Hi All,

I hope you are all well. Y'know, I went back and forth on this chapter; however, I decided to go this path. I'm still unsure how I feel about the chapter; nevertheless, I will post it anyway.

Let me know your thoughts!

Take care of yourselves.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings for all chapters: No minors, sexual situations, Mentions of death, funeral anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 800.656.4673

Chapter 37: Willing Sacrifice

"He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry; he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."

― Bob Marley

7:58 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

I watched the waves crash against each other, feeling the breeze brush against my face. I knew Paul was settled somewhere near and felt slightly at ease, knowing I wasn't alone. Jay finally decided to give me space, and I tried not to let the space and trust he offered turn negative. At the time, I wanted it; now, I almost wanted to pull him back into the cocoon we built at Paul's. It was safe, and when he left, I felt paranoid. I felt like Grace would snatch Jay whenever he was out of sight. If she did, there was nothing I could do. I only had to ensure that he wouldn't be taken from me. I had to try and figure out something. The turmoil in my body felt overwhelming, and I wanted to crawl under a rock, taking everyone with me. I glanced at the tree line, taking a deep breath so I didn't start to panic. I was stronger than this. I uncurled my hand from a fist, using the tapping method, focusing on my fingers thumping against the pad of my thumb. The uneasiness in my body felt out of place against the pretty day. The sky was bright, there wasn't a cloud in sight, and it was the ideal beach day.

I moved, running my fingers through my hair, wincing as I caught on the knots. I peered over my shoulder at the near-empty parking lot. It was nearing five past eight, and I was still uneasy. I felt like prey being cornered. I stood brushing the sand from my pants, hiking my bag on my shoulder, walking down the beach, humming as I looked for shells to busy my hands and mind. I leaned down, picking up a dark shell, faltering when I noticed the black vehicle pulling in. I took a deep breath, running my fingers along the shell's ridges. Only one door slammed, and I saw him walking towards me, holding two cups. Mark stopped before me, looking like he had stepped out of a lifetime movie. Everything about him screamed perfect, from his hair to his shoes. He grinned, his shiny white teeth on display, offering one of the cups. I could smell the hot chocolate, "sorry for being late. Peace offering?"

I took it and couldn't drink it since my stomach was in knots, so I focused on the warmth in my palm. "Thanks." He smiled, sipped his drink, and turned to face the ocean. "Why did you ask to meet?"

Mark pursed his lips, shifting on his feet. "When you left, it did not sit well with me... I did a little digging, and you put it nicely when you said Norris is a disgusting man." I stared at him, wondering why he was telling me this. The restlessness started to build up when he shifted, and I started to entertain the thought of just bolting. "You know, I had a younger sister. Her name was Amira, and she was the light in my life. Unfortunately, she passed away a few years ago." His breath stuttered over her name, and his mask of perfection shattered. When he said her name, his face aged, and his blue eyes watered. "You reminded me of her."

I turned back to the ocean, unsure what to say to comfort. "I am sorry for your loss, Mark." Grief was always hard, and it spared no one. From experience, it did get easier as time passed, yet it never fully disappeared. Some days were easier than others. "When we love someone so deeply that they connect powerfully with our soul, it hurts when we lose them. Unfortunately, grief is always the price we pay for unconditional love. At least we can keep the memories they left with us."

Mark sniffed, and I dug into my bag, pulling out the tissues I carried. "Thanks," He patted his cheeks. Mark took a deep breath, turning to look down at me. "You reminded me of her by how you acted in the car and the hypervigilance you showed." I didn't like the look of knowing in his eyes. I took a step back, needing space between him and me; apprehension filled my body, and I shook my head, starting to deny, "My sister was sexually assaulted, and after the assault happened, she behaved similarly to how you did." I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my eyes, and his eyes showed nothing but compassion. He took a few steps away from me, putting a good amount of space between him and me, "She took her own life." I inhaled sharply, my thoughts flashing to that day. I shook my head, trying to clear the flashes, and the hot chocolate dropped to the sand.

"What do you want from me?" I whimpered, my hand clawing my chest to get my lungs to work. I backed up, feeling a familiar warmth pressing against my back. "Why are you telling me this?" It was hard to breathe, and I needed to get away.

"Back up!" Paul's harsh voice cut in, and he blocked my vision from Mark. "Breathe, sweetheart," his hand took my hand, setting it on his stomach, his covering mine. I stared at him, trying to match his breathing. "You are safe." His body blocking Mark made everything feel safer. It was almost quiet; the crashing of the waves helped as I tried to compose myself, "You are doing great." I leaned towards him, pressing my ear against his heart, listening to his strong heartbeat. I stood there for what felt like hours, "you with me?"

"I'm with you," I answered after a few moments, pulling back to look at him. His facial expression was soft, and I wanted to escape with him back home. He deserved so much more than this. It wasn't fair for him to deal with this. "I want to go." Paul's hands slid up my arms, and he warmed my body.

"I know." Paul closed his eyes, his hands resting on my shoulders. His eyes opened, and his deep brown eyes looked over me. Paul leaned down, brushing his nose against mine. "Don't run away from this." I faltered, pulling back, feeling like I was being backed into a corner. His hands dropped from my shoulders. "I don't know what you feel, Laryssa, and I can't imagine it. I will support you no matter what. I need you to hear me out..." Betrayal tried to force its way up, and I fought against it with my trust in him. I nodded, trying to calm my instinct of running. "If we go now, I think that you will continue to run, and no matter how much you run, it will always be there, trailing after you. When you tried to tell your truth, you were left alone." I glanced at the sand, seeing the hot chocolate spilled on it. "Baby, you are not alone anymore. I am here. I will always be in your corner. You'll never be alone again. We should listen to what he has to say. The choice is always yours, my heart, and I will support you no matter what."

I gazed back up at him, taking in his words. I peered around his shoulder, seeing Mark staring down at his shoes; the shell I had dropped lingered in one of his hands. He glanced up, "I'm sorry. I did not mean to..." Looking back at the water, Mark said, "Amira, give me strength." I grasped Paul's hand, taking a few steps towards Mark. "You said it didn't matter that day. It does, Laryssa. I don't know what happened with you and Norris. I won't ask you to share it. I know you don't know me and may not care to know me. I wish I could've done more for my sister, but I can't. If I were gone, I would want someone to reach out a hand to help my sister."

"It happened years ago. I want to leave it in the past," The words tasted like ash. I knew if I did something about it now, those I needed on my side would enforce the presumption that it happened years ago, and it wouldn't help that my mother wouldn't stand beside me. "Even if I wanted to move forward, it's too late, Mark. The only thing I want now is for him to leave me and my family alone." My stomach turned, and I glared at the sand. Once I got the courage, I looked up at Mark, and his lips turned down, his face displaying disbelief.

"Laryssa, it is never too late," Paul murmured, and I couldn't force myself to meet his gaze. "If you want to fight, we can-"

He didn't understand, and I couldn't tell him, "What he did was not rape, you know that," I cut him off, grinding my teeth, fear and anger coursing through my body. "I don't know what you found about him, Mark, and I don't want to know." I inhaled deeply; the feeling of being dirty was coming back in full force. I forced myself to let go of Paul's hand, unable to stand the thought that he was touching me when I felt tainted. "Norris groped me while my mom left me in his care at the hospital. Then he would make sexual remarks now and then." Bile settled in the back of my throat, and I shoved it down, "I can't prove any of this. Even if I could, my mother doesn't believe me and will probably never believe me. So, why would someone from law enforcement? They don't care about what happens to Indigenous women. Look at how many Indigenous women are missing, murdered, and assaulted while no one does anything. If you think for one second they will believe me over a white male, you are delusional," I panted, wiping my face of the tears. I hadn't realized that I started crying. I took a few deep breaths, knowing I could go forward, yet the real reason was that if I did, I could lose Jay to the system or Grace. Losing Jay to report what happened years ago wasn't worth it, and if I told anyone my reasoning and it got back to him, I knew the guilt would eat him alive. "I could lose everything, and it is not worth it. These feelings will eventually pass. I know it's not what you want to hear, and I don't expect you to understand." I looked at Paul, wincing at his pissed-off face. He wouldn't meet my gaze, and I knew he was disappointed. "I'm sor-"

"Don't," Paul whispered, his hand brushing against my cheek. "Don't apologize. I don't understand it. But it is your choice and not mine to make. I will support you no matter what." I turned away from his hand. I couldn't push away the feeling of my skin crawling. I didn't miss the hurt look that crossed his face.

"It is still an assault, Laryssa. You did not consent to this happening. You were a minor," Mark cut in, and he took a step towards us, only to take one back when Paul moved, placing himself in front of me like a shield. "You can prevent him from assaulting others in the future. Times are changing. You should still fight. You should still try. It doesn't matter if it happened years ago; it still happened, and it matters. Why are you scared?"

I moved out from behind Paul, stepping next to him. "I know it matters. It's my choice. I don't want to fight." I turned away from them towards the ocean. I wanted to leave, yet I couldn't force my legs to move. "Do not mistake my choice of not wanting to fight as fear of him. I have the strength to fight; if I could, I would." I sniffed, brushing my hair away from my face. The truth wasn't worth losing Jay. "I don't want to speak about this anymore. If you want to help, please take Grace back to New York. Everything she touches, she eventually destroys, and I won't let her destroy us anymore."

"I wish you would reconsider," Mark mumbled, tossing the shell back to the sand. "He will get away with it." I glanced back at him, and his eyes closed as he rubbed his forehead. "You are making a mistake."

"No, she is not," Paul interjected, his shoulder brushing against mine. "I won't let you try and force her to do something you want. You may not agree, but it's her choice."

I stepped towards Mark, placing my hand on his shoulder. "From one older sibling to another older sibling, you know that we protect our younger siblings, no matter what. What happened is in the past. I can't change it." Mark stared at me, nodding quickly, and I let my hand drop. I turned back to Paul, "home?" He nodded, holding out his hand to me. I glanced at his hand, my stomach twisting in knots. I took a deep breath, letting my long sleeve cover my hand before I placed mine in his. Paul tried to hide his frown. He squeezed my hand, pulling me towards the truck. "Goodbye," I whispered as we passed Mark. I didn't look back.

10:59 a.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

Paul watched Laryssa move towards the restroom, and he caught her hand before she went in. She yanked it back out of his, shoving herself into the door, trying to make herself small, and he tensed with her reaction. Hurt flooded his body, "Sweetheart, it's me."

"It's me. Not you," Laryssa whispered as she tugged her clothes over her body, trying to cover her skin. "I feel tainted, and I don't want you to touch me when I feel like this. It's not you, it's me," She babbled as she tried to reassure him.

Paul felt the rush of pure rage run through his veins. He wanted the monster to pay for everything, and he took a step back, giving her space, "You aren't tainted, Laryssa." Paul shoved his hands in his pockets, fighting against the urge to wrap her in his arms. "I am here whenever you are ready." Laryssa nodded, briskly walking into the restroom and locking the door behind her. He sat back on the bed, trying to shove the trembles down and work through the breathing exercises Sam commanded him to do. Paul listened to the shower turn on and her muffled sniffles. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tugged on his hair, trying to fight his overwhelming rage. Paul stood when the trembles were more manageable and left the room, trying not to show anger. Paul grimaced when he realized he didn't know how to fix this. His eyes strayed to the kitchen, and he saw the bread. Paul grabbed his phone dialing Emily.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school," Emily's soft voice filtered through the phone, and he could hear laughter in the background. Paul couldn't hold in his angry huff, "Everything okay?"

"I need something easy to make for Laryssa. I don't know if she can eat, but I need her to try and eat something. What is something easy to make?" Paul rushed, listening to the shower continue and her faint sniffles. "I don't know what to make." The silent words of I don't know what to do went unsaid.

The background noise died down. "Is Laryssa sick?"

"No..." Paul blinked, trying to shove the helplessness down. "She's... sad," He whispered, looking out the window. "Did Sam tell you what happened to her?"

"Yes," Emily murmured, and Paul, for once, didn't hate that his thoughts were shared. It was a selfish thought, and he knew it would make Laryssa uncomfortable if she knew.

"I don't know how to help," Paul hesitated, hating that he couldn't do more. "I figured I should try and get her to eat."

"That's a good idea. Something easy on the stomach, maybe some fruit, eggs, and toast?" Emily suggested, and Paul went to the fridge, searching for some eggs and fruit. "It's a delicate situation, Paul. You are doing exactly what she needs. Helping her care for herself, respecting her boundaries, and the main thing is being there for her. It may not feel like enough for you but try to imagine it from her perspective. She trusts and loves you, and it's enough with you just being there for her." Paul faltered, setting the ingredients on the counter and hearing the shower stop. "It's enough."

Paul paused, and he wiped his face. "Thanks, Emily." He hung up, starting to make the eggs. He focused on making them exactly how she taught him. He shoved some bread in the toaster. The lock unclicked, and the door opened. Paul focused on her shuffling around their room as he added the splash of milk to the eggs. Laryssa's footsteps got closer to him, and before he could turn, her arms slid around his waist, holding him tightly; she pressed her face against his back. Paul felt the twisting in his stomach lessen. He couldn't understand her feeling tainted. She didn't belong in the same sentence as the word tainted. He put his hand lightly over hers, and she took it in hers, intertwining their hands and holding it tightly, almost as she tried to reassure him that she was okay with his touch. Paul turned the eggs off, moving them to the back burner. "Can I hold you?" Laryssa nodded, letting go of his hand. He shifted, and he pulled her into his chest, tucking her as close as he could get her. Her hands gripped his tank top. He held her until she pulled back first to stare up at him. Paul took in her red-rimmed eyes, "You are not tainted. You were never tainted; I will keep telling you until you believe it. Do you hear me?"

Laryssa nodded, raising herself on her tiptoes, her hand curling at the back of his neck. He leaned down, and she brushed her nose against his before kissing him quickly. Paul stared at her, brushing her wet hair behind her ear, "I made you some eggs. Will you eat them?"

Her eyes drifted to the pan, and he saw her wince, "I don't know if I can stomach them." The toast popped up, and he moved to get them, but she held fast.

"Can you try for me," Paul asked, holding her and letting the toast wait. She nodded, resting her head on his chest. As much as he wanted to cuddle her, he knew she would try and avoid it. "Eat first, c'mon." Her breath puffed against his peck, and he felt her hair drip on his arms. "Go get your towel and brush, and I'll plate your food."

"Alright," Her arms squeezed him tightly before she let him go, trailing slowly to the room. Paul quickly put butter on the bread, plated the eggs, and cut up a few strawberries. He heard her settle on the bed and got the plate, utensils, and a bottle of water, bringing it to her. He found Laryssa staring at his painting, "It feels like a lifetime ago when I gave it to you." Paul kissed her cheek, settling the plate on her lap. She rewarded him with a tiny smile, "Thank you." Paul took her towel and started to dry her hair. She pushed the food around on the plate, taking small bites here and there. "Are you disappointed in me?" He faltered, letting the towel rest on her shoulders. "For the choice of not reporting?"

"No, I don't think I could ever be disappointed in you." Paul faltered when he saw her blank face, and he moved to sit so he could see her. "I didn't understand it at first, but I think I understand why you don't want to." She bit her lip, and her eyes watered. He had no blood siblings but would do anything for his brothers and family. Paul hated the sacrifice, yet he understood it. He didn't want her to make it, though he knew she would lose even more of herself if she lost Jay. It was a double-edged sword, and she chose the side that wouldn't hurt her the most. "I won't tell him."

"Seth can't know either," Her voice was firm, and she grabbed his hand tightly. Her brown eyes pleading. He fucked up when Grace was here, and he swore he would be better.

"They won't," Paul promised, squeezing her hand back. The tension fell from her body, "I'm so sorry that you have to do this."

Her eyes watered, and she blinked rapidly, "All I need is for my family to believe me. It's enough for me." Paul caught the tears that spilled from her eyes. "It's enough," She said it like she was trying to reassure herself that it was. Laryssa closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened them. "I should finish these eggs. You did such a good job, lover."

Paul let her change the subject and focus on eating.

Paul pressed his forehead against hers before getting up to finish her hair. "I had a great teacher." She smirked, and he started to run the brush through her hair. "I can try braiding your hair?"

"Course," Laryssa set her half-eaten plate to the side. "Don't worry about pulling too hard." Paul maneuvered her hair, trying to frenchbraid it.

She chuckled when he pulled a little tighter than he should've.

She grabbed a strawberry, offering it to him. "Aren't you supposed to be eating that?" Laryssa tilted her head back to stare at him. He glanced at the plate, and she sighed, pulling the plate back. Paul finished off the braid, grimacing at how awful it looked. He moved to take it out, and she grabbed the braid, putting it on her shoulder. "It's not good."

"I don't care it looks good," She battled with his hands as he tried to take it out.

Laryssa shoved a strawberry in his mouth before wrapping his arms around her as she rested against him. "Thank you." He cuddled her closer, chewing on the strawberry. Paul settled his chin on her shoulder, fighting the urge to squish her to him. "Everything is going to be okay." Laryssa nodded, letting him squish her to him.