Cassian made a beeline for a miraculously unoccupied table. A group of patrons were just leaving the premises and had left a table open. There were several low stools around it, enough for the four newcomers.
On their way to the table, Jyn observed that her companions greeted a few of the other customers, no doubt acquaintances from the city. To her, the concept of staying in the same place for a long period of time was nonexistent since she was eight. The cadre changed quarters often, in order to be much more difficult to locate by the enemies, and besides, Saw expressly prohibited fraternization with the locals during the short time they remained in a place. That constant change, added to her own emotional isolation inside the guerrilla group, created in Jyn a feeling of uprooting which her eventual abandonment by Saw and complete state of loneliness, getting by exclusively on her own, had only increased. To her, almost all faces had been unfamiliar everywhere, and she didn't feel inclined to get to know anyone, not even her employers, bosses or work mates in the places she had to stay for a while in order to earn a living. And as for her clients for sex, she hardly looked at their faces or talked to them as a principle. That way it was all much more impersonal, more detached, just a mechanical process, and it was easier to push all those unsavory deeds behind and carry on.
They reached the solitary table at one end of the premises, next to a wall, and sat on the stools surrounding it. Cassian chose one of the stools from which the crowd was most visible, and Jyn almost smiled because it would be precisely what she herself would do, out of habit. When one was constantly watching their own back, it was an instinctive gesture.
She liked the fact that he'd offered her the other stool placed next to the wall and facing the crowd, so she also could keep an eye on their surroundings if she wished to.
One could never be too careful and she felt satisfied that she and Cassian were on the same page in that regard. He seemed to wordlessly understand her need for keeping at least a modicum of control in the situation, should trouble arise around them. Her attack on Coruscant had left her very raw and even more on guard than before. She had berated herself harshly those past weeks for her misstep in judging that young bastard Imperial, which had led to her rape. As a bit of a self-absolution, she had been quite sleep deprived, hungry and tired and therefore her usual sharp awareness had been significantly diminished, and that thug had taken advantage of her weakness and been able to trick her.
She shook once more that dreadful night from her thoughts and focused on her present company.
"Well, what's that you were so eager to tell us about?," Bix asked Cassian without preamble, getting to the point, as they were all taking their seats around the table. Soon a server would come to clear and clean it and take their orders.
Cassian smiled excitedly. "I've had a great stroke of luck," he stated, straightforward. "The less relevant news is that I've made a very good deal and I'll be able to settle all my debts. Bras, I'll finally pay you the credits I owe you. Consider it a reward for being such a generous friend."
Brasso snorted. "Indeed, getting my own credits back is such a touching reward," he retorted sarcastically. Jyn and Bix chuckled and Cassian waved a hand in mocking dismissal.
Right then Jyn caught an exchange of knowing glances between Cassian and Bix which made her feel an unexpected and uncalled-for stab of jealousy. She identified the feeling instantly despite never really having experienced it before. That disturbed her a bit. She and Cassian had been acquainted for just a few days. Where had that inopportune feeling come from?
Jyn had the impression that the pair shared more history between them than a simple lifelong friendship. Surely they had been involved at some point, even if they weren't currently. Either way, it wasn't her business, she reproached herself firmly.
Bix was a beautiful woman who evidently wasn't a stray or an occasional whore. Of course a man like Cassian would have lost his head for someone like her.
Watching a bit more attentively, Jyn realized that she wasn't truly jealous of Bix, because she sensed that, if there had been something between them in the past, that had fallen behind.
It was the fact that they'd shared something special, like some couples did. Like her own parents had.
Jyn hadn't ever had any of that. That had been snatched from her since an early age. Since the moment she was turned into a pawn of the war machine. Since the moment she'd lost her innocence with a total stranger taking possession of her body at barely sixteen.
"Are you okay?," Cassian asked softly. Bix and Brasso were staring at her with mild concern, but Cassian's expression was openly worried.
Jyn blushed and nodded, staring at her feet. "Yeah, it's nothing. Don't pay heed to me." She forced a smile. "What's the more relevant news, then?," she asked, deflecting. She could tell that she hadn't fooled Cassian, because he didn't look convinced, but he seemed to let matters be. It wasn't the time or place, with an audience before them. And besides, what was she going to tell him, a man she'd met barely a week ago? Cassian, I just feel terribly wistful because I'll probably never be able to have what you've obviously had with Bix, because I'm so tainted and used, and I've been deprived of love for so long, that I'm not sure I know anymore what that is, how that feels.
Definitely that was not a viable topic of conversation. Not then, not ever. Perhaps that night out hadn't been such a good idea after all. She couldn't allow her vulnerability to be exposed in front of other people, no matter how well intentioned, who ultimately didn't know her.
She felt her hand being squeezed softly under the table, and oddly instead of wishing to stand up and run, she felt comforted. It was as if Cassian was sensing her troubles and conflicts, although he of course ignored the vast extent of her emotional wounds, but he somehow understood, she knew.
Her incipient panick attack was subdued to the point that she could breathe easily again, and she recovered her composure quickly, to her immense relief. If Bix and Brasso had noticed the undercurrent, they tactfully didn't comment anything.
They looked like people who understood that everyone had their own demons. They most surely had their own too.
Cassian resumed smiling, this time more widely than before. "I've found my sister."