Lissa Graymark
"Alec, I need to talk to you," I knocked on Alec's office door.
As soon as my fist made contact with the door, I was suddenly whisked away from the institute hallway.
Max crawling to Izzy's room. Blood soaking through her carpet.
"Oh, God! Max, can you hear me? Max! SOMEONE GET A MEDIC! Who did this to you? No!" I screamed as I was pulled away from him. I gasped as I slipped backed into reality and the vision cut off.
"Medic!" I gasped, stumbling into the wall, "Medic help."
"Milady?" someone stepped into my line of vision.
"Isabelle Lightwood's room," I grasped onto their arms, "Now. Tell the medics to go ASAP."
"Are you o-" she tried to ask me.
"GO!" I interrupted her with a shout, causing several glass windows to shatter. "Oh no," I whimpered before I hurried into my office, to grab my tablet. I then hurried to the medical room where I hoped Max was located.
"You found him?" I asked the shadowhunter closest to the entrance.
As soon as he nodded, I rushed inside to find the cot that Max occupied.
"Did you use an Iratze rune?" I asked the medics tending to him.
Despite their nod, I quickly drew one as well. My runes have always been stronger than others but right now, they didn't seem to work at all.
"Give me a moment," I quickly closed my eyes and grasped his head.
Sana eum. Sana eum. Sana eum.
What I didn't realise was that Max's eye lids had burst open and began to glow gold as he began to seize.
"Your majesty, stop!" I suddenly heard as I was shaken from my reverie.
"Why didn't it work?" I asked in disbelief as I let go of Max, "It always works!"
"Your magic was too strong," she began to explain to me, "It couldn't find the specific parts of his head at risk…" I stared at her in fear as she continued, "-it tried to heal too much in one go."
"Will he be okay?" I asked, grasping Max's limp hand.
"We'll try our hardest, your majesty," she nodded solemnly before placing her hand on her chest and bowing slightly. I nodded, allowing her to leave to return to helping Max.
L: Starts to cry when she looks down at her bloody hands.
How could someone do this to you? Why you Max? I stared at my bloody hands in growing horror. What did you do? What did you find? I caught sight of my tablet on the table by the door. You're not getting away with this. I ignored the flickering lights for the first time today.
Institute lockdown.
CONFIRM.
Perfect.
"What happened?" I suddenly heard a rush of voices enter the room.
"I don't know," I heard a voice respond, "I was notified when I was on my way to my room."
"Oh, my God..." I heard Clary's voice join in the fray, "Max..."
"What did you do?" I was suddenly shoved from Max's side, his hand slipping from my grip.
"Izzy, stop!" Alec said as he stopped me from falling on my face. "We should send him to Idris. See what they can do."
"Why didn't you see this sooner?" Izzy ignored her brother as she continued to unleash her fury at me.
"Iz, stop!" Clary stepped between the two of us.
"The medics said that in his condition," I steeled my face, refusing to let my hurt show when this was her baby brother on the table. "-he won't be able to survive the transfer."
"Max..." Jace panted as he ran into the room with Sebastian on his tail. He grabbed my hand as he joined me by Alec's side. "We were going to check the Institute's security camera footage but we couldn't get clearance."
"Here," I said, handing over my tablet, "I've watched it already, whoever attacked him is somehow covering their tracks."
"Has he been able to talk?" Sebastian asked me.
"Not yet," I shook my head, "He was unconscious when he was found."
"I don't understand," Clary thought out loud, "Who would want to hurt him?"
"I don't know," Alec seethed, "But I'm going to find out."
"Hey. Hey," I massaged his shoulder, "Calm down."
"Izzy's right," Alec shook me off, "If you had seen this sooner, we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Look," Jace said as he released his hold on my hand, "I'll get Robert and Maryse here. The rest of us..." he looked at everyone apart from me, "-we'll find who did this."
"Yeah, I'll stay with Max," Sebastian said, "If he regains consciousness, perhaps he can ID his attacker."
"I'll stay a bit longer to talk to the medics," I added in.
My heart dropped as they all turned away from me and left the room. I don't know what was wrong with me but I quickly burst into tears.
"Hey, hey, this isn't your fault," I couldn't help but sigh in relief as Sebastian hugged me. I wasn't alone. "It's okay."
"They're right…" I sobbed in his arms, "If my powers were working properly, I could have seen this earlier and prevented it."
"We don't know that…" he soothed me.
"Seb, I can't control my powers!" I stepped away from him and began to pace up and down the side of Max's hospital bed. "The potion has made me access too much of it in one go! I can't control it."
"I see… Here…" he held out another vial to me, "I was actually on my way to you anyway."
"Why do you have this on hand?"I asked him in confusion as I took the vial from him.
"I saw the crack in the pillar in the hall and figured it was you."
"Thank you," I weakly smiled at him before downing the drink.
"You okay now?" he asked me, placing his hand on my cheek.
I let my eyes shut for a brief moment. But doing so allowed my mind to quickly flash to the time when he kissed her. The thought of it made me step back and away from his grip. "I'm fine. I just…" I indicated to somewhere behind me, "I need to talk to the medics."
I hurried away, not even bothering to hide that I was rushing out of the room. I rushed back to my room, ready to get out of my bloody clothes.
His blood is on your hands. You can wipe and wipe and wipe away but if he dies… it'll forever stain your hands.
No.
Your friends will hate you. More than they already do now…
No.
You won't have anyone… You don't deserve to have anyone.
No.
You deserve to be alone! Because you're a monster. A monster who will kill. A monster who must be k-
NO!
I screamed as all the mirrors and glass in my room suddenly shattered. I stared around in horror at the destruction I had caused. I dropped down to the ground, aiming to pick up some of the mirror shards. I flinched back in fear when I caught sight of my reflection.
Why was I drenched in blood?
No. No. No.
"Alicia? Alicia!" I heard a voice filter through the darkness, "Are you alright?"
"Yes…" I mumbled as I was helped up from the ground.
"What happened in here?"
"What do you want Sebastian?" I barely even flinched as the furnace was suddenly set alight.
"Clary asked me to grab you…" he hesitantly told me. I nodded, barely looking at him as I headed out of the room. "Are you sure you're fine?" he asked me when he finally caught up to my speed walking.
I didn't respond. I hurried along, wanting to get to the meeting as fast as possible.
"What did you find?" I asked Clary and Jace as we got there to see Alec approaching.
"The box my mom used to keep Jonathan's things in," Clary informed us.
"It was right where Izzy found Max," Jace continued to inform us.
"I remember Max had his eyes on it," Alec said, "He was so determined to prove himself..."
"It's possible he found a way to use the box to track Jonathan," I said.
"Wait," Sebastian spoke up, "-all of this would mean that Jonathan found a way to get inside the Institute without us even knowing."
"Well, he's Valentine's son," Jace looked across the table to Sebastian and I, "We were trained to do the impossible."
"If Jonathan attacked Max and he came for the mirror..." Clary paused as she stared around worriedly.
"He wouldn't have left here without it." Jace nodded to himself. "Alec, he could still be in the building."
"Listen, we have to confirm he's still inside," Alec told them.
"We saw what the real Jonathan looks like," Jace informed him, "He will be glamoured as one of our own."
"Hiding in plain sight," Clary agreed.
"Okay," Jace nodded.
"Okay, Sebastian, I want you and any other personnel on supplemental guard duty." Alec started ordering everyone around, "Effective immediately, the Institute's on lockdown."
"The institute has been on lockdown since Max was attacked," I spoke up for the first time in a while.
"Why am I only now hearing about this?" Alec turned to face me for the first time. His face slipping into a grimace as he snarled at me, "I'm the Head of the Institute."
I straightened my back, standing up to their annoying attitude for the first time today, "And I'm your future Queen-"
I ignored their flinches as the walls of the Institute shook with the thunder that suddenly crackled across the sky.
"Calm down," Seb grabbed my arm, whispering to me, "You're okay."
"What was-" Jace started to ask.
"We'll need to fortify security outside as well," Sebastian cut him off. "I can spearhead that team," he said to me.
"No I have it covered," I responded to him.
If the others are going to ignore me, I think I'm petty enough to do the same.
"If Jonathan's still in the building, he's not getting out alive."
After calming down from one of my many episodes that day, I went to go find Alec. I felt bad for exploding at them earlier. Especially because I could have actually blown them up.
"Alec!" I called out to the handsome giant, "I'm sorry about what happened in there."
"I'm sorry too…" he sighed, turning to face me, "I didn't mean to accuse you of-"
"No. It's okay…" I frowned at him, "I should have seen it."
"If you can't see revolt in the Downworld, how were you expected to see this?"
"Al-" I was speechless.
"Did you know Magnus and I broke up?" he cut me off.
"Alec, I'm so sorry-" I stepped up to hug him.
"No," he said, sidestepping me, "If you were sorry, you would have told the Downworld you had the sword the whole time."
"It needed to be kept hidden," I argued, "I couldn't go around telling-"
"They always told me I took my duties more seriously than anything…" he shook his head in disappointment, "-but you're on a whole other level."
"They're the Mortal Instruments!" I shot back at him, "Protecting them and keeping them out of Valentine's hands are more important than-"
"Than what? My relationship with Magnus?" I flinched as he glowered down at me, "If you'd have stayed around and focussed on the negotiations rather than searching for Valentine, maybe we wouldn't have a revolt on our hands."
"Alec, I'm sorry. But it's not-"
"No," he responded to me firmly, "I lost my relationship with Magnus for you, the least you could do is save my little brother…" he shook his head in disappointment, "-but you couldn't even do that." I watched in despair as he walked away from me.
"I'm not even sorry for returning the sword to the Clave."
"You did what?" my mouth dropped open in shock.
"They can protect it more than you ever could," he smiled smugly at me.
"How did you find-"
His smile dropped as he confessed, "Jace helped me…"
I didn't think my stomach could have dropped any lower. I was wrong.
"Jace-"
"And you didn't even realise…" he shook his head in disbelief, "What's the point in you being the Visionary if you can't even see things?"
Before I could let my sad thoughts overwhelm me, my anger took over at a faster rate.
"Jace, I need to talk to you," I demanded to my boyfriend as I stormed up to him.
"Not now!" he barked at me, "Jonathon has the Mirror."
"No," I snarled at him, "-he doesn't."
"It's gone from downstairs so he's got it."
"Jace just stop!" I stepped in front of him, stopping him from walking away from me, "He doesn't have the bloody Mirror. We need to talk."
"Since when have you cared about the Mirror less than anything else," he asked me incredulously.
"Since Alec-" I pointed a finger in the general direction Alec was in the Institute, "told me you took the Sword and gave it to the Clave."
That stopped him from leaving, "He told you-"
"How dare you betray my secrets!" I snapped at him, batting his hands away as he tried to grasp my arms, "What if I was right and there's a mole in the Clave? The sword will go missing soon-"
"You and your trust issues," he scoffed.
"My trust issues?" I backed away from him, "What does that mean?"
"Don't think I haven't noticed that you've been holding me at a distance!" he crossed his arms, "How are we supposed to be in this relationship if you can't even trust me?"
"Well it looks like I have a good reason for not trusting you," I scoffed.
"If anything it's me that shouldn't trust you," he argued back.
"Oh…" I sarcastically laughed, "You're gonna scream at me about my powers not working, as well? How I failed at not seeing Max's attack?"
"No," he shook his head, "I'm talking about your kiss with Sebastian."
"Oh my god…" I ran my hands through my hair, stopping myself from pulling at it, "You're mad about him again? Because he kissed me? You hear that? He kissed me. I didn't kiss him. I knew I couldn't trust Clary to keep her mouth shut!"
"Well right now she's more trustworthy than you," he concluded.
"Of course you'd say that!" I mumbled.
"And now we're back at this?"
Of course he heard that.
"You keep bringing up Sebastian! Why can't I bring up Clary?"
Okay. I'm being petty but I think I deserve it today.
"I don't love Clary!" he practically yelled at me.
"Since that day in the Seelie Court, I've tried so hard to believe your words," I tried to calm my thoughts, "But your actions just go against you…"
"What actions?"
"You know what actions!" I couldn't hold the sob in as Jace flinched away from me when another crack appeared in a nearby wall. That must have made him feel guilty because he tried to come over and hug me. This time, I sidestepped him, refusing to look him in the eye, "The whole time we thought you had demon blood, I never flinched away from you. I was always there by your side, never stepping away. Good to know that you can't return the favour."
I couldn't stand to look at him any longer. I was ashamed to say that I ran away. Something that I've become familiar with in the last couple of days.
I can't do this anymore.
No one trusts me…
I'm all alone.
No one is by my side because I am a monster.
I caught sight of my reflection when I finally got to my room and screamed at the sight of the red eyes and messy hair that stared back at me.
Why are my eyes flickering gold? Oh god…
Alicia…
No. No.
Alicia…
I don't want this anymore.
Alicia…
Leave me alone.
Alicia…
Please!
The voice was silenced.
"The Lightwood boy died…" I heard a whisper outside my door.
"He didn't make it?" someone answered.
"No."
"The family are in mourning and the Brothers are being called for soon."
No… Max. You didn't deserve this.
I'm sorry Max.
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.
I'm sorry that I didn't see the attack before it happened.
I'm sorry for not being able to heal you…
I'm so so sorry.
You can heal him…I heard a hiss in my head.
He can still be saved.
You didn't try hard enough.
Try it again…
Save him.
Save the boy, let him live.
Save him.
With that last thought, I emerged from the shadows of the medical room. It was as if I couldn't control my own body's movements. Heal him…The command was drowned out by drumming and the sound of trumpets.
"What are you doing here?" I distantly heard a voice ask.
I stepped through the bodies and made my way to the corpse of the poor boy.
"Princess… Stop." I heard a command in my head, almost strong enough to stop the compelling order in my head.
"What's wrong with her?" I again heard.
I quickly held my hand up, stopping the person from touching me. I flicked my fingers and felt their presence disappear from behind me as they were pushed back by an invisible force.
"Why are her eyes glowing gold?"
I ignored them and softly stroked the boy's hair, "You didn't deserve this. Fate called you too early…"
"What is she saying?"
I leant down to the boy's ear as the drumming got even louder.
"Someone stop her!" I could hear the sound of rushing footsteps and the crash of the bodies against the barrier I'd erected between us and them.
"Come back, little one. Your queen calls you back for service on Earth…" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the drumming, the trumpets, even the choir and their bells suddenly disappeared as the little boy woke up with a sharp gasp.
Just as he woke up, my eyes burned as tears began to fall down my cheeks. I could feel nothing as the pain got too much, cutting me off of the living world.
Alicia…
Alicia…
I told you to stop…
Alicia.
Stop or it'll be your-
"Princess," I could hear Brother Enoch's voice in my head, "Wake up."
"Brother Enoch?" I asked, my eyes remaining shut. "What happened?"
"You brought the boy back to life…" my eyes flashed open as I gasped when the memories returned to me, "You needn't worry, I told them that the boy didn't die, it was just a slow-acting remedy and only your presence activated it."
"Thank you Brother-"
"You cannot use those powers again!"
"Why-"
"Those powers are that of an Angel's. Without the angels blessing to use them, you will be using your life force rather than that of your angelic grace in your blood."
"But-"
"You will die if you do not heed my advice. Without you, the Shadow World's royal line will end and balance will be lost…"
I nodded slowly, "I won't use them anymore. I promise you, Brother Enoch."
With that, he gave me once last nod before bowing and making his way out.
I must have only been left alone for a minute or two before I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in."
"Hello, Princess…"
"Oh Magnus," I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at the sight of the bedazzled High Warlock of Brooklyn.
"Alec told me about the Sword and the…" my smile dropped at his pause.
"The what-?" I asked him.
"The news about your Thrice blessed blood," he announced to me.
I felt my face begin to redden as my anger started to overwhelm me, "He had no right-!"
"You brought him back to life-"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," I shut him down.
"Alicia," he smiled his most comforting knowing smile, "My darling…" my heart warmed at hearing a warm tone for the first time in a while, "-this is me."
I nodded with a grudging smile, "It's true."
"What was that man thinking?" he spoke his thoughts aloud, "Putting so much angelic blood in a mortal's body can make your body burn up or your powers to-."
"Go crazy? I know…" I lost myself in the memories of the horrors I had done recently.
"Why are you here, Magnus?" I asked when I broke out of my thoughts.
"The Seelie Queen knows about your blood…" he informed me, "It was her that told Luke and I…"
"Of course she knows…" I said, rolling my eyes, "And?"
"She's spread the rumour around Downworld." Fucks sake. "Everyone knows-"
"And how are they taking it?" I got straight to the point.
"In their regular fashion…" he rolled his eyes in exaggeration, "They want to kill you."
"I saved their lives and this is what I get…" not believing what I was hearing.
I guess public opinion quickly changes with them.
"Your power scared many Downworlders that night. I'm sorry…" he backtracked when he saw how tears started to form in my eyes, "Many people are scared-"
"Of me?" I asked tearfully.
"No. No. Of course not…" he tried to reassure me, "They're scared of you being in possession of all three Mortal Instruments."
"They don't have to worry," I turned away from him, not wanting for him to see how weak I had gotten, "Alec and Jace went behind my back to return the Sword to the Clave. I'm no longer in posession of it."
"Oh…"
"You can leave now…" I dismissed him, moving to lay on my side. "I wouldn't want you to be scared of being in my presence."
"Princess… I'm not-"
"Just leave Magnus," I firmly stated, "Please."
"Very well," I didn't watch as he left, choosing to listen to his footsteps as they receded from my bedside.
"Hey," I chose to ignore the voice in favour of continuing to cry.
"Hey. What's wrong?" Jace asked me as he tried to hug me.
I scrunched my nose at his actions, choosing to push him away.
"Don't touch me," I croaked as I stared at a single point on the wall behind his head, "I'm a monster."
"No. Lis. Never." he firmly stated.
"Leave me alone."
Please stay.
"I promised to never leave you and I'm sticking to that promise."
My breath hitched as I turned to look him directly in the eye.
"You know…" I whispered hoarsely, "-when you told me that we would always have each other's backs, I never thought you'd go against your promise. I've never felt more alone than how I've felt today."
I forgive you. I know why you did it and I don't blame you.
"I'm sorry, Lis. I didn't mean anything I said," he reached over to grab my hand but I pulled it away before he could taint himself.
"I'm sorry," he reached over, pulling me into a hug. "So sorry," I didn't stop him, knowing it would be one of our last, "I'm sorry."
"I didn't think you would betray me again but you did," I told him quietly, my body limply being held by him, "After the trouble with the Cup, I never thought it would happen again but you just keep defying my expectations." I schooled my face, not letting him see my emotions as I pulled away from his embrace, "We can't be together anymore."
I wish we had spent a longer time together. It was the happiest I've ever been.
"What? Lis-" I pulled away from his reach, not letting him grab ahold of my hand again.
"No matter how much we twist things, we always end up in this cycle of hurt. I don't ever want to get to the point where I hate you more than I love you. And know this Jace Herondale, I love you so much." I leaned in, kissing him lightly. "I love you so much that I'm willing to give you up so you can have a happier life."
I love you so much. You're the first and only person I've ever loved. I wish that during the brief period of time that we were together, I hope you felt how much I loved you.
"I don't have a life without you, Lis. Please don't do this."
"I don't think I can handle another heartbreak, Jay."
And you don't deserve the heartbreak that you'll suffer at my side.
"I'll never hurt you again Lis. I-"
"Promise?" I cut him off, smiling distantly at him. "That look you gave me today… Your fear… It… It broke my heart and I don't think you can pick up the pieces this time, Jay."
I wish you a long and happen life, Jay. Even if that means that you don't spend it with me.
"One more chance, Lis. Please. Just one more."
I'm sorry Jay.
"I'm sorry, Jace."
I love you.