Ruby Jane

Now that I was in on Lisa's secret, and I'd met Lucy properly, she began inviting me to spend time with them. One chilly Friday night we all went out for pizza. "I like olives on my half," Lucy explained. "Lisa likes sausage. I guess we can ask them to divide it into three halves if you like it plain."

"Three halves, huh?" Lisa winked at me from across the table. "Maybe it's time we did a little work on fractions, Lulu."

Somehow her offhand comment hit me hard. I'd spent the afternoon trying to memorize a bunch of Italian verbs, and thought it was tough going. But Lisa was responsible not only for feeding Lucy, but for whether or not she learned math. My twenty-one year old girlfriend was somebody's only real parent. She just killed me.

"I like the Christmas lights here," Lucy said, pointing at the ambitiously early holiday display over the bar. "Lili, we could have Christmas lights on our window."

"I suppose there's no reason why not," she agreed.

Since I'd seen some at the drugstore, I promised myself I'd buy a string of them tomorrow. "You'll be all ready for Santa Claus," I said. But then I wished I hadn't. Because I had no clue where Lisa and Lucy would go for Christmas — a full three weeks when the dorms were closed. And Lisa didn't have the cash or the space for a holiday gift fest.

But Lucy only rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not a baby, Ruby Jane," she said, as Lisa bit back a grin. "I used to believe in Santa, though," she said quickly, as if she might have offended me. "…Before. When I lived with my mom." She picked up her pencil and drew a tic tac toe board on the place mat.

My chest felt tight, just thinking of what this kid had been through, and what uncertainty awaited her. Yet she looked perfectly at peace, sitting next to her protector, doodling on the paper.

Under the table, Lisa reached for my hand and squeezed it.

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving — our last day of classes that week — I caught Lisa staring at me during the music theory lecture. When I looked into those green eyes, she winked and looked away. But I felt her eyes on me again a few minutes later. And when I met her gaze, its intensity startled me. The way she looked at me was serious, but also warm. I don't think anyone had ever looked at me that way before.

Since we were seated in the back of a big lecture hall, nobody noticed when I reached over to pencil "what?" into the margin of her notebook.

She gave me a sweet smile before returning her attention to the professor. The day's lecture was about consonance and dissonance.

"A consonant chord sounds pleasing to the ear," the professor said, "while a dissonant one makes the listener uncomfortable. Traditional music is structured to take advantage of both comfortable and conflicted emotional tones. Listeners, upon hearing dissonant chords, crave resolution. They expect consonant tones to follow dissonant ones."

Lisa swiped my notebook off my lap. When she gave it back, the margin read: "my dissonance craves your consonance."

I drew an arrow pointing at her words, writing "DORK" under it. When I angled the notebook toward her, I heard her laugh. She snatched my notebook again, scribbled something and then handed it back.

Make love to me. Right now, it read.

Just reading it, my face and neck heated.

Beside me, Lisa flipped her notebook closed. She got up, hefted her backpack and walked out of the lecture hall.

When I stepped into the hallway a couple of minutes later, Lisa took my hand and began walking.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To my room, of course," she said. "I'm not used to bringing anyone there, because they'd ask questions about the extra mattress with the Hello Kitty sheets on it. But since you're already in on the secret…"

"And she's at school…" I said.

"Just once," she squeezed my hand. "We're getting an A in that class anyway."

My pulse went into overdrive, and I picked up our pace. We made it to Beaumont House in record time.

The moment her door shut behind me, Lisa braced me against it. Her kiss began on my forehead, slid down my nose and landed on my waiting lips. Her thumbs grazed the sensitive skin of my neck, before her hands moved down to cup my breasts. My own hands were busy unbuttoning her shirt, so that I could see that beautiful chest in broad daylight.

"For once, we don't have to rush," she said, unclasping my bra.

"But I want your hands on me," I breathed, yanking on her belt buckle.

Lisa moaned into my mouth. She tugged down the zipper of my jeans, then steered me over to the bed, where she covered me with her warm body. Her tongue began to stroke mine, and I heard myself whimper in appreciation. Our kisses were so deep I could taste more of Lisa than myself.

Then she dropped her lips to my ear. "Ruby Jane," she whispered, her hand sliding between my legs. "This was the best idea I've had in a long time."

"Noted." Her finger dipped inside me and I gasped with pleasure.

She kissed me, and we began touching each other everywhere. Her body was so beautiful and strong, and the daylight meant I could see every curve of every muscle. I followed the ginger trail of hair down her belly and between her legs, sneaking looks at her… erm… equipment. I scooted down until I was eye to eye with it. I mean eye to…

Right.

Lisa propped herself up on her elbows, and looked down the length of her muscular torso toward me. There was a smoky gleam in her eye, and I realized that it was time to step up my game a little. I put both hands on her body, fanning out my fingers in the reddish hairs I found there. Under my touch, Lisa's hips twitched with anticipation.

Okay, penis, I steeled myself. Let's get acquainted. Anyone could do this, right? Time to think about ice pops.

Right.

I took a closer look. Long and jutting, it stood at attention in a way that body parts don't usually do. Interesting.

Sorry, penis. I shouldn't stare, should I?

Any time you're ready, it seemed to reply. Don't give us a complex.

Slowly, I leaned in, giving Lisa a tentative kiss right where it counts. Above me, she let out a sexy hiss. So I did it again, sweeping my tongue all the way around the top. With a happy moan, my girlfriend let her head fall back on the pillow.

Okay, penis. We've got this. I channeled my inner Katie and went to town. I must have done something right. Because her stomach clenched, and her hips danced. And the unconscious growl she gave was so sexy I could hardly stand it.

Eventually she reached down, gently nudging me away. "Stop," she panted. "Or I'm going to come all over you."

When she said it, I felt a zing of excitement everywhere. I had always thought this would be a little demeaning. But instead, it was a power trip.

"Oh well," I said, reaching for her again. I loved having such an effect on Lisa — making her lose control.

Applying my newfound skills one more time, I heard her let out a monstrous groan. "Fine, if that's the way you want to play it. But you've been warned."

I backed off. "Where do you hide your condoms, Lis?"

After suiting up, Lisa sat down at the foot of her bed. "Come here, Ruby Jane," she said, tugging on my hand.

"What?"

"Up here," she said, easing me into her lap, until I was straddling her. I hesitated, not quite sure I was ready to drive this bus. "You don't have to," she said quietly. "But I'll last longer. And you'll… Well, you might really like it."

I stared into her green eyes, which were lit with warmth. This wasn't me. It seemed impossible that I was really here with this gorgeous person, in broad daylight, climbing onto her naked body.

But I was. And I did.

It was a tad awkward lining her up underneath me. But when I got it right and sank down on her, I had a perfect view of her eyes squeezing shut with pleasure. She gave a big sigh and looked up at me again. "Damn, you make me crazy." Then she wrapped her big hands around my hips and pulled my body tight against her.

At first I was tentative. But after only a moment or two, I forgot to be embarrassed. Controlling our contact felt absolutely amazing. A decadent pressure began to build low in my core. I strained against Lisa, while her eyes became unfocused, and her head flopped back. "So good, Ruby Jane." She pulled on my hips to urge me on. The look on her face was precious to me — blissed out and trusting. For a year I had found it impossible to live in the present. But every moment I spent with Lisa was bright and fully realized.

And what a moment it was.

With my weight on her, every tiny movement created a sweet friction against her. I shifted my hips, experimenting, until I found an angle of contact that felt almost unbearably good. "Lis," I warned. She moved her hands up to cup both my breasts, and I felt the wave begin to carry me under. I dropped my lips onto her and moaned.

"Oh, oh yeah," she panted, shoving her hips off the bed while my body quivered against her. And then she gasped, letting loose with a growl of satisfaction.

All too soon, we lay coiled in a slightly sweaty heap, breathing hard and feeling happy.

"That was not on the music theory syllabus," I whispered.

"But you're a prodigy," she chuckled, stroking my hair with clumsy hands. "You make me feel lucky."

"That's because you just got lucky."

She shook her head. "That's just extra." We were quiet for a few minutes, as my heart swelled with joy. "Ruby Jane," she whispered eventually. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Would you look into getting some birth control pills?"

"Sure," I said, my voice hoarse. The Katies had already told me what to do. I just had to make the phone call.

She raised herself up on an elbow. "I don't mind using condoms, but it would be nice to have some backup."

"Okay," I touched her face. "We sure don't need any more drama."

"So true." She pulled me in for a kiss. "But the universe must not hate me too much."

"Why?"

"Well, it dumped a lot of shit on me this year. But it also gave me you."

"The universe and I are on similar terms," I said.

At that, her face became serious again. The intensity I'd seen earlier was back. "I hope you know," Lisa said, her lips brushing my forehead, "you can tell me all your shitty stuff too."

I held her even more tightly. "I know I can," I whispered. "But I don't want to."

"I can take it, Ruby Jane. Whatever it is. You know that, right? You might feel better if you got to talk about it."

The very idea was terrifying. Even thinking about it made my stomach twist. Lisa's secret — caring for a helpless child — only made her more attractive. No matter how crazy or ill timed, the purity of her motive was clear.

My family secrets were only ugly.

I pushed up and out of her embrace. "We should get up."

"…She said, quickly changing the subject." Lisa snaked an arm around my bare waist. "Stay here a little longer. I won't interrogate you. I promise."

I obeyed, of course. There was nothing in the world so good as snuggling into her embrace. I stared at the side of her face until she turned her head to look at me.

"What?" she asked.

"I love you," I whispered, leaning in to kiss her jaw.

"Thank you, universe," she said.

Later, I was trying to finger-comb my hair when someone knocked twice on the fire door.

Lisa glanced in my direction to make sure I was dressed, before calling out, "What's up, Jake?"

As the door opened, I was busy worrying that Lisa's neighbor had overheard us having sex. But then I got a good look at the neighbor's face, and I realized that I had a much bigger problem.

He was just as tall as I remembered, but he had filled out. His face was broader, more mature. And the Harkness Basketball sweatshirt was an improvement over the Star Wars t-shirts he'd always worn to our high school.

Jaeyun Sim.

I forgot to breathe. For a second, we stared at each other. Then he laughed. "Jennie Kim. How's your slap shot these days?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Lisa's head swung in my direction, and my chest was suddenly tight. I took a step backwards, and then two more. When my back hit the door to Lisa's room, I fumbled for the knob. As I wrenched it open, I heard Jaeyun's puzzled voice. "What the hell did I say?"

I fled.