Chapter 6
The Plan Goes into Motion
Anne led the way back to the portal connecting Earth to the Boiling Isles. Marcy and Sahs followed her, along with a gaggle of witches. They were helping to support Marcy, whose body and mind were feeling a little lethargic after so much magic and information overload.
I hope that Mr. X is going to be okay with all of this. I don't think he was exactly expecting us to bring back so many… Aliens? Nah, witches, from another world. Thinking about that, she turned to Luz and said, "Uh, Luz, Mr. X and Terri are pretty chill and all, but I'm not sure how others are going to take the news that there is a magical portal connecting Earth to the Boiling Isles. Do you have a plan for explaining that?"
Eda tapped Luz's ears. The girl giggled and she cast a spell to create an illusion giving herself the classic, pointy ears that everyone else seemed to have. She passed her fingers through the illusion and assured Anne that everything should be fine.
"So long as Mr. X and Terri don't have an ear fetish, I think we're going to be fine," Luz said. "Besides, I can also use a hat to help cover them up just in case."
"Or they can respect personal space," Amity said pointedly.
"Like I was saying, these guys are pretty cool. I just want to make sure that we don't kick off some black ops war between our two worlds. I mean, it sounds like we've already got a lot to sort out that we aren't even responsible for, but-"
"But if we've got to save the world, we're going to do whatever we need to do," Sasha said heatedly. Marcy went woozy next to her. "Buck it up, Wu. This is why you should check with us before you start listening to dreams and mixing crazy potions."
"Even though she got it all right," Hunter mused. "The more I think about it, the crazier this all gets. We're dealing with individuals and powers that once almost destroyed the Isles! And now we're jumping in because we've been convinced by a truth potion, a dream, and a communication with people from another timeline. This is like the fourth book's cliff hanger from Cosmic Frontier…"
"Ooo! Ooo!" Gus gushed. "When Captain Avery received a holocall from his alter ego from another dimension and he wasn't sure if the other Captain Avery was from the Shadow Universe or from another alternate dimension. He had to determine if the other captain was lying or not. His solution was so awesome!"
"Titan alive! Why didn't we think of that sooner?" Hunter gasped, smacking his forehead.
"Um, care to catch us up on nerdy things that only our parents would know?" Anne asked. She glanced at Marcy, hoping for an explanation.
Marcy shrugged and said, "Sorry, Anne. I'm way more into the fantasy side of things. And I was always more enamored with the underappreciated elements of applied technology and spiritualism from Cosmic Battles. I wanted to make those light swords actually work. I even have a schematic that might help…"
Gus stepped in and quickly explained, "Captain Avery, a hero tasked with exploring the deepest reaches of space and uncovering its secrets, discovered all kinds of crazy things. He found out there were other dimensions, other realities, with people like him! Only, they weren't him. There's one version of him who was evil but pretended to be good.
"So, what Hunter here is getting at is how do we know that this is all okay? I am impressed that a regular human like Marcy could mix together a potion from ingredients she's never seen before."
"If you knew Marcy, you'd know there is nothing regular about her," Sasha muttered under her breath.
"But how do we know that the whole potion, and its resulting spell and abilities, were not a cunning lie. If someone can reach across dimensions and dreams, they could be just like Captain Avery's evil doppelganger who tried to fool the captain and crew. And he almost got away with it, too. But Captain Avery managed to get the guy to reveal his true intentions by asking him to do something."
"What did he ask?" Anne asked, unsure of how this would help.
"He asked the other Captain Avery to insult their mother," Hunter said excitedly.
"What?" everyone said together.
"It was brilliant!" Gus explained excitedly. "Captain Avery had a great relationship with his mom and would never say a bad thing about her! So a guy who might be Captain Avery in appearance could still be a bad guy, and only a real bad guy would badmouth his own mother!"
Anne winced hearing that. There was something off about that logic, but rather than insult a story these two guys were passionate about, she replied, "Well, we can't exactly ask King Andrias a question to prove if he was being sincere or not."
"He was," Marcy said sleepily. "I felt it. It was the same sensation like when I was using that potion…"
"Potions can have all kinds of weird side effects, kid," Eda told her. However, she lad a friendly hand on Marcy's shoulder. "We'll recreate the potion and do some experiments. For right now, we have a destination. I think it's better that we check out what is going on. Even if this is some elaborate trap to get people from different timelines together, we stand a better chance working together and going together.
"And aside from that," she said, winking to Luz. "We have some tricks of our that we can use in a pinch. Don't underestimate the girl who took down Belos."
"I really wish that said something to me, but it doesn't," Sasha huffed.
"Maybe not," Anne said diplomatically. "But I agree with Eda. We should all come together. With Sprig and the others and reconnecting our worlds, we should be enough to stop whatever is coming. And that sounds like the plan anyways. We got a lot of worlds and timelines to save!"
The portal was still there. Anne breathed a deep sigh of relief. At least one thing was going right since going on this adventure. Her birthday was taking a ton of crazy turns. First her old friends came back to celebrate with her, then Mr. X and Terri had revealed this incredible portal device only for them to arrive at the Boiling Isles instead, all before Marcy got high on magic and they got to have an interdimensional phone call with Sprig.
What time was it anyway? How could that much be fit into just one day!?
This has been one heck of a birthday! But if we can link up with everyone, we'll get this sorted out, Anne told herself. The biggest concern I have with all of this is who we are working with. I get that Marcy very likely had a real dream where she got to talk to Andrias. And I do trust her. But it's hard to imagine that people pulling the strings to all of this would begin with someone like him and expect us to blindly trust. I mean, even the potion could be wrong, right?
Eda does have a point. If we're all together, then we're stronger. But that could also mean getting everyone together that the enemy wants to destroy! And besides, we don't have our awesome girl magic powers anymore! It just feels like a ridiculous order… Like someone wants to ensure that we are all together, no matter what.
Anne's concerns and thoughts were interrupted by their arrival at the portal. Thankfully, it was still up and everyone poured on through. Mr. X and Terri were bickering with each other, clearly arguing about the fact that it was now evident that the portal did not lead back to Amphibia.
"Girls! Whew, good to have you ba-! Woah, woah! Who are the aliens?" Mr. X asked.
Luz squealed. "Okay! This is awesome! The FBI does have their own supernatural investigations department! It's just like the Q Files!"
"Please," the lead agent said, shaking his shiny head. He wore an annoyed expression as he said, "Don't lump us in with the likes of those far-fetched fantasy novellas. They don't even get close to the real thing like what you see here!"
Gus and Hunter were already oohing and awing, poking around everything.
"Please, be careful! This stuff could cause a small nuclear explosion or potentially collapse all of known reality!" Terri exclaimed.
Willow used her vines to pull the friends back. "Calm down boys; we'll have plenty of time to explore. I hope."
Terri next shot a warning look at Eda and King who were getting dangerously close to dismantling some very shining pieces of equipment. But Marcy and Luz were not paying any attention.
"X! You've read the Q Files! That is so nerdy of you!" Marcy laughed, regaining some of her strength at the sound of something she knew.
"You've also read it? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Luz sputtered excitedly. "It's such a funny series! And I love my Trick-Naomi ship! The new OTP for sure."
"Seriously?" Marcy laughed. "Naomi has no interest in him whatsoever! He's a slacker who always manages to rope her along for all his adventures. She's way too smart for him; it'll never work!"
"A girl can dream," Luz said defensively.
"What is this about a new OTP?" Amity asked. "And why haven't you told me about this series?"
"Well, uh… You see, it requires some previous knowledge of-"
"Like I said, it is silly and has no real bearing on what is happening here," Mr. X said sternly. "Again, Anne, girls, what is going on?"
Sasha deposited Marcy on a chair and turned to explain to him, "The portal got tampered with by some other people from a different timeline. They want us to get in touch with the Pines family and said you should know about them." The look of incredulity that crossed Mr. X's face confirmed that he did indeed know them. "And Marcy made some crazy potion using stuff from their world, and now we're back here."
Anne began filling in the other details, helped along by Luz and the other witches. Mr. X quickly got over his shock and regarded the newcomers curiously. Learning about other worlds such as the Boiling Isles had him fascinated, and the possibilities that magic all entailed would of course be worthy of the U.S. governments considerable funding and intellectual investment to further investigate. However, X contained himself as he listened and observed.
Meanwhile, Marcy directed Terri in how they could get the portal running properly to connect with Sprig and the others. Anne assured Mr. X that it was imperative that they all meet up. This was not just some nice birthday present anymore.
"Like we said, this could mean the end of the world unless we get everyone together and prepare for the Archivists' arrival. Based on what these guys know," she said, gesturing to the witches. "The Archivists are extremely powerful and even helped to almost wipe out a very powerful species called the Titans."
"That's me!" King said happily.
"And you're the very last one?" Mr. X asked carefully.
"Yup! Uh… Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Just making mental notes."
"Well, you can look somewhere else to make your mental stew and whatever mental dissections you have in mind for my son," Eda said firmly. "Because I'm not going to let anything bad happen to him! Or you won't like to see me angry…"
"Fascinating!" X said happily, pacing about. "Granted, it's kind of bad news to hear that another alien species, one with presumably enormous magical powers, is coming to Earth to conquer it, but that means that all of my preparations will pan out! No more having to answer ridiculous questions to old farts at Congress! Woohoo!
"Ahem!" he coughed, quickly regaining himself. "But first, I'll need to make sure that we get in touch with the Pines. I'll see about trying to smooth things out before you really meet them. Let's just say they are a real handful."
"Well, that comes second," Marcy interjected.
Sasha grinned. "Yeah, first we make sure that Anne really gets what she came here for. Hit it, Terri!"
Anne turned around excitedly. With the musical coordinates from Marcy, and the portal properly reconfigured, a bluish-green disc of energy appeared. It split like a curtain to reveal three familiar faces.
"Anne!" Sprig shouted, leaping through the portal.
Tears spilling from their eyes, the friends caught each other and embraced. Anne felt like a boulder had dropped out of her heart. It had been years since they parted, and the fear that that they might not ever see one another again had been an incredible weight. At one point, it felt crushing, but she had grown up and accepted it. But holding onto Sprig now, warts, slimy skin, and all, a new reality crashed down on Anne and banished all the concerns and bittersweet bonds that she had carried.
"Sprig," she said, trying not to sob. "I know it's only been a few hours, but how are you?"
"Doing way better now that we're back together, bestie!" he said happily. "A nifty portal without the music box? Nice! Good going Terri, Mr. X! This is going to be so much fun!"
"I don't really consider saving the world fun," X said, adjusting his glasses. "However, I will admit that it is a little tantalizing."
"I feel like we've stepped into someone else's story, and I'm not really sure what to make of it," Eda remarked, joining the frogs. "You three all look like wonderful snacks, but don't worry, I won't harm ya. Eda's the name, teaching and stealing stuff is my game!"
"Ooo, we're going to get along so well together," Maddie said happily as Ivy shook Eda's hand. "Working with other accomplished witches will be a dream come true!"
"I'm so excited to see how frogs use magic," Luz said excitedly.
"We'll have to see how well our magic works over there and theirs here or on the Boiling Isles," Hunter observed. "Our venom sacks and connections with our palismen allow us to perform magic on Earth, even though the Titan's presence, blood, and bone have no influence here. I suspect it's the same over on your world."
"Amphibia," Sprig remarked. "We have plenty or corpses all over the place, but I can't say anything about Titans."
"I can confirm, there is an absurd amount of dead bodies all over Amphibia,' Sasha replied.
Willow waved an unconcerned hand. "Pssh! That's nothing! Our entire world is built on one giant corpse. King's dad, actually."
"Yup! And one day I'm going to be as big as him!"
The other humans and frogs all shared confused glances, though Maddie cackled, "Wonderful! I bet I could get all kinds of rare and powerful ingredients over there!"
"While this is all very interesting and heartwarming, I will remind everyone that the only reason why we are gathered like this is because someone wants us altogether to save Earth!" Mr. X said loudly. He clapped and said, "Chop, chop! Let's get down to business. I need to get ahold of the Pines and let them know that we are coming over." He pressed a button on the ancient landline at his desk and said, "We are going to need a jet to get us to Gravity Falls, asap! X over and out."
"I can't believe this is all happening," Marcy said dreamily.
Anne took a deep breath and asked, Sprig, "Hey, it's been a long while since I last breathed swampy, alien air. Care to give me a tour of the place you guys have been excavating?"
"Sure thing! Though it's probably more musty and cold than the warm, swampy goodness of Wartwood that you remember."
Sprig led her through the portal against X's protestations, and they were followed by some of the witches and Sasha. Stepping through the portal incurred a swooshing sensation that tickled Anne's stomach. As she stepped into the cavern, she was immediately taken aback by the large, sharp statues of massive monsters.
"Scholars will be debating what all of this means for a long time," Ivy said. She pointed up to the ceiling, "But that large snake there is probably the big bad of this chamber, even though it was the pyramid buy who was given prominence."
"Why do you say that?" Anne asked.
"Dunno. Fighter's instinct, I guess," Ivy said with a shrug.
Sasha gave a sharp nod of agreement. "This place gives me the creeps, especially this pyramid dude here, or whatever he is. But you're right… The way that snake is looming over everything and everyone definitely marks him as the biggest of the big baddies. I wonder why anyone even made this place."
"That's what we're trying to figure out," Maddie said.
"Dude, you missed your calling an archeologist or something like that," Anne said, tapping Sasha on the arm.
"Nah, give me brats to reform any day of the week. That's more concrete than all the guess work around here. Besides, Marcy has the brain for this kind of stuff. Too bad Marmar is so conked out by that potion right now."
"Woah… No way!" Gus yelped, drawing everyone's attention. He pointed to figure carved into the wall. A rotting corpse with long horns protruding from its skull. Anne would have figured it was a bad rendition of wendigo, but that the witch whispered, "Belos…"
"This is Belos?" Sasha scoffed. "He looks like you could have broken him with a punch!"
"No, this guy was bad news. He took over the entire Boiling Isles and tried using this one spell to kill all the witches in one go. And the worst part was that so many witches went along with it because they thought he was saving them from stuff called wild magic!"
Hunter followed Gus and was then joined by Willow, Amity, and Luz. The witches went into further detail, recapping what they needed to for the frogs, telling them the story of how Belos overthrew the natural order on the Boiling Isles and rose to become an emperor, conquering and slyly subjugating the entire populace to his dastardly plans. They detailed the horrors of experiments, his mind control and perverted possessions, his petrification of enemies, and the genocide he wrecked across an entire continent.
Sprig and Anne could empathize. Though the girls had shared their own off world experiences in some detail, the two best friends recounted the horrors wrought by the Core and how it directed the Newtopian Empire to wipe out entire worlds. How it too had possessed, schemes, slaughtered, and wasted entire worlds all in the vain glorious attempt to become a god.
"You know, we're waaaaay too young to have all fought against megalomaniacs and world-destroying villains," Luz said with a weak laugh. She gave Amity a side hug and wore a sad smile. "And to think that we're already back at it again…"
"We should get paid for this, I swear," Sasha muttered.
The tense moment and grim memories were instantly shattered, and everyone laughed. They needed a moment of levity.
Eda walked through the portal and said, "Your X guy has gotten in touch with the Pines. I didn't realize I would have to meet my ex so soon."
"Whatever will Raine say," Willow teased.
"I'll try to get them to come over as soon as possible. That blue-haired scientist said they could open the portal again if needed. We just have to supply coordinates. I have no idea how that's supposed to be done, but I'll trust this bunch of eggheads!"
"I can send a message spell ahead for you," Amity offered.
"Thanks kid!" Eda said appreciatively. "Any way, I guess it's time to get going. There'll be more time to talk and catch up. It sounds like there's a lot for us all to discuss."
"Yeah," Anne agreed, looking down at Sprig. "Let's keep catching up along the way. Like, how is Hop Pop's avocado farm coming along?"
"Anne," Sprig said with grave solemnity. "The old frog is freaking millionaire."
Back in the living room with the same ancient TV and armchair, still filled with bits of the undead and Grunkle Stan's old baseball bat, the Pines and their allies gathered around to plan their next step. Collector floated towards the television and began flipping through channels, snapping his fingers. Mabel took her place on the rug near Grunkle Stan and across from Wendy and Dipper sitting on the stairs. She watched them hold hands and sucked in a squee.
Yes, it was silly to still get excited about her twin getting together with his first crush. Statistically speaking, that almost never happened, and when it did there was a 50/50 chance that it would end horribly. She had read that along with all the exact numbers and science in Awkward Romance Weekly, a brilliant magazine that more weebs desperately needed to read.
Nevertheless, she would always root for Dipper, and he was being such a good man supporting Wendy in her search for her mother.
I know, I know, I know that this is supposed to be another quest to save the world and defeat cosmic villains, yada, yada, yada! But this could be the event that seals the deal for these two! And we get to work with our younger selves, too. It will be good for any other Dippers we might meet to know that there is some hope for even a nerd like him!
Well, there had always been hope for Dipper. He just needed to get hid head out of all those conspiracy theories and breath in the fresh air of reality. Then he would have seen far earlier that he was a catch. Their battle with Madladl and Wendy's creepy ex Mark Epstein had jumpstarted a process that might have taken way longer under normal circumstances.
But… That was apparently a battle orchestrated, or at least set into motion, by the Tscheapwhetzar interfering in their lives.
Mabel resisted shaking her head as she thought resolutely, No, Mabel! Trust to love! Everything will work out just fine!
Grunkle Ford, battle worn and exhausted, ran a hand over his face and coughed. "Well damn… I wish I was at least thirty years younger."
"I could help you out with that," Collector offered, snapping his fingers again and switching the channel to cat lovers' reality show Lifestyles of the Meow and Furry.
Ford's expression was wary as he answered, "It's fine. I'll manage."
"Then why bring it?" Collector giggled. "Humans are so strange. They're always making wishes and saying things that they don't actually want. It makes them hard to play with sometimes. Just do what you want to do! Er, so long as it doesn't make others feel bad!"
Mabel cringed inwardly at that addition. The Collector seemed like a good kid, but according to everything they had learned, he hadn't always been that way. It was clear that he was trying to change, but Mabel could only imagine what was really running through the mind of a guy who turned everyone on an entire planet into puppets!
"Well, just because I want it, doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do," Ford clarified. "I meant it as an expression that I'm just getting too old for this sh-"
"Get on with it, Fordsy!" Stan snapped. "We aren't getting any younger!" He winked at Collector. "I might take you up on that offer! Especially if we meet any cosmic babes out there! Trust me, there's only so much you can take of kraken women before-"
"Now who is wasting time?" Ford fired back. He returned his words to the others and continued, "Okay, so we conferred with the strange frog girls and witches."
"And my ex-wife!"
"But now we need to ensure that we can have stable communication between ourselves and all the other timelines. We've been given some of Time Baby's powers to use, but it will need to be harnessed and directed, otherwise, we'll cause a time paradox and call all kinds of unwanted attention onto us."
"I thought that Time Paradoxical Removal doofuses were all gone since Bill incinerated them," Mabel said.
"Never count out time travelers," Ford harrumphed. "For people who are supposed to be committed to the immutable flow of time, they sure love breaking the rules to ensure their own ends. Especially people fanatically dedicated to the Time Giants."
"It's a good thing that those guys usually stay to themselves," Collector said. "Otherwise, the Archivists and Time Giants would have torn the universe apart fighting each other." He snapped next to a rerun of The Duchess Approves.
"You know, that kind of reminds of the plot for Guys in Drill-Oriented Robots Fight for Freedom," Soos said knowledgably.
"Really? What's it about?" Wendy asked.
"It's about a group of freedom fighter who use robots with magical drills to go into space and fight these other dudes who use god-drills to determine the fate of the universe. Just like it says in the name."
"Soos, that couldn't be any further off from the problem at hand," Stan said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Look, we know what is happening," Dipper interjected testily. "We need to connect all the timelines that are going to help us fight William Cryptic. By communicating and sending what support we can, we can coordinate a three-armed pincer to pin down the bastard, save Wendy's mom, and save Earth from the Archivists."
"Precisely Dipper, thank you!" Ford cried out. "Our younger selves from 2012 must meet up with the young version of Anne, Sasha, Marcy, and Luz right after their own victories to unite the element of hope, according to the Tscheapwhetzar's notes."
"Hope! Ha! It's just like fantasy attribute of charisma," Stan said.
"They'll need it," Ford said gruffly. "They will have arguably the hardest part of this whole mission: finding Wanda Corduroy and discovering a weakness that we can use against William Cryptic. They'll gave even more ground to cover than us, because we are just gunning to kill the guy in the here and now, if we can."
"Of, we will," Wendy promised, her eyes becoming like daggers. "That monster trucker is going to get what's coming his way for what he did to my mom and my whole family!"
"I didn't think you would censor yourself at a time like this," Stan laughed.
"Stan, dude, there's a kid in the room," she said, thumbing at Collector.
He now switched the channel to Glamor with Grenda.
"Ah, it's so nice to see that Grenda is still happily married to Marius," Mabel commented. She shook her head. "No dumb Mabel, we have work to do! Alright, Grunkle Ford, we know what each group is supposed to do! We don't need to keep repeating it. We just need to know how we're going to set up this time-space-telephone thingy. So, what do we gotta do?"
"I'm going to work with Soos to reconfigure all the equipment that we have downstairs to handle the pressures and computations of communicating across space and time. I'll also give McGucket a call and have him do what we can to assist. In the meantime, we're going to need more magic to help blend so much raw power to something mechanical. Mabel, I need you to pay another visit to the unicorns."
Mabel grinned maliciously. "Perfect. It'll be great to go back and remind those stuck-up ponies who's a good girl! This girl!"
She pointed to herself before high fiving Soos and the Collector.
"I have no idea why we're celebrating, but I'm here for it!" the kid said.
"Dipper, you should accompany your sister," Ford suggested. "Watch her back, just in case. Meanwhile, Stanely and Wendy, I need you both to brush off your thieving and sabotage skills."
Wendy and Grunkle Stan shared a cold grin between each other. Dipper recoiled slightly. That was a look that said that something big and explosive was about to happen. Whenever Stan and Wendy went on solo outings, they usually left a swatch of collateral damage behind them. There was that time they had broken into the Gravity Falls Central Bank to get back Grunkle Stan's questionable pack of cheerleader collecting cards. Wendy had accompanied him because he promised to let her drive and use explosives.
The most recent incident had involved taking to outer space and hunting down a superhuman warrior with a half-shaved haircut who had busted up Wendy's hovercycle. Apparently, it ended with them reigniting a sun and there was no more superhuman warrior with a silly haircut. And it also stopped a civil war for some reason? Mabel didn't really understand it, but she had full confidence in everything Grunkle Stan and Wendy told her.
"There's a time dial deep within the Crawl Space that was carved to help the natives understand the past and future to avert natural disaster," Ford explained. "However, it was taken by the gnomes and hidden in one of their shadier businesses deep underground."
"Say no more, brother mine," Grunkle Stan replied, cracking his knuckles. "It's going to be a piece of cake!"
"You should all get going then," Collector said, flipping the channel to watch Cash Wheel.
"Hey! What are you going to do?" Mabel asked.
"I'm here as backup," he answered. "Don't you remember the notes? Maybe we do need to keep repeating the information…"
The Tscheapwhetzar's notes did say that they would need to rely on Collector to get a lot of the trickier stuff to done to help their allies across the other timelines. And his magic would be crucial to keeping things together if their line of communication started unraveling for any reason. The biggest problem was the other Archivists. If they learned in any way that the Collector was working against them, they would use their incredible powers to invade Gravity Falls and the vale would not stand a chance.
For now, he was just going to watch television until they absolutely needed him. A trump card up their sleeves. However, Mabel didn't like leaving a kid out of all the fun. Plus, it might be a good idea to keep an eye on this monster and assess for herself just how reformed he really was.
"Collector, you're coming with me and Dipper! You're going to learn how to deal with stuck up unicorns and learn the difference between substantive sparkles and synthetic sparkles! It's important education for any growing kid," she said assertively.
"I really don't know about that," Wendy muttered.
"Awesome! I'm coming!" Collector gushed. "There's nothing good on the TV anyway."
Ford nodded to them all in turn. "Excellent. We have our assignments. I know it feels like we are flying by the seat of our pants, but this is an important step forward. Let's get this done and quick!"
"Huzzah!" everyone shouted together.
"WAAAAAA!"
"Oops," Soos said with a wince. "We just woke the kids."