Hot Flashes
It felt like melting from the inside out. Her right hand clawed at her chest in a desperate attempt to force air into her lungs, her left gripped at the flesh of her stomach. Limbs flailed in a movement that made her body resemble a broken bird trying to fly.
Quickly losing the battle to breathe, both knees buckled and her clawing morphed into crawling.
The morning bird held their song and watched as her red tinged flesh made a sick sizzling sound where body met earth. A mist formed where hot skin touched cold grass. One yellow strapped sandal hung on the arch of a foot bent awkwardly at the ankle.
Her other foot dug white toes into the fresh cut grass and tried to push her body toward the house.
She barely moved an inch.
Her scream was born in her stomach and died in her throat. A moan of agony escaped her mouth in a voice that was unrecognizable to her. It took all of Usagi's strength to turn her head in the direction of the white manor where all the scouts lay sleeping after her birthday celebrations.
Her treasured heart shaped diamond glared in the morning sun as she reached out to them.
The sisters she vowed to protect. The women who tried to protect her. Her beloved Sailor Senshi.
Just out of reach.
The muscles in her arm flexed and cramped. Her fingers contorted so hard three of her knuckles popped. The black circle framing her vision began to close in. The white house was quickly becoming a blurred dot.
'Maybe this is the end' she thought, and finally her mind was carried away into darkness.
Blue eyes watched the sun bleed into a quilt of blue and purple.
She still spent most evenings on her balcony. It brought her peace to watch the violet sky melt over the identical houses of Juban. Seven months before she would have been cradling Chibi-Chibi to her chest while the little alien babbled about her day. The child would chat with a fistful of Usagi's hair as her plaything and then eventually nod off to the third or fourth song on the Starlights album.
When Chibi-Chibi was finally asleep Usagi would start her nightly ritual: an hour of reading the latest romance manga, followed by a recap of her day in a letter to Mamoru, and then an attempt at homework before she fell asleep at her desk and sleepwalked herself to bed.
Nowadays, with her life having more fantasy in the last two years than any of the black and white panels she'd once devoured, she preferred to watch the mundane lives of her neighbors.
Mrs. Yamamoto was right on time for her and Mrs. Soto's weekly walk. The young mothers wore matching yoga pants and pushed their newborn daughters while they giggled and gossiped about the other women in their Mommy-n-Me class. Shoyo, Ryu, and Asahi from the middle school soccer team were taking their usual route home from a game, dropping off a member of their squad after every few houses.
This would be the last round before the next wave of people returned home for the night.
Usagi turned her head to yawn and in the fraction of time before it took for her eyes to fully close-the darkness consumed her.
Cement slabs of sidewalk cracked like gingerbread.
Her hands flew to her ears at the hollow thuds of a town of bodies hitting the ground, like a god strumming their fingers on a table, bored. In that single second of a nightmare she could see Asahi, the captain and goalie collapse onto the asphalt, his energy drained away, his sunken cheeks evidence of a freshly stolen star seed.
The kitchen kettle whistled downstairs as her mom made chamomile tea and suddenly she was back. Asahi had one finger of his oversized goalie glove balanced between his front teeth, as the other dug in his black sports bag for the keys to his gate. She stopped her body mid-shudder and turned away from the street and the vision she knew was no longer real.
The weather was too warm, even for the end of May in Japan. Spring was quickly losing it's battle to a stronger Summer.
She raised the back of her hand to rest on her forehead. It felt warm. Ever since the spring solstice her temperature rested at an even 101 degrees. She had considered talking to Ami's mom, Dr. Mizuno, about it, but other than being slightly warm to the touch she felt fine enough to not worry the others.
An all too frequent sigh slipped past her lips. It was nothing. Her hand moved instinctively from her head to her neck and massaged the growing knot there.
The sun had fully set a while ago. It was only 8pm and she was exhausted.
Most of her manga was under her desk, conveniently covering a few world science and political theory books no one but her knew were there. Any onlooker would guess that the room was still belonging to that of a child, and they were not completely wrong. On the outside she still had the body of a young girl even though her battles had aged her quickly.
It would be just over thirty days until she turned seventeen.
Usagi breathed another deep sigh and looked up at the stars beginning to emerge in the sky. Many times she had wished she was the naive fourteen year old for whom the stars were just stars and the moon was just the moon. Even now, there were times, she almost dared to wish there was no kingdom, risen, fall, or ever to be.
A few hours before she had helped her mother wash the dishes while Shingo played video games and her Dad went to his office to finish up an article.
Mama Ikuko no longer paused at Chibi-Usa's mug and didn't even bat an eye at Chibi-Chibi's favorite teacup. Usagi didn't know exactly how the magic of their past house guests distorted her mother's memories and frankly didn't want to know. Her mother was lucky. How do you explain the feeling of having a sister who's really your daughter and a kinda adopted daughter who really is the human manifestation of your future self's soul…and then suddenly losing them?
She closed her curtains.
The moon usually gave her comfort, but tonight was a waxing crescent. Tomorrow would be the first month of June, her birthday month, and worst of all: a new moon.
During the last new moon a strange feeling creeped over her. She felt far from herself. Usagi plugged in Chibi-Chibi's nightlight. The yellow bunnies that it reflected on her ceiling helped, but they couldn't shake her from feeling that one day the darkness would last longer than the night.
She hoped tomorrow would be different.
The ending of May into June was supposed to be an auspicious time. Last Saturday, Rei's fire had told her that her birthday would be surrounded by good luck. She bought a lottery ticket that same day and won ten bucks, and after Rei took her fortune teller fee Usagi had just enough to get a milkshake at the arcade. She pinched the skin between her index finger and thumb. It was a nervous habit she had subconsciously picked up a few weeks ago. Seventeen was another year closer to twenty two. Meaning one less year before she would take on the full public responsibility of being a world leader.
"One birthday coming up and a thousand more to go."
She clapped her hands together and looked around her room. A few months ago, cleaning would be the last thing Usagi would do on a Friday night, but Ami was volunteering at the hospital, Rei was coordinating the Spring musical, Makoto had the late shift at their local flower shop, and Minako had a volleyball game. They were all busy making the best of their second to last spring of high-school.
Her hand strummed on the stack of manga books she had collected over the years. An orange haired princess sleeping in a bed of yellow peonies looked up at Usagi from one of the glossy covers.
Minako and her would sit in her room with cookies, two glasses of milk, and two copies of whatever the manga club was reading that month. She had told her mom it was a book club and in a way it was.
"I would die a thousand deaths for you. Oh my GOSH. I haven't heard a guy tell me that since my last last audition and the guy looked more like Umino than Motoki!" Minako looked off into the distance and pressed the open book against her chest as if the words would dissolve into her heart.
"I know Mamoru would do the same for you."
Her hair flew up around her as she flopped onto the carpet beneath her. Usagi giggled and reached for another cookie. Her smile softened a bit. It would be more romantic to not die at all.
Millions, maybe billions, of people on her planet wished for what she had. Power. Love. Near Immortality.
Every character in her stories was fighting evil, fighting for their true love, but conflict was the last thing she wanted to think about these days.
Usagi had fought enough for three lives. She had seen her battles in each lifetime, and luckily though her past, and future self had been defeated, the present one had always won. She was in the epilogue, the "Happily" right before the ever after.
"Usa would you relax? You're freaking out because there's nothing to freak out over. This time the scariest thing is going to be school midterms, and that's o.k." Rei had placed a good luck charm in her palm and squeezed her hand reassuringly before pushing her toward the shrine exit.
"Grandpa can't keep up with all the chores like he used to, so if you're not gonna pick up a broom then hop to it!"
The head priestess of Hikawa shrine had woken up at dawn and chanted for two hours when she received a late night call from Usagi about her troubled sleep. Her fires had told her nothing, in fact they blazed with a comforting strength and a fierce love, not danger.
Usagi exhaled again. Chaos was defeated. Seiya and the others had gone home. She was supposed to be happy.
Mamoru would be going to Harvard next week to start summer courses and catch up on some of the work he had missed during his "disappearance".
The room was finally clean so Usagi collapsed against the pillows. It was quiet. Luna had gone to spend the night at Minako's to be with Artemis.
Her eyes closed and Usagi felt the familiar headache start right between her temples. There was a feeling that gnawed at her every time she took a moment to rest. It was a tightness different from what she felt whenever a new enemy appeared. She had stood over Ami's shoulder for thirty minutes while the genius scanned for threats on her mini computer. Haruka had looked a bit concerned when Usagi asked over dinner, but Michiru confirmed that all she saw were still waters in her mirror. Yet the feeling remained.
Something was going to happen.
She could never remember her dreams. Last month as the new moon approached she'd wake up in sweat, but for what reason, she could never remember. Maybe there was a flame? A light? Maybe it was the sunlight pouring into her room and she had dreamed of nothing at all. It had driven her to start waking up earlier. After a life on the moon and 17 years of earthly living…Usagi had become a morning person. Luna was impressed more than she was worried. The cat watched her rise as the sun did and purred proudly.
"You're finally becoming the Queen you're destined to be."
"No Luna, I'm finally realizing breakfast tastes better when I don't have to scarf it down."
These days she would be dressed and sitting in her uniform before Mama even knocked on her door. She wasn't afraid, she looked death in the face and survived, every damn time, it was more of an annoyance. Usually the monsters never took this long to appear. And yet there were no suspicious news reports.
"You're interested in crime in the neighborhood? Worried about our home value?" Papa chuckled into his latte and scarfed down the eggs his wife had just placed in front of him. Usagi lowered the papers low enough so he could see her roll her eyes.
"Is it my fault that I'm a concerned citizen?"
There was always nothing. Not even the occasional burglary or home invasion.
This time, whatever it was, she was becoming more sure it wasn't coming from the outside.
Whatever clouded her daydreams, muted her manga fantasies, and stole the sweet taste from even her favorite desserts, was the sickly feeling that this time-the bad feeling was her.