Addison and Derek didn't mention the discussion in the hallway from last week again.
Both of them had been separately summoned by Richard, who had warned them that they'd be sanctioned if a similar scene to what happened occurred again at the hospital. And both of them agreed on that.
After that day, their relationship became tense and the communication was limited to the bare essentials for coexistence. Therefore, Addison didn't attempt to tell him she was pregnant during those days.
This morning marked five weeks of gestation for her. As the good obstetrician she is, she knew that it was necessary to begin prenatal care this week or the next.
At this point, blood flow was starting to circulate and the embryo's heart was already beginning to beat and some of its organs and nervous system were starting to form. It was necessary for an ultrasound to confirm that everything was developing correctly.
Most of her patients attended that first ultrasound excitedly, and they usually share that beautiful feeling with their partners.
She didn't want to feel it yet, it wasn't fair to do it by herself, so she decided to wait until she told Derek.
After a long day of work, including three c-sections, she met with Bailey in the doctors' lounge to have a coffee, obviously decaffeinated. She had already given up caffeine and alcohol the moment she found out she was pregnant.
"I've been calculating my ovulation days, and my estimated due date's going to be at the end of January. I'm going to have a winter baby, isn't that adorable?" Addison said, taking a bite of chocolate cake.
"Oh, poor baby. That's the worst time for babies. Tuck got sick four times last winter and I almost went into despair. It's ridiculous, I'm a doctor, I shouldn't worry so much about a simple cold, but when it's your child... everything changes. Everything is scarier, more intense" Bailey said with a smile on her face. It was nice to have someone to talk about her child without them getting tired of it.
"Hmm... without a doubt, the first month we won't be leaving our home to avoid any type of infection. This cake is so damn good, I could eat it every day of my life. Where did you get it?"
"The mother of a patient gave it to me this morning after I removed her daughter's colon tumor."
"I need to get her phone number to buy one of these for my fridge" Addison said with her mouth full.
"Have you already started with cravings?" Bailey laughed.
"No... Well... no, technically it's too early for that, I'm only five weeks along, and significant symptoms start a bit later."
"With Tuck, I started having cravings as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It was caramel popcorn and pickles. Both at the same time. I know it's unthinkable to eat that now, but at that moment it seemed like the most delicious delicacy in the whole universe" she laughed.
"It's not that weird. I have patients who have even more... peculiar combinations. Watermelon with mustard, chocolate ice cream with garlic mayonnaise, tuna with fruits, potato chips with jam..."
"Ugh... I can imagine... hey, have you told your husband yet?"
"No... It's just that... I don't know how to do it. It's not that I'm afraid to talk to him but... I don't know what kind of reaction he will have. We haven't really talked in several days. I have to find a day in which he's had a successful surgery. Or when he hasn't argued with a patient or colleague. Or when he's just in a good mood, because with his godlike temperament, he might just tell me to fuck off with the baby and all. Besides, I want to do it in a special way, so that a beautiful memory remains of the occasion. I was thinking of buying a onesie with the words 'Hey, daddy' embroidered on the front and giving it to him wrapped in a little box."
"Mmm, it's a bit cliché."
"I know. I didn't even come up with the idea myself, a patient told me yesterday afternoon when I was doing an ultrasound. That's how she told her husband" Addison took another bite of the cake.
"You could survey your office. Question number one: How many weeks are you? Question number two: How did you tell your husband you were pregnant?"
"Don't give me ideas because I might actually do that. My patients are very creative when it comes to these things..."
"Tucker was with me when I found out, so I didn't have to tell him, he saw it for himself at that moment."
"I'd have liked for Derek to be by my side when I took the test. Well, technically he was by my side, you know… everything in that trailer is right beside everything. But I was so shocked at that moment that I couldn't even think of telling him. Plus, he was rushing to use the shower, we had to go to Doc's appointment."
"How's your dog?"
"Oh... I don't know. Derek took him to the vet this morning, but he hasn't told me anything yet. When they don't say anything, it means there's no bad news, right?"
"I don't know if that's always the case."
"He has quite a big osteosarcoma in one of his hind legs. Finn did a bone scan to see how far the cancer had spread in his body, but we haven't received the results yet. I just hope he can recover soon, he's such a lovely animal... At first, it used to make me mad when he chewed on my 900 shoes or buried them under the trailer, but now... I feel like he's been with the two of us forever."
"I can imagine..."
"I'd like the baby to be able to meet him. I've seen that many dogs become protective when a baby arrives home. From the moment they see it, they know they've gained a best friend, and... I always wanted that as a child, but Bizzy hated animals. There was no way she was going to let me bring a dog into the house."
"Bizzy?"
"Oh, my mother, Bizzy... Beatrice. She hates it when I call her mom. For as long as I can remember my brother and I have called her Bizzy."
"And are you going to let your child call you mom?"
"If it's like Derek, it'll probably call me Satan."
Both of them laughed.
~•~
"I don't consider it viable or respectful to subject the poor animal to so many doses of chemotherapy in an experimental way. It would only prolong its suffering for our own whim" Derek said, stepping out of the elevator.
"A whim? All I want is for him to have a little more time" Meredith said angrily, chasing after him.
"You're a doctor, Meredith. You should know when to push and when to give up for the sake of the patients."
"Finn is also a doctor, and he said there are still opportunities for improvement. I wanna hold on to that."
"Of course, you're going to listen to what the prototype doctor you're sleeping with says, but the reality is that neither you nor he live with the dog. Or do you not remember that you gave him to me?"
"You're being rude and childish."
"You're the one being childish. You're acting like a little girl trying to deny the reality just because she loves her dog."
"I'm not denying anything, I'm willing to start a treatment. If surgery is necessary and..."
"No."
"No?" she asked, surprised.
"I'm not going to give consent for a surgery that could leave him without a leg, nor am I going to fill his body with chemicals. I won't put him through that torture."
"You're not the only one who has to give their consent, this dog belongs to both of us."
"You mean to Addison and me. You gave up your rights the day you left him in my trailer. And Addison agrees with me."
"Does Addison agree with you, or did you not even give her the option to have an opinion?" she raised an eyebrow.
Derek let out an angry sigh, unable to bear this argument any longer. He turned around and tried to leave, but Meredith stood in front of him.
"I won't allow you to let my dog die without trying anything to save him just because you can't stand my relationship with the veterinarian and constantly underestimate his professional judgment."
"That's not it. I already said the options don't seem good enough. He won't have a good quality of life."
"Well then, what do you propose?"
"I think it's best to euthanize him."
"I'm not going to kill my dog, Derek."
"Meredith, euthanasia is not murder. Are you a doctor or did you only get into this hospital's program because you're Ellis Grey's daughter?" he said with fury.
Addison was arriving and managed to overhear the last part of their conversation. She couldn't believe that Derek had said that.
"You're an idiot, you know?"
"Derek..." Addison tried to get involved in the discussion, which was starting to turn into a fight.
"No one called you, Addison. Leave."
"I know, but... people are listening and..."
"And now you care if people listen? After chasing me through the hallways screaming because of your insecurities?"
"I think it's better if I go..." Meredith said, walking away.
Derek didn't respond and went the opposite way, leaving Addison standing alone in the middle of the hallway. She sighed, placing a hand on her stomach.
"Today was not going to be the day." she thought.
~•~
"Are we going to talk about what happened today or are we going to pretend everything is fine?" Addison said, pulling the sheet to lie down next to Derek. He was reading a medical magazine and didn't even turn to look at her.
"When did The Queen of Passive Aggressiva start being bothered by pretending?"
"What's wrong with you, Derek? Stop attacking me out of nowhere. Today we barely spoke and in the few words we exchanged you mistreated me." Her eyes began to fill with tears and her voice started to shake. "I'm tired of you speaking to me like this... you've been doing it for a week now."
Derek was surprised by Addison's reaction, she wasn't usually so affected by a minor argument. In the past, he had said much more hurtful things and she hadn't come close to shedding a tear over it.
"I'm sorry... I... oh, don't cry, Addie" he wiped the tears that fell from her eyes with his thumb, "Forgive me."
"What happened with Doc today?" she murmured.
"Dr. Dandridge and Meredith want to try a surgery to remove the tumor, and then do chemotherapy sessions to eliminate the metastasis throughout the rest of the body, this would be next week... but I... I feel like it'll prolong his suffering. I love that little guy so much. I know I seem like the insensitive one in this story, but I'm not... I..."
"I don't think you're insensitive, but..."
"I'd like to spare him all the suffering. As doctors, we already know how terminal patients become when they try to fight against something inevitable. They spend their last weeks in a hospital instead of enjoying them and getting the most of them. I don't want that for Doc."
"I think if we can give him a chance, we should take it. And if it doesn't work, we should opt to let him go in the least painful way..."
"Alright."
"And another thing, you can't insult Meredith in that way."
"I know. I was wrong. Tomorrow I'll call the vet to communicate our decision and apologize."
"Okay... Derek?" she said with a faint voice.
"Mmm?"
"Are we okay now? I mean, I know we're not, Doc sickness and surgery… and the stressful and distressing days that are probably coming, but... us..."
"We're okay" he replied curtly. It seemed as if he wanted her to stop talking and never mention the previous topic again.
"Okay..."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Derek."
"We're so good that we can't even tell..."