Chapter Eight
Lost
The hot sticky air clung to the highway blacktop as they walked through a full mile of back-to-back traffic, dead and dangerous. An ominous ocean of promise and threat. Their needs fulfilled, at the risk of their lives.
Delaney despised their need to search. Their desperation was life or death and it still have her an awful feeling to rifle through peoples things to scavenge their misfortune for her own gain.
Daryl and T-Dog were up ahead, siphoning gas from any vehicle they could. Far back was Carol and Lori searching through cars nearer the RV. Carl and Sophia's heads bobbed through the rows of cars, playing some game they made up, as they always managed to do.
A loud hoot split the air. Shane wretched open the back of a truck that held rows of blue plastic water jugs. One popped open, spilling onto the pavement of the highway as Shane dipped his head into the cool water. Glenn bounced on the tops of his toes as he excitedly counted the loot.
The outline of a figure atop the RV set her nerves at ease.
Being out in the open surfaced many memories of the camp. It broke back the fear, that sudden crashing tension and paranoia. More than once, she looked over her shoulder convinced there was something reaching out for her.
The CDC teased her with a taste of what it meant to not worry.
Her eyes scanned the highway.
"Laini. Hey Delaney." T called out. His voice attracted her gaze. "You good?"
Daryl Dixon peered through squinted eyes under the hot pounding sun. He looked rugged. A jug slung over his shoulder filled with the stolen gasoline they needed to survive. The man looked ready to survive an apocalypse with ease. Hardy, withdrawn, quick, skilled.
What the hell was she doing thinking she could do this?
With a baby.
It was laughable. Utterly ridiculous.
"What if the whole damn planets like this?" She retorted. "We can't go forever."
T-Dog's face fell. "It isn't like this everywhere. We will find salvation."
She shook her head. "There is no salvation. This is too hard."
"Life's hard," Daryl suddenly barked. His eyes were narrowed and squinted against the hard sun, but she felt the appraisal of his eye the same as the sun on her skin. "This is just another day to get through."
Her life was not that hard. It was not a fight. More like an annoyance, when something did not go her way or she overslept or indulged in a vice that she shouldn't.
Life and death was not her constant.
The Dixons had the opposite experience. The way life had ravaged them spoke to its severity.
"Think about it. There's gotta be places out there with no walkers," T-Dog reasoned.
She shrugged as she dropped the bag in her hand. It belonged to the mini van at her side, both doors thrown open, car seats covered in buzzing flies with no source to mention. "And if there isn't? No safe haven. No protection. No walker-free zone."
"Then we make one." Daryl was firm in that answer.
He walked off, shaking his head. T-Dog gave a pained look as he followed.
Her arms ripped open the duffel bag. Little clothes spilled from its zipped. Pink and purple shirts, dresses, little tights and jackets. A small stuffed animal perfectly white, with large black spots and two little horns on its head fell to the blacktop.
The stuffed cow blemished in the filth of the road. It stained the side of its face with dark black tar.
Suddenly, she heard the clattering of things hit the road. Noises of the group died. She caught notice of Lori and Carol dropped to the ground. They slid beneath cars.
The top of the RV was absent of its looming protector.
Laini heard the faintest of groans on the wind. She called out for T and Daryl, but they were gone through the thick tangle of abandoned cars.
The clearance under the van was short, but she dragged against the rough highway to fit.
It was not just a few together. The walkers were grouped in a huge mass that moved as one wave through an area, killing all in its path. She lost track of the number that passed the van. Their smell overpowered all else. Her nose tucked into the shirt against her chest to keep the burning decay of their rot from making her gag.
She emerged as the last of the walkers trailed down past the blockade.
"Hey. Hey, you. Laini." The softer sound did not illuminate the firm tone of his voice. "Come 'ere."
Daryl poked his head up. He was covered in blood.
Had he killed one without making them go crazy?
She followed him through the maze of cars until she saw a shiny bald head against the road. It was topped with a body.
Daryl approached and pulled the walker off of T-Dog's body. A large gash split the length of his forearm. Daryl knelt down. His hands squeezed a restrained groan from T's throat.
He ripped a loose pocket off his pants. "Don't just stand there. Put some pressure on it."
She helped by ripping off the lower edge of her shirt. It exposed the soft flesh of her belly, but it was better fabric to tie around his arm. They both worked at getting him standing.
"Just hold the wound closed. I can carry him," Daryl said. He grunted as he took more weight on his shoulders.
"You can't do it by yourself." She looped the other arm behind her neck. Her fingers held tight to the homemade gauze wrapping on the arm.
T-Dog held back his pained groans as best he could. His white teeth bit into his bottom lip to keep from crying out.
"Almost there," she assured him.
"I'm slipping," he told her.
She stepped closer and pulled him tighter.
The group is gathered at the railing on the side of the highway. They looked off into the trees.
Shane took a relieved breath when he saw her. The fear in his eye dissipated.
"What happened?" He took the arm off her shoulders and put it on his.
"Got caught on a car," T-Dog replied. "Cut open my arm."
Daryl looked over his shoulder. "What's the hold up? Ya'll taking in the view?"
"Sophia got chased into the trees," Shane replied flatly. "Rick ran after them."
After they tended to the bleeding wound on T's arm, Rick emerged from the treeline. He asked for Daryl. Glenn offered to go with, and Shane was obligated to go. He slung the shotgun off his shoulder blade.
Laini shook her head furiously. "Shane, please. Please stay," she pleaded.
He pressed a ragged kiss on her forehead. "I'll be right back. Stay close. Don't stray from the RV."
Carol whimpered. Small tears fell down her pale cheeks as she stared out at that expanse of trees on the side of the road.
Delaney hugged herself as Shane slid down the steep embankment. Rick pulled Daryl through the trees. Soon enough, it consumed them all.
"They'll find her," Lori said. "Rick will find her."
Shudders shook the woman's shoulders. All the motherly love for her daughter perched on the edge of total breakdown the longer she went without knowing. The question of what happened, where was she, would they save her? Carol let tears fall freely. Her eyes glued to the spot that Sophia was last seen. Never to be free of that image.
Lanky arms wrapped around Carl's body. Lori clutched the boy close to her side as if he, too, were at risk of being lost to the trees of the unknown. The boy held such watery blue eyes. They moved up to his mother's face for reassurance, but when there was none to be found, water of their own dripped down his freckles.
One day that would her. She would ache for her own child with a fear that she never knew.
Shane would be the man she looked to, to rectify her hurt.
She turned away from the trees. She retreated from their view.
For all she knew, Shane was the only one she'd trust to keep a person safe. Because he would stop at nothing.
She leaned against the RV with T-Dog in wait. The job she assigned herself was to keep the man hydrated. Every minute or so that he did not drink, she lifted the water bottle up.
He did not resist nor did he comment. Water filled his mouth every time.
"I'm sorry about Jacqui," Laini said gently. The loss was still fresh. One that she still failed to comprehend.
The CDC. Their hope.
It was gone. Answers to the virus, humanity's curse, no closer to their understanding apart from one solid fact.
There was no cure.
"She made her peace with the Lord." T nodded his head. The sorrow in his voice was so raw, yet there was acceptance that he already found. "I still have life to live. The Lord commands I live it until I am called."
There was a calmness in his attitude. He did not agonize like she did with what she should do or how she should live.
"How do you know? What the right path is…" He wrinkled his brow in question. Her throat was dry. "You accept what happens so easy. There is no question. Just a step forward every time. No side-step, no debate, no fear."
He swallowed. "Youth makes us question. The possibility of an entire world to be explored. Every new experience, a chance to wonder. My age has given me the wisdom to trust myself. I know that no matter what end I meet, I'll be saved."
Andrea kicked open the door of the RV. A permanent frown had taken a seat on her face. It pulled all of her features down.
Her arms crossed her chest. "They find her yet?"
"No," Laini replied.
Light blue of Andrea's shirt was splattered with specks of deep dark color. Like mud.
It was the color of the dead. Once it had coated her own hands, back at camp, when she had been forced to fight for her life with a walker.
"You alright?" She asked the woman.
Without Amy, all of Andrea's humanity was wiped clean. She was interested in guns. Obsessed with that stupid pistol her father gave her.
A gun wouldn't have saved Amy.
"Yeah." She sighed. Her eyes scanned out over the road behind them. It was empty for miles beyond their traffic snarl. "Let me know when Shane gets back. I want him to look over how I put his gun back together."
She retreated to the inside of the RV once more. The door slammed closed.
Glenn emerged first up to the highway. He shifted about. His eyes refused to look at Carol.
Laini's heart sank.
When a dark head of black waves emerged, it was surrounded by Lori and Carol. Their voices rang with questions across the highway. Shane replied in his calmest tone. His two palms were up in the air like a hostage to their curiosity. He gave orders to clear the highway while Daryl and Rick continued the search.
The angry swirl of Lori's stare followed his back as he approached the RV. She still motioned for Carol to follow. They went back to searching the cars.
"We've got to get this road cleared," Shane announced. "Just enough to get the RV turned 'round."
T-Dog pointed. "We got the gas."
Shane nodded. "Nice work. How you feeling?"
"Hydrated," he replied with a chuckle. T-Dog playfully shoved Laini's arm. "I'm good. Feeling better. Dale gave me something to take the edge off."
The action was not missed by Shane's eye. He kept his gaze there a moment at her elbow before he flicked his gaze upward to hers.
"Liquor?"
"Tylenol," T-Dog rasped.
Laini lifted the water bottle. She sloshed it around until he grabbed it from her hand. "Alright, alright. I hear you."
Dale wretched open the hood of the RV. It screeched an awful sound.
"Come on, baby. We've got some cars to move." Shane touched at her stretched-out leg.
Shane's black shirt clung to his torso. It hid the sweat she knew was there. Every muscle of his shoulders and chest was highlighted in the taut material. The tactical khaki pants hugged his narrow waist.
He led them toward a small black sedan. She followed.
His pace stopped at the driver side door. He pulled it open and rolled the window down. The actions paused when he looked at her.
"You wouldn't be up here moving cars if it was me missing, would you?" She blurted.
The height of his brows grew. He released the door from his hold.
The pair of his hands slithered around her back as he pulled her against him. He smelled strong of his musk and body spray he refused to abandon use of. It was a comfort now. Her face nuzzled into the center of his chest.
"I'd never stop," Shane promised. "You wouldn't be lost out there without me, but if you were…" Her eyes raised up to his dark pools. They were so intense and strong. "Don't think for a second, I'd let you go."
For all his qualities, the strongest one was his devotion to his people. She was his person, whether she liked it or not. He would kill anything that stood in the way of him finding her.
If it was their child lost out there, he'd go until he couldn't stand, until there was not an ounce of life left inside him.
"The longer we're here, the longer we're vulnerable," Shane whispered. "We've got to get moving. Soon."
She swallowed. "And if Sophia isn't found by then?"
His hands held the side of her face. "We go. There's no hope for her by then."
They started to clear away the debris. Some clothing, some water bottles, wares they could keep in the RV.
The sun started to set out in the distance. Pinks and reds spilled over into the blue sky, making a splash of color in an otherwise colorless world. Golden yellow and vibrant orange soon emerged. They splashed the highway in a last touch of beauty at the dwindling of daylight. Their fears of being trapped and alone on the highway momentarily forgotten.
Rick and Daryl emerged just as the last bit of brilliance slipped from the air. A growing dim swept through the highway.
Night. She shuddered. It was the cloak of cover the dead needed to slaughter them all.
Shane held tight to her waist as they walked back to the RV. It was a grip she could not pry out of.
The begging of Carol reached Laini's ears. She turned into Shane's side to hide her growing emotions regarding Sophia.
If there was no hope for a girl of about ten, how could she hope an infant could survive?
The only noise louder than Carol's sadness was Andrea's growing demand for her gun back. Dale had sneaked it away from her some time and refused to return it. The woman was irate.
A person from their group was missing. There was a real possibility that Sophia survived in those trees in the growing of night without a shred of hope to fill her heart, and all Andrea cared about was being armed.
Laini wrinkled her nose. "I can't sleep in there tonight. I can't. Not with her."
Shane said nothing about how selfish or stupid the request was. A mere hour before night was fully intact and they needed a safe space to sleep. It was stupid.
The man cleared out the back of an SUV just near the RV. The rear seats folded down into a large expanse of room for both their bodies to sleep.
She settled in against a bundle of clothing as a pillow while Rick and Shane huddled together to brainstorm the days actions, and the next day's pending ones. Her eyes drifted heavier against themselves but startled open when she noticed the shake of Shane's head. She knew that was a serious gesture of the man.
He was against whatever Rick said. Or explained or wanted to do. Shane continued the shake of his head and his hands migrated to his hips.
The friends parted. Perhaps to let the other think on what they said.
Whatever it was, it left Shane in need of a kiss. He secured them inside the vehicle with the slightest hint of warm air through the cracks of the front windows. A shotgun leaned against the back of the passenger seat.
Shane swung his arm around her body. It spread flat against her flesh as he held her.
He sighed deep. "We need to get the hell out of here."
"Do you really think Fort Benning is going to be a haven for us?"
"Guns, walls, ammunition. Provisions. It is the only smart option we have," Shane replied. "Heck, even if it isn't, it's not a bad place to settle down. Take it over. Protect ourselves with its foundation. We can't just be sittin' ducks out in the open."
There was push back to the idea of Fort Benning back at camp. Rick wanted the CDC to be their haven. It wasn't. Just as Shane warned.
They could not gamble to hope. There was no haven. No cure. Nothing that remained humanities last defense against extinction.
They were all that was left. Their dwindling number of survivors were all that held on for a shot at society. Civilization. This was the only hope they could afford.
The look of exhaustion on Shane's face was clear. It'd been a long day. Waking up in the protected home of an automated bunker, to losing someone in chosen suicide, to being trapped on a highway with no hope of escape while losing yet another member of their group to the savagery of the world.
She leaned into a gentle kiss. His warmth was subtle as it pressed into her. It was not passion nor fire that he was in typical fashion. They both wore the crushing weight of all they knew. Their chests shuddered against the strength at which they were being kicked down.
He needed something to lift his hopes, his spirits, the drive to keep them alive.
Was it stupid – or smart – to tell him of the pregnancy?
There was no chance it could come to fruition. Their lives were risked every day. An entire nine-month period on the run, scavenging, fighting to survive was not conducive for a delicate baby. Another weight for them to bear. Then came the harder life of having a crying, fussing, gassy infant attached to them. Survival, again, thrown into question.
It could not happen. They had no chance together and even less with a baby.
She snuggled against his side and closed her eyes to block out the swirling tensions in her head. "Tell me about what you'd be doing right now, if not for all this."
A sharp exhale blew from his nose. "Well, you'd probably have gotten me a dog by now. Somethin' to keep me company while you was away at school. A chocolate lab, maybe. A good huntin' dog. Big thing that was named Princess or some shit like that. You'd have one of those girly pink collars on her. Oh, I suppose you'd have to come check up on her every weekend. Make sure I can keep it tended to. The test you women like to do."
Oh, that smug arrogance was infuriating.
"Test." She said flatly.
"Yeah. The test. If I can't keep somethin' else alive that ain't me, I ain't got a good shot at getting' ya. You know? The test before you settle down."
She was rendered silent.
Laini was the type of girl who would have done that exact thing to Shane. She knew that he needed to prove himself that he was not just a roll in the bed kind of guy. A dog was genius. She'd have given him a plant to care for (all while she knew she couldn't keep a plant alive for shit).
"I had been thinking about maybe doing something different in the master bedroom. New paint. Something better than that beige stuff it had on it," he rambled. "Something pretty. You know. Make a girl want to settle down right there in that bed and never leave."
She snuggled against him to hide her growing smile.
It sounded so…domestic. Wholesome and heartwarming. Where was Shane Walsh, hardened man that wore a stupid sheriff hat around camp to establish his dominance?
He played with the chain around his neck. His fingers held the charm as it ran over each link with a soft click.
"What makes you think I'd be wanting to test you, Shane Walsh?" She taunted.
"Because I'm so irresistible," he said without missing a beat.
She released a pent-up chuckle. "You are the most arrogant man I know."
He paused. His eyes casually looked over to his side where her face was buried against him. "You know other men?"
The man's mouth grew with the largest smile. She could not help but wiggle away when it emerged. Her back turned to him as he shook with a fit of chuckles. "Aw. Baby. Come back here." His arms cinched around her waist.
He chuckled as she tried to wiggle out of his hold.
Her fight was fruitless against his strength. It pulled her backside flush with his front. He looped a leg over her thighs to hold her in place until the acceptance of his victory settled.
There were many others she could have chosen to fuck around with. She lived in a dormitory. Those were hookup central. Just a floor above her head was a buffet of dick that could have amused her for a fling.
Laini looked over her shoulder with a piercing gaze. "You were the one who kept calling me."
"I know." His breath was just behind her ear. It tickled against the stray frizzy ends of her hair. "I'd have been begging for that dog to show up one day. Couldn't wait for that text about just 'having to have it' because it was so cute, and you showing up with a little fluffy thing in a rhinestone collar or some ridiculously cute thing on it. Like a bow."
He placed a gentle kiss on her neck. It was loving and soft and moist and it almost brought a tear to her eye how kind it felt.
The man could have ripped the heart out of his chest – he practically did – with that admission.
Laini shifted. There was a piece of her that resisted being so emotionally open yet.
"I'd have liked to hang up that football jersey in the master bedroom. Get to look at it every day to remind me what kind stud I was fucking."
She felt his grin against her flesh. "Oh, baby girl. You don't need my jersey to know that. You could just roll over and find out."
They fell asleep cuddled together. His hands slipped beneath her shirt to cup her breasts in the night. She awoke with one hand beneath her shirt, the other holding her waist with his leg still slung over hers. He used his bicep underneath her head as a pillow. He'd lulled his head against his backpack.
Soft light filtered through the windows of the SUV. Her bladder burned hot, threatening an explosion in her pants if she did not go. Right now.
She rolled out of Shane's arms and slipped out the door to lean against the back of the door to pee an endless amount.
Shane was awake when she slipped back inside. His eyes were closed, but a crude smile twisted his lips.
"Shut up," she hissed.
"For once it's not me sneaking off to take a piss right away."
She winced as she laid back. A sharp ascending ache filled her back. Her hand cupped the curve of her lower back.
"Hey, baby -." He reached over to grab hold of her and stopped when she let out a howl. His forearm brushed against the tips of her nipples. The dark of his eyes grew twice their size. He went still. "Damn. What's wrong?"
"That hurt." She breathed through her gritted teeth. "I-I don't know. My nipples hurt so bad when you did that. Like fire. Christ!"
"I've been rougher on them than that before."
She cupped her two breasts in her hands. Why did that sting so much?
"You going to be alright?" He tilted his head. A ray of sunshine lit his dark hair with glittering sparkles. Deep black hair was so perfect, without effort, the man looked like a Roman god every damn morning he opened his eyes.
The lingering of her gaze pulled a soft smile from his mouth. "Nice, ain't it?"
She groaned. "Git. Git out, you!"