Galvanizing Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

23. Act 1: Frostbitten

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

This is not the finale of Act 1! I simply was not able to fit everything in one chapter like I had hoped as a chapter of 45,000 words was far too much. So, it will be broken up between chapter 23 and the true finale, chapter 24. I apologize for the inconvenience of my previous statement, but good news is I'm very ahead of schedule for the true finale because of this!

Now let's get're done, everybody!

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Chapter 23: Frostbitten

"How long is forever?" Asked Alice.

"Sometimes just a second." Responded the White Rabbit.

-Alice in Wonderland

Charlie POV

One Week Later

Sweet Apple Acres

"Are ya listenin' to me, Charlie?" Applejack chides out as we're gathered out front of her house, stuck out in the cold once again.

I can't fuckin' wait for this winter shit to be over with after this weekend… Celestia better get her ass into gear and make that sun singe my pale asshole into a pile of dust or she's going to get a very strong worded letter from yours truly.

"Hmmhmm yeah, every fuckin' syllable…" I yawn out tiredly as I sip from the last jug of that reserve.

"Then what did Ah say exactly then?" She inquires with a dubious lifted brow.

"Something about grabbing sharks and lifting with your knees?" The sound of my voice grows more annoyed as the seconds pass, the freezing wind doing no favors for my mood.

"The what in the what?" she shakes her head, and the look of distaste grows on her features, "No! What Ah said was, we need to mark some trees in the orchard that are gonna be chopped down fer winter wrap up."

"…uh, what did I say?" I murmur as the buzz of this morning binge starts to weigh on me like an anvil.

The earth pony's lip curls as she watches me take another gulp of this answered prayer of a brew that has saved my sanity for the duration of this week. Finding this alcohol has been one of the best things to fuckin' happen here in quite some time and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest neither. Seriously, if I had to go through another one of Twilight's nagging rants without it, I'd have done something quite rash as some civilized folk might say.

And don't even get me started on the Sugarcube Corner and those pesky fuckin' bakers. I tried my best to be smashed before I show up to that fuckin' shitshow for a reason. The reason being a certain pink cretin who has more unbridled energy than the Tasmanian Devil on crack. Though I shouldn't really complain too much, it's not like I really remember what I did half the time I was over there anyways. As I said, when I get smashed I get smashed. The same could be said on Rarity's day too. I specifically get a hazy image of those gifted bran muffins and her shaking an angry hoof at me for tracking mud inside.

Huh, I'm sensing a pattern here…

A pattern I have no intention of breaking on Applejack-offs day either.

"Ah get that you really missed the booze, but don't you think it's time to take a… little break from it? You've been nursing on it like a filly since we found ya." This complete knob head sputters out like she knows fuckin' everything.

My eyes snap down to her with loathing as I wipe my wilted mustache of the precious, limited liquor that had dripped down.

"Oh boy, here we go… Now ya did it…" Spike mumbles to himself who is sitting about a yard away on the frost covered porch fearing the same conversation I had with him yesterday was about to begin once more.

I jab my finger into her chest, and she unsurprisingly doesn't even look fazed, "Hey, I don't go to your fuckin' job and knock the dicks out your mouth. Okay? I'm fuckin' here and you didn't have to twist my nonexistent foreskin over it either so start acting grateful because I could be soooooo much worse and you know it."

"You'll barely be standing by noon at this rate." She says adamantly as she watches the liquid in the jug slosh slightly.

"She's right, Charlie, you started pretty early again this morning." Spike announces reluctantly with his head in his hands.

"Oh fuck both of you in the ass. It's bad enough I still have to deal your walking tumor of a sister is living in my house rent free, so don't you start getting on my case about this now. I don't need a fuckin' ensemble of cunts directing me on how to live my life every fuckin' day." I point at the two of them menacingly, "If either of you bitch at me one more time about my one and only true love, I'll start marking my scent on every goddamn apple tree and gemstone between here and Celestia's unshaven cunt. Got that? Need it in writing just in case?"

"Ah just-" She groans softly and shuts her eyes a moment in frustration before she looks at me once more with softer eyes. "Are ya sure yer gonna be okay to handle today? We've got a lot of work to do is all I meant by that, Sugarcube. Ah don't want ya getting' hurt out here on my account."

I sneer as I start stretching like an 80s exercise tape, "Puh-fuckin'-lease! I've been pretty much juggling and balancing on one leg slammed rebuilding that shithole you assholes sometimes get cupcakes out of for two days in a row without even breaking a sweat. I'm pretty sure I can handle a couple hours of hard fuckin' labor, Applejack."

"Heh, Ah suppose that's true…" She says aloud as she scratches at her blonde mane. "Ah've never seen somepony carve at the speed you do especially with how much you were consumin', that's fer sure. You must have been seein' double too."

"Triple actually, fuck you very much! Though, you'll have to thank the tools for that one, bumpkin. For whatever reason, it felt like that mahogany and Oak was made out of butter… took me a couple of tries to get used to it to the feeling to be honest. Fuckin' magic bullshit…" I shrug as I finish up my last stretch as I give her wiggling eyebrows, "Speaking of butter, kind of like the one you churn with Big Mac all throughout the day and night if you know what I mean."

"Your imagination continues to boggle the mind, Charlie." She deadpans with as she looks back to the house impatiently. "C'mon, Mac, what's takin' ya so long… Granny was only in the kitchen."

I let loose a mock gasp, "You don't think he's making butter with her instead now, do you!? I knew he liked them older."

She openly gags as the image no doubt worms its way into her head, "I'm not even gonna humor that one with a response."

"snirk You already did…" I snicker as I crack my neck and look towards the tree line, "So… why are we doing this again? Shouldn't we wait for, you know, the Spring to march out there? Snow sucks King Kong balls, bro."

"It's so the plantin' team know which of em are dead to knock down and replant in a couple of days. They'd start choppin' down all the live trees if we didn't do it and we sure as batter on a funnel cake ain't lettin' that happen again." she grows a thousand-yard stare as she recalls the past, "That turned into a long summer…"

"I can only imagine." I lament as the density of the trees seems to quadruple as the seconds go by. Or is that just the alcohol… "So what? We're just gonna trudge through the forest like assholes feeling up trees to see if they're still kicking or not? That doesn't really seem that fuckin' efficient to me especially since, you know, they kinda all look dead right about now."

"Yer right in that regard, sugarcube, we have a much better way to go about this than that. The orchard is fully mapped on a grid of when theys were planted and how long they've been around. You see Apple trees only last about 30 years or so, but we've got so many that we need ta replace a few patches every year." She elaborates as only every other word seems to make its way through the fog surrounding my mind.

"So, I'm guessing we're going to have to march God only knows how far to reach them, right?" I say annoyed at the prospect of wet socks being in my near future.

"Yep!" She gleams quickly.

"Wonderful…" I say disillusioned as the bottle sways it's way to my mouth.

"Oh, hush! It's not gonna be as bad as you might think. Thankfully, Granny seemed to keep the trees in neat groups when she was in charge around here back in the day so it should be easy peasy. There are trails all over the place that should take us exactly where we need ta go lickety split." She explains and she nods over to the side of the house. "We're gonna be using that sled over yonder to haul everythin' we need, and we should be done by the end of the day if not sooner."

I follow her motion to indeed see a sleigh that would be very reminiscent of one of those arctic sleds that mush dogs pull without the dogs mind you. I'm sure with how things have been going around here that'll be my job. It was stocked full to the brim with all sorts of shit like blankets, paint buckets, baskets filled with what looked like snacks and the sort, and of course some tools. One being that double sided ax I've been quite acquainted with already as I chopped enough wood with it to make Abraham Lincoln blush.

"We normally would have had these trees notched by now for Winter Wrap Up, but…" She looks out at the tree line with me, "We were kinda waitin' fer you to do this…"

I blink as I realize what she just said, "What? Why the fuck do I always get the shit end of the stick with this family! I know slavery is illegal around here, but you fucks are seriously dancing on a very thin line using me like you do."

Her mouth twists as she looks at me, yet her face remains neutral, "Well… It was Big Mac's idea and I'm inclined to agree with em. We could definitely use another stallion who knows how to… scuffle should the need arise."

"What? Why the fuck would you need someone like tha-"

"Applejack!" A sudden voice yells from the front door and I we all swing our head around to see a worried looking Big Mac poking his head out, "Ah need yer help in here!"

"What happened!? You've been in there longer than an alligator seepin' in a bog!" She exclaims.

"It's Granny! Just c'mere Ah need another hoof!" He shouts again and quickly runs back inside.

Applejack simply sighs, "What now…" She looks at me, "Can you start pulling out the sled and getting' ready while Ah go see just what in tarnation is goin' on in there?"

"Oh, we both know what's going on in there. Big Mac just wants someone to watch…" I giggle out as I watch disgust worm its way back onto her face.

Her eye twitches in response.

I wave my hand dismissively toward her with rolled eyes, "I'll fuckin' handle it, asshole…"

She was about to give her thanks when a muffled scream of agony could be heard making her quickly run inside after her brother without another word leaving me and the cunt sandwich who I've been going out of my way to avoid out in the cold together.

"So, we're getting this sled then?" Spike asks with a hopeful smile I'd say more than a few curt words.

"That's what it seems like…" I murmur as I start to make my way over to the shitty thing uncaring if he was following or not.

"Hey! Wait for me!" He shouts out letting me know that he was.

I simply grumble silently as I reach the front ropes of the sled and get a grip on them to start pulling it. Spike at this point had hopped onto the back and peaked his head over the front with a devious smile. He grabs onto the ends of them and flicks them like reins as he looks at me with a smirk.

"Giddy-up, Charlie! Daylights a burning!" He gleams waiting for a reaction that never comes.

Groaning silently, I pull the slack out of his small, scaled hands kind of roughly and loop the rope around my shoulder to heave it forward without even so much a glance. With as much shit that was piled on top of this thing, I'll definitely say it moved a lot easier than I had first thought as the thick snow made it slide around like lube on my Johnson which was a pleasant surprise.

A sad huff catches my attention and I look over my shoulder to see Spike leaning against one of the front tacks with a somber look while he stared down at the moving ground silently. He was no doubt upset I hadn't taken his bait to start a conversation as he had been trying to do for a few days now. I shook my head and turned once more as I start to berate myself over really nothing.

You'd think the little shit would take the fuckin' hint by now, but no, if anything it's made him try even harder. Stubborn fuckin' shit nugget…

You see, I haven't really been talking to him since our little shouting match back at Rarity's and that's for a good fuckin' reason too. I ain't mad at him as you might think. I just… don't really want to talk to him right now and I know for a fact he fuckin' feels it too which has made him more annoying than usual. Especially since he's been following me nonstop since I awoke after discount Christmas in a haze.

Spike had barreled into my room with a cheer as he basically threw those cupcakes he'd promised to bake at me like they were going out of style the morning after. You can only imagine how insufferable the smell of sugary icing was after one hell of a hangover and I made sure to be as vocal about it as possible. I just told him to get the fuck away from me so I could fix my ailment via getting hammered once again though he was quite determined to get me to eat them. It only took me to throw an empty bottle at him before he made the decision that he was pushing his fuckin' luck.

Though it seems like he still thinks he has some of that luck left as the little booger has been up my ass since as I said. The worst part about it there doesn't seem to be any stop to it either now that Twilight decided all of a sudden to not really care where or what the dragon was up to nowadays. In fact, I haven't even seen the two interact really which was a far cry away from them strangling each other every second of the day.

It's… unnerving to say the least as I've gotten used to their little dynamic as of late. I get the feeling I missed something while I was out fucking around with Pinkie…

My musings came to a close as the sled slid around the side of the house when some cries of pain and a scuffle could be heard at the front door. Applejack and Big Mac were helping their elder exit the house with a certain attentiveness that clued me in that something in the injury variety had happened.

"Oh, this insufferable hip!" the old hag screeches as she set down slowly on the front step.

"Granny, we told you if you need something off the top shelf to get one of us ta help. You know you can't do it anymore." Applejack chides though you can tell there's nothing but worry in her look.

"Help smelp! I may old but I still gots some years left in me to grab the gosh darn applesauce-YOW!" She winces hard as pain seems to course through her.

"Just settle down now, we'll get you to Nurse Redheart and you'll be right as rain in a jiffy." Granny's granddaughter croons and she turns to us who were just gawking confused. "Change of plans, folks. Granny fell in the pantry… Again…"

"I'll show you falling you upitty…" She mumbles angrily to herself as Big Mac comforts her.

"Anyways…" Applejack continues with an annoyed stare at the ancient pony, "Me and Big Mac here are gonna take her to the hospital so you two just need to sit tight till we get back. Shouldn't be more than a few hours."

I scoff aloud with a slight shake to my head, "You just want us to sit out here like a good dog while you guys take who the fuck knows how long nailing her coffin shut? Da fuck!"

Granny smith gives me a mean stink eye for that one which I return with gusto. Applejack motions to her brother to help move her and they start limping off the porch and a little down the path towards town though they stop as they get to the sled to look at us.

"We don't need all of ya's to get this stubborn mule over there so yeah, just wait here," she says with some strain as she tries her best to keep her grandmother steady. "We'll have to mark them trees later, probably over the weekend with yer help of course."

What did she just fuckin' say?

"What the fuck?! Who said I'd do that for you?! The weekend is for fuckin' me and no one else!" the three walk past me without answering causing me to get even more frustrated. "Hey! Did you fuckin' hear me?!"

"Yeah, we did, Charlie! We got our hooves full at the moment." Applejack cries back as they get farther. "Ah'm sorry but we don't really got a choice here."

I grab onto my junk and squeeze it, "I got my choice right here! I don't want to be out here, assholes! It's fucking cold and I hate it!"

They stop once more to look at me as I have my very mature temper tantrum, "Go inside and warm yourself up by the fire if it's too much for ya, but whatever you do, DO NOT go into that orchard without us! And Ah mean it!" She turns to her brother with a sigh, "Let's get her going… Nurse Redheart is gonna kill us fer letting this happen again."

"Maybe she'll prescribe her to live in the nursing home…" The stallion murmurs with a slight glimmer of hope in his gaze.

"Hwat did you just say, young colt! Where's ma cane so I can show you where to put it!" She shrieks as she wiggles in their grasp through the pain.

Spike and I are left to watch the three walk farther away without so much as looking over their shoulder as the Apple's fall far off the tree towards town. Great, so now my day of sleeping in has all but been ruined for fuckin' nothing on top of my weekend being taken away from me. When the fuck am I gonna catch a break?

"Unbelievable…" I mutter as I make my way to sit on the back of the sled.

"Well, what are we gonna do now?" Spike asks behind me, but I don't answer as I take another gulp of the pure. "I for one could definitely go for a nap. How about you?"

I don't give a response yet again as I twirl the jug around a little as I sense that the liquor is almost gone. Giving a small sigh, I pull out that empty flask I'd been carrying around since I got here and pour the remains of the reserve into it with a heavy heart knowing full well my fun is coming to a close and fast. I fill the damn thing and chug the small remainder before I screw on the cap with a bittersweet smile. At least I got about 7-8 small gulps left before the shakes get me again.

I better pace this out a little at least until Spring gets here. One little taste before bed and one when I wake up should just be enough to get me through this Godforsaken winter. And then I'll be on my own once again…

With that sobering thought I place my savior back in the pocket where my journal should be however, I decided on leaving it back at the library, so it doesn't get drenched from snow or my own sweat. Need something for someone to remember me by should I fall to dreaded Apple's whip, so the people know what had happened to their waysided hero.

Charlie's journal. October 12th, 1985: Tonight, a comedian died in Ponyville…

"Did you hear me?" Spike asks with a tone that sounded a bit peeved. "I still exist you know. You can't just ignore me forever."

"Unfortunately, you're right on that one, boots…" I mumble as I pear over my shoulder to loom over at all the items that had been assembled.

"Well, are we going inside or not! I just got over that cold I had and I'm not too keen on getting it again…" He shouts annoyed as ever as he hugs himself for warmth.

Just as I was about to yell at him to touch himself or something, one of the objects catches my eye and I lean back to grab it without saying a word. A piece of rolled parchment was neatly tucked in a pouch was quickly yanked out and I unrolled it hastily to hopefully see if it was what I thought it was.

What do you know, it fuckin' was.

An intricate map of the farm soon enters my view and I hum inquisitively as I look upon the foreign notes that had been jotted down through the generations. It was just as Applejack had described to me earlier, an entire grid of the entirety of Sweet Apple Acres. Along with it was all the notes that someone might need to, I don't know, go out and mark some stupid fuckin' trees.

"Oh, I was wondering how we were gonna find that patch out there…" Spike mumbles over my shoulder as he leaned on me to get a better look. "That looks like the whole farm, even the parts I haven't been to."

I grimace at his inability to fuck off as I start trying to analyze it without giving him an inch though I'll admit, the words mean nothing to me as I've been… slacking in my classes. Though looking at the paper and a last stare along the front of this sled gives me an idea to save my weekend once and for all. So, I do the only thing I can think of and give the damned thing to my begrudging translator who looks at it oddly before he stares up at me.

"What do you want me to do with this?" He asks as I start to make sure everything is battened down, double checking knots on the rigging and whatnot.

"I want you to tell me where we have to go…" I say after a moment of silence.

He blinks at me with surprise, "W-what?"

"You heard me." I say curtly as I made sure the ax was secured. "We're fuckin' doing this thing so I can fuck around on my only day off."

"B-but Applejack said-"

"I know what she said!" I scream back at him making the poor dragon jump. "I ain't about to have my fuckin' day off be taken away from me yet again because you fuckin' ponies can't do anything without me apparently. So, you can either help me or stay fuckin' here and watch me go get lost out there. It's up to you, I don't really give a fuck."

He puts his mitts on his hips like they lived there, "Well, why would I? Seems to me like you benefit from this a hell of lot more than me. So, what do I get out of it?"

My mouth twists at his use of my underworld as I throw a cloth over a basket of bread. "You get the pleasure of helping, Charlie O'Hannah?" I ask in a way that was not convincing at all.

His quiet cynical look told me enough to know that I hadn't won him over with that one.

"Well, what do you fuckin' want then?" I interrogate with rancor as the notion of being held hostage hits me.

He looks at his nails in a deriding way as he blinks halfheartedly. "I don't know… A dragon my age wants lots of things. Who knows how much I'm willing to accept too as my schedule's pretty busy."

"Fuck you…" I mumble as this conniving little rodent starts grifting me like I was Flash Sentry. "What do you actually want, turd bucket? Bits? Food? Rarity's underwear full of stains? What?!"

He looks at me with a twisted mouth and speaks with a small voice, "Anything?"

A hand subconsciously rubs my forehead, "Oh my fuckin- Yes! What is it already!"

He looks down at the parchment like he was thinking hard, and his eyes flick back upwards to me with determination. "I want to ask you a question and I want a truthful answer."

Well, that's… unexpected.

"What kind of fuckin' question are we talking about here?" I slam into him irked yet with piqued interest.

He shakes his head, "You need to accept first before you hear it." Just as I was about to persist in calling that bullshit, he continues. "And you can't call me out on that either, thems be the rules. You take the deal, or you come back on Sunday to freeze your little pasty butt off again."

I silently weigh my options as the idea of being indebted to this scaley shit bird grows increasingly deplorable but losing my Sunday though… That's not negotiable even by my standards.

"You got a deal as long as you fuckin' ask it when we're done out here. I'm not really in much of a chatting mood right about now." I say after a moment of pensive consideration. "That sound like a deal to you?"

He looks down as he taps his chin as if he needed to think about it as well, "And I mean anything, you know that right?"

"…Don't remind me, but yeah. Anything." The words dribble out of my mouth like puke.

He gives a small nod and he sticks his hand upwards, "Then you got a deal, but remember; no takesy backsy's."

"Duly noted, scumbag…" I reluctantly say as I grasp it with a sort of firmness that would make you think I was aiming on crippling him.

"A pleasure doing business with you!" He gleams despite the uncomfortable clasp and soon enough he hops back up to the front of the sled with the map in hand, "Now I'll say again, Giddy-up, Charlie! Daylights a burning!"

"You're going to find out why I call you boots in about a minute if you keep it up…" I lament quietly as I take hold of the harness for the slay and don it fully over my shoulders like a backpack.

When I was all comfortable and mounted, he points in the direction we need to go, and we were off at a steady pace as we left the farmhouse behind us.

Spike mentioned something about a kind of trail down past the chicken coop that led deep into the orchard where these stupid fuckin' dead trees where we were so that's exactly where I headed. We passed the chicken hatchery with ease though I thought it was incredibly strange that the hatchers were nowhere to be seen. Normally I would have heard a rooster crow by now, but the place remained still as if it were locked in time.

Took a minute to spot the hidden thing among the brush as the snow was still ever present and camouflaged the abandoned route. In the end though, we found it like we were fuckin' treasure hunters or some shit. Indiana Jones eat your heart out…

At some point on the way over to this spot, Winona had shown up, much to my ever-growing annoyance to this entire situation, and she followed us a good while barking and whatnot until we got the entrance of the trail. She stopped with a whine and lowered ears when she was promptly left behind as we got deeper into the artificial forest. Spike had tried calling her to join us as he likes her company, but the dog wouldn't move an inch forward and only gave long howls that sounded almost pleading in nature.

After a while, even those ceased as the soft wind pattered against us causing a soft whistle of branches swaying to replace the dog's tune. This was beyond unnerving to me as we strolled along the lonely trail as there wasn't anything out here at all. No birds no nothin', but I say that like I really give a fuck. I just want to get this over with so I can go back to bed…

I'd like to say after about 30 minutes of exhausting and infuriating back and forths with Spike about our location and if we were lost, we finally made our way to the patch that we'd sought for through the shin deep snow. We could tell almost immediately as we crested the steep hill that these trees marked for doom were a hell of a lot taller than the others and that a good few of them were indeed hollow, showing that they've lived their life to the fullest and it was time for them to be put to rest.

Unlike me…

"Alrighty! We're here!" Spike announces as he looks around with a smile. "That was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be."

"Says… Fuckin'… you…" I wheeze out as my lungs burn from the cold. "You just sat there while I pulled your fat ass around like you were a king!"

He bows with an attempt at grace, "Please, peasant, your patriarch hithers thee to quicken thy haste!"

"It's not worth the dungeon. It's not worth the dungeon. It's not worth the dungeon…" I repeat with only a spaghetti noodle of sanity left stopping me from ending a royal blood line with my bare hands.

With that, I pull open one of the pouches that held the paint and brush to pull out so I could start this marking bullshit or whatever. At least I'm not the one cutting them down for a change.

"You know, it's a wonder how Applejack and Big Mac can harvest all this land by themselves. This place gets bigger every time I come out here…" Spike says to himself as he looks off the hill down at the seemingly never-ending bare trees stretching as far as the eye could see. Only two billowing clouds of chimney smoke was the only sight of the farm that could be made out.

"And they can have all the fun picking these fuckin' things themselves too. They're out of their minds if they think I'm helping in the spring and summer." The words leak out as I pop open the can that wasn't that universal paint I'd become accustomed to, showing a bright barn colored red instead.

"You know for a fact you certainly are, right?" He giggle out as I dip the long brush in the can, "The more you fight this, the more stuff they're gonna give you to do. Pretty soon you're gonna be the only pon- uh, person, working the farm. Farmer Charlie… That'll be the sight. You want a pitchfork and hat for Hearth's Warming instead?"

"Ah ha ha… Fuck you too, ya gremlin…" I say as I walk towards the first tree and brush off the surface snow to make room for the paint. "If that's the case, then I'm definitely buying you a fuckin' tack collar like Mac's. No afternoon naps for you, piss lord, that's for fuckin' sure."

Two red streaks make their way onto the hard bark and paint clings to it like glue despite the cold. Soon enough, a bright red X could be seen and a definite sign to these retarded ponies that this one is marked for demolition. I groan slightly as I peer around it to see the hundreds of others that also need the same treatment and for a second, I felt that coming out here was a mistake…

"One down, who the fuck knows how many more to go…" I whimper pathetically out as I march to the next tree over.

"Hey, you're the one who wants to be productive all of a sudden." Spike says with his mouth full, letting me know that he was plundering the food basket already. "First the bakery, now this? Why, you might even start scoring some brownie points with the Mayor if you keep it up."

"Eat my rotten asshole. I just want to get this work over with." I maliciously sneer back as the brush starts it work once more.

"I… kinda meant that literally." Spike informs as the paint settles on the new tree. "Ponies around town have been talking about what you did for the Cake's. Making heads swivel seeing the family back in the bakery, calling it a 'Hearth's Warming miracle' and I'm sure the Mayor is one of the ones hearing it too."

"Well, I didn't do it for the Mayor…" I say softly and look over to see the drake basically deepthroating a baguette as he crams it down his gullet unnaturally.

He licks his fingers and looks back to me. "Then why did you do it then? It just doesn't make any sense especially since you seemed pretty giddy about it being destroyed to begin with…"

"Is that your fuckin' question that you want to know so bad? If so, just let me know because the answer is quite disappointing." I say with a bit of heat following it.

"No…" says after a moment of silent thinking. "I've got to wait until we're done, remember?"

"Then shut the fuck up so I get there already…" I mumble as I start walk towards another tree.

He sighs loudly, "You're just a bucket sunshine today, ain't ya. I'm just trying to say what you did was… good. Mr. Cake actually had a smile on his face seeing you which I didn't think was possible after, you know."

"…And I certainly didn't do it for the Cake's neither." I say adamantly. "And it wasn't good… I don't know what was."

"Can't you just take the compliment? It's not hard you know; you just nod your head and say thanks. You're somehow-"

A large piece of wood cracking in the distance causes Spikes tail to stand up straight like a scared cat and his head swivels in the direction it came from.

"W-what was that?" He whispers as his small, finned head whips back and forth.

"OoooOOoooooh it's a menstruating Twilight!" I say in a spooky ghostly voice making the drakes face sink away from fear and into a type of ire at my jab. "She's come to nag yoooOOooouuu about the cruuUUmbs you left in her chair…"

"…You really are a dick…" He says after a moment, and he goes back to munching away at the basket with that same annoyed look.

"Takes one to fuckin' know one, I guess. Not like you know what that means anyways, poser." I snicker out as I sigh at the new tree in front of me.

Just as I've done for the two before, I stick the brush into the paint and lift it towards the bark.

I'm still giggling a little as a new streak form, "hehe Also, what's up with you talking like me all of a sudden. Its fuckin' weird and you really need to-"

Just as I was about to dig into the scaled shit, a cosmic avalanche of snow to falls onto me from above onto me like a pallet of bricks. The inertia caused me to violently collapse onto the ground like I was crumpling into myself like an accordion. The feeling of the wind getting knocked out of me was instant as I started clawing my way out of my icy prison with a hitched breath and a mission to kill the little cocksucker who had just bushwhacked me.

I feel my head poke out of the pile which had just assaulted me, and I glare at a very confused dragon.

"What the fuck, Spike!" I screamed at him enraged that he'd be so fuckin' juvenile at a time like this. "What do you think this is? Fuck with Charlie day?!"

"W-what? That wasn't me!" He says in a befuddled yet resolute tone as he stands up and points a tart at me. "I've been over here eating brunch! You're the one who decided to become a Snowpony."

"Why in the holy fuck would I purposely get colder out here, shit nugget!" I yell out and struggle to stand up out of the pile. "You're a looooong way from civilization to do shit like that and get away with it!"

I mold a snowball that I prayed had pebbles inside and I chucked it at the dragon as hard as I could, landing a blow on his tart. He watched it tumble onto a small mud hole and sink down to never be seen again. He watched it disappear like it was one of his kids dying in a motorcycle accident.

The drakes look grows even harder as he glares at me, "Oh look at what you did now! I told you it wasn't me!"

"Well if it wasn't you, then who fuck-"

A bellowing bout of gut-wrenching laughter spouted out above me and my head snaps upward to a person, or pony rather, that changed the course of my day for the worst entirely. Rainbow Dash was laying on a branch as her legs kicked around from her repugnant bout of giggles that was grating to the ears, especially as I put two and two together of what actually happened.

"AAAhahahahaha! You should have seen the look on your face!" A familiar raspy voice spits out as she hangs over the branch to look down at us like she was the Cheshire cat, even donning a similar smile as well.

I glower in a type of way that I'm sure was melting the snow around me at an astonishing rate, but I don't say anything as she continues her chuckle fuck fest. I look over at Spike and he had pretty much copied my look entirely as we now shared a common enemy after all this time.

"The fact I got two for one on that one made it even better! AAAAAAAhahahahahahaha!" I turn towards her with a stare that resembled murder and it seemed to make her laugh even harder. "Hahahahehehe keep that look for minute! I want to savor it!"

"God shits my breakfast once again…" I mutter over her laughing and I pick up the paint can trying to continue where I left off.

Key word: Trying.

"You two looked absolutely adorable down there by the way." She chuckles out as he hops to another branch causing more snow to fall around me. "Bickering like two sour pickles in a jar is what it looks like!"

"Eat my dick…" I say quietly as I slash the last streak onto the bark before I marched over to another tree hopefully away from this flying circus of a shit stain.

"Awww did I hurt your feelings, gwumpy?" She coos in a mock baby voice before she stars giggling again.

"Rainbow, I don't think you should be doing that…" Spike warns as he watches me carefully.

I refuse to feed into her bullshit as I reached the new tree still within sight of the sled carrying the glaring dragon. The sound of wings flapping and the tree above me creaking was enough to tell me you know who had just followed me again as red, brutal, rage fueled, imagery of ponicide hits me like the sloppy second snow sprinkling onto my shoulders.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" Rainbow screams from above as my glare deepens at the freshly painted bark, "I know you can hear me~! Haha!"

"Un-fuckin'-fortunately…" I mutter as I eventually look upwards with contempt, and we finally make eye contact. "Don't you have some orange filly to go diddle or something? I'm sure the mighty Dash has more to do than talk to lowly monkey thing so get the fuck out of here."

She shrugs as she checks her hoof with a bored expression, "Ah not really. Scoots got school and I just finished work for the day!" She gleams down at me with a bouncing brow, "So that means I have my entire afternoon free to grace you with my presence!"

I make a guttural growl which would give the Locust from Gears of War a run for their money as I march away from the turd before I do something rash. I don't get very far as she somersaults into the snow in front of me with a thud like she was about to get a gold medal from it. My grip on the paint bucket gets tighter as she flashes a smirk at me.

"What. Do. You. Want." I say slowly with gritted teeth seeing as she's just going to keep blocking my path.

She rolls her eyes like I was the child in this scenario, "Oh don't be like that! I can't say hi to my bestest friend?"

"…If you make me ask again, you're getting drenched in red paint." I speak flatly though the edge could cut steel.

She looks at the motionless bucket with some weariness, but it doesn't last long as she locks eyes with me once more. "Okay, maayyybe there's a little more too it than just saying hello."

"And that is?!" I almost burst at the seams yelling that one out as my scarce patience starts waning rapidly.

"I just wanted to ask you something." She says indifferently and she sits down in the snow as if to show she was planning on sticking around.

I snort at that and begin to walk around her, "Then get in line… Spike already has that spot taken as of right now, so you go fuck off. I'm not answering anything especially from you."

I literally take like two steps and in the blink of an eye the hell horse was in front of me once more like she teleported in an instant. I almost backpedaled into the snow as I head snaps back to where she was standing a moment ago to where she was now with confusion. How the hell did she-

"I ain't leaving till my get my answers, so I suggest you get comfortable, buddy." She says with crossed hooves and a stubborn look to match it.

I shook out of my bafflement and glare down at her once more. "What could you possibly want to know that couldn't fuckin' wait until I was back home."

She blinks as she looks between me and the dragon once more before her mouth twists, "What game are you playing here?"

My eye twitches. "What the hell does that mean?"

Her rolls her eyes with a sneer, "Celestia alive, you're denser than a brick, I swear. What I'm trying to say here is what's your angle?" She's say's annoyed before she starts circling me like she was trying to figure something out.

I follow her movements in case she does anything rash as I try to process just what she's trying to ask, "What the fuck are you talking about? I don't have an angle!"

She snorts at that one, "Right, and I'm a funny looking Griffin…" She sighs with some aggravation at my furrowed brow and elaborates, "Why else would you be helping all my friends for absolutely nothing if It wasn't that? As far as I can tell you only care about yourself so why would you be out helping everypony if it wasn't for your own benefit somehow."

"One of the universe's many great mysteries, ass munch." I spit out as I walk away from her towards the tree that had my name on it, "Now if you excuse me, I've got fuckin' work to do and I'd rather not be stuck out here when the sun starts going down because you're too retarded to see face value."

I take all but two steps forward once more and I bump into a certain blue something that sure as shit wasn't there a nanosecond ago. Her magical power bullshit doesn't get the better of me this time as I scowl at her like she molested me.

"I said, I wasn't leaving until I find out just what you're up to." She says adamantly.

"I'm not up to anything! I'm just trying to do my job so I can go fuckin' home!" I yell down at her. "I'm not some kind of mustache twirling villain over here like you think I am apparently!"

She takes a moment to collect herself as I can see her anger bubble in her magenta eyes. "I know you, monkey. You only ever do anything if it helps yourself and nopony else so I know you're up to something!"

"Like you fuckin' know me so well…" I mumble through gritted teeth. "In fact, you don't fuckin' know me at all! None of you fuckin' do! You're just a bunch of strangers who's attached to my fuckin' hip all the damn time!"

"I do know that little drunken show you put on the other day at the bakery might have the others convinced, but I know you're just trying to get our guards down! A little song and funny dance isn't getting through me though, that's for sure." She says as she pokes my chest once more and the condensation of my breath in the air matches aptly to my growing anger. "You even said it yourself not too long ago to that bag of scales over there that you didn't do it for the Cake's! So, I want to know why!"

"I just did it cause I could you fuckin' spying little freak! There doesn't have to be any goddamn reason, fuck wit! That's what I fuckin' learned getting my ass handed to me my whole life; that there's no rhyme or reason for anything! Me included!"

"I'm not gonna let you hurt all my friends cause they're too blind to see just what you are!" She shouts out again like she didn't hear a damn thing I had said a second ago.

"Whoa! Uh… Charlie?" Spike says with some hesitation off to my right, but I don't pay it any mind.

"The only who's gonna get hurt around here is you if you don't get the fuck out of my way, mincemeat." The words cut through the wind like a Ginsu chef's blade.

She gets even bolder as she hovers upward and pokes my chest, "Like you'd even be able to lay a gross finger thing on me anyways, you overweight lemur. You need to remember, I'm the fastest pony in Equestria and that goes double for you, slowpoke!"

"I don't know, I got pretty close the last time from what I heard, shitlips." Leaves my mouth with a knowing smirk.

She glowers at the comment as she understands exactly what I was implying. "That was a fluke, and I can say for a fact that won't happen again… I know better now than to underestimate you like I did before!"

"Uh… ponies? You should come look at this!?" Spike yells out as we're close to beating each other off uncut and raw.

"That's just code for you saying that you're scared I'm gonna feed you you're own fuckin' liver, dick munch." my hands ball into fists as I drop the paint bucket, "You still get nightmares of the fearsome monkey man who bested you from time to time?!"

"Scared!? I'm never scared!" She screeches in anger as she readies to pounce, "Why I'll show you scared, you puffed up ignorant-"

The abrupt sound of a loud whistle that screamed for our attention rang out over by the sled making both of us turn to see Spike staring off into the distance with a look of complete wonder.

"Spike, we're in the middle of something here!" Rainbow screams back at him as she loses her pouncing stance.

"Yeah, what she fuckin' said! Stay fuck out of it! What the hell's the matter with you!?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Charlie…" He says flatly as his head cocks in awe, and he points towards something in the distance, "Though there's something the matter over there that you should really come look at though…"

Rainbow zooms over to his side with a speed that almost made me nauseous and glared at him, "Hey you're ruining this whole fight between me and the walking headache I had planned so why don't… you…" She blinks and stays quiet for a moment. "What...?"

The pegasus slowly turned to follow the drake's movement and she also freezes up in complete disbelief as the two of them just stand there like idiots. I groan as I start to march my way over more than annoyed that I couldn't put this fuckin' mare on a spit to be roasted. Unbelievable… I can't even have tussles anymore without some kind of intervention, even in the middle of nowhere.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! What the fuck could it possibly be?! I swear to God, if it's just a stump that looks like Rarity's puffy vagina, I'm gonna-" My breath hitches as I loop around the sled and gaze over at what looked like the impossible. "…lose my mind? What in the holy ass end of the pope fuck?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth…" Spike says as we all stand there quietly as we take view of the elephant in the hypothetical room.

Down one of the many rows of apple trees was one tree in particular that stood out in a way that caught all of us off guard. It was fully bloomed like the cold careless winter wasn't raging all around it and the summer had been contained in a small bubble for this tree in particular.

The limbs were full of life as the large leaves stood motionless with a type of green that felt like I hadn't seen in lifetime, but even then, aside from its odd positioning the color still looked unnatural. Like it was too green if you catch my drift. Golden apples swayed slightly on the ends of the branches as they glistened off the white snow, pristine in their quality like they were waiting for Adam and Eve to pick them.

A large circle of grass that was disturbingly perfect was wrung around the base of the stump warded the snow away with many different pallets of spring flowers that were sprinkled around. Small bumble bees and butterflies could be seen as they fluttered and buzzed as if they weren't a complete freak of nature. The entire sight reminded me of, ironically, a snow-globe of all things. Like somebody wanted a slice of a season to observe every now and then and plopped it here for all to see.

"You both see it too, right?" Spike asks as Rainbow, and I just nod silently.

"It… It doesn't make any sense…" the cunt with wings mumbles as she takes some small steps toward it.

Spike follows her albeit a step behind her with a hint of fear, "You think the planting team started early?"

"The seasonal barrier hasn't been moved yet." The pegasus explains and halts at the barrier between seasons, "I should know because I'm the one in charge of moving it."

"The seasonal barrier? Da fuck is that?" I say as I keep up with a kind of uncaring attitude.

"You know, the reason how we keep the world cold and hot, idiot! We move the barrier around like a clock for all four of the seasons?" She turns to me with a sour look. "You've got to be old enough to know how all of this works by now or are you just that stupid?"

I flick her nose quite hard making her yelp. "Listen here, cock gobbler, my worlds weather moves on its fuckin' own like it should! I don't know anything about this barrier bullshit or how this place manages to squeeze magic into every crack and fuckin' crevice of it! I fuckin' hate it here…"

"He's right by the way." Spike chips into the mare, "you should have seen his face when we told him Celestia moves the sun by herself…"

"Don't even get me started on that tomfoolery. I still think I'm in denial over it even though I saw it happen in person." I murmur as Rainbow looks at me strangely.

Rainbow rubs her snout and then sighs, "Yeah, I guess that makes some sense. The egghead was rattling off to us the other day about magic and your world… said you were allergic to it or something."

I snort at that thought as I start to agree with it. "Get me some Allegra or something to fight it off then." I nod towards the tree, "So what the fuck is this? Someone got a head start on you, slowpoke?"

She glares at me, but then her lip curls as she takes in the tree some more. "No… The barrier takes up the entire country so even if one pony managed it by themselves the entire area would've been springy like."

"Springy like?" I say amused at her terminology.

"Hey! I'm not a scientist! I don't how this works exactly; I just move bucking thing!" She points at the tree, "All I know is that shouldn't be possible, not without the entire orchard looking like it too."

"…I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish Twilight was here. She might know something about this anomaly." Spike mumbles as he watches a bee dance along the edge of what looked like an invisible wall.

"Who's going in first?" Rainbow says with a smile and he turns to me. "I heard they use monkeys in labs for this type of thing~."

"Fuck. You. I may be a monkey's uncle, but that doesn't mean I'm a fuckin' guinea pig." I grumble out making her laugh a little.

"Well, I know I ain't going in there. No way, no how!" Spike says stubbornly as he crosses his tiny purple arms.

Rainbow stares at him for a moment before she forcibly nudges the dragon forward toward the greenery and he gasped like he was about to get incinerated, but all he does is land in a tall pile of soft grass with a thud.

He shakes his head and then shakes his small fist back at the pegasus while he laid there, "Have you lost your mind! I could have died!"

"But you didn't, did you?" She chuckles out as she crosses the line herself, "Thanks for taking one for the team though. You're a real hero." she spits out sarcastically.

I couldn't help but snicker darkly watching the two interact like a cartoon, "Yeah, what would we do without you, Spike."

"…That's the last time I ever bake you anything…" He mumbles as he rises, brushing off his knees and looks to me, "Well? You coming in or not? We know the coast is clear now…"

I laugh at that out loud again as I look down at the grass and take a step forward, crossing a barrier that didn't appear to be there at all. The feeling of my feet touching the lively grass was felt only after the blazing warmth that was reminiscent to a heat lamp washed over me. Holy fuck, dude, I think this is what plants feel when they're going through photosynthesis and it's better than an orgasm.

The other odd thing to smack me was the fact that the cold harsh wind simply disappeared like a light switch. I didn't even hear it anymore too… It was like your roommate was blaring Nickelback and you walk into a different room with sound proofing. Simply amazing…

I take a moment to look around and other than what I had described before not much else had changed. Well, looking out of this bubble was a little different than looking in. All the gray and white of the outside world looked a little fuzzy, as if I was staring through Saranwrap which was strange as it didn't appear like that looking in. Fuckin' magic…

The two little stooges had gathered closer to the tree staring up at it and I join them once I got acclimated to the new biome I had stepped into. Following up behind them and I stare up at the deceivingly large tree with a lifted brow, though nothing really sets off alarm bells in my head, so I just take a moment to warm up my hands.

"This is really something else…" Spike says as he picks a flower, and he shivers violently after smelling it. "Oh, I got a bad feeling about this…"

"It's just a tree, scales." Rainbow says with a bored tone as she too stares up at it, "Though, I won't lie about it being weird."

"So… what do we do about it? Go tell someone?" I shrug as I kick a pebble indifferently.

"Well, Applejack would be the first pony I'd tell. It's her land after all." Spike says as he gets a little closer to me like he was still spooked. "I think we should leave though. This place is… off…"

"You don't fuckin' say…" Is what leaves my mouth. "This is the epitome of normal if you ask me, dumbass."

I feel something grip my pant leg and I look down to see the turd holding onto me like I was his saving grace while he violently looks around.

"Jesus Christ, it's a tree." I berate to him, but he doesn't let go.

"I… I-I smell something and its rotten!" He yells as he rubs his snout. "Don't you smell it?"

"I smell the monkey and it's certainly rotten if you ask me!" Dash laughs out as she mockingly holds her nose.

"How about you smell my sweaty balls, cunt." I say as I take a step forward towards the trunk of the tree leaving Spike behind.

"W-what are you doing?! Don't touch it!" He screams out in horror as I place my hand against the bark expecting something to happen, but nothing does.

"See? I told you, it's just a fuckin' tree like we've been saying." I say a little amused at his display and my face morphs as I feel something else. "Though, the bark is a little warm… Actually, it's really warm. It almost feels like it's going to-YOW!"

I wave my hand around like I had just touched a burner on a stove top and look at it to revealing my hand was bright red already like it was scalded. As I was inspecting the wound, I happen to flip it around and see the dreaded mark that had tortured been torturing me was pulsating an angry red with what looked like the rhythm of a heartbeat.

"Motherfucker…" I mumbled angrily and kick the trunk of the tree to find some solace from my new wound.

The tree stands there unwavering after it shakes a little but does not reciprocate a response as its, you know, a tree.

"Ahahahaha! Didn't I tell you our pet tree bites?" Rainbow explodes with laughter. "What's the matter? I don't think he's all bark after all! Bwahahahaha!"

"Fuck you…"

"Ooh! Ooh! Wait I got another one! Bark got your tongue? Or perhaps by the roots of your hair?!" She giggles some more much to my annoyance. "Let's just hope it leaves, am I right? Hehe."

"We fuckin' get it, whore…" I say as I squeeze onto the hand as pain pulses throughout the appendage.

The pegasus shakes her head as she lightly knocks on her head to come up with more puns. "One more! One more! I think it found your performance little wooden! Get it? Cause it's a tree and you're-"

In an instant something had tackled the mare from behind to the ground startling all of us and it started to thrash her back and forth like she was a chew toy. The defenseless Rainbow screamed out in pain and terror as the dark brown creature bit down onto her wing pulling it at an odd angle which made her squeal even more. Without even thinking, I had sprung into action with the inkling that a bear or something had nabbed her and sprinted forward stomping my foot down onto its head repeatedly until it released its grip on her. With a few well-placed and instinctual stomps, it released her with a mouth full of blue, crimson stained feathers and was stunned backwards by the blow, rearing its head in a defensive stance.

I took another step forward to put myself in between the pegasus and the-

My heart skip a beat as I finally realize it ain't like nothin' I've ever seen now or ever. It was indeed brown, but it wasn't of flesh and fur. The body was made of timber that much was clear. The limbs of it resembles small logs and its paws and claws were of sharpened twigs. The joints and the spaces in between its appendages looked of vines that was holding the thing together as if they were stitches, like a raggedy Ann doll.

The thing that was taking up most of my view right now however was the blood-stained maw of the beast which held jagged teeth also made of that same wood. I locked what you could call eyes and stared into what I'd describe as evil while its leaf like eyebrows fell and a growl emitted deeply from it as it stared at me. The eyes were no eyes at all as what looked like a green energy pumped outwards in threes.

That ain't no fuckin' coyote, that's for fuckin' sure. In fact, it almost kind of looks like a-

"T-t-t-timber w-w-w-wolf!" Spike shouts as he points a scared finger at it.

I didn't have enough time to really let his words sink in as it sunk low and approached slowly, still growling all the while as it got closer. Some more movement to my left was seen as another hell beast enters the circle growling like its fiendish friend. The same goes to my right as well, another moving closer almost completely encircling us.

"Ah… My wing…" The pegasus weeps out as she laid behind me, no doubt in pain from the attack.

"W-what do we do?! We can't run faster than them! Not on foot in this snow! We're gonna get torn to pieces!" Spike screams out causing the three timber wolves to growl even harder.

Aw shit! He's right! C'mon, Charlie… Think! You've certainly walked into quite the shitter this time! Despite the urgency I take a deep breath as I start to brainstorm. Oh man, we should have listened to Applejack and stayed off this fuckin' hill!

Wait… Hill?

"Spike…" I say after an adrenaline filled moment, "Is there one behind us?" I ask not willing to take my eyes off of them for even a second.

I hear his movement but don't dare to turn. "U-uh, not as far as I can tell!"

"Do you see the fuckin' sled?! Is it still there?!" I ask as I take a cautionary step backwards while they take a ferocious step forward.

"The s-sled? Uh, y-yeah! Its right where we left it! Why?" Spike cries out like he was about to shit himself and I don't blame him.

"Dash… Can you stand?" I ask to the groaning mare with ever growing concern of our odds.

The three hellbeasts get closer, however I see more movement behind them as two more seem to walk around the tree like there was an invisible room behind it and they lock eyes with us instantly to join the pack.

"Y-yeah… I think so…" She moans out and I hear her strain out some cries.

"What about running? You think you can handle that much?" I ask again as two of the creatures snap at each other in anticipation for the slaughter.

"Doesn't really seem like I have much of a choice…" she whimpers once more.

"Good enough. Alright you two… When I give the signal, we're runnin' like hell to that sled." My breathing is calm as I give them the only way I can think to get out of this alive. "Don't trip and for the love of Christ, don't look back whatever you do. You got that?"

"I don't see any other option here, m-monkey…" Rainbow exclaims.

"Y-yeah… D-don't look back…" Spike pisses out.

I nod as I feel my muscles tense up, "Okay, we only got one shot at this, you fuckers. So prepare yourselves. Three…"

The two outer ones start to wade themselves around to completely cut us off from our salvation.

"Two…"

The one who already got a sampler out of the mare licked its lips with a fern like tongue as if it wanted more and took a faster step than the rest.

"One…"

I sucked in a deep breath as I prayed to whatever God who was willing to listen for our safety.

"…GO!"

As soon as I turned, I felt them all pounce and their ragged breath closed in fast. I watched Rainbow make excellent time out of the bubble despite her fallen and outstretched injured wing, though the same couldn't be said about Spike and his small stumpy legs. As I reached him, I feared that he'd never be able to outpace the pack by himself, so I scooped him up like a football and charged down the line to score a motherfuckin' touchdown at the endzone shaped like a sled.

I weaved in between the trees as I heard the clapping of a jaw slamming shut right behind me letting me know that one of them was right on my ass trying to get a taste and I made double time as I knew my life and Spike's depended on it. The sled got closer and closer and the sense that I'm going to get out of this thing alive starts to grow on my conscious.

Rainbow was already there pushing it slowly down the slope as I came in hot, knowing full well what was right behind me. I tossed Spike like he was still a football and he crashed into the back with a thud causing the damned toboggan to jolt forwards a little and it starts sliding down the hill with its own mass. The injured pegasus hopped on next using her hinds to run it a little faster almost leaving me behind.

Luckily, I made it just in time before it made it to peak velocity and let me tell you it was by the skin of my fuckin' nuts. As I hopped on, one of the wolves pounced on after me but was beaten back by surprisingly Spike as he dumped that red paint on it in a single motion temporarily blinding it. This impairment allowed me to get my foot to press on its moss-covered belly and launch him off making it hit a tree that we sailed past with a sickening thud. I didn't see the fuck head get back up, but I had more problems to deal with that were gaining speed quickly.

The sled was booking it at breakneck speed now as it was barreling down the hill, only weaving around incoming trees because Rainbow was using her body weight to maneuver the sled in a certain direction at her will. On either side of the rows of trees the wolves could be seen sprinting as they kept up with our pace somehow despite how ridiculously fast we were screaming along.

One particular wolf got a little close and actually used its body to crash into us, making the whole thing pop in the air for a moment. Spike almost leapt right off the side because of it, but luckily God allowed one of my traits to be dad reflexes and I managed to grab onto his tail at the last possible moment. His head even dipped into the snow below for a moment for some perspective on that one. He dangled off the edge as my grip strained from the snow and the rocky ride.

"C-C-CHARLIE!" He screamed out in mercy as the wolf who started this whole mess got closer with murder in its eyes as it missiled right at the drake.

With a better grip, I pulled him back over the edge and with the full weight of my body, punched the fuckin' shit out of the asshole as hard as I could with a hefty thwack, which felt exactly like hitting that tree all those weeks ago. The fucker did a flip as it tripped over its own feet from the momentum of the strike making it fall behind just like the other. The other wolves watching the commotion who were also right on our tails start slowing down from a sprint to a trot and eventually stopped entirely as they watched us fly downhill.

Seems like they gave up the hunt as even I taste too much like shit to eat!

"AHAHA! Get fucked, Asshole!" I screamed out with jubilation as I flipped it the bird. "You think you can eat me?! Fuck you!"

"Charlie! We got a problem up here!" Rainbow screams making me halt my celebration to turn to her.

She was staring down the hill in a complete panic like something catastrophic was approaching.

I wiggled my way forward towards the front and look at her, "What?! We got away from them! We're home free!"

She takes her hooves and grabs a hold of my head to force it to where she was looking. At the bottom of this hill was a what looked like a gradient that spurred upwards in a type of natural ramp off what looked like a cliff. A cliff we were making a B-line for going Mach 12.

"Oh, you have got to be fuckin' kidding me!" I scream as I tried my best to slow the sled at any capacity, but it was too late.

We soared down the hill and I felt the G-force of the sudden lift and after one more millisecond of panic, we launched off the cliff like a rocket. Feeling myself fly off the sled, I watch in complete terror as we tumble downwards towards a raging river that was settled at the bottom which was getting closer at a sickening speed. I watched Rainbow and Spike hug each other before they were separated from the sled with Rainbow trying desperately to flap her wings to escape the plunge, but it was useless.

The damage to her wing was done, and her fate with us was sealed because of it.

I first watched in an adrenaline induced panic the sled enter the icy depths, then the pair of terrified magic creatures sink in with a splash. Finally, as if time was moving slowly, I crashed into the rough current below and it felt as if I was struck by a bullet once again as the arctic cold water gripped me. My poor body was hurled around under the surface like a ragdoll, scraping the bottom and smacking what felt like debris and I felt my own bubbling muffled scream as the air in my lungs start to fill. Thankfully my own body weight managed to float me back up and I breached the barrier between drowning and life with a gasping breath as the hell ride wasn't even halfway through of being over.

The large breadth of the river and the rapid water flushing down made it impossible to make any attempt to swim to the shores as my futile effort showed. All I could do is try to keep my head above the frigid water as I watched the sled float upturned further down the current with my two compatriots holding on tightly like it were a raft. They were yelling in my direction, but it was silenced by the rushing water that roared all around me.

At least those two had something to keep them above the water, but as for me, the current kept pulling me under every now and then as the waters got even rougher making me swallow some icy water that was anything but refreshing.

I saw downstream that there was smaller section of river with an overturned log that was resting just above the water making a sort of land bridge between two rocks. The other two lucked out as the sled was dragged to the other end of the stream away from the obstacle, however I stared on in horror as the current rushed me towards it without anyway for me to resist its pull. All I could do is lift my arms to soften the inevitable blow.

"AW SHIIIIIIIIIIIII-" Was the last words I was able to yell out before I connected with the log like it were a baseball bat.

Only a quick sharp pain and darkness followed.

OoOoO

"Where did you put it!?" The crazed man yelled as he had his hands clasped around my neck. "Where's the damn money, you brat!?"

"I-I don't have it! You s-spent it all, r-remember!?" I choked out as he pressed me further against the wall and my vision starts going blurry.

The asshole didn't like the sound of that apparently because he threw a hard hook into my gut and pain surges up my torso, knocking the wind out of me. He let go abruptly and I slid down the wall towards the floor as I try my best to suck in a breath that just wasn't there. I look up to see the fuming middle aged man wearing his usual tattered boiler suit from work if he even still has that job. His only wearable outfit I deduce as he hasn't worn anything else in weeks.

"I didn't spend anything and you fuckin' know it, Charles!" He screams with a slurred tongue as he points down at me. "You and your damn brother! Parasites! You just take, take, take till there's nothin' left!"

The sound of a pained gasp finally hits me as I squirm on the floor as oxygen once again and I slowly prop myself up to stand.

"If you don't have the fuckin' money is then maybe Walter might know…" He muses as he takes a few uncoordinated steps away towards the bedrooms.

This causes me to panic as I know exactly what he had meant by that. He can't… I won't let him!

"You call us parasites?! Then what fuck are you!?" I scream back knowing full well just what I'm getting myself into and he stops dead in his tracks to turn to me. "You're never home and when you are you don't even know what fuckin' planet you're on! We haven't eaten in three days and there's nothing left except cardboard! What the fuck are we supposed to do by ourselv-Arrrgh!"

He his steel-toe boot connects to my side with a thunderous strike, and I jolt backwards toward the wall in agony.

"Watch your tongue when you talk to your father, boy! You don't know anything!" He screams as he lets loose another blow, this time to my pelvis. "You think it's so easy?! Just wait till you get older and you have two bastards who ween everything off of you!"

I spit some blood onto the floor, and I wipe my mouth with a smirk, "So says the king bastard himself! C'mon! Is that all you got!? I know you can hit harder than that, asshole!" I scream back at him as I know provoking him is the only thing I can do to protect him.

The redness of his face was only highlighted by his salt and pepper brown stained beard as my words start to rattle him as planned. I shut my eyes in preparation as I know what came next. His fury started with another singular kick straight to my head which caused immediate nausea and my ears to ring. And then the whooping truly began. His fists started to come again, and again, and again as they had done many a time in the past.

To think, I'd gone almost a month without the old man kicking the shit out of me. A good run all and all, but I knew this was bound to happen eventually though. He didn't get his score for this week, and I certainly knew something like this was soon to follow, it always does. Any other thought would have just been false hope, something I can't afford to rely on anymore.

Somehow, he managed to tire himself out before I could be knocked unconscious. A rare outcome when this happens, but he wasn't exactly in the best of shape as know he hadn't been eating like the rest of us. Though, I would say it was more voluntary on his part, unlike us. He could be taking a breather as that's happened before, but I don't care.

I did my job and I did it well…

In a pool of my own blood and tears, I could hear his cell phone ring that was sitting on the disgusting kitchen table filled with God only knows what. All of his shit… He glares down at me like he wasn't quite done but groans in anoyance as he turns toward it quickly to answer it. He picked it up and looked at the number making him silently curse to himself like he knew who it was.

I know I did unfortunately.

"Hey, Dale! You got my shit, man? I dyin' over here! … Yeah, I've got the money I just gotta run to the bank and- … No! What do you take me for! I'm always good for it! You know me! … Hey, fuck you! That only happened one time and- … Alright, alright I-I know. Just have my shit ready. I'll see you in like an hour."

The phone clatters on the table as I watch him lean on it as he wipes his face in frustration.

"Fuck! What the hell am I gonna do?" He paces a moment and stops as he touches the countertop. "Pat… I'll go talk to Pat. He'll hook me up for some cash, he's gotta. He owes me a favor."

He walks back into the dirty and ravaged living room on a mission not paying me any mind as I watch him open a closet for his coat.

"I'm going out! Don't know when I'm coming back not like that matters…" He yells as he puts on his torn parka and he turns to me with an angry finger and a creased forehead, "And as for you, if I find out that you took that fuckin' money you're in a world of hurt! Consider this an appetizer if you're still hungry! Haha!"

With that he turns as he opens the door out of the shithole apartment leaving my quiet weeps of pain the only sound left aside from the outdoor ambiance of an inner city. After a moment, I managed to prop myself up and lean against the wall holding onto the already swollen eye. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that it was over, for now.

He'd come back, might be a few days from now, but he always does.

The sound of a door inside the house creaking open made my head snap upwards down the hall. A small figure only dirty pajamas emerges, and he pauses as he looks at me with somber eyes. His matted brown hair had gotten even worse since the shower head stopped working a few weeks ago. His feet were bare and dirty to sin considering he doesn't own to pair of shoes himself as his other ones fell apart in the rain a while back.

A sorry state for a 6-year-old but I say that like I was the hallmark of a healthy 5th grader myself.

He runs over with his feet pattering on the damaged hardwood floor and he embraces me without saying a single word. Not even tears surface as he's used to this kind of thing by now, but not before he hands me the wad of cash that I'd given to him the night before for safe keeping. A desperate act to get us something to eat that I knew wasn't going to go well as could you see.

We both settle on that very wall without letting go of one another for what felt like hours but that was the pain making time move at snail's pace.

"Charlie?" The boy asks in a small voice that I almost didn't hear.

"Yeah, Wally?" I respond in a tired, pained voice.

"…I miss ma…"

I release a defeated sigh as my throbbing head thumps the drywall behind me knowing that he was far too young to really know what she was like when she was around.

"…I miss her too…"

"Hey, Charlie, you think we'll ever- WAKE UP!"

Something hitting my chest jolts me awake followed by my own gurgling cough and I feel water shoot upwards from deep within my lungs out of my mouth. Deep desperate breaths of air reverberate in my ears and my heartbeat could be felt pounding through my skull like a jackhammer causing a searing throb at each beat. And then I felt it. Cold. Not just any cold, but the coldest I've ever felt in my entire life bar none. My body felt as if it were dipped into a vat of liquid nitrogen and left to soak in Antarctica.

"Oh t-thank C-Celestia! You did it, Dash!" A voice cries out that my ringing ears could hardly hear.

My eyes pry open as if they were welded and soon enough, the gray cloudy sky takes up my view as I laid my back feeling like good old dad kicked the fuck out of me again. As I sat there motionless, two colorful blobs peered in from either side of me and they eventually focus into a pair of rugrats that I was babysitting not too long ago.

"C-can you hear us?" the smaller of the two asks and I just blink as I try to register what the actual fuck had happened.

Spike was hugging himself, shivering and shaking like the desperate last leaf of a tree as winter winds batter against it. His purple color was a tad faded, almost sickly is what I'd describe it as, along with frost clinging to his green fins showing me that it wasn't just me who was partaking in the ice cube experience. Aside from that, I could also see that he was dripping wet as droplets of water fell off is snout onto the freezing ground beside me.

The other cunt in question though didn't hold that same salty look in her eye I've been used to as she stared down at me, if anything it looked a tad worrisome as her damp, dripping hair started to frost over in real time. Her usual messy free flowing mane was padded downwards while the horse's chompers were clattering together like someone had dropped a stack upon stacks of plates onto the floor over and over.

"Y-you think the fall damaged his b-brain?" The blue pony spits out after a second of not responding.

"W-what the f-fuck happened?" I managed to cough out as I tried my best to lean forward off the hard stony surface.

"We got our b-butts kicked is what happened!" Rainbow shouts with a pained expression on her face and she looks down at her busted wing. "Should have known better than to mess with…" She starts to berate herself but stops short as the chills hit her again.

After taking a few well needed breaths of air I look around still a little hazy, but it all comes back to me as I look upon the roaring river that was only a few yards away.

We were sitting in an alcove of sorts where a calm section of water met, it washed onto a bank that was decorated with small wet stones mixed with debris such as sticks and smaller logs. I felt mists of cold water pelting my face as the stream bashed against the large granite boulders that were dotted across the water line standing as a bulwark from the unstoppable current that was almost like a lullaby of white noise.

After taking some mental notes to refresh the old noggin of our current plight, I lean over to my sore side to leverage myself onto my feet though it was a struggle. That does tend to happen when you almost become dog food or a drowning victim. The sharp stones below may as well not have been there as my hands were already numb up to the fingers and was climbing up rapidly as wind wailed into us like we paid for it. When I was on my knees, I had no choice but to peel the soaking wet quilt off of me with a bit of struggle and it plops onto the ground with a squelch before I hugged myself as an uncontrollable spell of chatters envelops me.

"F-f-fuck! My f-fuckin' hands…" I mutter as I stand up while desperately blowing hot breath onto them to try to get some function back.

"I-I've never been s-so cold in m-my life!" Spike screeches out as he clamps his eyes shut shaking like a leaf.

"W-what d-do we do?" Rainbow asks to both of us as she joins Spike in the 'who's going to die of hypothermia first' competition.

"W-we need to g-get warm before we fuckin' d-die out here…" is what leaves me as a droplet of water slides down my nose.

"A-and how are we g-gonna do that, smarty pants?" The mare spits out with venom. "You g-going to make f-fire shoot out of your b-butt?"

Without answering her, my eyes gaze over to a pair of large rocks buried deep along the tree line in a way that looked like an excellent place to get out of the wind. Next to the crevice was a certain pile of limbs that were stacked the farthest away from the river line and would most likely be the driest, but that was hopeful thinking that a fire was even possible out in this fuckin' mess. Finally, a little down the edge of the water was the sled still half submerged as it rocked back and forth slightly depending on if a strong enough wave slammed into it.

My mind starts to run on autopilot as survival takes the forefront of everything else while a plan you could call starts to formulate. Somehow, with the help of the cold edging me to do anything, I managed to take a step towards the water with wet gurgling boots squish with every footfall. I hear the two follow behind me and I know this because the chattering teeth could be heard a mile away.

When I reach the edge of the river where the sled was snagged, I step into the water after it without even thinking. The cold was already hitting me so getting acclimated with the arctic conditions was a cakewalk though it definitely came at the risk of not having toes in the future.

"O-oh, yeah it's really w-warm out there, ain't it, Spike?" Rainbow snarks as she stays behind. "W-we're saved…"

"C-Charlie, I h-hate to agree with her, b-but what are you d-doing?" He stammers behind me.

I remain quiet as I get to about waist deep pretty quickly despite the short distance I had walked and found myself at the front the sled fishing around on the riverbed for something in particular.

"Of course, the m-monkey thinks freezing faster will save him… He really just is t-that stupi-"

She had no choice but to eat her own words as the hard soaked ropes that was the lead smacks over her head with a thump.

Rainbow gave a miserable glare as more water dripped down her hair from the action, but she seemed to get the hint at what I was trying to accomplish at least. She bit down on an end and started to pull it backwards without a word while I walked along side it just to make sure no more funny business happens. I really didn't want to take another Titanic dive for no fuckin' reason if it somehow floated away. When I came back ashore, the three of us overturned the damned thing in a hurry to see just what was left of the farm vehicle.

Let me tell you, it wasn't much.

Everything that wasn't secured or fastened in some way was just gone, washed away in the river never to be seen again. The map, paint bucket, and most of the blankets were gone which didn't surprise me in the least. There were a few things such leftover as some tools here and there made it through Splash Mountain such as an old draw knife for bark, a dulled seesaw, a padded canteen that dangled around and a roll of about 100 feet of rope. The ax's restraints held also as it remained where it was when I fastened it myself.

Good thing I read book every now and then back home because I didn't think in a thousand years 'you are Knot alone: A series of Fisherman knots' would have ever come in handy in my lifetime.

Another survivor of the trek was the basket that contained Spike's lunch which I couldn't believe as it free floated the entire ride down and didn't overturn somehow. The drake opened it with a glint of excitement but all he pulls out was a soggy tart that fell apart in his hand leaving him disappointing that there'd be no food on this survival island bullshit adventure for the foreseeable future. After a second though, a fish flopped out of the wicker container, and it bounced around on the dry stones trying it's best to return to its home. I don't let it as I smack its head with a rock killing the fucker instantly and I tossed it into the remains of the sled leaving a small pool of blood where it last laid.

"W-why would you d-do that?" Rainbow barks out after she spits the rope out. "Absolutely d-disgusting!"

I don't say anything as I take the lead in front of her, ignore her death glares and start the task of maneuvering the fuckin' thing towards what's going to be our shelter. The sled was now much heavier due to the waters still drenching it but, thankfully the cunt in all the colors of the rainbow put aside her distaste in my act of survival and assisted me as she pushed from the back end. This took some well needed weight off of my end however there will be no thanks given in her direction anytime soon.

When we reach the boulders, I drop the lead rubbing my hands together for warmth as I peered in. It was a bit cramped but should work for what I had planned.

"Spike, go fetch some of that d-driftwood over there…" I jab a thumb towards them while I fish for that draw knife I had spotted and toss it to him. "While you're at it, take some chunks of b-bark from one of the trees. The higher and d-drier the better. We're g-gonna need it."

"W-why do I g-gotta do it?" He mumbles as he grabs a hold of the tool.

"Because y-you've been cursed with opposable t-thumbs." I leer at him as I finish maneuvering the sled as a makeshift home.

He grumbles as he marches away, but by Gods pasty wrinkled ass he doesn't give any more back talk as he goes to complete his task.

"Rainbow, go up and down the coast and see if I missed anything that might help us out here." I groan in pain as my fingers start tingling. "Grab my quilt would too ya? We're gonna need it."

"Why w-would I do that f-for you?" She seethes out not like the orders I'm barking at her.

I look at her with complete confoundment and I drop the rope angrily. "D-do you want to live or did you always dream of a p-peaceful exit as an ice cube!"

Her ears lower as a rogue shiver hits her again and she looks over at the water but doesn't give a worded response.

"Anything else t-to add to that? No? Then go f-fuckin' do what I say!" I yell at her some more and I turn back to my paramount task.

She does what I assume is a sigh, but her shaking made it a little hard to make out and without another word she heads toward the shore as I instructed. With the two chucklenuts being busybodies I took advantage of the quiet to work as efficiently as possible so we could have a spot to recuperate. Somehow despite all that shit with the river, the sled was still in one entire piece which was perfect as a makeshift wind barrier. With some leverage, I tilted it on its side and closed the gap between the two rocks but not before I used my boot to shovel any snow that was laying in our way.

Once all that was said and done, the two came back with riches more priceless than gold at time like this. Spike of course had the twigs and bark as he was told though he was looking even worse than he did a couple minutes ago with his color fading even further. Rainbow did drag my quilt back along with two little goodies. That being a small, busted bottle, more rope that had been tangled further downstream, and one of the many missing blankets which was a Godsend considering we had none at all moments ago.

The two watched closely as I draped the quilt and the blanket over the sleds side to further pad it against the wind. With that done and secured, I crawled over and made a small pit out of some stones laying around which would be the birthplace of what will be our salvation. I grab the wood and the bark laying it carefully inside and then I claw at my soaked denim jeans to pull out that lighter I'd taken from the bakery.

I flip the top open and some water pours out which was not a good sign at all. Even worse is when I hit the striker no spark from the flint emitted at all. I made a few more distraught and pathetic attempts to get some kind of reaction out of it, but nothing does and I'm left staring at the fuckin' thing with anguish.

"Piece of shit!" I scream as I toss it against the boulder face in front of my I wipe my forehead coming up with a new solution.

"W-well? Make us b-better oh wise one!" Rainbow snorts out as she realizes the predicament finding it quite humorous despite the desperate situation.

"F-fuck you!" I snarl at her, and I turn to Spike who was fighting to keep his eyes open. "Spike, I n-need a light over here…"

He nods as he gives a tired groan to inch towards the pile on all his fours at a slow uncoordinated pace. He looks down at the bundle with half-lidded eyes, sucks in a deep breath, and then a small ball of smoke shoots out with no flame. The drake watches the soot bounce off of the sticks and he shook his head frustrated and tries again, but the same thing happens again with an even weaker attempt.

"I-I c-can't…" He whines out as he almost collapses.

"W-what do you mean you c-can't?" I say to him while he writhed in agony atop the cold stones.

"C-c-c-cold…" is all he says as he shuts his eyes still shivering terribly.

"We're all c-cold!" Rainbow shouts and nudges him with an agitated hoof. "Hey! D-don't you hear me?!"

"Fuck!" I yell out as I rub my face as I go through every analog of survival documentaries I've ever seen throughout my life, but nothing really clicks for this one.

What am I gonna do? Rub two sticks together like an asshole? Even if I had the patience for that, my hands are far too gone to be able to finesse it properly and would be useless. I down look at them as their bright red like they'd been boiled pink and served with butter. God do they fuckin' hurt.

If only I could fuckin' feel them then maybe I'd be able to get a spark off the-

The thought is left where it stood as I flip my hand over and I see an answer to our problem staring me right in the face. I clench them into fists as my last hail Mary attempt claws its way into my brain and I turn towards the miserable pegasus who was sinking into herself like she was succumbing to the elements. Her good wing was wrapped around her body while the other laid there lifeless and twisted with some crimson marking some of her feathers where the attack had maimed her.

"R-Rainbow!" I yell at her, and she her body awakes as she looks at me with tired eyes. "Y-you need to m-make me mad…"

Her nose twitches at that one and she cocks her head ever so slightly, "W-what?"

I don't elaborate as I start to pack the bottom end of that broken bottle with twigs and shavings from that bark, making sure there was enough room for what I had to do next. I unfortunately was born with rather large hands so to jam the one with the mark inside of it, I had no choice but to feel my skin peel away off my knuckle along the sharp edge of the glass in a sickening and torturous way until the mark was where I wanted it. I finished my task by packing the edges with more tinder just to make sure that there's no way for this to go south. I look at the blue mare who's looking at me like a mad person after mutilating my own hand cluing me in that she still didn't connect the dots here.

"T-the shocks! Y-you need to get me m-mad! It'll light the embers…" I yell at her as the pain from the move starts to hit me. "It's the only w-way we're getting w-warm…"

Her eyes flick down to the bottle and her brow raises some as it finally clicks. She moves herself forward and looks me dead in the eyes with a sour look on her face.

"Y-you smell bad…" is all she says like it was the most damning thing she'd ever said in her life.

"W-what? That's it!? That's all you got!?" I shake my head as I look at her like the retard she is.

She groans in annoyance as she wraps herself with her wing once more, "I'm sorry, I'm n-not exactly at a 100% over here."

I give a hearty cynical laugh at her."You're telling me, you've s-spent every waking moment trying to m-make my life as miserable as possible and the one t-time I ask you to do it with my permission that's all you come up with!"

"I'm not good at improvising…" She mutters like she was taking offense.

I start to move like I was getting ready to tackle her, "O-oh, I'll show you improvising, you intolerable scum sucking piece of fuckin'- AARRRRGGH"

A round of cattle prod slams into me as I feel the shocks throughout my whole body as it had done many a time before. After a second of electric agony, I was left huffing and puffing with that same burning sensation through my lungs. Well, that sucked. I will say it certainly warmed me up at the very least, but not as warm the bottle I shoved my hand into.

Without any further hesitation, I pull my bleeding hand from the container in the same brutal fashion as I had to get it in there. I hold a bated breath as I slowly look inside, hoping to Christ that was enough charge to get the damned thing to ember. Much to my relief, a small smoke starts to chimney up the glass face though you could barely see it. I moved as slowly as I could while I got closer to the pit as to not put out the kindle, blowing softly inside the bottle to feed the ember.

After a minute and much anticipation from the two who were silently watching, a small flame bursts upwards and suddenly making us all light up with optimism. I give a holler of excitement as I placed it in the center of the fire pit and covered it with small twigs to start what will be the fire. Once the twigs took and started burning, I placed larger sticks inside and that started to catch as well. When I was comfortable enough to let the fire on its own, I left the shelter to roll over one of those logs that Spike would have never been able to grab on his lonesome. After I returned with it over my shoulder, the other two basically threw themselves onto the pile getting as close as possible to get warm, leaving me to do everything for them like they were children.

Fuckin' free loaders…

Soon enough, the driest log I could find was gently placed inside and after about 5 minutes it finally caught the flame and it surged as high as it's been yet, warming the rocks around us as a kind of oven. I know when I felt the heat, I almost cried tears of joy as I had started to forget what being comfortable was. Some more finagling of the shelter, such as grabbing more timber and making sure no more wind could hit us, I started to remove some useless drenched clothing that was doing me no favors. The other two watched as I made a kind of spit over the fire to hang my shirt, socks, pants and boots leaving me in only my underwear.

It wasn't as bad as you might think, as I felt the warmth a hell of a lot more when I wasn't wearing an aquarium that's for fuckin' sure.

We all were soaking in the flames drying and warming our hands, hooves and most importantly tails if Spike had any say about it. In fact, the fucker had grabbed a burning stick and actually started scraping his scales with it as if it wasn't scalding hot. Rainbow was still miserable, but at least she kept quiet which was fine by me. She did take interest whenever I'd do something to help our survival however not interested enough to ask what I was doing. Or perhaps she just didn't care.

"Where did you learn how to do all of this? I didn't take you much for an outdoorsy type." Spike asks as he looks around our temporary home with some of his color returning.

I was in the middle of sharpening a stick as I answer him, "The Discovery Channel and Bear Grylls…" Stopping my task, I point at him while finishing with a British accent, "Adapt, improvise, and overcome!"

"What?"

"Nevermind…" I mutter as I continue to make a small spear, "…Uncultured fuckin' swine…"

"Well, as long as I'm warming up by the fire, I don't really care what weirdo you learned it from." Spike sighs contently though he looks around with a lifted scaley brow. "Well, I would care about where we are though. I hope we're not in the Everfree are we?"

"No, we're too far down stream for that." Dash mutters as she looks at the trees dotting the coast. "I think we're in the White-Tailed Woods if I were to guess."

"Are we or are we not? Those are two very big differences there!" I say annoyed at her useless observation.

"Aside from the running of the leaves, I've only ever seen this place from above. It's my best guess you jerk. It's better than nothing!" She yells but groans in pain as she brushed her battered appendage against the rock behind her.

Spike looks at her with some worry after a moment, "How's your wing? It got you pretty good."

She just shrugs but doesn't say anything though she winces a little as she does so.

"Speaking of it…" I seethe as I bury the stick into the ground with hatred, "What the fuck was that? Geppetto's guard dogs?"

Spike visibly gets spooked again as he hears my question about the beasts. "Timber wolves… Horrifying, ferocious, and very territorial. They attack anything that comes close to their den." He looks at Rainbow again with worried eyes, "As we've already seen…"

"So, what are they? Plants or something?" I ask as I move closer to the sled.

"Something like that I think…" He says with a twisted mouth as if he was thinking.

I turn to him with a scowl, "What's that supposed to mean? Can I not get a straight answer out of either of you today?!"

"Listen, before this morning I didn't even know they actually existed." Spike defends as he sniffles. "I only read about them once or twice and if I had known I was going to be a gemstone treat for one, I'd have kept some damn notes."

"Then what do you know then? I have no idea what we're dealing with here as we sure as shit don't have them where I fuckin' live and I'd like to get some fuckin' context here." I say as I'm digging around for something from earlier.

"From what I read, they're inhabitants of the Everfree. They practically emit chaos magic as we've seen with that bloomed apple tree back there. No wonder it was able to cut through the seasonal barrier, that chaos stuff loves to eat normal magic like nothing." Spike taps his chin and sneezes halfway through his thoughts, "Though nothing from what I remember ever mentioned a case of them setting up shop in an orchard while in the middle of winter no less."

"It's happened before…" The pegasus says aloud making us both turn to her.

"What? When was this?" Spike asks as he tries to remember the event.

"It happened a long time ago even before I moved to Ponyville. Applejack told me as a kind of secret, but I didn't really believe her to be honest." She sighs as she looks at her wing again, "Until now."

"Applejack? Don't you think she'd have mentioned something like this before? Timber Wolves in your back yard is something I'd bring up from time to time." Spike asks trying to get more information out of her.

"I don't know okay! She didn't tell me much and it felt she didn't even want to, but she explained every few decades these wiggle their ways back onto the farm and wreak havoc." She shrugs sadly as her ears fall flat, "She told me during nightmare night, so I thought she was just trying to spook me."

"Oh, Jesus Christ! I didn't want a spooky story; I need an Achilles heel over here!"

"A chili who?"

"Oh for fucks sake!" I scream as I turn to them, "Can they die? Do they have weaknesses? Can they shoot fire out of their asshole and rocket towards the sky! C'mon you gotta give me something here if they come crawling back!"

The two look at each other and shake their heads, "I'm sorry, Charlie, we've never seen one before. I don't know what else you want. We know they exist at least."

"Thank you for the information, dick weed." I sigh as I scratch my damp hair. "Well, whatever they are they can lick my taint and die. Sneak attack me and get away with it? Not on my fuckin' watch." I mumble before I give an excited hoot as I find what I was looking for, "Fuckin' finally!"

I come crawling back with the fish I'd brutalized from earlier in my hand and a small knife I found in one of the pouches from the sled and started shaving off its scales. Spike's mouth started watering knowing just what I was doing and Rainbow looked like she wanted to puke.

"What are you doing now? Keeping yourself amused, monster?" She says while blanching as I remove the guts and toss them over the boulder behind me.

"I'm fuckin' hungry…" I say as I poke the sharpened stick through its mouth and position it over the flames. "If you got a problem with it, go make your own fire and let me know if you get blackjack and hookers to go along with it. Tell me how that works out for you."

She doesn't say anything though you could easily tell she didn't like my choice of words. She rather prioritized drying her long unkempt tail in the flame instead of getting into a war of wits with me which was a tad odd, but I don't care. The cunt watched us eat in silence too after the fish was practically a stick of charcoal as it accidentally fell inside the fire however despite that, it was cooked fully through and man it was delicious. I don't know if it was the cold or what, but being hungry again sure had its benefits. Spike actually offered her a piece, but she put her nose up at it quite literally in fact and the drake just shrugged saying and I quote, 'More for me'…

I'm telling you, if we get out of this he's going to the fuckin' gym and the fat turd is going to like it.

As Spike and I nibbled on our lunch, Rainbow would look at me every now and then each paired with a new emotion whenever I caught her. First it was anger for something I did no doubt, then it was inquisitive as if she was trying to put pieces together, then indifference before finally anger once more. I don't what the fuck is up with her, but she better knock it off especially as I might need her to get the hell out of here.

After some time, roasting, eating and warming up, I fully donned my now dry clothes and I literally melted as they had that straight out of the dryer feel to them. They did smell like a campfire, but I don't give a shit. Warmth is warmth no matter where it comes from. I felt my quilt but because it was made of thicker material it was still damp along with that blanket, but beggars can't be choosers.

Rainbow at this point was fully dry and her mane started fluffing into an afro much to her annoyance as Spike laughed at it. She tried desperately to push it down, but that only made him laugh a little harder. Hard enough to fall into a fit of wet sickly coughs that had no end in sight. He eventually stopped only after I walked over and tapped his back like a baby being burped. He put up his hands like he was fine, but I could see his color fading again which was not a good sign. I left him be though because that's what he wanted, and I wasn't going to twist his arm for help if he didn't want it.

"What time is it?" He finally asked as he wiped his nose.

I look up at the gray sky, though the sun was nowhere to be seen, but the brightness of it told me it was more around mid-day.

"About noon give or take…" I look over at the sled, "We should head out soon, I don't think anyone's gonna find us anytime soon."

"Can it wait till tomorrow?" He whines out. "I don't think we're going to have enough daylight to get back to town."

"We don't have food, Spike, we lucked out with that fish falling into our laps and unless you got another basket full of meat out there, I don't thin-"

AHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo

The hairs on my neck stand up straight as that howl I heard so many nights before could be heard, and it was close. Like way to close for comfort however it came in the direction of the river like that made any difference. We all scrambled towards the sled entrance and peered out towards the other side of the river where we saw what might as well have been the devil himself.

Five of them stood shoulder to shoulder all sniffing in different directions, some snapping at the other with some whines and small barks, but they were the same ones who chased us out before no doubt about it. The quick snapping of one of their heads towards us told me that we were spotted, and deep growls bounced off the river and echoed towards us making it sound so much more menacing, however they don't pounce like last time. Instead, one of them paws at the water and whines loudly before walking in a small circle like it had pent of energy instead of, you know, barreling towards us with murderous intent.

Wait…

Rainbow and Spike already started taking off towards the trees, but I stood my ground as I watched them silently with a lowered brow.

"Charlie! What are you doing!" Spike calls out from behind me as he realizes I'm not on his tail. "We have to go!"

I do the unthinkable and actually take a step towards them and before I know it, I'm at the shore just like them and we stare each other down with hatred. They all see me as their more intense barks and growls signify, but they don't do anything aside from standing there making me pretty confident of what's going on.

"You can't cross can you, ya dick bags!?" I shout with a laugh, "Afraid the water's going to shrink your acorns!"

As if to answer my question, one impatient wolf leaps in, but immediately regrets its choice as it tries its best to claw its way back ashore with small pathetic whines. The barking gets more intense as the process repeats with another wolf. Some footfalls behind me make me turn to see Rainbow joining me as she too gazes at the ones who almost did her in with contempt. Behind her was a shaking Spike who wanted nothing to do with this at all and wished we were already halfway out of Kansas.

"Why aren't they crossing?" Rainbow asks with an edge of alertness.

I chuckle as I point to the river, "It's too wide for em. They'd drown like we almost did if they tried. Seems they followed us downstream from the side we fell in and couldn't find a way across yet." I look over at our side of the river, "We lucked out by washing up on the other side."

Rainbow seemed very amused by this as she shouts across like I did, "Hey! We're right here, Fido! Come taste my equine butt in all its glory!"

I'd have laughed with her, but my look grows dark as I watch two fights with tenacity like they were choosing who got who first.

"They did find us a lot quicker than I thought they would though." I say aloud as the pack dance around the shore pacing back and forth like we were going to swim over to them at any moment.

"Which is why we should be leaving!" The drake calls out scared out of his mind as he pulls on Rainbow's tail, but she wouldn't budge as she too was enthralled with the display.

After a moment of staring, one of the wolves stops its pacing and howls loudly making its comrades halt as well to join in. Soon enough we were listening to a symphony of feral destruction as they all matched their tunes together as one. When they stopped, one by one they all hopped into the forest heading further downstream with the exception of one.

The lone Timber wolf was covered almost head to toe with that red paint that Spike had drenched over it during the chase, and it gave a very deep growl as we locked eyes. Deep lively emerald versus my cold dead blue. I gave my own deep rumble back as my look darkens further as I know these fuckers ain't done with us yet. After it seemed to have its fun sizing me up, it too turned down the stream to follow its pack and their noise ceases being replaced with the roaring river.

"How long is this river, Rainbow?" I ask her without turning away from where the wooded canine disappeared to.

It takes her a moment to answer but it was quiet when she did, "It's a pretty big river and the melting snow is going to make it pretty rough, but there's a calm section further up a little passed the woods where they could cross if it's not as flooded as it is up here."

"How far is that?" I say again with an uncharacteristic stillness to my voice.

"If we are where we think we are, probably about four-five hours from here?" She says with some trepidation as if she doesn't want to give me the wrong information.

"Then we got about seven at most if we're fast enough…" is what I say as I turn and quickly reach our camp.

"W-what are we gonna do?!" Spike says while in the middle of what looked like a panic attack.

"What we're going to do is head back up stream from where we came to put as much distance between us and them as possible." I say as I flip the sled fully over and it thuds onto the stone below.

"We're leaving like right now? It's going to get dark soon and the temperature is going to plummet! It's always the coldest right before Winter Wrap Up!" Spike chirps to me as I huff a little from the exertion of moving the toboggan by myself. "Maybe help can get here if we just stay put. Right? I mean, somepony has to know we're out here."

I turn to him with a harsh glare, "As far as anybody knows we're all napping inside the house back at the farm and even I doubt Applejack has even gotten home yet. So that leaves us on our own until they figure out we're the stars of The Hatchet."

"b-but-but we can't outrun them! We barely escaped the last time and we had the help of the sled for that!" Spike says while panic hits him hard.

"It's either we run and have the chance of dying or we stay her and assure dying. I don't know about you, but I'd rather go with the former thank you very much." I say as I start stripping the pouches of tools or anything that could be useful.

"T-t-there's no way we can get away! We're gonna get torn to shre-" He starts, but I leaned down and gave him a hard slap on his cheek to break him out of his fright. He recoils a little and I grab onto his shoulders and shake him lightly.

"We have to do this, Spike! Now I need you right now with a clear head as we're gonna need every goddamn edge we have at our disposal. I'm going to need your help in this." I look at him with as serious a look that I could give him. "Can I count on you for that?"

He rubs his cheek and after a moment gives me a curt nod, but I can tell he's still scared out of his mind. At least I calmed him down a little.

"Good. Cause I'm gonna need ya." I give him an affirmative pat on his shoulder and turn towards the campfire. "Now when they get across, and they will get across, we'll have a very short amount of time before they find us again."

"What makes you think they'd do that? They're dumb animals, they'll probably give up by the time they find a crossing. Maybe one of Angel's friends will pique its interest instead." Rainbow remarks with a small laugh.

"No, they already came this far after us and they're going to go even further." I say as I make sure to grab the blankets and the now dried lighter, flicking the striker to make sure a flame spark from it now and it does by the grace of God's ass.

"When did you become the timber wolf expert?" The pegasus snorts out, "You just found out about them not even an hour ago."

"We waltzed their den, Rainbow…" I say as I look over our campsite to make sure I wasn't missing anything else and turn to her. "We know where their home is and that means we're a threat that must be destroyed. Thus, the term territorial if it means the same thing here as what it did back home. That is if David Attenborough has any fuckin' weight behind his name when he talks about the wolves of Yellowstone."

"Who are yo-" Rainbow growls in frustration at my earthly references as I don my quilt that's still a tad damp but would still give me cover from the wind. "How could you be so sure?"

I feel myself stop as my hands grab the double-sided ax and yank the tool free from its restraints.

"Because…"

I take a moment to feel the weight of the only weapon at our disposal in my hands with my own version of resolve. A howl in the distance can be heard once more making the nippy air around us even more cold. Spike gulps audibly as he backs into the group even more grabbing my pant leg as cover and Rainbow looked to me with stout yet worried eyes as she starts to feel the impending doom that was surging through all of us. I lift the ax some closer to my chest with a tighter grip and a nasty scowl knowing full well that this fight isn't over with and had in fact just begun.

"…It's what I'd fuckin' do if I were them."