Chapter 34: In Their Heads

Chapter Text

Toga sat up straight in her bed, her hair was slightly matted with sweat, and she was heaving deep breaths. She looked around the room, trying to reorient herself. Her head throbbed slightly with the telltale signs of blood deprivation. She physically shook her head as if it would dispel it from her. The alarm clock that sat on her bedside table read five thirty-seven in the morning in the standard bright red digital font. She puffed her cheeks and blew the air out, disappointed that she woke up before her alarm. Seeing no point in going back to sleep just be woken up again, she rubbed her eyes tiredly and stretched her arms out.

She threw the covers off her and shivered lightly at the change in temperature. Her feet touched the floor and she shivered again, immediately bringing one foot up and rubbing it against her pajama pant leg to get some warmth flowing through her before repeating with her other foot. She forgot how cold the house could get overnight. She padded barefoot silently to her door and into the hallway, making the short trip to the bathroom a few doors down, passing by the staircase that led downstairs. She could hear voices whisper-yelling below her like they were trying to have an argument but were still cognizant of the early hour and were trying their best not to wake anyone else up. She couldn't make out any of the words, but figured because she wasn't being dragged out of her room or yelled at, she didn't need to worry about it.

Today was the day she decided she was going to confess to Saito, so she couldn't let anything else distract her. She entered the bathroom to get ready for her exciting day.

She didn't notice, but a thin black and red mist was slowly moving, following the path Toga took.

Dabi groaned as he woke up from a restless slumber, his body aching all around. He absentmindedly rubbed at the bandages that wrapped his arms and around his throat. He looked down at his shirt and found it was sporting burn holes throughout the body with the hem looking like it caught fire and burned up so it was now a crop top with ratty fringes. The fabric was worn so thin it looked like he was wearing sheer.

With a sound of disgust he grabbed the shirt by the middle and ripped it off his body and set it on fire, the flames consuming it quickly and entirely so that only ashes landed on the floor. He walked to his dresser and grabbed another shirt at random, throwing it on before he left his room. He slid his door open and paused, listening for the heavy thumping of footsteps, or maybe the sounds of food being made in the kitchen, or maybe even the whines of his siblings. He smiled to himself when he heard none of that. He slammed his door shut thinking he was home free and ran towards the living room, but bumped into something hard and tall. The sudden obstruction caused him to fall on his butt.

"Good, you're awake. We can continue now," a deep voice spoke to him, the tone suggesting they were smiling cruelly.

Neither person noticed, but the black and red mist was pooling beneath their feet.

Jin woke up on a hard metal bed, with urine and other human-made scents invading his nose, his head pounding with a hangover, and his back aching like no tomorrow. These were sensations he's unfortunately grown accustomed to in recent months. He was in a holding cell again, for why, he had no recollection, but considering he was all alone and he had a massive hangover, it must've been because of a bar fight. Again. He groaned and sat himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands.

He heard the muffled sound of a door opening, and then again from the door that led into the cell room. The footsteps of a probably heavyset man came down the hall and stopped in front of his cell. The officer looked a little shorter than him, but much rounder, and had the distinct mutation of a hog, with two tusks sprouting where his mustache would be.

The officer stuck the keys into the hole, "You're lucky that lady you 'defended'," he said the word with air quotes, "paid your bail. She said it's the least she could do to pay you back for what you did."

The officer spat on the ground in front of him and walked away, slamming the door shut behind him.

Jin sullenly stood up and made his way out to the desk outside to gather his belongings. Once he signed off on everything, he looked at the clock and saw the time.

"Shit!" he yelled, bolting out of the precinct, "I can't be late again. Boss said no more. This is my last chance!"

Each step Jin made was marked by little patches of black and red mist, leaving behind him a trail of demonic looking footsteps.

Mustard was startled awake when he felt something smack against his face. He jumped so hard he nearly fell out of his chair at his desk, causing the students around him to snicker. He looked around and saw he was still in class, his teacher looking seconds away before blowing up at him. Not wanting to give her any more reason to punish him, or force him into that stupid bubble, he sat back down and ducked his head down and muttered a quiet "sorry" to the class. His teacher continued to glare at him before rolling her eyes and going back to what she was explaining.

He tried focusing on what she was saying, but he couldn't help but notice the glares he was receiving from the people around him. He knew what they were thinking. He knew that as soon as the bell rang, it'd be open season, so he had to be ready to run for it, his notebooks and school supplies be damned. He'll just have to sneak in later that day to get them.

Class eventually ended, with the teacher walking out moments before the bell rang. She gave herself plausible deniability and permission to what was going to happen once she was gone. As soon as the first trill of the bell sounded, Mustard ran for the door but someone stuck their foot out and tripped him up.

"Where do you think you're going, you villain?" a kid sneered while standing over him. He cracked his knuckles, which grew a little larger and thicker, "What were you thinking about earlier, huh? How to kill the entire school with your villain's quirk? Easiest way to gas out the teacher's house so she can't come to school anymore?"

Mustard frantically shook his head no and tried to say it, but his jaw was frozen shut, fear making it so.

"Don't worry everyone," the kid called to the class, "I'll make sure this villain won't hurt us."

As the kid started pummeling down on Mustard, black and red mist was pouring out of the vents.

Kagero watched from behind the viewing glass as the League were taken over by their nightmares and personal hells. The ball of black and red energy still sat on the table it landed on, but now in the middle of a circle marked by a thin black outline, moving and shifting around in an almost ethereal way, vibrating and humming with energy. The League's struggling died down, leaving them look like they're sound asleep. They even had the hypnic jerk that's displayed while someone was dreaming. If not for the setting and the black and red tendrils pouring out of their orifices, it would've looked they were sleeping peacefully.

"How long will they be like that?" Kurogiri asked after materializing next to Kagero.

Kagero shrugged, "As long as it takes. From what I understand, they'll be experiencing their nightmares until either it runs its course or they break themselves out of it."

"And if they don't? Is there not a risk that they may never come to again?"

"I keep saying, I don't want dolls." Kagero deadpanned, "If there was a chance they wouldn't wake up again or wouldn't be the same afterwards, then I wouldn't have done this."

Kurogiri hummed but didn't press the matter, "Are you able to view what they are seeing? Ruya was said to taunt villains with their nightmares in a fight after she got to them."

Kagero closed his eyes and concentrated. He tried accessing their dreams, seeing what they saw, feeling what they felt, "I can only get a general idea of what they're dreaming about and feeling in the moment." Kagero nodded to the League, "Toga's feeling a little anxious with an underlying feeling of intense desire. I'm getting flashes of people, but no description. Mustard's feeling fear and deep-seated anger. Dabi is just overall anger and… longing? No way. And then Jin…"

Kagero sighed and shook his head, "Jin is just a mess but in the worst way. I honestly feel a little bad for him."

Kurogiri looked to Kagero, his eyes didn't change shape but you could tell he would've been raising his eyebrow, "You feel compassion for your members? Did Master not say compassion is a weakness?"

"Compassion is a double-edged sword. When someone uses it against you, it's a weakness. When you use it yourself, it's a strength. Why else do you think heroes are both so easy to predict but so hard to take down sometimes?"

"By that logic, you're willingly creating a weakness for yourself. Why would you do such a thing?"

"I'm human," he responded, as if the answer was obvious, "I can try all I want, but it's inevitable that the more I spend time with others, with them, the more I get attached. Even Master had attachments. And if those attachments give me the extra step I need to get stronger, then who am I to reject them?"

Kurogiri studied Kagero closely, noting how he normally would be watching the scene before them with sadistic glee, but now he looks almost apprehensive and unsure. It was a side of him that Kurogiri hadn't seen in a long time, a side of him that he was sure that Kagero had crushed long ago.

"I'm confident that they will come out of this ordeal stronger than before," Kurogiri commented, trying to support Kagero but not knowing the best way how.

Kagero turned his head, looking Kurogiri up and down. He didn't respond, but he gave a slight nod. He looked back to the tables in front of him and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath in and let the emotions his League members were experiencing wash over him.

The school day was nearly over and Toga had a free period, so did Saito. She had slipped him a note in his locker, telling him to meet her at the southwest hall of their school that's always empty, following a very specific route. Saito had gotten the note and brought it up to his friends, who all encouraged him to go see who his admirer was at the specified time.

Toga was waiting in the hallway, her back turned to the direction where Saito would've been coming from. She had her hair down instead of their normal messy twin buns and her hands clasped behind her back as she was twisting side to side at the hip like a washing machine. She felt the headache coming and was trying to fight it down. She heard Saito coming from behind her and turned around with a wide smile on her face.

Saito was surprised to find that it was her, but nevertheless greeted her warmly, "Hey! You're Toga-san right? You were the one who left me the note?"

"Yes and yep!" Toga replied cheerily, "I know it seems out of nowhere, but I realized I couldn't bottle up these feelings."

Saito cocked his head to the side as she took a step forward, her head was angled a little down like she was too scared to look him in the eyes, "Saito-kun, I can't pin down how, but I know exactly when I found that I liked you. I saw that you got into a fight with the bullies in the school, and you just looked so cool fending them off. You looked like a hero. You were all bloodied but you still kept fighting to make sure Hanate-kun got away from them, just like a hero would. I really admired that."

Saito scratched the back of his head abashedly, giving a few nervous chuckles, "Yeah, that wasn't the best day. I may have gotten suspended, but I don't regret what I did at all."

"And that's what I like about you the most," Toga answered, she was now right in front of him, leaning forward so her face was right in front of his, "You have the spirit of a hero, and I can't stop thinking about that, nor about how you looked in that fight. The blood leaking from your nose and the corner of your mouth, the look in your eyes…" she swooned at the memory, "I can't get enough of it."

Saito was starting to get a little nervous, not liking how Toga was fixated on the blood and how he looked. He took a step backwards, "That's great, Toga-san, but uh… I don't…"

Saito didn't get to finish his sentence. Toga swung her arm in a wide arc with a box cutter suddenly in her hand, not slicing his throat, but nicking the side where a vampire would sink their fangs. A ribbon of blood came from the slash, painting the window with a streak of red. Toga pounced on him, producing a straw she took from the cafeteria and stuck it in his wound, sucking him dry.

The feelings she suppressed wasn't her love or liking of him. She realized in that moment that she was in love with blood, and decided that she couldn't go back to her normal life. Not again. The more blood she drank, the more the headache abated, the more she felt a mental clarity she hadn't had in years, the more she truly felt like herself.

The darkness of the hallway encompassed her, bathing her in the black and red mist.

Dabi was slammed against the wall of the training room in his home, sliding down and crumpling on the floor.

"You're weaker than before," his father growled. "You haven't been training on your own again, have you?"

Dabi resisted bringing a hand and rubbing at the burns he knows marks his chest. He knows that his father doesn't like it when he goes off on his own, but how else was he supposed to get strong? He shook his head unconvincingly. His father's eyes narrowed and walked forward, grabbing Dabi by the wrist and lifting him back up. With his other hand he lifted his shirt and saw the burns Dabi tried hiding.

Anger filled his father's eyes, as he dropped him like a sack of potatoes, "You've been going out training on your own when I specifically told you not to?"

Dabi couldn't help himself, "Of course I have! How else can I get strong when you won't let me use my quirk at home? All you do with me is quirkless sparring, it's boring and pointless! Teach me how to use my fire!"

His father growled at him, "No! You're too weak! A strong quirk means nothing if you don't have the capability to wield it."

"Then teach me how to use it! Help me build the tolerance I need to make sure I don't get burned!" Dabi yelled back. His father just looked at him with disdain, "Why are you bothering with training me at all? I'm a failure, right? I know you're trying to get a kid with the perfect quirk, so why are you wasting your time on me? I'm weak and a failure, surely you can find better things to do with your time, like knocking mom up again."

His father punched him in the face, Dabi getting thrown back against the wall again and falling to his knees, "It's because you're a failure that I need to train you. You're already an embarrassment and a weakling. I can't have you being a pushover as well."

His father stormed out of the training room leaving Dabi to himself, cupping his face where he was hit and fighting to hold the tears in. He stared after his father, pain and anger swirling in the pit of his stomach, looking for an outlet. A yell of rage came out of his throat, still on his knees Dabi pounded on the ground with the meat of his fists, each hit throwing out small bursts of fire. Each time the fire came out, it was hotter than the last. The color changed from cherry red to orange to yellow to white.

Dabi pounded on the ground one last time and yelled at the top of his lungs, "I HATE YOU!"

The flame persisted at white before the faintest hints of blue seeped into it. The room was engulfed in a bright light from the fire. As the fire died out, the black and red mist took its place.

Jin was breathless as he made his way into the foreman's office. He hadn't even made it three steps on the worksite before someone told him the foreman was looking for him. Jin quickly redirected himself towards the office without breaking stride. He pushed the doors open, the suddenness surprising the man inside.

Seeing who the new arrival was, the look of surprise suddenly turned to a look of outrage. The man stepped up and slugged Jin in the face, knocking him down.

"Bubaigawara!" he yelled, "Because of you I just lost my number one client!"

Jin rubbed at his face, "What are you talking about, boss?"

His boss dragged a hand down his face, "That person you got into a bar fight with last night, which I do know happened so don't go try denying it, is the son of one of our top clients. He complained to his father about how one of my employees got drunk and attacked him in a bar and now they're pulling all of our contracts!"

Jin knew he messed up, but he couldn't just take the beating without saying his side of the story, "Boss! I didn't know who he was, there was no way! I got into a fight with him, sure, but it was because he was making moves on a lady that kept saying no!"

"It doesn't matter! Because you decided to play hero, I'm the one who's suffering for it. After everything I've done for you, given you a job, got you a place to stay, and you throw it all back in my face. Get out of here. You're done."

Jin couldn't stop his jaw from hitting the ground. In the span of one night, he lost everything, and given his apparently growing criminal record, no reputable job would bring him on. He stood up slowly and hung his head in defeat, taking off his work lanyard and jacket and handing it over.

He spent the rest of the day walking around aimlessly in the city and eventually settled under a bridge. He used his quirk to create a double of him, but instead of a double, what came out was the black and red mist in the shape of him.

Mustard walked home with a slight limp, black eye, and impossibly bruised body beneath his uniform. The bully was more thorough than he should've been considering Mustard didn't even do what he was accused of, but it was still well within what Mustard was expecting when he couldn't escape.

Mustard had his hands tied. He could've stopped everything from happening if he just let the tiniest clouds of his quirk loose, but then he would've been labeled a villain and proven everybody right that that's all he would amount to. He couldn't fight back because then everyone else would've reported him as starting the fight and he'd be spending the rest of the year in that stupid bubble indefinitely. He couldn't report the bullies to the school because no one in the administration staff would take him seriously and claim he was probably looking for attention. He couldn't go to his parents because they wouldn't listen.

All he wanted to do was to live a normal life but he couldn't even do that. He had no friends and his parents weren't any better. He was alone in a world that was out to get him.

Mustard bitterly laughed. He didn't even do anything to deserve it. When his quirk came in, it was little more than a puffy pink cloud. He was so ecstatic because it looked just like Midnight's quirk, which meant he could be a hero just like her, but that's not what his parents saw. They caught one glimpse of it and instead of seeing awe in their eyes, he saw nothing but anger and disgust and he didn't understand why.

Why was his life so shitty? Why did he have to go through so much torment when all he ever wanted to do was be a hero and help?

The anger was eating at him, so much so that his quirk activated in response. He let it swirl around him like a purple vortex, completely obscuring himself from view if someone looked from the outside. He reveled in the cyclone his quirk produced. He felt powerful, but before he could get lost to it, he deactivated it, the cyclone dissipating into nothing. The absolute last thing he needed was for a hero or police officer to catch him for unlicensed use of a quirk. If he did, that'd be the final nail in the coffin for him.

He finally made it back home and was greeted by his parents yelling at him. He didn't respond because it would just make them angrier. He stood in the doorway letting his parents verbal assault wash over him as he normally did whenever he got home. A nod here and there, eyes pointed down to the ground, maybe even a fake sniffle would be enough to let his parents enter the house.

It was going like normal until he heard his mother's last sentence, obviously meant as a side comment to herself, "If we keep letting the kid-villain into the house, it'll make us look like we're aiding and abetting him when he finally gets arrested."

Hearing that caused something in Mustard to snap. He held out the briefest glimmer of hope that his life would eventually get better, but hearing something like that come from his own mother immediately crushed that thought.

You know what? Fuck it. If that's what they want from me, that's what they'll get.

Once safely inside his room, he turned on the fan to its highest setting and let his quirk loose, but instead of the purple gas he was surrounded by the black and red mist.

One by one the connections to the knot disappeared and the League were waking back up like they were a battery that finished charging.

Kagero was watching with his arms crossed, "Looks like it's finished." He entered the room with Kurogiri following close behind, "Help me undo their restraints."

They all groaned as they came to, all of them immediately bringing a hand to their heads to massage a headache away. They blinked their eyes slowly as they looked around the unfamiliar environment. Suddenly remembering where they were, they jumped off the tables but their legs gave out from under them.

"I would've said to take it slow, but I am glad to see you all jump into action like that. Makes me happy to see there's at least one thing you learned from me."

Their heads snapped to the side following Kagero's voice, seeing him standing calmly in front of the viewing window with his hands clasped behind his back.

Dabi brought an arm up to the table, using it to push himself back up into a somewhat standing position, "What the hell was that? What did you do to us?"

Kagero looked Dabi over, but focused on his eyes, scrutinizing every last detail. They say that they are the window to the soul, and that no matter how good of a poker face you have, your eyes give away your intentions. Some would even say that maturity is easily gauged by their eyes, not their actions. Dabi squirmed as Kagero took longer to respond, uncomfortable with being the one under the magnifying glass that is his gaze.

"Why did you show us those memories?" Mustard asked quietly. Kagero shifted his focus to Mustard now, who refused to meet his eyes.

"I didn't show you anything. I have no idea what you saw. All I did was shake the trees and loosen the locks. What came through was all you. What did you see?"

"My lowest point," Jin responded.

"My turning point," Mustard answered.

"My darkest moment," Dabi begrudgingly replied.

"My first kill. And the moment I chose to live for myself," Toga added on.

Toga's response was met with wide eyes and eventual understanding. Dabi, Jin, and Mustard furrowed their eyebrows and thought, reliving the moment they saw. Sure, it was a moment they'd much rather forget, but now they can see it was also the moment that their lives changed forever.

Kagero gave them all a warm smile when he saw that they were finally seeing the point of this, "Like I said. The military breaks people down to nothing, but then right afterwards they build them up stronger than ever before. If you forget why you started, you'll never know where to end. As cliché as it is, things do get a lot worse before they begin to get better. What you saw is the worst point in your life, right?"

He was met with small nods. Toga was a little hesitant on her response, but she could see what he was getting at. What she encountered was the culmination of years and years of torment and forced suppression of her instincts, of herself. She was already at her lowest point with no hope of getting better by the time Saito came along.

"Think of this as your official rebirth, because now the only way to go is up. I will be with you every step of the way. I will support you with all that I have. You have my word, on the name of Kagero Shigaraki."