Chapter 82: The Princess and the Bounty Hunters:
Barber's POV:
I was cutting a man's hair. He had a lot of hair. It was a typical day, but then I saw Jujunga, an Australian Aborigine marksman whose primary weapon is a flute (didgeridoo) that acts as a blow gun. Then I saw the Twins, I and Am two humanoid cats that seem to 'share the same mind' who constantly finish each-other's sentences and talk in rhyme. Then I saw the Gentleman, a handsome and polite southern man who specializes in knives. Then I saw a mysterious fellow. I know nothing about him. Then I realized my client was...
"Borrris, biggest, baddest, bounty hunterrr of all!"
He then left.
Jujunga's POV:
We all met with each other in an isolated cabin.
"It seems we have amassed quite a committe," says I.
"...but only one of us can claim this bounty," says Am.
"It seems that the one who goes first will have the best chance of collecting everything," says the Gentleman.
Boris spits.
"I have come here before everyone," I said, "I will go first."
Jujunga's Plan:
He has no chance against the power of Jujunga. As the Samurai approaches, I shall sit by the roadside, playing the flute. He will pause a moment and listen to the beautiful sounds. Slowly being lulled into false security. At the moment he is at his most vulnerable, my trap is sprung. My flute is really a blow gun, with darts dipped in the most lethal of poisons.
The Gentleman's POV:
"This bounty will be mine," says Jujunga.
"You will fail," says the Stranger, "your plan is flawed."
"How, it has never failed me before!"
"The Samurai's senses are too acute, he will hear you take a breath before you fire and then dodge it completely. You wouldn't stand a chance."
"The Gentleman must reluctantly agree with our mysterious friend. You lack a certain style of savoir faire that is required for this particular bounty. Whereas I, on the other hand, have all the wit and penach necessary to take on such a worthy advasery."
The Gentleman's Plan:
For I shall meet our most studious of samurais out on the field of honor in a duel. A duel of epic proportions. It is true, the Samurai has great skills that no one can deny, but on this day, my friends, it is the Gentleman that will prevail for my talents are far supior and my strategy is as sound as I am elequent. I will take advantage of his intense consentration and split his focus, forcing him to choose between life and death. My cloak acting as shield and decoy for the coup de gras. Now, I'm not one to brag, but but I must say, my blades fly faster than any bullet. He will not be able to escape them. I assure you, indeed. This bounty will be mine.
I and Am's POV:
"It is defenitly the end for you!"
"Pardon me?"
"He is too disciplined to fall for your tricks. Your decoy alone is not strong enough."
"A stylish plan, it sounds indeed..."
"...but he is right. An attack like that will not succeed."
"Listen to our plan..."
"...then you will see..."
"...It is I..."
"...and Am who will claim this bounty."
I and Am's Plan:
As the Samurai enters the town...
...we will wait for the final showdown.
Concealed we will be...
...a surprize he will never see.
I will attack from the rear...
...and Am from the Sun will apear.
A thousand balls will fall from the sky...
...in his confusion, the Samurai will surely die.
Boris' POV:
"You're on the right track, but the two of you can never defeat Jack. Jack is cunning and hard to restrain, by leaving him his sword, he stays in the game."
"Bah, enough with this kitty talk. Borrris is best. Bounty belongs to Borrris!"
Boris' Plan:
Little Man is koming. I do not wait. He will attack with sworrrd; it brrreaks against my belly. Then I will brrreak him! Brrreak him! Brrreak him! Brrreak him!
The Stranger's POV:
"That's how Borrris gets the bounty! Any questions?"
"Have you always been this stupid," I asked.
"Yes... Wait, what?"
"You've underestimated your oppontent. You have no idea what you're up against. You will all run head into Death!"
Boris then decides to attack me, but I overpower him.
The Gentleman then compliments my skills and wisdom and asks me to reveal my true identity. I then removed my helmet.
"A woman," asks Boris. Boris then tries to attack me again, but I defeat him.
"Oh my," says the Gentleman.
"I am Princess Mira of the Andaluvians," I said.
"I've heard of her," says Jujunga, "she's powerful."
"Is she the one who captured that guy on the planet..." The Gentleman asks.
"Yes."
"Oh my, she is good."
"I have more power and skill then all of you," I said.
"It seems her tongue bites as hard as her stick," says the Gentleman.
"But even I cannot defeat the Samurai on my own," I said, "the only way to defeat him is to join forces and attack him together. All at once."
"A wise and powerful plan this would be..." says I.
"...but who is the one to claim the bounty," asks Am.
"I am," I said. None of them liked that idea. "Silence! I must claim this bounty! But not for the money! For freedom! The freedom of my people and my kingdom. Aku has enslaved my nation for many years. Plundering our wealth and resources. I will collect this bounty and for payment, I will ask for my people to be freed and my kingdom restored. In return for your help, I will pay you the sum of the bounty plust tenfold!"
"My, my," says the Gentleman.
"That is much money," says Boris.
"Her land has priceless resources," says Jujunga.
"Prrriceless," asks Boris.
"So it seems," says the Gentleman.
"It seems to me..." says I.
"...that Boris does agree," says Am.
"What is plan," asks Boris.
. . .
We were then beginning the plan. Am was in the trees, watching out for the Samurai. The rest of us were digging holes to hide in.
. . .
We were then waiting. To past the time, the Gentleman started singing.
The Gentleman: My horse is kicking dust up off the trail
I'm just getting back from a trip to heck
My six gun she's strapped by my side
Thunder is the horse that I ride
And it seems to me this is one hell of a way
For a man like me to earn that pay
Outlaws on the loose
Running, running from the noose
Blue steel flashing, hot lead flying
I wonder what they feel like when they're dying
Someday soon it might be my turn
Is it worth the money I earn?
And it seems to me this is one heck of a way
For a man like me to earn that pay
Outlaws on the loose
Running, running from the noose
I'm a bounty hunter, I'll hunt you down, yeah, I will
Did you know $500 will get your head blown off?
It will, ha, ha, ha
Blue steel flashing, hot lead flying
I wonder what they fell like when they're dying
Someday soon it might be my turn
Is it worth the money I earn?
And it seems to me this is one heck of a way
For a man like me to earn that pay, yeah, yeah
Outlaws on the loose
Running, running from the noose
Outlaws on the loose
Running, running from the noose
I'm a bounty hunter going to hunt you down!
"Are you done," asks Jujunga.
"He's coming," says I. He probably got the message from Am. We then went in the holes.
. . .
We then waited and the Samurai arrive, and we ambush him. I was able to grab the sword but Jack grabs it back and throws him aside, knocking him out. He then injures Jujunga and slashes the chain. The Gentleman attacks Jack but he is able to dodge both his cloak and daggers and takes him out. I then took a swing, but he broke my sword and my mask. Am throws his bombs at Jack but he catches them and throws them at Boris who is then caught in the explosion. Jack then defeats Am. Now, it is just me. I took out a dagger and I was going to face him myself, but I already knew I could not. Just like I told everyone else. I then admitted defeat and the Samurai leaves.
LXXXII
In the next chapter, Jack, Jill, and Peter save an alien prince and princess.