Mistake

Chapter 10

"Do you like the color your room is painted, Billy?" Mike asked his young son.

"Its okay." Billy said, playing with his French fry. Mike exchanged a look with Hannah, who shrugged.

"I picked it out because I thought you'd like it." Hannah told the little boy.

"I was wanting to talk to you two. I wanted to see how you felt about Maddie moving in with us. I…enjoy Maddie. I will always love your mom but she would have wanted me to move on and to be happy again and she would want someone like Maddie for you kids." Mike said.

"What about Miss Sarah?" Billy asked.

"She would stay at her house but she would visit frequently. She will live close to us." Mike explained.

"Do you enjoy Maddie or do you love her?" Hannah asked.

"I…am still trying to figure that out." Mike admitted.

"You are right. Mom would want you to be happy and we like Maddie, I think we would be okay with her living with us, but you should do more than enjoy her. I think you are scared to love…or admit you love again, because of what happened to Mom, Lucas…and Katie, most of all." Hannah said.

"That does hurt." Mike admitted. Hannah and Billy didn't know about his dream. They were far too young to understand it, especially since he didn't understand it. Katie hated him, but she wanted him to have a happy ending, or maybe she just wanted Hannah and Billy to have something of a normal childhood and he was just the one to make it happen.

"I wish I hadn't told you how she really died." Hannah remarked.

"No, honey; I needed to know. You didn't do anything wrong." Mike told her. They stayed quiet for a few minutes until both kids finished eating and Mike paid their check. He was a little surprised that Billy reached his arms up like he wanted held, so he picked him up. As soon as he did, Billy put his head on Mike's shoulder. The little boy was not demonstrative of affection, so Mike was shocked. It was like he sensed Mike's mood.

"Can we go take a nap?" Billy asked.

"Of course, son." Mike answered. They walked back to the restaurant. Hannah opted to stay downstairs with Maddie and Sarah but Mike and Billy went upstairs where Mike laid down with Billy on the couch. It was strangely comforting to have the little boy fall asleep on his chest but Mike fought sleep because he was terrified to see Katie again.

Most parents that lost a child relished dreams where the lost child was present. Mike loved to see Lucas in his dreams. But seeing Katie, thin and pale, had hurt him. And hearing her say that she thought he hated her hurt even worse. So, he avoided sleep until his body demanded it. But, the little boy, who didn't know or trust him, sleeping on his chest demanded it and his eyes slammed shut.

Mike walked back into the same room. Some of the food had been eaten, and Katie's hair and skin did look a bit better. She was still very thin, but at least she had a plate of food in front of her.

"You've eaten?" Mike asked as he sat down next to her.

"Yes." Katie said.

"I bought a house and retired." Mike said.

"Good. You needed to." Katie answered; before biting into a roll.

"And I…made a comment about Maddie moving in." Mike added.

"You should ask her. You only confused her." Katie answered.

"What is going on here? I'm so confused. The last dream, you wouldn't eat and looked horrible. Now, you're eating." Mike asked.

"You bought a house and retired. It puts me a little closer to Mom and Lucas. Where I'll be whole because I know Hannah and Billy are okay." Katie explained.

"I won't ever be whole again." Mike remarked.

"No, I suppose not. But the kids will be happy. I will be happy and you will find a new sort of happiness. It's a win-win." Katie deadpanned.

"Katie…you said something that bothered me before. You said you thought I hated you. Why did you think that?" Mike asked.

"Because you always chose the Navy over us." Katie answered.

"I…loved…love you. If I didn't say it before, I am sorry." Mike said.

Mike woke up suddenly but actually felt worse than he had after the last dream about Katie. He couldn't sit up because of Billy sleeping on his chest, so he stared at the ceiling, trying to control his breathing.