AN: Will the story ever finish? Who knows? Maybe? Maybe when I know how to end it?
As you can all see, back when I wrote with a co-author, they had all the ideas. Not me.
…
Crunch. Crunch.
His boots sank into the snow as he walked. Roy was headed to the door of his home. It was February. A little over a month had passed since that fateful Christmas Eve day. His guilt weighed on him heavily. What made it worse was how little Hawkeye and he interacted even at work now. He was so tired of this. He wanted to wait a bit longer possibly, if only to further keep any suspicion off of Hawkeye, but he couldn't wait any longer.
He opened the door to find only a singular, small light source coming from the living room on an end table. His mind's eye could see the Christmas Tree in the room still, though it had long been taken down. Amy sat in her robe, the picture of anxiety. She immediately looked up when he came in and jumped to her feet.
"Roy! Roy! What took you so long? You always come home so much earlier-" Amy stopped short when their eyes met.
"Amy… I have something to confess." Roy said, looking away, certain she saw the guilt in his eyes. "I cheated on you." He braced himself for an explosion, but a long, tense silence filled the air instead. He chanced a look at her and saw her crumple back onto the couch, her face a mix of horror and anguish.
"What? But.. why?" She asked, her voice sounding strained. Tears welled up in her eyes, she fought them for a minute. "How.. how could you?! What about Riley? What about me? When was this? Is this why you're home late? Why?" Her questions came out in a rush suddenly and then she broke down sobbing.
This wasn't what Roy expected. Back when they dated, she had more of a fiery personality. Maybe she had fallen more deeply in love with him than he had thought. What am I thinking? She married me. Of course she had to have loved me. I was the only one not in love with my spouse. He hurt for her, he pitied her, but his heart wasn't broken like hers was. "It is why I am back home late." He answered lamely. "I- I don't know why Amy, I-" No. That is a lie. He sighed. "No. I think I do know why. I don't know what love is Amy. I don't love you the way you love me. I thought I did, but I was just kidding myself. I just wanted to love you. I admire you, but.. I've never been able to love you."
It was the closest he could come to the truth. It was a brutal truth however, to find out the man you love never loved you to begin with. What followed was a primal scream of rage and hurt.
"HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN MARRY ME YOU BASTARD?!" She got back up and ran at him, her fists slammed down onto his chest a few times as she raged, before she fell down to her knees as if her whole world was falling down and she buried her face in her hands, moaning and sobbing. "Why Roy? Why? We were so happy." She choked on a sob. "I thought we were happy…"
Roy didn't know what to say. Upstairs, he could hear Riley crying, having been woken up by the screaming.
….
"Damn, sorry about your kid, sir." Havoc said, looking up when Roy entered the office.
Roy wasn't in the mood to talk. He didn't even care if it was just the two of them in the office. He didn't want to talk about this.
"I know you didn't talk about them much here, but I know you had to have loved your k-"
"That's enough Havoc." He snapped, interrupting him. "I don't recall saying anything to you about it." He added warningly.
Maybe the other men would back down when Roy got angry, but Havoc wasn't one of them. "Maybe not, Colonel, but word gets around when it's someone of your rank."
Roy flashed him a dangerous look.
"Everyone's going to be talking about it whether you like it or not. But I'm not a gossip Colonel. I'm genuinely concerned about you. What happened between you and Amy is your business, but I am here if you need me." Havoc started out strong and quieted as he finished. "You know, I never really saw the two of you working out. I just hate that it took you this long to realize it as well." He nearly whispered as he finished. Roy turned away from him. He didn't need the reminder. Havoc sounded as bad as Hawkeye. He is right though. It's my own fault. I've put Riley through this too. I may never see him again… It broke Roy, thinking about it. He truly did love his son. The divorce between them had been finalized. Amy, of course, ended up in custody of Riley. She was the victim in all this, so she won almost everything. The proceedings had taken almost a whole year. It took a lot out of Roy. It was ironic to him to find it December once again. Soon, it will be marked a whole year from the day he realized the family he made for himself had been a lie.
Hawkeye had been oddly quiet on his personal matters. Even when they had moments alone. He wondered if she thought about his promise often. If she felt guilty in all of this. He longed for that night before Christmas Eve when they had laid their feelings bare, instead of hiding them away as they always do. I need another Christmas snowstorm. He thought to himself with a sigh. "I hate it as well." Roy muttered aloud, then sat at his desk without looking at Havoc, who thankfully was quiet after that as the other men started to file in.
"Weird Hawkeye isn't here still." Breda commented when he came in. "She's usually never late."
Roy looked up at that, pulled from his thoughts, and realized he was right. And then his phone rang. "Colonel Mustang speaking." He answered. His hand tightened on the phone momentarily. "I see. Very well. Take care Lieutenant." He said, then hung up. "That answers that. She is out sick today and may not be in tomorrow either. "
The men's heads all looked up in surprise and they looked at each other. Roy could read the room and didn't appreciate all the unsaid words passing between them. They have all noticed Hawkeye had been under a lot of stress during Roy's divorce and it seemed to have finally caught up with her. He did appreciate their concern.. To a degree. "I still expect you to work as if she is here though." He snapped. His temper has also been shorter this past year, due to all the stress of the divorce. His men didn't complain too much to him at least.
…
"Maybe you should check on her?" Havoc suggested as he lit a cigarette. Roy paused by his car, annoyed that Havoc had followed him.
"Do you think she would appreciate that?" He asked, turning to him. It wasn't really a question. It was obvious to him that she should be left alone.
Havoc shrugged. "We can all see she cares for you. She is the only one who has put up with so much of your bullshit and still did a lot of your work so you could see that family of yours."
Roy felt as if he had been punched in the gut. It was true, all of it was absolutely true. But that his men had so plainly seen what he had taken for granted really brought it home. Here he was, trying to set things right by what his heart wanted, but did Hawkeye still want to try? Forget me. He remembered her mouthing to him. And nothing more had been hinted or said since on the matter between them. He couldn't have stayed with Amy, he knew that. But should he have stayed for the sake of the son he loved so dearly? Did he give up his son… for nothing?
….
Maybe I will do another chapter this year, wouldn't that be exciting to what followers I have who still follow this story? If you have been here since the beginning, oh my god, your love for Royai must be as great as my own and your dedication to my half-assed story is absolutely amazing. Thank you for reading.