Jade had never considered herself a girls girl but she had to admit, the last few months had brought her closer to Cat and Tori. They had done a pristine job at keeping her occupied - forcing her out with them at the weekends and giving her a shoulder to cry on - whether she liked it or not - then making her cry laughing ten times harder.

So she was actually happy when the girls asked her to perform with them at the Full Moon Jam. They'd picked out a peppy, pop song which wasn't her usual thing but for once, she and Cat weren't just Tori's backup singers so she decided she could tolerate it.

They had spent all week rehearsing. Learning their harmonies and a complicated choreography. But it had been fun and a good reminder of her passion for performing - something she realised she had let herself neglect lately. And when she belted the first note of the song, the cheers that erupted from the audience fed her soul. Jade West was back bitches.

It was up there with one of their best performances they'd ever done and all three of them were high on the adrenaline when they walked off stage after a standing ovation from the crowd.

They were backstage hugging each other and laughing excitedly when she finally noticed him at the stage door.

It had been a while since she'd seen Beck - other than the few times they were forced to be in the same room together - but she hadn't noticed the dark circles under his eyes until now.

He walked over to them hesitantly. Cat and Tori finally noticed his presence and were equally as surprised to see him backstage. He congratulated Cat and Tori on the performance and even let Cat hug him and all the time, Jade didn't take her eyes off him. There was something off about him. He was smiling but she could tell it was fake.

"Can we talk?" he finally asked her in a quiet voice.

"Now?" she looked at him confused. Until now he had actively been trying to avoid her and she had started to come to terms with the possibility that he might never speak to her again.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Jade glanced at Tori and Cat. Both of them seeming to take the hint that they should leave.

"Uh I just remembered, I need to go find.. Robbie for the uh butterfly thing. Cat, come help me find him?" Tori thought of a dumb excuse to leave. Jade rolled her eyes.

Tori nudged her forwards and Cat squeezed her arm softly in support before they both left.

Jade folded her arms eyeing Beck suspiciously.

"What's up?"

Beck suddenly seemed preoccupied by the skin on the side of his thumbnail. She stared at him, waiting expectantly for an explanation that never came. She exhaled frustratedly.

"Beck, seriously? You haven't talked to me in weeks and all of a sudden you want to, so I'll ask you again, what's up?"

She prepared herself for him to finally snap at her about the Moose thing. She had her guard up and was ready to defend herself against whatever bullshit he threw at her. Beck sat down on the edge of the platform, not meeting her eyes.

"I lied okay. A few weeks ago, when you asked me if I'm happy? I lied. I'm the furthest from happy I think I've ever been in my life. I don't even remember what happy feels like,"

Jade blinked. This wasn't what she expected him to say.

"I can't feel anything, Jade."

"What do you mean, you can't feel anything?" She frowned at him.

"I don't know," he looked up at her again, his eyes glassy with tears. "I don't know how to explain it, I just feel completely numb. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I just can't feel anything and I keep spacing out and I know I shouldn't be telling you any of this but I don't know what to do."

"Beck, breathe," she sat down next to him, all feelings of hurt or animosity toward him from the last few months suddenly replaced with concern. He never opened up like this and the fact that he was doing it now, when they weren't even on speaking terms, wasn't a good sign. She watched him with worry as he attempted to regain composure.

"Are you okay?" she asked seriously.

"No, I'm not," he exhaled shakily. "I don't even feel like a real person anymore."

"Are you taking your meds?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"Well that probably has something to do with how shit you're feeling," she placed her arm around his back and rubbed his shoulder.

"I just lost the motivation to take them," he admitted. "It was easier at first to feel less."

"Beck, you can't do that," she scolded him. "You can't fuck around with your mental health like that."

But she understood why he'd did it. If she'd had an easy way to numb her feelings over the last few months, would she have done the same thing? Maybe.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I told you any of this," he exhaled shakily.

"It's okay. I'm glad you did," she reassured him. "How long have you been feeling like this for?"

"A while. I'm just- I'm so fucking sorry. I know how much I've hurt you. I don't have an excuse for my behaviour."

"That's not important right now. Why didn't you talk to someone about this before it got this bad? Why didn't you tell Andre or Tori?"

"I wanted to but they wouldn't understand. I'm in a hole, Jade and I can't figure out how to get out of it."

"You need to go back on the antidepressants, Beck. This is dangerous."

For some reason, her heart was pounding and not like in the heartache way she'd become familiar with. This was different.

"I know. I couldn't tell you how I felt in front of Andre the other day because I know how bad this is. But I can't cope with this much longer."

"Right, I'm taking you home," she said decisively. She'd heard enough.

"It's fine, you don't have to do that," he wiped his eyes.

"Do you seriously think I'd let you be alone right now?" She looked at him incredulously. "And you can't stay here like this."

"I'm just so tired, Jade,"

She wrapped her arms around him and held his head to her shoulder. The last five minutes had completely thrown her a curveball. She hadn't forgotten about all his flings and how careless he'd been with her heart lately but it was impossible for her not to care when he was sitting here and so clearly in pain.

"Let's go back to yours and we'll fix this okay?" She said softly. "No more talking. Just let your brain rest for tonight."

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"Beck, it's okay. I've got you."