Topping the charts, the newest indie band, Star Fall, is now touring the country. Everything was going smoothly until one fateful night, when the band was consumed by a great light. The next morning, all five members awaken in their tour bus, each one now sporting a mysterious device. Things become more confusing when they are confronted by the mysterious alien, Arrow; who claims to be the former red ranger of the planet Sonion, and that Earth is now in the crosshairs of the insidious Warwol Studios. Now armed with the Star Striker Morphers and under the guidance of Arrow, Star Fall defends the Earth against the mania of Director Warwol and his legions of Headliners. Reach for the Stars! It's morphin time! Power Rangers: Star Strikers!
All's Fair in Love and Warwol
The Star Fall tour bus ran smoothly along the road as Arrow made dinner and Trent tuned his guitar in the bus's common area. The band had reached a new normal with Arrow, there new Roadie proving invaluable. He cooked and cleaned, and generally did any job that had been regaled to a chore wheel by the band. Indeed, in front of Trent was a plate of cookies that Arrow baked for a snack for the band to share. Sadly, Trent didn't eat sweets anymore and everyone was stuffed after the lunch the Sonion had prepared. And so, the once moist and chewy cookies had sat out, and now had a rank of six on the Mohs hardness scale, right between a knife and a steel nail in terms of toughness.
Soon Kabir exited and started to pace around a bit before dramatically proclaiming, "Today I'm gonna reveal my love to Roxie!" Kabir looked at both Trent and Arrow, the alien giving him a thumbs up while his band mate was giving him a disbelieving look. At Kabir's silent questioning Trent replied, "You've been saying that pretty much every day for the past five years. Excuse me if I've gotten kinda skeptical at it."
Kabir stammered a bit before Roxie herself came out and asked, "What's Kabir been saying every day for the last 5 years?" Kabir just stammered more while Arrow realized something. The alien asked the three, "How long has Star Fall been a thing?" Trent shrugged, "Eh, we all met in high school and formed a band just for the fun of it. Then we played in a battle of the bands and got discovered. It's as simple as that." Roxie, ever the social equivalent of a bull in a China shop, immediately blurted out, "Oh, Trent, do you remember how chunky you were?"
Unaware of the rage currently directed at her by the bands lead singer she spoke to Arrow, "Trent here used to be an absolute butter ball. Guys a walking success story on exercise. Of course, now he refuses to eat anything sweet cause he's afraid he'd lose all his gains." While completely ignorant of social situations her awareness of fighting type situations meant that she expertly dodged the plate of rock hard cookies thrown at her.
In orbit around the planet earth, Warwol Studios was once more at their fiendish work. A Dark Reel created from a planet famous for its romantic love was inserted into a B-bolt. Soon the new headliner was formed; its appearance similar to the depiction of a cupid and that of a magical girl, all useless wings and frilly stuff, long blond metallic hair in twin tails.
The headliner began to speak in a very high pitched and squeaky voice, "I am Matchmaker Headliner, and I shall destroy the world with the power of love!" Jors sighed in annoyance, "Yeah, yeah, just take Glut and some B-bolts with you and try to win." The headliner cheerfully responded, "I will win, for love is in my corner and love conquers all!" To himself Jors muttered, "If I wanted the power of love, I'd watch a kids cartoon."
The members of Star Fall were currently sightseeing in San Fransisco, with Kabir hoping to find a nice present for Roxie to ease his planned declaration of love. However, they were noticing that there were a lot of love triangles in the citizens, with many public displays of affection, grand gestures, and brawls as two lovesick paramours came to blows.
Upon witnessing the fifth such brawl Roxie said, "You know, I've never seen the appeal of romantic love until now." Candace sighed and said, "Roxie, dating and love is not about fighting. Whatever is happening here is unusual." Roxie scoffed and said, "how would you know what romance is like? As long as I've known you, you've only gone on three dates and all of them were disasters. Like last week when the guy turned out to be married and then got arrested for embezzling." This struck a nerve with Candace, and the lead vocalist rounded om the drummer, "Listen here you meathead"
That was as far as Candace got before Joey said, "Is that a robotic cupid sniping people?" The sheer oddness of the statement caused both of the female members of the band to look in the same direction as Joey. Sure enough, there was a robotic cupid magic girl sniping people with a strange gun. They also noticed that whoever was hit seemed to get hearts in their eyes like a cartoon character hit with the arrow of cupid. Joey bluntly stated, "I think we know why there are so many love triangles." He then said, "We should go get the others and stop that thing before it gets really dangerous." The drummer and vocalist nodded and rushed off to find the others while Joey monitored the situation.
Matchmaker Headliner cackled a bit as she let out shots from the Heartache Sniper Rifle. With her ability to see the red strings of love the Headliner could fire off bullets that would forcibly tie new love bonds together, though they could become damaging at her whim. Glut watched with a detached interest.
Matchmaker Headliner crowed in triumph, "Soon the bonds of love I have forged will tear this world apart. Not even the Power Rangers can stand against the might of love!" Glut asked the raving monster, "Hey, do you think you could get me a girlfriend?" All the bombast drained from her and in her normal voice, which was still squeaky and high pitched, but with a distinctive southern twang, "Honey, I'm good, but no ones that good." Glut sighed and said, "Story of my life" and started to sing.
Glut:
Life is disappointing
Woe is what I know
Outed by the duros
That's just how it goes
For this poor jorigo
Glut began to roll footage from his head camera to illustrate his point.
Glut:
Story of my life
Always doomed to fail
On the footage there was a fox like alien and a massive void whale
Glut:
Cheated by a fox
Swallowed by a whale
That's the story of my life, oh yeah
That's the story of my life
Strife is never ending
The footage showed Glut being disqualified for a contest
Glut:
Banished
From the crown
The footage showed in quick succession, Glut being dragged into a pond, one of his arms being broken, and him looking in despair as a condo was blown up.
Glut:
They dragged me into the pond
They broke my favorite arm
They blew my condo up
Glut continued to sing and showed himself drowning in mud, being mocked with a hat, just being mocked, and being mocked while holding a torn dress
Life is but a witch hunt
I was in the mud
I was in distress
They ridiculed my hat
They said that I was fat
They tore my granny's cotton dress
And called me a hot and tranny mess
Glut's camera showed him thrown out of a party and off a wall into a ravine
Glut:
Story of my life
Booted from the ball
The party's off the hook
But I'm too off the wall
But that's the story of my life
Glut shut off his camera and began to sing more somberly
Glut:
I always dreamed I'd get a happy ending
And this right here, not how it goes
I always dreamed I'd get an ever after
If this is it, it blows
It blows
It blows
It blows
Glut once more turned his camera on and showed him at various times either praying or getting hit with chairs and other pieces of furniture, as well falling from great heights, and being hit with scaling hot foods
Glut:
Story of my life
All the wasted prayers
All the broken dreams
All the broken chairs
All the damage done
All the busted beds
All the shattered falls
And the porridge on my head
Glut began the grand finish
Glut:
That's the story of my life, yes sir
That's the story of my life, oy vey
That's the story of my-
Glut was suddenly interrupted by a fireball to the behind, sending him flying in pain. He tumbled painfully over the roof of a pillow factory, landing on the pavement and being run over by a marshmallow truck. Before falling unconscious he groaned out the final word of the song, "Life." The rangers arrived and Trent called out to Glut, knowing full well he was ultimately a hapless pawn of Warwol Studios, "Sorry, I was aiming for the monster!"
Matchmaker Headliner responded in her bombastic voice, "You dare call me a monster! I am the bringer of love! I am your doom Star Strikers!" A group of B-bolts teleported down and charged into combat while the headliner hung back. While laying the occasional shot out on the rangers, Matchmaker Headliner had a plan and studied the rangers red strings. Trent and Candace both had red strings that trailed away and faded into the ether, indicating to the Headliner that they had destined loves but had yet to meet them. And Joey had no true red strings, indicating he either was aromantic or just didn't have any attractions to anyone nor would have them in a time period extending around 5 years.
But Kabir's string was the thickest she had ever seen, and it was firmly tied to Roxie. Roxie also had a string tied to Kabir, but hers was faint enough to indicate that she had no clue what love was. Matchmaker Headliner smirked evilly and fired a love bullet at Roxie, which hit dead on. Her love bullets were difficult to track unless one knew what they were looking for, and now she tied a string to Joey.
Her work done, as the last B-bolt was reduced to sparking scrap she dramatically declared, "Love shall be your downfall Rangers! The red strings of fate will rip you asunder!" She cackled evilly as she teleported away. The Rangers demorphed and Trent wondered aloud, "What was that about?" Roxie said, "I don't know, but I feel weird." Candace snarked at her, "Yeah sure you're not hungry again?" Roxie either did not comprehend the sarcasm or just ignored it saying, "Yeah, I'm probably just hungry".
Flit Blades was fuming with rage at the sight of the newest Headliner, "This is the new star instead of me? Really?" This was insulting even for Warwol, and the man had once forced Flit to high dive into a bucket of exploding spineapuses with a Twonkie taped to his face accompanied by a full scale orchestra. Even a decade later he could still feel the pain, despite how well the plastic surgery was.
Warwol seemed ambivalent to the whole situation, "I will admit that she will probably need to be dubbed over, but if her plan works it will make a great film." Flit muttered and said, "Ok then." As he stomped off he muttered a little too loudly, "as if this will work any better than the last few tries." Warwol heard that and was not about to let the implicit insult go unpunished; "Well just for that, you're not going to be offered the role I had planned for you."
Flit stopped in his tracks and quickly reversed his course, asking the mad director, "What was that about a part for me?" Warwol glared at the stunt director before explaining himself, "This is a magic girl style film currently. And magic girls typically have a male counterpart/love interest. That was going to be you." Warwol then started to rub his chin beard tentacles, "Though come to think of it, not having a male love interest will probably play well with the feminist demographic. So yeah, the part is not yours anymore. Unless you're willing to dress in drag." Flit shuddered and firmly said, "No. Not after last time." Flit then proceeded to the shower in the vain hope of scrubbing away that awful memory.
Candace was reading a romance novel in her room when Roxie burst in. The drummer quickly said, "So I ate, and I'm still feeling weird. And for some reason I think I'm in love!" Candace smirked and put down her book, "Well it's about time you realized it. You know he's been pining for you since day one right?" Roxie looked hopeful and asked, "He has?"
Candace smirked, not realizing that she and Roxie were talking about different people, walked Roxie over to her closet and said, "If you want to woo him successfully, you'll need to show him you can be traditionally feminine. He might be in love with you, but you could easily scare him off if you're just, well, you." Roxie was confused and asked, "What's wrong with how I act?" Candace gave her friend a deadpan stare, "Putting a guy in a Double Fujiwara Armbar is so not a good way to start a date." Roxie shrugged and then realized that Candace's wardrobe contained mostly dresses.
In a bit of a panic Roxie asked, "Hey wait, I wear skirts occasionally. Isn't that enough?" Candace could only laugh before giving a harsh, "No." As Candace looked for a dress that suited Roxie she said, "You're also going to want to make him a good meal. With some candle light and romantic music, it should be a great first date." Roxie frowned, "But I don't know how to cook." Candace waved her off, "Get Arrow to help you this time, and if you do it again you should let him teach you." Handing Roxie a pretty yellow dress she pushed the drummer out the door saying, "Now go and sweep him off his feet!"
Joey entered the common room to find a very surprising sight; Roxie was there wearing a dress and there was a massive amount of cooked food on the table. There were many varieties of pastas, breads, and cookies, and in the center of it was a lit candle. Roxie looked strangely nervous before shaking herself and saying, "Joey, I've loved you ever since, well, this morning. I want our first date to be great, so let's eat!"
Joey blinked a few times in pure confusion before saying, "Roxie, I don't love you, and I never will." Roxie's face fell and in an uncharacteristically meek voice she asked, "Why?" Joey was quick to explain, having known Roxie long enough to know that the only way to get something through her head was to do it bluntly and with great force, "I like you as a friend Roxie, but nothing more. And if you need specific reasons on the lack of romantic love, for one this food."
Roxie was defensive now and said, "What's wrong with it? Is it because I cooked it, because Arrow did almost everything." Joey shook his head, "No, it's all extremely high in gluten, which I am highly allergic to. If I ate any of this I would get very sick, I won't bore you with the full details. Luckily for you, I wouldn't die but it would be extremely painful for me and unpleasant for all involved." He then said, "The second reason I will never love you romantically is the fact that you attack random people top sate your thirst for combat."
Roxie was annoyed now, "Oh come on, how often have I really done that?" Joey gave her a deadpan look, "57 times this week alone. 58 if you count that sack of grain you tackled." Roxie had enough awareness to be sheepish, "that's not so bad." If it were possible, Joey's look would have become even more deadpan, "Its only Tuesday." Arrow, who had helped with the meal, popped up and said, "And according to your planets global telecommunications network, you've challenged former united states president Barack Obama to a fistfight on three separate occasions." Roxie glared at the techno-organic alien and growled, "Not helping Arrow."
Before Joey could continue, the other members of Star Fall entered, and the sight surprised all of them. Kabir was the first to shake it off as pure rage filled his mind, assuming that Joey was making a move on Roxie instead of the other way around. Kabir was unable to do anything but spout angry gibberish and charged foreword to engage a surprised Joey in a dust cloud brawl straight out of a cartoon.
Roxie did not join the brawl like she normally would. With a distraught face she pulled out a samurai sword and yelled, "I can't live knowing I've failed as a woman!" Gene, who had been watching the whole thing with a degree of amusement, jumped in to intervene, effortlessly snatching the blade from Roxie and yelling out, "What the heck Roxie? You were gonna commit seppuku over Joey not having a romantic interest in you?"
Like many of her past bone headed decisions, once the danger was gone Roxie was able to realize how dumb she was acting, and in response to Gene's question with an unsure, "Maybe?" Gene sighed in annoyance and said, "This is going in my confiscation chest alongside that copy of the Karma Sutra I found in Kabir's room and that disturbing picture some wacko fan sent Trent a while ago." He expertly maneuvered past Kabir and Joey, and Joey was heard to yell out, "No biting! No biting!" before howling in pain.
Arrow walked over to Roxie and said, "Probably a bad time to mention this, but you weren't doing the right form of Hari-Kari. For women, the practice is called Jiigai and is done by slitting the throat with bound legs so the body is in a dignified position when found." Candace gave Arrow a look and said, "How'd you know that?" Arrow replied, "Oh I was looking up that Nyan Cat thing you mentioned and, well, one thing led to another."
Trent ignored the chaos as he usually did, for this sort of thing was not unusual even before they became power rangers. He spoke to the drummer, "Roxie, when did these feelings for Joey start?" Roxie thought on this and said, "Eh, about ten this morning, I think." Trent put the pieces together in record time and yelled out, "Joey! Kabir! Stop fighting!" The fight cloud stopped, and Joey was the only one looking injured. Despite his injured state Joey was able to snark, "Typically in a fight more than one person gets hurt."
Trent ignored him and proclaimed, "That headliner we encountered earlier is the one responsible for Roxie being in love with Joey." Candace sighed and muttered, "Yeah, that makes a lot more sense than what I thought happened." Kabir chuckled nervously and helped Joey up asking, "No hard feelings, right?" Joey glared at the keyboardist and in a low voice said, "I will get my vengeance for what you have done."
Matchmaker Headliner tittered as she continued her rampage, the strings of love she formed causing havoc among all. She was ignorant of the fact that Glut was not filming her. She was also convinced that the rangers had torn themselves asunder by the power of love, so she had not expected the wind blast that hit hard enough to damage her. To her shock, the rangers were seemingly unharmed, even as they began their roll call.
Trent went first, "Blazing through the cosmos, Star Ranger Red!" Joey went next, "Streaming through the galaxy, Star Ranger Blue!" Roxie was next, "Thundering across the stars, Star Ranger Yellow!" Then Kabir took his turn, "Riding the solar winds, Star Ranger Green!" Candace was last, but certainly not least, "Shouting through the dark matter, Star Ranger Pink!" All five of them shouted together, "Reach For The Stars! Power Rangers Star Strikers!" Behind them the run off of morphin energy created an explosion.
Matchmaker Headliner dramatically spoke, "It seems the power of love has failed to take root in your black hearts. I suppose I must defeat you the old fashioned way. BY DESTROYING YOU!" after this screechy rant she turned a dial on her weapon, turning the heart shaped sight from pink to black. Now her weapon shot love blasts no longer, but instead shot energy bolts. With a flash of teleportation a host of B-Bolts wielding there boom mike themed hammers charged forward while the Headliner took pot shots.
Kabir launched himself into battle with an unprecedented fury, so enraged by the Headliner manipulating his feelings that he went straight for the kill. However, despite his wind powers and his rage, he was unable to actually land the killing blow, mostly due to the Headliners speed at dodging.
Soon the B-bolts fell like the chaff they were, and Trent realized something. He yelled out, "Lets finish this monster together!" He then converted the Light my Fire Axe into an actual electric guitar. The others got what Trent was hinting at and quickly came together, converting their weapons into instrument forms. The Ocean Eyed Blades came together to form a bass, Roxie hit the High Voltage Clubs to summon an energy construct of her drums, Kabir shifted the Easy Wind Broadsword into its keytar form, and Candace slammed the butt of the Make Me Shout Lance, turning it into a mike stand.
The band jammed a bit before yelling out, "Showstopper Blast! Together, they played an ending cord on all there instruments, sending an energy wave of sound to destroy the Headliner. The Headliner could not avoid the blast and yelled out, "I guess love cant solve all problems!" As the monster exploded all of the red strings it tied were broken, vanishing as if they had never been there in the first place.
In the studio ship Warwol watched the destruction of his latest star with ambivalence. Vouge picked up the Glow Up Brush and asked, "Should I give her a touch up?" Warwol waved her off and said, "Nah, her voice is far too irritating. We'll send down a Malstar." Xenos looked absolutely ecstatic and asked, "Could I please tell the Rangers of there impending doom?" Warwol nodded and then yelled at a B-Bolt, "Fire the Malstar cannon!" The B-Bolt let out an acknowledgement and hit a big red button, causing a whooping alarm to blare. On the outside of the ship a cannon resembling a sea squirt took aim and fired a strange pod into San Fransico.
Back on the ground, the rangers saw the strange pod touch down. The Casting Call played again, but this time it was the voice of Dr. Xenos that emitted from the morphers, "Hello Rangers. I am contacting you through your little Casting Call feature to warn you about what's coming. I am under contract to do so, but i am happy to do so because what is coming is my best work."
The strange pod fired from the Studio Ship landed, breaking open and the thing inside starts to form. With Xenos talking it was almost like a voice over was happening, "In my time working at Warwol Studios I have created many a beast. But what comes for you is the greatest of all my creations. It is the Malstar, and it shall be your doom!"
The creature, newly dubbed the Malstar, was a gigantic beast resembling a starfish, but in its center was a head like that of a predatory dinosaur. It let out a roar that was nigh identical to the sort of stock roar in a low budget Kaiju movie. Xenos finished his speech by saying, "Good luck rangers. Not that it will help."
Roxie yelled out, "If that dome head wants an encore, let's give him one!" The band mates summoned there zords from the either and yelled, "Form the Megazord!" The Key Hauler Zord swerved and became divided equally into two legs with stood up. Atop the legs came the Dump Truck Zord, forming the torso while its bed and grill detached. The Bass Speeder Zord became the left arm, its bumper detaching while the bed of the Dump Truck Zord became a shield. The right arm of the Megazord was the Microcopter Zord, grabbing onto the Megazord's weapon, an axe formed of the bumper of the Bass Speeder Zord and the grill of the Dump Truck Zord. Lastly was the Jetar Zord, which landed upon the Megazord to form the head. The five Rangers shouted in unison once more, "Star Striker Megazord!"
The Malstar roared and charged the Megazord, and the Megazord met its foe. The Malstar was a beast, and while strong it was still just a beast. Even Roxie could outsmart a beast, and soon the battle was all but decided. In unison, the rangers shouted out, "Sick Lick Strike!" and the Megazord played a sick lick in its axe before bringing down an energy powered strike upon the Malstar, which roared a final screech before exploding. Kabir smugly said, "Roll the Credits."
On the ship Dr. Xenos was in shock, muttering "they beat the Malstar" repeatedly. Warwol sighed and said, "Get over it Xenos." This caused Xenos to respond in a very unexpected way. He let out a laugh and proclaimed, "I have been complacent. I believed the Malstar perfect, and so I never sought to improve it. But you have awoken a sleeping giant, Star Strikers. The next time you face my creation, it will be your end!"
As the Star Fall Tour Bus left San Fransisco, Kabir was planning to confess his love to Roxie. The events of the day had convinced him that now was the time. He had even purchased a bouquet of flowers from the finest place he could afford and entered the common area of the bus to declare his love when he heard Roxie speak.
Roxie was bluntly speaking to the other band members, "I can't belive I ever fell victim to that mushy gushy stuff. From now on, I plan to never fall in love ever." These words crushed Kabir, who made a whimpering sound much like a kicked puppy. The flowers in his hand drooped, seemingly in sympathy to his broken heart. Roxie blindly passed him by, and once the drummer had left the other band members were quick to sympathize.
It was Joeys words that Kabir truly heard, the level headed bass player noting, "That Headliner made Roxie feel a mockery of real love. I'm sure in at least a week she'll have forgotten all about this whole thing." Kabir sniffed and said, "Thanks." Joey nodded and said, "Here, to cheer you up, have this can of peanut brittle."
Kabir suspected nothing untoward due to the fact that he was emotionally vulnerable at the moment. Even if he weren't, he would not suspect anything due to the fact that it was Joey who was giving him the can. Kabir opened the can and was shocked and horrified as a plastic snake popped out, triggering his own fear of snakes. As he screamed his head off Joey let out an evil cackle and said, "That's for earlier Laghari!"
Author notes
Big thanks to Krockman18 for letting me use his stuff and for betareading. Now the notes.
The Malstar is the giant monster used when the motw isn't growing. All of Krockman18's series to date has one, though you folks will have to wait a while to see Pantheon Quest's, as there's first appears around what is roughly the 21st episode.
Roxie being a social bull in a China shop is going to be a running gag.
Matchmaker Headliner has the voice of Kendra from the Cleveland Show. So imagine that high pitched squeaky southern voice being a magic girl.
It's gonna be a running gag that Candace, despite having a bubbly personality and a body supermodels would kill for, is completely without luck in the dating department. She will get a boyfriend, but Glut will get married before that happens. That's how luckless Candace is in the romance department.
Gluts song is a modified version of "Story of my life" from Shrek the Musical. Of course his suffering in general, his song being interrupted and the pain that followed is because he's a karmic butt monkey. Sure, he never helped Warwol kill all those planets, but he was an accomplice, so karma is hurting him major. Mind you he was never lucky, but joining the studio made karma really start taking a bat to his head.
Duros and jorigo are words in Gluts native language, Duros means bad luck and Jorigo essentially means putz
Also, only one song this episode. It's easier on me, so each episode (bar the first one of course) with have either one or two songs
Anjell and Danny are not going to be in every episode, they are recurring characters but they won't appear every time.
Random note; Crazy Steve's voice has changed. Whenever you read him, try to read him as Caine from Digital Circus. Because the voice of Caine is a really good Spamton based one, and Crazy Steve is heavily based on Spamton.
Twonkies come from the adventures of jimmy neutron boy genius, and if you know anything about them you know what happens when they hear music.
The Double Fujiwara Armbar is one of the hardest wrestling moves in existence.
Next will be the first installment of Fury Swarm, the 5th ranger series Krockman18 has made