Twelve weeks and three days.
Addison had officially started the second trimester. The best one, according to the experiences her patients shared with her.
Hormones were starting to stabilize, and discomfort and fatigue were diminishing. She would soon be able to feel the baby's kick. The baby's growth was becoming noticeable more suddenly, and the baby bump would finally take center stage.
Derek was walking towards the newborn space where Addison was that day. The previous night, he had been reading his medical magazine to stay informed about what would happen during that week. The fetus –now officially a fetus and no longer an embryo– at this stage had well-differentiated limbs from the rest of the body and even had nails on its little fingers. It also began to swallow small amounts of amniotic fluid, as its digestive system was mostly formed; it even had a diaphragm, so it could start getting hiccups. Derek couldn't help but smile at the thought of such a tiny being having those kinds of reactions inside its mother's womb.
The external genitals were already formed, and if they were in a good position during the ultrasound this afternoon, they would probably find out the baby's gender. He was eager to meet Addison and tell her everything he had learned. It might be a bit ridiculous since she knew better than anyone how fetal development stages were, but experiencing them with their own baby was different.
"Hey..." he said, peeking through the door with two cups of hot chocolate in his hands.
"Hey..." Addison got up from the chair next to the incubator and went to meet him. "And what's this?" she took the cup Derek offered her.
"Hot chocolate, with two sugar packets. So the baby moves today," he gave her a light kiss on the cheek, a habit they had slowly reintroduced.
"Oh, Der. It's too early to feel its kicks yet," she smiled as she took a sip.
"I know. It's to see the baby's gender in today's ultrasound."
"Oh, about that..."
"I know it's difficult and impossible to determine with 100% accuracy at this stage, but the genitals are already formed, and if it's a boy, we could probably tell right now. It'd be a bit more challenging to confirm if it's a girl, but..."
"I've been thinking about that and… I don't wanna know the baby's gender until it's born."
"Excuse me? Are you going to torture me for another six months with this suspense?"
"Listen, the baby's gender doesn't change anything. It won't make us love it more or less just because of its genitalia, right?"
"Of course not, but..."
"The only thing knowing the gender would do is give us a reason to start creating expectations about him or her. Because from the moment we know, we'll start projecting things onto the baby. I want to avoid us falling into that trap and also prevent external people from doing it. After all, knowing whether it's a girl or a boy will be the least relevant information in its life."
"But..."
"I want us to start loving the baby unconditionally from this moment, and for that love not to change based on what it has between its legs. Because that's purely biological."
"Addison, of course, I'll love the baby unconditionally. That will happen regardless of whether we know or not."
"Then why do you want to know?"
"But what's wrong with knowing?"
"Like I said, it would lead us to expectations and gender roles that society imposes. We would start buying blue or pink clothes, buying "boy" or "girl" toys, and thinking about future extracurricular activities, like ballet or baseball, or its professional path. And what if in the future the baby doesn't identify with its biological gender and decides to change it?"
"Then we'll accept and help them with the transition... in the meantime, we can wear blue or pink clothes because there's nothing wrong with that. Dressing a baby in blue isn't a sin, Addison."
"I know, but I want to avoid falling into those color associations. I want us to learn to love our baby unconditionally before it's born so that it knows that no matter who or how it is, we'll love it the same."
"But we already love it like that! I don't understand your point."
"What if in today's ultrasound, my OB tells us it's a boy just because she sees an extension in the genital area, but when the baby's born, we realize it wasn't that, and the baby doesn't have a defined gender, so it could be a girl or a boy?"
"What?" he asked, even more confused.
"Wouldn't you be disappointed if you found out?"
"I don't know, it's not something I'm thinking about..."
"Well, these things happen. In fact, it happened to me with a family last week..."
"How did it go?"
"They were expecting a boy, Matthew, because that's what all the ultrasounds showed. But when he was born, he had a fusion between a vagina and a penis, nothing definitive. It could be both things. We did a genetic test, and there was an 84% chance of it being a girl. The parents decided to subject the baby to gender reassignment surgery, and... I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the one deciding for that baby. I couldn't be the one to change and define its life just because I could. I told the parents, and... the father got scared, denied it, and fled. I don't want this to happen to our baby."
"Addison, I would never abandon you or the baby. I'm not that kind of person..."
"I know."
"And I'm really sorry that there are people who do that. I'm sorry for your patient and the baby..."
"Well, then the father came back. But he wasn't very convinced about raising the baby in a gender-neutral way."
"And... I don't know, it must be difficult to go through that."
"Why? Would it be so terrible for you to have a non-binary child?"
"I didn't say that."
"But would it?"
"I don't know. God, Addison, I just wanted to know the baby's gender because I thought it was something normal to do."
"And what is normal?"
"Well, forget it. We'll be late for the appointment."
~•~
"You're going to feel a little cold when I apply the gel, right?" Sophia said as she took the ultrasound probe. "Let's see what we have here...
"I can see its little nose!" Derek exclaimed with a smile on his face as the image appeared on the screen.
"That's right, it has a very nice nose," confirmed Sophia.
"It's clearly the mother's nose," Derek said, looking at Addison. She was mesmerized, staring at the screen as if it was the first time she had ever seen an ultrasound.
"We can also see its fingers and toes... look, it's moving its legs right now."
"Oh, don't get too close to that area. We don't want to know the gender," Addison quickly said.
"No? Why not? Are you planning a gender reveal party?"
"We don't want to know until it's born."
"Oh… and you'll stay in suspense until January?"
"Don't even mention it," Derek complained.
"I can live with that," Addison tightened her lips, feeling slightly uncomfortable.
In addition to looking at the monitor screen, Derek occasionally glanced at Addison's exposed belly. It was the first time he had seen her with her clothes lifted, and he was surprised by how much she had grown. She had always had a flat stomach, so seeing her with a small bump was new to both of them.
He was dying to touch and caress that little belly where their baby was, but he wanted to be respectful and only do so when she wanted him to. He didn't want to invade her personal space or make her feel uncomfortable like many clueless people did. He knew that could bother her.
"Twelve weeks and three days, the fetus measures 2.6 inches and weighs about 0.30 pounds, like a small lemon," Sophia said, taking the measurements. "It's developing perfectly according to its gestational age."
"Oh, it's moving its mouth!" Derek exclaimed excitedly. "The baby's kidneys are already functioning, so it's possible it's swallowing fluid to produce urine," he said, proud of his kid's progress.
"Well, it looks perfect. I'm going to print these images for you to take them. In the meantime, you can clean yourself up," she handed Addison a couple of paper napkins to remove the excess gel from her body.
Sophia left the office for a moment to retrieve the printed ultrasound images.
"Addie, it couldn't be more beautiful. I've never seen such a beautiful baby. He or she has your nose!"
"Oh, Derek. All babies look like that at this stage. Their features haven't even formed," Addison laughed at her husband's naivety.
"Don't be humble, Addie. This baby is really precious."
"You clearly are the father," she continued laughing.
"Well, here they are. I imagine they'll go straight to grandmas' refrigerator, won't they?" Sophia said, entering again.
Addison felt a little uncomfortable with that comment. Would Bizzy put a picture of a fetus on her refrigerator? That was something she would never do. In fact, she didn't even go to the kitchen. That was Carolyn's style, who could have an entire collection of every picture of her fourteen grandchildren... well, fifteen with this baby.
"I think it could be a good way to announce to the grandmas that someone is on the way," Derek said. If it were up to him, he would have already told all the Shepherds that a new member was coming to the family.
"Is there any possibility that you have surgical privileges at Seattle Grace?" Addison said, looking at Sophia and changing the subject. "I'd like to give birth there. I know the nurses, my residents, my colleagues..."
"We're from New York, and our family is somewhat far from here. People from the hospital will want to come see the baby as soon as it's born," Derek added.
"Oh, yeah. That's not a problem. Wherever you feel most comfortable."
"Okay..."
"Based on what we saw in the ultrasound today, the baby's developing correctly. Nonetheless, I'm going to request a series of tests. You know, routine ones..."
"And because of my age, I know. I'd do the same."
"That's right. We'll do a blood test to detect any genetic diseases, syphilis, hepatitis B and C, HIV... you know, it's just routine."
"I know..."
"When you have the results, come see me again, okay? Keep taking your prenatal vitamins, eating healthy, avoiding saturated fats..."
"Okay. See you next time."
"Take care..."
~•~
"I want to change my OB," Addison said as she left the doctor's office.
"Why?"
"I'm not completely satisfied. Did you hear the comment about grandmothers? Why would she say something so stupid? She's rude."
"She said it to be friendlier with you. You intimidate her with the way you look at her. Stop doing that, she's not your intern."
"Well, she acts like them. Only they make those kinds of comments. What if my parents had died two months ago and I was still grieving the loss? Or what if I was left at a fire station as a baby and grew up in an orphanage without any parental figures? Or even worse... What if the grandmother is Bizzy? Oh wait, that part is real."
"Calm down, Addie. Don't give it so much importance."
"Of course I do. It's unprofessional to assume how patients' lives are. I don't want someone like that touching my baby. I need a new OB."
"Sophia's not a bad professional, it's just that she will never be like you, and that bothers you. But you can't be your own obstetrician. I know you know more than anyone how to handle a pregnancy, but you have to let someone else do it for you. Or do you want to deliver your own baby?"
"I could, right? I just need a mirror and..."
"Addie, come on. We won't leave Sophia just because she suggested we give an ultrasound to the grandparents. In fact, Mom will probably want to have it. Don't you think it's a good time to tell her? We're past the delicate stage and..."
"Oh, no. Don't start with the family thing now. I need to clog my arteries with something chocolatey right now and I don't give a shit if your beloved Sophia told me to take care of my old age."
"Do you want to go get some donuts?"
"Of course I do."