It is no news that it rained all the time in Seattle. Even though Addison didn't particularly like the rain, she was starting to get used to that weather.
She had learned to carry her umbrella with her every day in the backseat of her car. She could assure she had experienced more storms in the few months she had lived in this city than in her entire life on the East Coast.
The rain was normal. But that day was different.
Addison was getting ready to go to bed. She had already showered and brushed her teeth and she was applying moisturizing creams on her body.
That was her nightly routine. Except that night the thunder rumbled differently in the trailer.
Doc was curled up under the bed, afraid to come out, and Derek had not yet returned from the hospital.
Addison was starting to worry as she looked out the window at the blanket of water pouring down all over the forest. She didn't want to imagine the worst-case scenarios, but what if Derek had gotten stuck in the storm?
Or if the wheels of his jeep had gotten stuck in the mud?
What was the probability of a lightning strike hitting where Derek was passing?
The sound of the door opening made her turn around quickly.
Derek was entering the trailer with a soaked brown trench coat and a very broken umbrella that the rain had surely ruined.
"Derek, finally" she got up from the bed to hug him. He let her put her arms around his body, but he didn't hug her back.
"Addison..." he whispered, trying to push her away.
"I... I'm sorry, are you okay? I was afraid you wouldn't make it because of the storm. You're late and..."
"Is there something you want to tell me?" he said, looking at her seriously.
"Something I want to tell you?"
"Something that you're hiding from me, among all your lies and secrets, isn't there something you think is necessary to tell me?"
"Derek... I..."
"You're pregnant, Addison."
"I..."
"Isn't that right?"
"I... Yes... I'm pregnant."
"When were you planning on telling me? When you were eight months pregnant? When your water broke? When the child was born? Because a revelation in the delivery room would have been very interesting."
"I was going to tell you, I swear I was looking for the perfect way to do it but I hadn't found it yet and... I... I just..." a lump began to form in her throat, preventing her from speaking fluently, "I... just found out recently."
"You found out recently? Addison, please, that belly is at least six months along" he said, pointing at it.
Addison looked down at her belly and indeed, it had grown. How had that happened so quickly? She had just applied moisturizer in that area and hadn't noticed any changes indicating pregnancy, and now she had a round bump that was impossible to hide.
"Derek, I'm only five weeks pregnant, I turned five weeks on Monday, I... I found out at four weeks, I... I..." she started crying in desperation.
"I don't know how you obstetricians count the weeks, but you can't keep lying to me and trying to hide the obvious. How many months are you?"
Addison continued crying, unable to find the words to explain what was happening because she didn't even know herself. She was even more scared than Doc under the bed.
"Is this one mine, or did you get pregnant by Mark again?"
"W-What?"
"Did you plan on having an abortion, and that's why you didn't want to tell me?"
"Derek, no..." she kept sobbing.
"Just like you did with Mark, you informed him after you had already done it, without even considering his opinion. You don't care about the father's opinion" he turned around to open Addison's closet and started pulling out her clothes forcefully.
"Derek, please... What are you doing with my clothes?" she tried to grab his arm, but he shrugged her off.
"You sleep with my ex-best friend and get pregnant again? And it never occurred to you to tell me? Get out!" he said, opening the trailer door and throwing her clothes outside, covering them in mud and water.
"Derek, not again... please! It's not what you think, I can explain... I... Derek!"
"Get out of my trailer now!" he grabbed her arms and pushed her towards the door. She tried to resist, but he was stronger.
"Derek, you're hurting me!"
"Get out!"
She kept insisting that he let her stay, but it was in vain. Derek pushed her with force, and she flew out the door. But to her surprise, she didn't collide with anything.
She kept falling and falling into a seemingly endless pit. It was dark, and she could only feel the rain pouring down heavily, occasionally illuminated by flashes of lightning as she descended rapidly.
She was scared, where was she falling into? Why didn't she reach the ground?
Was she already dead? Had everything ended there?
Was she descending straight into hell?
Suddenly and unexpectedly, she landed abruptly on the ground. Derek immediately woke up at the sound of the impact.
"Addison? Are you okay?" he quickly got up to help her.
Confused, she opened her eyes and realized she was on the trailer carpet. It was daytime, it wasn't pouring rain, and everything that had just happened had been an awful nightmare.
"What happened, Addie?" he gently lifted her to sit on the floor, sitting down beside her and checking her pupils to see if she had suffered a concussion from the fall.
Addison still felt dizzy and disoriented. She tried to respond when she saw him looking at her with concern, but a sudden wave of nausea prevented her.
She got up with surprising speed, astonishing Derek, and ran to the bathroom. He followed her, even more worried than before.
"It's okay, calm down" he said softly as he stroked her back and tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear.
After throwing up, Addison rested her face on the toilet. What a way to start the day with morning sickness, right?
"We need to go to the hospital right now."
"Derek, no... It's Sunday."
"We need to get you a brain scan, Addie. You may have a concussion, or internal bleeding. I need to know if surgery is necessary, and... I'm going to call Richard..."
"Honey, no. I'm fine" She turned around to look at him.
"You just vomited, Addison. You're not fine."
Was this the moment she was going to tell him not to worry because she was pregnant and morning sickness was one of the most common symptoms at this stage?
It was a somewhat strange way to break the news. She wanted it to be different. She wanted it to be a beautiful memory for both of them... But if the opportunity presented itself, she had to take it. She had been postponing this moment for almost two weeks.
"If you want, you can examine me with your flashlight or ask me questions, but I'm fine, Derek. I know because I..."
"Yesterday you were drinking, weren't you?" he interrupted her.
"What?"
"Yesterday night, when you went out with Bailey. Did you go to Joe's bar? How much did you drink?"
"You're an idiot" she said, getting up.
"Hey, slow down, Addison" he grabbed her waist and she pushed his hands away.
"Don't touch me."
Addison's phone started ringing, and she answered. It was Adele.
"Hi, Addison. I know it's Sunday and you're not on duty, but I urgently need you at the hospital. It's my niece, she just got admitted, and there's something wrong with her... she's bleeding, and..."
"Okay. I'll be there in half an hour, Adele."
"I really appreciate it, and I apologize for bothering you. Please don't tell Richard anything, this is important."
"Okay, I'm on my way."
"Thank you, Addison."
Addison ended the call and grabbed the first dress she saw in her wardrobe.
"Are you leaving?" Derek raised an eyebrow.
"Richard and Adele's niece is in the emergency room, they need me there."
"I'll go with you. Preston Burke just got shot."
"What? How is he?
"I don't know, but we can't waste any more time."
~•~
"Addison! Thank you for meeting us" Adele said.
"You want to tell me what's so important I'm keeping a secret from my Chief of Surgery?" Addison said arriving at the emergency room.
"I was chaperoning a prom for my niece. We had a little bit of a situation." Adele said sheepishly.
"Camille Travis, seventeen, lost consciousness during sexual intercourse?"
"Keep it down!" Adele pleaded as she closed the box curtains.
"It's okay, Aunt Adele. I'm fine."
"When your Uncle Richard finds out you were cashing in your V-card, none of us will be fine."
"Camille!" Three teenagers screamed at the same time, pulling the curtain.
"My god! Is she okay?" A brunette girl asked.
"No one ever died from having sex, right?" the redhead one asked.
"You're not going to tell my parents, right? I used a condom and everything," the boy whispered looking at Adele.
Camille sighted.
"Okay, everybody get out of here. I need to examine Camille. You can't be here while I do it. Get out!" Addison ordered.
~•~
"Well, the bleeding has stopped, but her pelvic exam does concern me. I'd like to do an ultrasound." Addison said, walking out of the exam room.
"Three years ago, Camille was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. They only removed one ovary to try and preserve fertility, but her checkups have been clean since then." Richard explained.
"Okay. Let's not worry until we have to."
~•~
"Camille... have you had any symptoms? Any abdominal pain? Nausea?... anything?" Addison asked as she passed the ultrasound over her belly. She wasn't very happy with what she was seeing.
"No, she's been fine" one of the girls responded.
Camille remained silent, looking at Addison. She could tell that she didn't want to answer in front of her friends.
"You haven't been okay, have you?"
"Not for the past month..."
"You've been feeling sick for a month?" the brunette girl asked, surprised.
"I wanted to go to prom... I, I… I didn't want to be the girl with cancer, again."
"You're not! She's not right?" the redhead girl turned to look at Addison.
Addison pressed her lips together and looked at all three of them without saying a word. Sometimes words are not necessary to understand what is happening.
~•~
"Derek…" she hurried to go after him as soon as she saw him walk past the hallway.
"Not now, Addison."
"Derek!"
"Not now!" he yelled, entering one of the restrooms. She followed him anyway.
"What's wrong?" she said, sitting next to him on the couch.
"I'm trying to get perspective. Everything feels enormous. Everything seems... Like it's all just… I… I can't get perspective" he whispered, tears in his eyes.
"Richard's niece has cancer again... she's 17 years old and she's going to die... There's nothing we can do and... she didn't even have time to experience the good things in life and..." she sighed, looking at the ceiling. She also felt like crying just by imagining how terrible it must be to lose a loved one so young and in such a cruel way.
"I respect him, you know?"
"Huh?"
"Dr. Burke, I… I respect him. He is decent. He's honorable. An arrogant ass who just hogs the OR and thinks he's God, but... he's decent and he's honorable. I respect him.
"I know..."
"He's one of the foremost cardiothoracic surgeons in the country and I have to..." he turned his head to look at her" It's his hand. He needs to recover it fully to operate again. I cannot get perspective... I can't do this. I can't be responsible for him."
"Preston is an honorable and decent man, he is, but so are you, Derek. Do you hear me?" she took his face in her hands "You are honorable and decent. And you're too honorable and decent to run. Whatever he needs, you'll be able to face it and get through it as the great surgeon you are.
Derek placed his hands over hers and gently caressed them. He knew what she was saying was true and she wasn't just saying it to make him feel better. Addison had always known how to be calm in the middle of a storm.
"Thank you, Addie."
"God, I wish I had a glass of red wine right now..." she spontaneously whispered.
"Oh, Addison" Derek smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug.
"He won't run away. He is honorable and he is decent..."