by the cabin to get the blond Bolt brother.
Lottie, Candy, and Miss Essie went upstairs to take care of Jeremy. Joshua went to the table where Jason was sitting.
"Jason! What the hell do you think you are doing beating Jeremy like that? I hope you didn't kill him!" Joshua shouted.
"I hope I did." Jason said coldly.
Joshua clenched his fist. "You have lost your mind! Why did you beat him? You knew Jeremy wouldn't even try to hit you back."
"Jeremy slept with Allyn. She told me tonight." Jason answered.
"Jason!" Joshua snorted. "Jeremy did no such thing, and you know it. Allyn lied and you know that too. You couldn't dare hit her, so you took it out on Jeremy."
Jason didn't respond. He sighed deeply and looked toward the door.
Joshua walked to the foot of the staircase. He turned his head and looked at Jason. "If you haven't killed Jeremy physically, you have killed him emotionally. You have been everything to him since Dad died. Now he has to realize what a sorry bastard you really are."
Jason just stared out the saloon doors which were propped open.
Joshua went into Jeremy's room. The women were gathered around the bed tending to him. Miss Essie mentioned the need for Doctor Wright.
"That jezebel better not set foot in my place ever again! This is her fault as well as Jason's!" Lottie shouted.
Miss Essie was taken aback. Candy whispered to her about the cause of the beating according to Jason.
"Oh, my goodness, well, I know that certainly isn't true. Jeremy would never do such a horrid thing even if Doctor Wright was willing." Miss Essie replied.
"That's true, Miss Essie. Jeremy would never. He is a gentleman to all ladies." Candy replied.
"Excuse me, ladies, how is Jeremy?" Joshua asked.
The women turned to face him. Lottie walked across the room to Joshua.
"Jeremy is in bad shape, Josh. However, I think he will be okay. He has some broken ribs. His sternum may be cracked. There's not really any way to tell. Jason was punching him very hard in his chest over and over. I just couldn't believe my eyes. I thought Jason loved you and Jeremy so much. Sadly, I was mistaken." Tears ran down Lottie's face.
Joshua hugged Lottie close. He whispered, "I'm sorry, Lottie. Jeremy and I were mistaken too. I don't know why Jason believes Allyn instead of Jeremy. Jason knows Jeremy would never hurt him. I didn't see the beating, but I know for sure that Jeremy didn't lift a finger to try to hit Jason back."
"You're right, Josh. Jeremy told him to stop one time and that was it. Jeremy's going to be heartbroken. I'm afraid he will never recover from that." Lottie said emphatically as she and Joshua broke their embrace.
Joshua hung his head. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Lottie put her arms around him.
"Oh, sweetheart! Here you are caught in the middle!" Lottie held him tightly.
Josh looked into her eyes. "Lottie, there is no middle anymore. There's just me and Jeremy now. Jason showed us that he cares nothing for us anymore, if he ever really did, Jeremy and I will never know."
"I love you both. You will always have me." Lottie replied through her tears.
"Joshua! Joshua! Don't let him hurt me!" Jeremy cried out in his sleep.
Joshua hurried to the bed. He dropped to his knees. "I'm right here, Jeremy. You're okay. He won't ever hurt you again."
Jeremy opened his eyes and stared at his brother. "He tried to kill me, Joshua. He would have if Swede hadn't stopped him."
Jeremy clutched his ribs and gasped in pain.
"Jason won't ever touch you again, brother. I promise." Joshua said calmly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I love you, Jeremy. You can depend on me."
"It wasn't your fault, Josh. He waited until you left before he came roaring in." Jeremy had tears in his eyes. "Please don't leave me alone, Josh. I h-h-hate to say this, but I'm s-s-scared of J-J-Jason."
Joshua tousled his brother's hair. "I won't leave you alone. You don't have to be afraid."
"Thanks, Josh. I love you." Jeremy drifted off to sleep.
Joshua stood up. He heard crying behind him. He turned around to see Candy sitting in a chair sobbing. Joshua crossed the room and sat in the chair next to her.
Candy's head was down. Her face was covered by her hands.
"Candy, please don't cry. Jeremy will be alright." Joshua said quietly.
Candy uncovered her face and raised her head. "I understand that, Joshua. But his poor heart! It is broken forever! Jeremy will never get over the fact that Jason doesn't love him!" She cried bitterly.
Joshua pondered Candy's words. He knew she was right. He loved Jeremy dearly, but would it be enough to make up for the loss of their oldest brother?
Joshua put his arm around Candy's shoulder. "I'm not Jason, but I love Jeremy. I promise you I will do my best to love him two brothers worth from now on."
Candy smiled slightly. "Two brothers worth? How about ten brothers worth?"
Joshua smiled a bit. "Okay, ten brothers worth. That's how much Jeremy loves me and Ja….." He stopped short.
Candy and Joshua exchanged a sad look. "I heard Jeremy say that he is scared of Jason. I don't blame him, Joshua. Jason was like a madman. He had no regard for Jeremy as his brother or as a human being. I'm scared too." Candy looked over at Jeremy.
"Don't be scared, Candy. I will protect Jeremy. Jason will never hurt him again." Joshua said with certainty.
Several weeks went by. Jeremy's physical injuries healed except for his ribs. His ribs were painful, but Jeremy was able to handle light chores at home and at the logging camp. The day after the beating, Jason moved into the family home place up on the mountain. He also sold his part of the property and the business to Joshua and Jeremy. Jason got a job with Aaron Stempel.
The day the three Bolts signed the papers regarding the mountain and the logging business, they met in Stempel's office. Joshua did the talking and that was only business talk. Jeremy was frightened being in the same room with Jason again. He stayed close to Josh.
Joshua insisted that Jeremy read the sales contract. As Jeremy was reading it, Jason made a mean remark, "I hope he doesn't read with a stutter. We will be here all day!" Jason was the only one in the room who found that humorous.
Joshua started to tear into Jason for his cruelty. Jeremy grabbed Joshua's arm and gave him a quick glance. Joshua held his temper. Jeremy took a ragged breath as he loosened his tie and continued to read the sales contract.
As Jeremy was about to sign the contract, he dropped his quill pen. "J-J-Josh, h-h-hand me your p-p-pen, p-p-please." Jeremy said.
Behind him, Jason mocked him. "J-J-Josh, my p-p-pen, p-p-please." Jason laughed.
Jeremy bit his lip hard and blinked back tears. Joshua clenched his fists but kept quiet. He handed Jeremy his pen.
Jeremy signed the contract quickly. He gave Josh the pen and left the office.
Joshua signed the contract and handed it to Jason. "There you are, Mr. Bolt."
Jason gave Joshua a Bill of Sale. Joshua looked it over quickly. "It appears to be in order. Good day, Mr. Stempel."
Joshua left the office. He was so angry at Jason, he forgot to tell him that he would be charged rent for the home place since he was no longer a co-owner of the mountain.
Joshua went inside the cabin. He could hear Jeremy crying in his bedroom. Joshua walked into the bedroom. Jeremy was sitting on the side of the bed holding his ribs while he cried. Jeremy had changed from his suit to his work clothes.
Joshua sat down next to his brother. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I wish you had let me punch him."
"It wouldn't have helped, Josh. I couldn't believe Jason mocked me." Jeremy sighed sadly.
"That was pretty low. I guess we just have to accept that Jason isn't our brother anymore. Not in the ways that matter." Josh told him.
"You're right, Josh. Maybe Jason will stop wanting to kill me at least." Jeremy frowned.
"I hope so, Jeremy." Joshua said.
Many weeks went by. Joshua and Jeremy got into a routine that allowed them to avoid Jason most of the time. Occasionally Joshua had to deal with him at the sawmill. Most of the time, he dealt with Stempel.
Jeremy seemed to be coping well with the permanent estrangement from Jason. Jeremy didn't tell anyone, not even Candy or Joshua, about the nightmares he had or about the times he went to Jason's house planning to try to make amends. Each time he went to the house, he got scared again and left.
One day, Jeremy was in Lottie's eating lunch. His crew had almost finished their work. Jeremy had left Corky in charge. He told them to break for lunch at Lottie's as soon as they completed the job.
Joshua and his crew were on the other side of the ridge working today. Jeremy had come into Lottie's alone for the first time since the beating. He had done that for a specific reason. Jeremy was going to try to make amends with Jason. He hoped he wouldn't lose his nerve in a public place.
Jeremy barely touched his food. Every few minutes, he turned to look at the door. Finally, Jason walked in. He was alone. Jeremy was glad of that. Jason might pay more attention to him without someone to make snide comments too.
Jason sat at the table which was between Jeremy's table and the bar.
Lottie had been keeping an eye on Jeremy. She figured he was up to something. She prayed that Jason wouldn't attack his brother again.
Jeremy stayed in his seat for a few minutes. He was trying to plan what he was going to say. Finally, he took a sip of his beer, cleared his throat, and got up.
"Hello, Jason. Is it okay if I sit down?" Jeremy asked nervously.
Jason nodded curtly at the empty chair.
"Th-Th-Thank you." Jeremy sat down.
"Jason, I wanted to talk to you to see if maybe…maybe we can put all this b-b-behind us and be b-b-brothers again. You and Josh and m-m-me." Jeremy explained.
Jason picked up his beer mug and looked at it. He didn't respond to Jeremy.
"Jason, please? You know it's what Mama and Dad would want us to do. They wouldn't like us being estranged like this." Jeremy implored.
Jason set his mug on the table. "So you think you know what our parents would want, do you? And when I say our parents, I'm talking about Joshua and myself, not you."
"Why not me? They were my parents too." asked Jeremy.
Just then, Joshua came riding up to Lottie's. He tied the horse to the hitching post and ran into the saloon.
Jason smiled wickedly when he saw Joshua. "You have the responsibility of keeping the little Prince happy and safe now don't you, Josh? It's quite a heavy burden, isn't it? Prince Jeremy must never be upset or unhappy. He must never stub his toe. His every need and desire must be met. And most importantly, Prince Jeremy must never ever be told the truth!"
"SHUT UP, JASON! I'm warning you! Keep your mouth SHUT!" Joshua was livid. "Come on, Jeremy, let's go home."
"No, Josh. I wanna know what's going on. Why are you two talking about me in some kind of crazy code? What truth am I not supposed to know? Does it have anything to do with Mama and Dad?" Jeremy asked.
"Yes, it does. It has to do with the fact that you don't have a mom or a dad." Jason said gleefully.
"Well, that's no secret. You and Josh don't have a mom or dad either." Jeremy said.
"That's true. However, there is a difference. Joshua and I used to have parents. You, Prince Jeremy, never had any parents." Jason grinned.
"JASON! I told you to shut up!" Joshua screamed.
"That's ridiculous! What do you mean I never had any parents? I had the same parents that you two had." Jeremy replied.
Jeremy glanced at Joshua. "What is he talking about, Josh? Why do you keep telling him to shut up?"
Joshua just glared at Jason.
"Come on, Josh. Tell me." Jeremy insisted.
"Jeremy, I don't know if I can explain…" Joshua hesitated.
"What's to explain? Just tell me, Josh." Jeremy was puzzled.
Joshua looked at the floor.
"Shakespeare's Sun bonnet!" Jason exclaimed. "Prince Jeremy, you were not born to the same parents as Joshua, and I were. You are an orphan or an abandoned child that nobody wanted."
"W-W-What?!" Jeremy was shocked. "Josh?"
Joshua sat down at the table next to Jeremy. "Jeremy, Mom and Dad loved you just as much as they loved me and Jason. Don't be upset. Part of what Jason said is true. You weren't born to Mom and Dad, but they loved you just as if you were."
Jeremy was stunned. "Mama and Dad weren't my real parents? Who were my real mother and father? Why didn't they want me? How did your mom and dad get me?"
"Dad found you on the dock inside an old warehouse in Tacoma. He had ordered some equipment when he first started the logging business. After the equipment was unloaded and Dad had paid for it, he was getting in his buckboard, when he heard some crying coming from an old warehouse. Dad went inside to see who was crying and he found you. You were so dirty and frightened and hungry; Dad knew that no one had been taking care of you. You were about eighteen months old. Dad brought you home. Mom loved you the split second that she saw you. Jeremy, she couldn't have loved you more if she had given birth to you." Joshua told him.
"She didn't give birth to me, Josh. That's the point." Jeremy put his face in his hands.
"No, brother. That's not the point. The point is that Mom and Dad loved you like their own. To them you were their own." Joshua said quietly. He put his hand on Jeremy's shoulder.
"You know what?" Joshua laughed softly.
Jeremy removed his hands from his face. "What?"
"You look so much like Dad that Mom used to ask him if you were his son by a fancy lady. Dad said of course not about the fancy lady. Mom told him she wouldn't mind as long as she got to keep you. Sometimes, Mom would say that you were one of the babies she lost, and God gave you back to her through someone else. That's how much she loved you, Jeremy. Dad too. Dad had it put in his will that you are his son and co-heir to his property, Bridal Veil Mountain. He even had the attorney note that your natural mother was a fancy lady whose name he didn't know, in case someone tried to question it at some point. Mom and Dad were your real parents. They gave you real love and a real home." Joshua said.
"I understand what you're saying, Josh. Mama and Dad loved me and wanted me. I'm grateful for that and I still love them. It's just a terrible shock." Jeremy told him.
"Well, little Prince! All of this might answer one question. Maybe the reason you could never sleep with a fancy lady is that you were afraid you would sleep with your mother!" Jason roared with laughter.
Jeremy and Joshua glared at Jason.
"Oh! But here is the real topper! The thing that has affected your life the most! You stood by a grave at age five crying and trying to say amen. But you stuttered instead and started years of pain and ridicule and I can't talk right. And it's all for a woman who isn't even your real mother! Your real mother didn't want you!" Jason laughed even louder.
Jeremy's temper boiled over. He stood up from his seat. He snatched a gun from his pocket and pointed it at Jason.
"Jeremy, don't!" Joshua cried out.
"Don't worry, Josh." Jeremy answered.
Jeremy spewed fire. "Stand up, you son of a witch!"
Jason smiled as he stood up. "Prince Jeremy has a gun. Well, guess what? I have a gun too." Jason pulled the gun out of his pocket. He pointed it at Jeremy.
"That stuff isn't allowed in here! Both of you know it!" Lottie shouted.
"This won't take long, Lottie. His majesty hasn't got the nerve to pull the trigger." Jason scoffed.
"You better think again, big brother!" Jeremy said sarcastically.
"Now, just hold on! Both of you! What's the plan, here? The two of you kill each other and I'm left all alone? Since I don't have a gun, maybe I don't get a vote! But I am against this! Jeremy, we just have to accept that Jason is a bastard and leave him alone. No more trying to make amends. Jason, you have made it quite clear that you don't care about us any longer. You need to leave us alone and find your entertainment elsewhere." Joshua told them.
"I can't do that, Josh. He went too far making fun of me stuttering at Mama's grave. One or both of us is leaving and not by the door or Clancy's ship." Jeremy growled.
"Come on, baby brother. That trigger finger is itching, isn't it? Just pull that trigger one time. Just once is all it takes." Jason tempted.
"What about you, you big bellowing wind bag! You have probably wanted to kill me since Dad brought me home, haven't you?" Jeremy snarled.
"Both of you, stop it! Someone is going to get seriously hurt or killed and we won't be able to change that. Stop now before it's too late!" Joshua yelled angrily.
"One thing the Prince and I agree on is that we can't stop now. It's too late. Oh, you are correct, your highness, I have hated you since my father first brought you home." Jason laughed. "You have no idea how many times I tried to kill you. I hit you on the head causing you to be unconscious for days. You almost died a few times. The close calls just seemed to make Mom and Dad love you more, so I quit knocking you out."
"Please stop this, both of you! I'm begging! Stop it!" Joshua was close to tears.
"Joshua, you need to leave so you won't have to witness this." Jeremy was so angry his breath came in snorts.
"I'm not leaving, Jeremy. If my brothers are going to kill each other, they are going to do it with me watching." Joshua replied.
"Your brothers? You are right, Joshua. The three of us are brothers. You don't really hate me, do you, Jason?" Jeremy asked as he lowered his gun. "Maybe you said all of this because you thought I slept with Allyn. But you know I didn't sleep with her. Maybe Allyn was just trying to make you jealous. Why don't you put your gun down too, Jason. Let's forget all this and be real brothers again. What do you say?" Jeremy stuck his hand out for Jason to shake.
"I say you better say a prayer, Prince Jeremy because you are about to meet your Maker!" Jason pulled the trigger.
"JEREMY!" Joshua screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Josh! Josh! Wake up! What's wrong, brother?" Jason shook him lightly by his shoulders.
"Jason? Jason?" Jeremy murmured from his cot by the fireplace.
Joshua opened his eyes. He jumped up from Dad's old armchair where he had been sleeping.
"You son of a witch! You killed Jeremy! He was trying to make amends with you after you beat him and mocked him, but you couldn't give up your pride. You killed our brother!" Joshua yelled.
Jason stared at his blond brother. "Joshua, are you drunk? What on earth are you talking about? I am taking care of our brother. Brownie was spooked by a snake and threw Jeremy. He hit his head and was unconscious when we found him."
"What? Where are we, Jason?" Joshua rubbed his eyes and looked around.
"We are at Mom and Dad's old cabin. When Jeremy didn't get home by dark, we searched for him. It's fortunate that we found him when we did. It's snowing now and the temperature is dropping fast. Jeremy wouldn't have lived until morning unconscious in this weather." Jason said calmly.
"I'm sorry, Jason. I guess I had a nightmare." Joshua shook his head. "It was a bad one too."
"Yeah, I could tell by the way you screamed Jeremy's name when you woke up." Jason put his arm around Josh.
"Is Jeremy going to be alright?" asked Joshua.
"He's going to be fine. He woke up a few times to tell me not to shoot Brownie." Jason smiled.
The two oldest brothers walked to the cot. "Jeremy? Can you hear me?" Joshua asked quietly.
"Josh, I hear you. Don't shoot Brownie. He couldn't help it about the snake. Brownie wasn't bitten, was he?" Jeremy squinted at his brothers.
"Brownie wasn't bitten. He is fine. Don't worry, brother. You weren't bitten either, thank The Lord! I love you, Jeremy. Go back to sleep." Jason tousled his hair.
"I love you, Jason. Josh, I love you. Josh, I wanna talk to you, please."
Jeremy said weakly.
Jason put on his coat. He went outside to get more firewood.
"I'm here, Jeremy." Joshua held his brother's hand. "You need your sleep."
"I know. I heard you say you had a nightmare. Was it the same one?" Jeremy locked eyes with Joshua.
"Yes, it was." Joshua had tears in his eyes.
Jeremy choked up. "I'm so sorry, Josh. We love you. You know that don't you?"
"Sure, I do. You don't have to keep apologizing, brother." Joshua sobbed.
Jeremy put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I love you."
"Thank you. I know it. Go to sleep so you can get well." Joshua squeezed Jeremy's hand.
"Okay, Josh." Jeremy closed his eyes.
Later, Jason and Joshua had some stew for supper. Jeremy woke up and ate a few bites of broth.
After the dishes were washed, Joshua offered to sit up with Jeremy. Jason said he would sit with him until midnight. Then Josh could take over. Joshua agreed.
Joshua went in the bedroom to get ready for bed. When Joshua was taking off his shirt, he was standing in front of the dresser. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror.
Joshua stopped and gazed at himself in the mirror. His fingers traced the bullet wound scar on his chest. Recovering from the bullet wound had been hell. But Joshua would do it again to save himself from the sorrow of losing his brothers.
The End