Derek was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding the pregnancy test in his hands. He couldn't believe the impact it had on him.

He couldn't stop looking at it. A flood of thoughts and sensations ran through his body at that moment. Surprise, confusion, excitement, fear, guilt... so much guilt.

Addison was pregnant.

Addison was expecting his baby and he... he had been too busy chasing after another woman to even realize it.

Addison was pregnant... he kept staring at the test. His body trembled and he felt both cold and hot at the same time.

After a few minutes of processing the idea, he grabbed his phone and started calling her. He didn't have high hopes that she would answer, he knew how she gets when she's angry, but he still needed to talk to her. He had so many doubts and unanswered questions. Where did she go? Did she go back to New York? Did she take the test this morning? Or did she already know before? How far along was she? Would she want to keep it or...?

God, he felt like such a fool. He couldn't even imagine how she must be feeling. He insisted on calling her for a few hours, but there was no answer. She probably had her phone on silent or was ignoring him. And if she was in New York, with the time difference in that region, it was three hours later. She was probably sleeping...

He threw his phone on the floor and started crying desperately. He had ruined everything.

Addison was pregnant...

He was going to be a father. Addison was pregnant and she had left.

Addison had left...

~•~

Addison was staying in one of the suites at Archfield Hotel in Seattle. That morning, she opened her eyes upon hearing the shrill sound of her alarm clock. For some reason, her head felt like it was about to explode and the vibrations emanating from the device reverberated within her. It was becoming unbearable. She reached out to turn it off, but accidentally pushed it to the floor and it kept on ringing.

She had to get out of bed to turn it off, and that sudden movement made her stomach churn. She quickly felt her mouth salivate and had to rush to the bathroom. Damn first trimester. Damn hormones. Damn Derek.

That day she felt worse than usual, spending at least an hour on her knees in front of her new friend, the toilet. By this point, her throat hurt from exerting so much force. She couldn't help but cry, a mix of pregnancy vomiting, inner bitchiness, and her disgustingly promiscuous husband all contributing to her state.

As soon as she began to feel a little better, she left the bathroom and grabbed her cell phone to check the time on the screen.

09:26 a.m.

–14 missed calls from Derek Shepherd.

–3 voicemails.

–16 new messages from Derek Shepherd.

She wasn't going to answer. She didn't feel like talking to him, she didn't have the strength for that. She was tired, sick, and in pain. Both physically and emotionally.

She knew he was calling because he already knew. Of course, he knew.

The day before, Addison felt an internal fury that compelled her to leave the pregnancy test in Derek's pocket, fully aware that this act was like planting a bomb and letting it explode. But Meredith's panties were also a bomb for her, so she wanted him to feel the same impact she felt upon finding them in his pocket.

She also made sure that Meredith would be surprised, leaving behind another little lost and found bomb, hanging on the residents' board.

She turned off her phone to avoid more calls and messages, and threw on a gray hoodie over her pajamas. Today, she didn't feel like getting dolled up or choosing the best outfit for the hospital. She didn't want to go at all. The less she had to cross paths with those two people, the better. Unfortunately, they all worked in the same place.

Her hair was a mess too, and it was already too late to take a shower. She grabbed a fisherman's hat –Derek's, obviously– and put it on her head.

She passed by the hotel's breakfast area and grabbed a heavily loaded cup of coffee. Today was not a day to be strict about caffeine. She simply needed it to survive, that's all. She had been drinking it along the way, but accidentally spilled half of it.

"Perfect, it matches my hobo outfit" she thought.

~•~

"Hope you're not planning to see patients in your sweatsuit." Richard said as he saw her enter.

"Actually, um... I need the day off."

"A day off for what?" he asked as he folded a blanket.

"For drinking. I am feeling the need to do some drinking... actually, I'm feeling the need to do some crying. But I can't even drink while pregnant, it would be too reckless on my part, especially as an obstetrician..."

"You're pregnant?" Richard furrowed his brow in confusion. He wasn't sure if he had heard correctly or not.

"Oh, yeah. I suppose it's no longer a secret. Look, it seems like God is listening to me because I don't have any moms in labor today. He knows I need the day off."

"Addie, do you wanna talk about it? How is it that you're pregnant?" he said, inviting her to sit on the couch. She followed him.

"Why are you living in your office?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Marriage is hard..."

"Well, thank goodness mine seems to be just about over..." She covered her face with both hands as soon as she felt her eyes welling up.

Richard affectionately stroked her shoulder. He didn't understand what was happening to her that day, but it was clear that she wasn't well. She looked sad, tired, fragile... as if at any moment the slightest thing could shatter her into pieces.

~•~

"Hey, uh, Chief, you haven't heard from Addison, have you? I can't find her anywhere. She's not answering any phones, I don't know if she's still in Seattle, I... I need to talk to her urgently." Derek said.

"She came this morning and asked for the day off."

"The day off?"

"She said something about finding another woman's panties in the pockets of your tuxedo."

"That's not how I wanted her to find out..." he said, pressing the bridge of his nose.

"You don't leave another woman's panties in your tux, unless you want her to find them. I know I'm no one to speak about affairs, especially with the Grey women, but what the hell's wrong with you? She's pregnant!"

"I... I didn't know she was pregnant when that happened."

"And is that your excuse to justify cheating on her?"

"No... I... I need to find her. I have to talk to her urgently."

"I don't think she wants to talk to you..."

"Do you know where I can find her or not?" he said impatiently.

"No."

~•~

"I've decided that I'm gonna get really fat. Just as a stopgap. Just until I figure out another plan. I'm gonna eat all of these muffins," Addison said with her mouth full and mucus hanging from her nose. They were sitting at one of the tables in Joe's bar. "And I'm gonna get really, gloriously fat... It's over! Over!" she cried again, and Bailey took her hands to comfort her.

"You shouldn't be like this... It's not good for you or your baby to cry like this."

"I'm going to be a single mother!" she shouted through her tears.

"Shh... It's okay. It doesn't matter, you'll still be a good mother even as a single mother."

"I wanted to have a baby with Derek!"

"And you will... he will probably be a good father... he won't leave you alone in this..." Bailey didn't know what else to say to console her. There seemed to be nothing that would make her feel better at that moment.

"Am I desirable, Amanda?" she asked.

"Miranda..."

"Right... I need a glass of Scotch whisky."

"No, what you need is to stop choking on this junk and stop crying like this," she pushed away the basket of muffins that Izzie Stevens had left earlier.

"I can't, I don't know how to deal with my problems sober. I need a drink... I'm going to get a drink," she said, attempting to get up, but Bailey made her stay in her seat. Addison looked like a child.

"Alright, it's time to go."

~•~

"Derek! Derek!" Meredith said when she saw him rushing by in one of the hallways.

"I can't right now" he responded, his gaze still fixed on his cellphone. He seemed busy with something.

"It's important, Derek, please listen to me."

"I already told you I can't" he moved away from her and went to the entrance hall. He sat down at one of the computers, searched for the hotel directory in Seattle, and started calling one after another.

"Addison Shepherd..." he said into the phone, "or maybe try Montgomery Shepherd... oh, and what about just Montgomery? Oh... okay, thank you."

"Did you lose your wife?" Burke asked as he approached. His operated arm was bandaged.

"Yes, you could say that... What are you doing out of bed?"

"Did your mother like Addison from the beginning?"

"Yes, she liked Addison... that was before she found out about the part about having sex with my best friend..."

"Oh, well... I don't think my mother likes Cristina."

"Haha... How's your hand?" Derek asked as he dialed another number.

"It's fine, I'm doing great."

"Good."

"Are you calling all the hotels in Seattle?"

"Just the ones with more than four stars... thank God there aren't many of those here... yes, I'll wait" he said to the phone.

"If you see Cristina... you know..." Burke said, moving away.

"Yes, hello. Do you have any Montgomery Shepherd registered there?"

~•~

Bailey had offered to accompany her to the hotel, as she didn't think anyone in her condition should go anywhere alone. Plus, she needed to make sure she didn't do anything crazy, not that she didn't trust Addison... but she was out of her mind that day.

After promising several times that she would be fine, Bailey agreed to leave. Addison was exhausted, and the headache from this morning was torturing her again.

She walked to the bathroom and turned on the bathtub faucet. One thing she missed about her house in New York was the immersion baths that she obviously couldn't take in the trailer.

She stayed in the hot water for a long time, needing it to calm down. She needed to quiet her thoughts for a moment.

Once she started feeling cold, she got out and wrapped herself in one of the hotel robes. It was already night, almost 09:00 pm, and her stomach growled with hunger, so she picked up the landline phone and, looking at the menu, called the restaurant. She was dying to eat a cheeseburger with fries at that moment.

While waiting for her dinner to arrive, she turned on her cell phone which had been off all day.

–22 missed calls from Derek Shepherd.

–5 voicemail messages.

–19 new messages from Derek Shepherd.

–3 missed calls from Richard Webber.

–1 missed call from Mark Sloan.

That last missed call surprised her. It had been at least three months since she last spoke to Mark. The last time they saw each other, he asked her in the hospital elevator to go back to New York with him, as her marriage with Derek was over. She didn't believe it was over at that time, and she really wanted to take advantage of the opportunity Derek was giving her to reconcile.

She remembered crying for hours that night in the trailer because of the words Mark had said. Perhaps they were true, maybe she was the only one who didn't see that her marriage was over. Perhaps the indifference with which Derek had acted towards her that day meant something...

The thing is, she never spoke to Mark again.

But now... she felt a strong urge to call him back and ask him to fly over there. To get her out of this situation that didn't allow her to breathe in peace. And if he had called that day, it was because he sensed something... or not?

The doorbell of her room rang, and she quickly got up to open the door. She was surprised when she saw Derek's face peeking through the frame.

"Oh... I thought you were room service..."