Addison opened the door to the room, and Derek was frozen as he saw her. It felt as if a person with vision problems suddenly put on glasses and started seeing reality with high definition. It was as if, for the first time in a long time, he was really looking at her with all those details.
Her face screamed that she was pregnant. Her hair was damp, not a drop of makeup on her face, some new freckles could be seen, coloring on her cheeks and nose, and even her face was slightly rounder. And not to mention the glow in her eyes. They didn't need words to convey that magic was happening inside of her.
He was dumbfounded, mesmerized by her appearance. She was the same Addison as always, but more beautiful than ever. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before.
"You're pregnant" he said in a barely audible voice, still impressed by the image of her in front of him.
"Wow, I guess you know how to play Hide and Seek," she said ironically as she turned around and walked into the room. He followed her.
Addison sat on the bed and looked into his eyes, waiting for him to say something besides the obvious.
"I... I feel terrible. Not proud of what I did. You deserve something much better..."
She lowered her head as tears streamed from her eyes. Of course, she didn't deserve it...
"I'm sorry for the panties, and for the prom... I'm sorry I did that..." he continued.
"Yeah, I'm sorry you did that too..."
"I... I didn't know you were pregnant. It's not like what I did would have been any less wrong if you weren't, but... I didn't know, Addie" he sat next to her on the bed, looking truly remorseful.
"I know... I was waiting because I was going to tell you in a special way," she laughed through tears, remembering the patterned onesie she had bought days ago.
"Believe me, it was special" he smiled.
They remained silent for a while until Derek gathered the courage to ask the question that worried him the most. He needed to know what was going to happen from now on with their lives.
"You, um... Are you going to keep it?" he said timidly.
"Now I'm considering if I should" she replied.
"Addie, if that's what you want, of course you should."
"And what do you want?"
"Whatever you decide will be fine with me."
"So, if I get rid of the baby, will it be fine with you? That way, you'll have a clear path to collect panties in your pockets without any remorse?"
"Addison, please. That's not what I meant. Of course, it wouldn't be fine, but I'd accept your decision."
"But do you want it or not?"
"I don't want to influence you with what I want. It's your decision, not mine."
"Of course it's yours too, Derek. Don't leave all the responsibility to me. I don't want a baby knowing that you won't want it. That you'll treat it the same way you treat me. If I find out that you let it cry at night while you engage with your dirty intern and..."
"Can you give me a break?" he interrupted.
"I'm sorry. It's just that I want to know what you think. I want to know how you feel about this, and don't say it's my decision. I want you to tell me what you want."
"Well... the truth is, this was a surprise… I didn't expect it at this stage of my life..."
"Oh, don't think you're the only one surprised here. I didn't intentionally get pregnant to baby trap you for the rest of your life in this marriage."
"Addison?? I would never say or think something like that!"
"I don't know what you think anymore..."
"Can I speak? Why are you asking for my opinion if you're not going to let me express it?"
"I'm sorry. Go on..."
"Okay. What I was saying is, I didn't think I would become a father at this age. Yes, it was a thing we talked about a lot in the past, but all the circumstances of our lives kept pushing it further and further back. So much so that there came a point where we didn't talk about it anymore. And I thought that's where the desire for fatherhood would stay. I accepted it, you know? It was difficult at first, I won't deny that. I grew up in a family where it was common to get married and have children before 30. Even all my sisters -except Amelia because she's not 30 yet and emotionally stable- followed that rule. And I didn't. I married the woman of my dreams, I established myself professionally as a doctor, and I couldn't be a father. I didn't understand why it didn't happen to me when I had fulfilled all the previous steps perfectly."
"Oh, and now you're going to blame me for that."
"I'm not blaming you, I'm just telling you how I felt. I thought I wouldn't be a father and that was it. I accepted it. And after accepting it and practically forgetting about that possibility, one day at almost forty years old, I found a pregnancy test in my pocket.
"Finding someone else's dirty panties in your husband's pockets is worse.
"And finding your wife with your best friend in your own marital bed?
"Even when it's your fault, Derek, you make me look bad. You always do the same" she got up and headed towards the door.
"Addison, wait, I couldn't even finish talking, don't leave."
"I'm not leaving, I wanna know what the hell's happening with my damn cheeseburger!" she picked up the phone to call reception.
"Are you having cravings already?" he smiled affectionately. Addison was far from wanting to smile at that moment.
"No, I'm hungry because I haven't had dinner. Hello?" she said into the phone. "Yes, in room 2214... oh, alright, thank you."
"Do you want me to go buy something for you to eat?"
"It's not necessary, they're about to bring it up...
"I can go down to the restaurant to get it for you...
"I already said they're about to bring it, can't you hear or what?"
Derek preferred not to respond. Addison was visibly upset and anything he said made it worse. Was it because of hormones or was she still mad about the panties?
They remained silent until the room's doorbell rang and Addison went to receive her order. She placed the tray on the bed, laid out some paper napkins, added some ketchup to her fries, dipped the straw into her strawberry soda, and finally took a bite of her long-awaited burger.
Derek silently observed this entire ritual. It was incredible how her expression had changed as soon as she started eating. Perhaps it was true that pregnant women had sudden mood swings... or maybe it was hunger that made them aggressive. Either way, Addison looked adorable and happy while eating.
"Why are you staring at me? Get one yourself" she said with her mouth full.
"Nothing, it's just that you look cute eating like an animal that's been locked up for days..."
"What do you mean? Did you just call me an animal?" she raised an eyebrow.
"No, no. I did not. It's just that you look funny and cute, that's all. I didn't mean to offend you."
"For your own sake, I hope so..."
"Can we get back to what we were talking about before?" he reached over to steal a fry.
"Hey! Get your own fries!" she lightly hit his hand and he backed away.
"God, I didn't know pregnancy was going to make you so selfish with food" he laughed at her reaction.
"Oh, and this is just the beginning…" she said, taking a sip of her soda.
"So, you're going to continue with the pregnancy..."
"I... I am. Actually, I never had any doubts about that," she sighed. "I want this baby, Derek. From the moment I found out about it, I started to love it. It's just that... I don't want him or her to suffer the same way I suffer because of you. I don't want to bring a baby into this world for that. I don't want it if you're not going to love him or her the same way I do."
"Addie, you didn't let me finish what I wanted to say earlier. You don't know what I think."
"You're right, I'm sorry. Go on with what you were going to say."
"The pregnancy was a surprise. You caught me off guard and speechless. But never, not for a second, did I doubt that this was the best thing that ever happened to me. The best surprise anyone has ever given me.
"Really?" she pouted slightly.
"Really. God, I think about it and I get goosebumps. Addison, we created a baby. We made a little human. Someone who will be half you and half me.
"Well, technically it's not even a fetus yet, it's far from being considered a person..."
"It doesn't matter, it will be. In a few months, there will be a new person on planet Earth and it will be thanks to the two of us."
"I... I know" she said, starting to feel excited again as she sensed his enthusiasm for the idea.
"He or she hasn't even been born yet, but they have already become the most precious thing I have. Of course, I will love them in the same way that you will, maybe even more. Addie, I am happy with the news and I am so regretful for everything I did that made you hesitate about having it, or not, because of me. I feel like the worst person in the world and you didn't deserve any of what I did. I... I am a complete idiot."
"You are..."
"If you forgive me, if you manage to forgive what I did, I promise you that I will strive every day to be the best husband and father that exists in the world."
"Derek..." she sighed, no longer trying to hold back the tears. "I don't want you to stay with me just because of the baby. I don't want this to be what ties you to me forever."
"Addie, it's not like that. It's not tying me down."
"It is, Derek. It is. You don't love me, you're only excited about the idea of having a baby. I don't want you to pretend that it isn't true because we already know how this story ends..."
"Addison..."
"I want us to have a good relationship so that this baby can grow in a peaceful and healthy environment. But I don't want them to live in a place where their father can't bear to look their mother in the eyes for more than two seconds. Where he'd rather spend the night on duty than share the bed with her wife again. Or where he always throws in her face all the mistakes of the past that were supposedly forgiven."
"I want to change this for the baby. I... I won't be like that with you anymore."
"It's not for the baby that you should change. It's for you. Its for us. It's because you truly choose to be with me. I want you to choose me and not just stay with me because it's the right thing to do. I want you to love me... I want you to truly do it and not just say it to quiet me", she whispered with a broken voice.
"Addie..."
"I think it's time for you to leave, Derek. My head is starting to hurt and I need to rest."
"Are you going to come back to the trailer someday?"
"I don't know, it depends on what I just told you... for now, I think it's best if we stay apart."
"Okay" he said, getting up to leave. She followed him to the door.
"I made an appointment for the first ultrasound on Monday, in case you want to come... well, you can come" she said, her face resting on the doorframe.
"I'll be there."
"Alright. I'll send you the exact time later. So... see you on Monday?"
"See you on Monday. Rest well, Addie."
"Thank you, Derek..."
He turned to leave but immediately turned back and hugged her tight. He had been restraining himself from hugging her since the moment he found out they will be parents.
She didn't expect that from him, but she also hugged him. They both melted into that warm embrace for several minutes until he let go.
"I'll make this work," he whispered in her ear and left a heartfelt kiss on her forehead.
After that, he disappeared down the hallway of the hotel, leaving her with more doubts circling her mind.