Title: Pseudoscience

Author: MouseBebe

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Beka and Rommie go on the warpath after experiencing a twenty-first-century movie.

Spoilers: None.

Pairing: Beka/Rommie

Setting: None specific.

Disclaimer: Tribune owns all rights to Andromeda. New Line Cinema produced Jason X.

Archive: Do not archive without express permission.

Feedback: Constructive criticism welcome.

Author's Note: So, years ago, shortly after both Andromeda started airing and Jason X was released, I saw both (the latter of which I blame a sibling for). I noticed the cast list and wanted to explore a bit. I'm sorry?

"Harper!" Beka pulled off the visor and tossed it on the table. Next to her, Rommie made a disgusted sound as she pulled out of VR. "Rommie, do you have any idea where that infuriating excuse for an engineer went after he plugged us in?"

"He's in Command."

Beka would have sworn Rommie seemed somewhat crazed, exactly like the character she'd played, as they left the machine shop. They got there very quickly despite the distance.

As soon as they walked in, Harper saw the murderous expressions on their faces and scrambled the other way. Unfortunately for him, Rommie's control over onboard defenses meant that she could literally shoot a circle around him, leaving him in a ring of little scorch marks. He decided to grovel instead. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to, it was an accident… Um… What did I do?"

Beka collared him as she and Rommie flanked him. "Let me give you a hint. Black leather catsuit."

"What's wrong with- Yow!"

He yelped and went up on his toes when Rommie grabbed his arm and jerked him upward. "How about 'It's just like riding a bicycle'?"

"Probabilities and upgrades- and I use the term loosely- and nipples?!"

"What precisely is a BFG?"

"'When I get my legs back under me'?"

"Oh. That." He wilted. "Sorry?"

Beka dropped him. Rommie did the same quickly lest his arm be torn off. "Harper, if that garbage came out of your mind, you're even more sick and twisted than I ever thought."

"Hey, that was not me!" He held his hands up defensively, although most of the initial rush of rage had passed and he was out of danger. Mostly. "It's a sequel of a sequel of a bad horror movie and then some. I mostly just pulled that one to experiment with. The program assigned you a character that looked or acted or sounded like you." He cringed, though this time he was playing it up. "Don't hurt me?"

"We weren't going to hurt you." Rommie considered. "Much. Seriously."

"Perv." Beka grinned to take the sting off.

Harper relaxed and beamed back. "Better believe it. Fine, next time I'll pick something better. You like zombies?"

Beka mock-glared at him. "I never want to even think about that program ever again."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" He slipped out from between them, ducking her half-hearted swat as he did. "Normally I'd love to be the filling in a babe sandwich, but, uh, gotta run. Bye!"

Rommie rolled her eyes but let him get away. Beka watched him make speed out of Command before grumbling to Rommie, "I still can't believe he thought that crap was worth the time. I want my hour and a half back."

"I thought the technology was rather interesting, actually. I've never had occasion to breathe regularly or feel my own heartbeat before." Rommie was contemplative. She didn't want to be an organic, but it was fascinating, choice of material aside.

"Oh, I didn't even think of that." Beka slipped an arm around her shoulders. "I bet Harper can find something better if you want to try it again. Or you or I can. Actually, you probably should, you're the one with the database."

"No, I think I'm fine with once." Rommie paused. "Actually, that was funny, in a way. The pseudoscience is enough to send a biologist alone into fits of laughter that they wouldn't recover from for a week or two, let alone the other sciences."

"Yeah, frosting you over was pretty far-fetched. And really, shooting his leg off?"

"I'm not even going to bother analyzing the simulations."

"I still can't believe the catsuit! If I'd bent over I would've flashed somebody. And there's a reason I don't have my hair red anymore..."

"And everything we had to say!" Rommie shook her head. "And the nipples. Really, he builds something almost totally Human and he can't manage nipples?"

"Even Harper managed that." Beka tilted her own head to the side and smirked. "Actually, I think he did a really good job."

Familiar with the glint in her eyes, Rommie frowned. "You have a duty shift here soon."

"Who said we had to leave?"

"No. Duty shift. And I have my own responsibilities. Later."

Beka gave her a dramatic sigh. "Fine. I'll be good. I won't seduce the AI in Command. For now."

"Beka…"

"What?"

"No."

"I said fine!" She deliberately plastered on an evil expression. "Later. You may not have to breathe, but I bet I can find a reason for you to scream."

"Beka?" Rommie was concerned as she watched her start to walk away. "What do you mean? Beka!"

The End