The doorbell rang and Sejanus absentmindedly opened it with one hand, expecting a delivery man with a package from his Ma.

Regret that he hadn't thought to look through the peephole hit him immediately.

Coriolanus leaned against the door jam, looking immaculately put together, as always. After they had been honorably discharged from the military and Coriolanus was given the Plinth prize by his father, he had gained some weight and it suited him. His blonde waves had started to grow back, and Sejanus was happy to see it – he had always preferred Coriolanus' hair long and had been disappointed by the buzzcut the army had given him. Sejanus' eyes drifted downwards, and Coriolanus' new gold band glinted in the sunlight as he held a Starbucks parcel.

Sejanus felt his heart constrict painfully, yet he returned Coriolanus' lazy smile, albeit with a much weaker one.

"Macadamia nut cookie?" Coriolanus asked, offering him the parcel.

Sejanus shook his head. "No thanks."

"Thank god. I buy one every Saturday - just one, not two - it would have broken my heart if you'd said yes."

"Oh, right. Well, lucky you, then."

Coriolanus could be incredibly charming when he wanted to be, and clearly, today, to the extreme misfortune of Sejanus, he was the most charming he had ever been. Sejanus made the mistake of making eye contact and then cursed himself silently. Those blue eyes and cheekbones always made him feel off-balance and light-headed. Things he could not afford to be.

"May I come in?" Coriolanus inquired.

Sejanus came to just in time to mumble, "Ah - yeah - I'm actually a bit busy but-"

Coriolanus gracefully extricated himself from the doorway and made his way into the apartment. Sejanus tried, he really did, to not notice the muscles in Coriolanus' arms flex, but it was pointless. Sejanus stiffened as the taller boy brushed past him and the scent of roses surrounded him. He closed his eyes, letting himself breathe it in, just for a moment before he shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, trying to regain some semblance of composure.

"I was just passing by and thought we might check that wedding video thing. I thought I might be able to swap it for the cookie, or..."

A pastry wasn't what he wanted from Coriolanus. Sejanus knew exactly what he really wanted from Coriolanus, and it was something he could never have. Especially not now. Not after the wedding.

His chest ached at the thought. But he was brought back to the present when he saw Coriolanus thumbing through the DVD collection. Sejanus cleared his throat.

"Actually, I was being serious - I don't know where it is. I'll have a poke around tonight and then maybe..."

He trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck.

Coriolanus straightened up, the sun shining behind him and creating an illusion of a halo. His smile had faded.

"Sejanus - can I say something..."

He couldn't bear to look at Coriolanus, so Sejanus stared at the wall behind him, willing his voice to sound bored and uninterested, even while his heart thumped painfully in his chest. "Yes..."

"I know you and Lucy Gray have never really been close, and you've never particularly warmed to her...but I just wanted to say - I hope that can change. I'm not sure what she's done to you, but she's kind, she really is. Apart from her terrible taste in shoes." Coriolanus laughed a little, his eyes full of fondness for his songbird, before refocusing on Sejanus. "It would be good if you could be friends."

Sejanus took a moment to find his voice. It was never about Lucy Gray, but he could never tell Coryo that. She was a pleasant girl, quick as a whip, with a quiet strength that matched Coriolanus'. A natural match. Something a Plinth and a Snow could never be, especially not here in the Capitol. The thought filled him with bitterness. Sejanus realized he had been silent for too long when Coriolanus furrowed his brow.

"Absolutely. Absolutely, Coryo," Sejanus said hastily, and without conviction.

"Great." Coriolanus considered his friend for a moment in silence.

Sejanus tried to change the subject.

"Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the video though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't find any trace of it, so..."

Coriolanus opened his mouth as if to ask something when his eyes caught something behind Sejanus and his entire face lit up.

Shit.

Sejanus really should have tossed the DVD; and if he was so determined to keep it, he definitely shouldn't have labeled it.

Coriolanus strode across the room, plucked the labeled DVD from the collection next to his computer, and grinned at Sejanus. "There's one here that says 'Coryo's wedding' - do you think we're on the right track?"

"Ah - yes - well - wow - that could be it," Sejanus coughed, his face flushing.

Never before had Sejanus wished so intensely that he was back in District 2 - living in the shack he had grown up in until the age of 6, before his father had gotten into munitions. Just, somewhere far, far away from here. Anywhere but here.

"Well, I'll just finish this then-" Coriolanus delicately pulled apart the cookie with nimble fingers, as one who had been raised with manners in the Capitol does. Coriolanus slowly licked one of his fingers and Sejanus felt his whole-body flush as he looked away, embarrassed. He wished he could be the one to lick Coriolanus' finger clean, and then some. "Mm - then do you mind if I just..."

It was as if Sejanus was watching things in slow motion as he watched Coriolanus advance towards the DVD player.

"I've probably taped over it...almost everything has episodes of West Wing on it now...why don't I-" Sejanus hated that he was rambling, but he couldn't help it.

Sejanus knew that Coriolanus had sensed him distancing himself from their friendship in the weeks leading up to his wedding but didn't know why. Coriolanus had much more reason to distance himself from a Plinth than Sejanus did from a Snow. That would only make what he was about to watch that much more unbearable once Coriolanus realized-

The TV flickered to life, and Coriolanus sat up straight.

"Oh perfect. Well done, Sejanus!" Coriolanus gave him a rare smile of genuine pleasure.

The opening shot was of Coriolanus standing at the altar, his hair gleaming and his red suit immaculate.

"I look quite handsome," Coriolanus murmured, clearly pleased. "This is exactly what I was hoping for. Thank you so much, Sejanus..."

People in the audience stood up as Lucy Gray floated down the aisle, but the video didn't turn to capture her entrance. Instead, it stayed trained on Coriolanus' face, a smile playing on his lips as he watched his beautiful soon-to-be-wife descend towards him.

"You stayed quite close, didn't you..." Coriolanus laughed, but didn't look up at Sejanus. He said something else that Sejanus didn't quite catch, and while Sejanus offered a feeble smile, tears started to prick at the corners of his eyes. He turned to roughly swipe at them. Sejanus felt his throat constrict and struggled to breathe. Any moment now, Coryo would realize what Sejanus had tried to hide for the past several years, what had become exceptionally difficult to hide these last few months. That he was absolutely, utterly in love with him, and that he envied Lucy Gray for being the one that Coriolanus chose. Not that Sejanus had even offered himself up as an option in the past – he knew he was too much of a coward when it came to the possibility of losing his treasured friendship with Coryo.

The video continued, and Coriolanus grew quieter, with an expression that Sejanus had never seen on him before. The clips were entirely of him, with only the briefest of interruptions by Lucy Gray; Coriolanus looking confident as he twirled Lucy Gray during their first dance; Coryo laughing at something Tigris said in her speech; and close-ups of Coriolanus as he grinned and waved goodbye before getting into the backseat of their getaway car, ready to whisk them away to their Honeymoon.

The video ends abruptly and Coriolanus sat silently for a moment before he turned to look at Sejanus, who was studying the tile floor beneath him with great interest.

"…they're all of me." Coriolanus' face was blank, his tone careful and gave none of his thoughts away.

Sejanus couldn't bear it.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yes…" Sejanus wished he could say something else, anything else, but he couldn't deny what Coriolanus had said and it felt pointless to try.

Coriolanus stood slowly and turned to look at him head-on, his voice measured, and his eyes narrowed. "…I thought you didn't like Lucy Gray. I assumed that you were distant because you didn't approve of her. That that was the reason you didn't talk to her, and it was the reason you weren't really talking to me the past several months. But it's not about her, is it…"

Coriolanus didn't say it like a question, but he stared coldly at Sejanus, waiting for his answer anyway.

Sejanus can't go there. He just can't. He cleared his throat, even though that made the burning feel several times worse and his voice came out a bit hoarse.

"Hope it's useful. Don't show it around too much. Look, I've got to get to a…lunch. An early lunch. You can just show yourself out, can't you-" Sejanus stiffly walked over to the door and opens it, pausing for a moment.

He has to say something, anything. It was his last attempt to explain.

"It's a self-preservation thing, you see." His words came out in a whisper, his tone miserable, and his eyes downcast. Coriolanus just watched him, impassive and heart-wrenchingly handsome. Sejanus couldn't take one more moment of this, and he swiftly turns and walks out, and the door closes with a loud bang behind him.