It had been nearly three weeks since the discussion in Addison's office. That day, they had stayed late in silence until each one decided to return to their respective places.
Mark didn't speak to either of them again and also avoided seeing them at all costs. He only went to the hospital to fulfill his schedule and didn't stay a minute longer to avoid running into either of them. He was completely disappointed and angry with Addison. He knew that if he saw her, he wouldn't be able to avoid saying a bunch of things that he would regret later.
And he was scared of Derek. Now that he had found out that Addison lived with him for three months in New York and that she had an abortion on their child, he would surely hate him more than before. He didn't dare to confront him. He felt shame, fear, and confusion. He didn't want to see him either.
On their part, Addison and Derek didn't exchange many words during that period. They only communicated about the basics and essentials: the baby. Who was currently inside Addison, which is why their conversations consisted of asking her how she felt, how the fetus was developing, and if she needed help with anything. All their talks in those days were about that. Their priority.
She had entered the second month of pregnancy. Every Monday marked another week, and with the one that had just begun, there were ten in total.
"...and now it measures approximately 1 to 1.2 inches, weighs about 0.011 pounds. All the vital organs have started to form. The tip of the nose has developed and can be seen in an ultrasound... the separation of the toes and fingers has begun... Oh, and it's already making small movements! Have you felt it?" Derek asked, looking up from the medical magazine he was reading. He had promised Addison that he would be just as involved in the pregnancy as she was.
"Mmm, no," she said with her mouth full. She was having yogurt with granola in the doctors' lounge. "I can't notice, that can only be seen in an ultrasound."
"When is our next ultrasound?"
"In two weeks, when I enter the second trimester," she took another spoonful into her mouth.
"I don't know if it's my eagerness to see it or if the dress you're wearing today accentuates it more, but I feel like it suddenly 'popped.' It wasn't like this yesterday, right?" he asked, looking at the small curve in Addison's belly.
"Mmm, I noticed the same thing. I thought it was just an illusion," she lovingly passed her hand, making small circles in the area. Derek smiled at seeing her like that. She looked so adorable in her motherly mode.
"It has definitely grown. Addie... can we talk about what will happen between us? We've been avoiding this topic for three weeks."
"I don't know, Derek. Every time we start talking about us, it ends in an argument. I'm really enjoying this blueberry yogurt, I don't want to start feeling nauseous right now."
"But sooner or later, we have to talk about it... how are we going to continue? When are you going to return to the trailer?"
"I don't know. Hey, can you pass me some honey from the pantry?"
"Blueberry yogurt with honey?"
"It's a good combination... and if you add a pinch of salt, it enhances the flavor. You should try it."
"Maybe some other time..." he handed her the honey jar and watched as she made that particular combination in her bowl.
Mark entered the room in search of coffee and came across the two of them laughing at one of the tables. Obviously, the laughter stopped as soon as they noticed he was there.
"I... I just wanted some coffee, carry on with what you were doing," he said nervously as he walked away.
Mark left, but the atmosphere remained tense nonetheless. Neither of them spoke another word after that.
"I have to start my rounds, you know, if you need anything, just call me..." Derek got up and left without waiting for Addison's response.
~•~
"There you are!" Mark said as he watched Izzie and Alex approach with their freshly laundered clothes and lunch. "Did you guys go all the way to New York to get the deli meat?"
"With spicy sauce, lettuce, and a little mayo," Alex said, handing him a paper bag with his sandwich inside.
"Mark, what are you doing?" Addison saw the whole scene indignantly.
"Lunch. Want my pickle?" he asked, laughing as he pulled out a cucumber from the bag and showed it to her. She didn't find it funny at all.
"Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital. Part of your job is to teach, your residents are not your slaves."
"Okay, no pickle for you," he stood up, gestured for the residents to follow him, and left her standing there.
~•~
Meredith and Cristina were in neuro that week. Derek had been avoiding her since the last time they spoke before Mark arrived and turned the hospital upside down.
She had also stopped looking for him and insisting. In part, she did it out of self-respect, out of respect for Finn and Addison, and mainly because Cristina threatened to kill her if she approached him again to beg.
All her illusions died. Part of her heart had broken that day, and she was still trying to gather the pieces and accept that a life with Derek was never going to happen.
At first, she denied it, as in any process, denial was the first stage. She wanted to convince herself that he had only said it to make her leave him alone. But that didn't make much sense, why would Derek invent a pregnancy instead of telling her he didn't want to be with her and be done with it? It wasn't logical, practical, or easy to maintain that lie over time.
Then came the sadness, the anger, and the mourning. Nights filled with tears, tequila, and disposable tissues. Days spent wondering why, when he was willing to fight for their love, a baby had appeared in the middle? Why hadn't that baby been with her? Did Addison do it on purpose to make sure he wouldn't leave her? No... that was absurd too. No one is so desperate to do such a crazy thing, right?
And now she was starting with acceptance. The last and most difficult step of all. Having to see him all the time in the hospital and knowing that they would never be anything more than colleagues. People who once loved each other but life decided to lead them in separate ways.
"Is everything okay, Dr. Grey?" Derek asked when he noticed Meredith easily getting distracted that day. She was usually attentive during procedures, but that day she seemed out of it.
"Everything's fine, Dr. Shepherd," she lied.
"Okay, then I'm going to ask you to close once I remove the frontal lobe tumor."
"Alright."
~•~
"What was that scene in the hall this morning? Do you think you can do whatever you want with your residents just because you're their boss? I repeat they are not your personal employees. They are doctors undergoing surgical training.
"Oh, I'm not here for your ethics and morals lecture, Addison," Mark responded.
"These are not lectures, they are here to learn medicine. Not to bring you your dry cleaning! That is an abuse of authority."
"Abuse of authority is also deciding for others just because you have the most power in the establishment."
"What are you talking about?"
"Deciding to abort without asking the other parent just because you have the fetus inside you doesn't sound familiar?"
"What does this have to do with the residents? Why are you bringing up this topic?"
"Because I'm tired of you telling me what to do and making decisions about my life. Whether I come to Seattle or not, whether I accept the job, whether I 'enslave' the residents, whether I become a father or not. EVERYTHING is how you want it to be."
"You're an idiot, you know that?"
"You deny it because you know it's true. But it's always been easier to blame me than to take responsibility. Why did Derek forgive you so quickly and can't even stand to be in the same room as me without hyperventilating?"
"Derek hasn't forgiven me..."
"That's not how it seemed this morning at breakfast while the lovebirds were laughing and talking about their stupid baby."
"First of all, don't insult my baby. Whatever happens between you and me, or between Derek and you, is not the baby's problem, so I ask that you don't involve someone who hasn't even been born yet. And second, acting like civilized people doesn't mean we're okay and have forgotten everything."
"Well, Derek isn't civilized with me."
"Mark... you have to give him time."
"Do you really think time will give me anything? It's been three damn weeks and Derek's still acting as he did in the first second he saw me."
"Mark, you have to understand. Derek feels bad, he feels betrayed..."
"And why does nobody care how I feel? I also lost a lot in this story and nobody realizes that! I lost my brother, I lost a friend, whom I loved, I lost my daughter, and as if that weren't enough, now you're going to have another one. How did you get pregnant so quickly? Did you replace her already?"
"I didn't choose to get pregnant. We weren't planning it, I don't know what happened, a mistake, I don't know. But I didn't do it on purpose. It happened, and here I am dealing with the consequences of my actions."
"And what does this pregnancy have that the other one didn't, for you to decide to continue it? Is it because it's Derek's? Is that it? For elitist people like you, it's much more favorable to have a child with your husband than an illegitimate child. Because above all, there's the public image. What would the world think if they found out that perfect Addison Forbes Montgomery is an adulteress?"
"I don't want to keep talking to you, I don't have to give you explanations about what I decide or not with my body. I told you once, and I won't repeat it, don't mess with my child. I hope it's clear to you."
Addison turned around ready to leave.
"Do you at least know what day it was when I arrived in Seattle?" he whispered before she walked away.
"Sorry?" she turned to look at him again.
"It was June 2nd..."
"Oh..."
"I still have that calendar marked on the fridge in my apartment in New York..."
"Mark, I... I'm really sorry."
"Do you really mean it or are you saying that to make me feel better? Because I don't see you feeling bad, you're happy with this new pregnancy."
"Mark..."
"Do you know how difficult it is for me to see you right now with that little belly, which you try to hide but can still be seen through your gown? It's all I wanted to see in the past and never could. I'm still trying to convince myself that it's not my child, that it's not her. But it's so hard when I see you and remember it every day. We could have had a good life in New York, I know I made a mistake but I was willing to do anything to make it work."
"Mark, you would have been a terrible father. Do you think I don't know about all the nurses you were with at the same time you were with me? You didn't want to have a baby, you wanted something that Derek didn't have. You wanted to beat him at something for the first time in your life. And that's what's destroying you now."
"It's not like that... I loved them."
"Love isn't about that. I'm very sorry that the story didn't end well for you, I hurt you and I regret that a lot. But I don't regret the decision I made at that time because it was the best I could do. And don't think I've forgotten, it still hurts me. And it probably will hurt me for the rest of my life. I also wanted it to have a different ending, but you know how life works… people plan and God laughs."
"Now you're quoting Bizzy?"
"Even if you don't believe it, I'm empathizing a little more with Bizzy. I'm starting to understand things that I didn't before, and... it doesn't matter. What I mean is that I'm happy and I'm going to have a baby with Derek. I'd like you to be an understanding friend and understand that life had to be this way. Don't hate me, don't hate the baby. Because even though you don't know him o her yet, I'd like them to have a good relationship with their godfather..."
"I'm going to be their godfather?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Of course you are, did you have any doubt? We've been telling you your whole life that you would be the godfather of our child."
"And is Derek okay with that? I mean, right now, is he okay with it?"
"We haven't talked about it yet, but he will be. You're his brother, Mark. I know that at some point you'll be like before again. But be patient, and above all, learn to forgive and accept the life we've been given."