Raz decided he needed some alone time to plan and prepare, so he headed to some obscure corner of the quarry to think. He sat on a patch of moss, knees pulled up to his chest, not even hearing the birds chirping or the lapping of water below.

Was it even a good idea to plan? The dragon was part of his own mind; would she be aware of his plans? Actually, how could he even plan if he had no idea what awaited him? He assumed she could be found inside the castle, because where else in his mental world would be suitable for fighting a dragon? But he didn't know how to get to the castle, or anything of its layout, or even what the dragon was capable of. Flight, obviously, and presumably fire-breathing. But beyond that, he had no idea.

A hand waved in front of his face. "Hello? Earth to Razputin!"

"Huh?" Raz blinked rapidly as the world collapsed back into place around him. Lili was standing in front of him, one hand on her hip, eyebrow raised.

"You okay?"

He opened his mouth to assure her he was fine, but no words came out. He sighed and looked down at the ground. Lili sat down next to him.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked softly.

"No," he said. A moment later, he continued, "Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

She let out a quiet hum and leaned sideways, resting her head on his shoulder. She did not press for information. Raz would speak when he was ready.

All she asked was, "Do I need to light somebody on fire?" And at that he smiled. He still had the strength to smile.

"No. I'm just… dealing with some stuff in my own mind. It's… a lot. I guess everything that happened is sinking in, you know?" Raz paused. He hadn't breathed a word of Melancholia to anybody else. Not to Sasha, not to Milla, not to his therapist. "I… think I have to fight a dragon. In my mental world, I mean."

"You've fought worse," Lili assured him. "You'll kick that stupid dragon's butt. And if you don't, I'll go in there and kick its butt for you."

Raz laughed softly, smiling again in spite of himself. "Thanks, Lili."

His girlfriend's support carried him through the rest of the day, gave him the strength to stock up on dream fluffs and psi-pops, to actually sleep well that night. It did not last until morning.

He awoke to a feeling of dread. Every time he'd used the brain tumbler recently, he'd come out feeling worse than he had when he went in. It didn't exactly leave him excited for yet another round, especially knowing he had to fight that dragon. He'd fought worse before, sure, but he didn't have the knowledge of what he was going up against hanging over his head beforehand. It was all in the moment.

It's a freakin' dragon, he thought. A Psychonaut fighting a dragon is like, the coolest thing ever! Yet, somehow he wasn't excited. Wasn't this the epitome of what he'd always dreamed of? Better than any issue of True Psychic Tales? Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a real Psychonaut.

Where did he belong, then? If he didn't belong with the Psychonauts, and he didn't belong with his family… did he belong anywhere at all? Tears started to roll from his eyes, and he turned and buried his face into his pillow to muffle the sobbing.

Maybe he really didn't belong, didn't deserve to be a Psychonaut. Maybe it had all just been a fluke, made him look more capable, made him look braver, than he really was. Sasha and Milla would be so disappointed in him. Maybe they were already disappointed and were just really good at hiding it.

Stop it, he told himself. You sound like her.

Raz focused on his shaky breathing, trying to pull himself together. Trying to summon the will to haul himself out of bed, to face the day. To face the dragon. It was all so very much, and he just felt so drained.

He forced himself to get up anyway. Or rather, to sit up and swing his legs over the edge of the bed. It took another several minutes before he could bring himself to actually get up. I could really use Clem and Crystal's cheering right about now, he thought, smiling slightly. The smile faded as the thoughts took a bitter turn. Yeah, cheering for just getting out of bed. You're a real winner, Raz.

He got dressed, then stood there in his room for a minute, staring into empty space. He considered trying to pump himself up by reading True Psychic Tales #384, where psychic knight Arker Marteau fought a pyrokinetic crocodile. That was close enough to a dragon, right? But he knew that, one, it really wasn't, and two, if he did, he'd just end up reading comics all day. No, this had to be done. Besides, the sooner he killed that stupid dragon, the sooner it would be over and he could start feeling better.

He was dimly aware that he should eat before heading to Sasha's lab, but he had no appetite. He greeted Sasha flatly on his way through the room, heading straight for the brain tumbler. If Sasha noticed his odd behavior, Raz certainly wasn't aware of it. He just lowered his goggles and entered the collective unconscious.