Sorry I've kept you all waiting. This story is still going.
Chapter 9: Paintball Deer Hunter
"Last time on Total Drama Island..." Kris flashed her perfect white teeth at the camera as she begun the recap. "Both teams set out on a canoe trip to deadly Boney Island. Cady flirts with Glen about 80 times, but she made up for it by setting him up with the girl he actually wanted to hang with, Trisha. Good strategy, girl. There were winners. And there were losers. Also known as, The Gophers. The last marshmallow was set to go to either Isaac or Lenny, but the RCMP swooped in and bam! Isaac hightailed it outta there! Hahahah! Man, I knew the boy was nuts, but I didn't know he was totally insane! However, one Gopher may have secretly done something even crazier when he brought home a creepy stick statue voodoo thingy from the deadly haunted island. Will Bert live to regret his souvenir? And can my teeth possibly get any whiter?" She smiles at the camera to show off how shiny her teeth are. "Find out here on TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!"
*Theme song*
A helicopter flies above the cabins, piloted by none other than Kris, who's also wearing an X-Wing pilot uniform.
At the girls' cabin, Denica jumps out of bed, screaming "Aah! Hit the deck! They're coming, man! They found us!" She hides under the two-bed bunker DJ and Georgia are sleeping on. The bunkmates woke up to Denica's panicking. Denica is wearing a sleep shirt and shorts, Georgia sleeps in a tight shirt and panties, and DJ wears a long-sleeved shirt and pants.
While at the boys' cabin, the helicopter noise woke up LeShawn, making him hit his head on the top bed. "OWW! Ugh! S[BLEEP], that lady is really starting to piss me off!" LeShawn said, rubbing his head.
Heath yawns and pulls off the blankets, revealing that he sleeps in only his shorts. "Whatever, man. She just loves ruining our mornings. Bert, Lenny, go warm up the shower for me." He tells his cohorts, with Bert having just woken up and Lenny still confused by the helicopter sound. Bert sleeps with a headgear and wears pajamas in the style of a Starfleet uniform. Lenny wears pink shorts. "Now! And remember..."
"Not too hot this time, I know." Bert groaned with an irritated tone, and yawns.
Later, all the boys except for Heath were waiting in line outside the communal bathroom, trying to hold in their pee.
"Dude, what's the holdup?!" Bradley yelled from the middle of the line.
"Heath needs his alone time." Lenny answered in a strained voice.
"How long is rich boy gonna be in there? I gotta take a crap!" LeShawn said.
"He could still be a while." Bert told his teammate.
"Ugh! Screw it, I'm going lumberjack style." Glen heads towards the woods.
Everyone hears Kris speak through the loudspeaker. "I hope you're ready for the most challenging challenge yet. Breakfast in three minutes at the campfire pit."
Bert knocks on the door. "Did you hear that, Heath?"
"Can one of you come in here and put this cream on my back? I'm starting to get bacne!" Both Lenny and Bert crigned at this with the former slowly backing away into the woods. When Bert looked to where Lenny was to see if he could get the blond's help with this, Bert saw no one and was forced to tread the most likely disgusting grounds on his own. "I'm waiting, somebody!" Heath shouted. Bert just sighs and enters.
Three minutes later, both teams gathered up where Kris told them to be with the hostess standing in front of them. "Are you ready for today's extreme max impact challenge?!" Kris hollered, really hyped about today's challenge.
"We are ready!" Olivia cheered while raising her hands.
"Incoming!" Kris yelled as he held up a box filled with cans of beans and throws one at their direction. It was about to hit Trisha in the face, but luckily Glen caught it. "This, is breakfast."
"No, breakfast is crepes, croissants, even the lunch lady's crappy burnt eggs." Heath said he looked at his can in disgust. "Not beans!"
"Beans beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you–" Olivia happily sang before Heath threw his can at the fat girl's head.
"Today's challenge is about survival." Kris explained as she pulls out something from behind her back, a green paintball gun. "We're going hunting."
"That's more like it." Denica said with an eager smirk.
"Isn't that a paintball gun?" Harriet asked, as she pointed at the plastic green gun in Kris' hand.
"Why yes, Harriet. Yes it is." Kris answered as she aimed the paintball gun at Harriet and shot the ginger with it. Harriet groans on the ground.
"So we won't be killing anything, right?" Bradley asked, having never held a gun before nor shot anything in his life.
"Negatory." Kris confirmed, making the surfer dude sigh in relief. "This is the first ever paintball deer hunt. I'll announce the team's once we get into the woods. So... finish breaky."
Just then, a loud burp got everyone's attention, to see Olivia having eaten so many cans of beans and covered in stains. "Ahhh..." Olivia sighed in satisfaction. "Got any more?"
A few minutes later, the teams were gathered near the woods with Kris having a trunk next to her, as well as a rack with paintball guns set up on it. There are seven of them, four are red and the rest are green.
"And now for the team breakdowns." Kris explains as he took all the green guns off the rack and them to the Bass. "The Killer Bass hunters are... Harriet, Georgia, and Bradley. Locked and loaded with bass blue paint." Kris said as she grabbed the red guns off the rack. "And using orange paint are the Gopher hunters: LeShawn, Bert, Olivia, Lenny."
"Whahoo! This is awesome, man!" Olivia cheered.
"You also get these stylin' glasses and wicked camo caps!" Kris said as she reached into the trunk and pulled out said items. "The rest of you are now deer. Here are your antlers, noses, and little whitetails." Kris pulled out a headband with deer antlers attached, red deer noses, and belts with a little fluffy deer tail attached.
"Yeah right. I am not wearing that." Denica rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. She should have been a hunter, not a freakin' deer!
"There is no way I'm a deer." Heath said in protest.
Kris then puts on the antlers and nose on Heath. "Take these off and your team is toast." She straps the tail on Heath. She then puts the antlers, nose, and tail on Denica. At least they get to have wear the shades too.
Chuckling was heard from behind Denica with the punk girl looking to see Olivia was grinning at her. "What are you lookin' at?"
"Oh, nothing... Bambi." Olivia continued grinning at Denica with narrowed eyes as she grabbed the punk girl's tail and pulled it back and let go to snap it.
"You'd better be a good shot, chubby." Denica warned.
The deers of the Killer Bass team - DJ, Denica Curtis, and Sam - were now all walking through the woods. "At least we get a headstart." Curtis sighed out as he and Denica weren't too thrilled about being deer for this game.
"I don't know about y'all. But I'm outta here." DJ then did ssomething that surprised everyone on her team. The tall girl got down on all fours and sstarted prancing away just like a real deer would. Curtis and Denica's jaw dropped at the sight with Sam's eyes widened.
Meanwhile, the Gopher deers - Heath, Cady, Glen and Trisha - were also walking through the woods and making the most of their headstart with all except Cady not too happy about the whole being deer thing. Glen broke silence with a sigh. "This may be the lamest thing I've ever done in my life." he complained.
"Aw, c'mon. It could be fun!" Cady encouraged everyone with a smile, trying to keep the spirits up. However, the only thing the brunette got in return was dirty looks from her fellow deers. "Okay, catch ya later."
CONFESSIONAL - CADY
"I was so psyched to be a deer." Cady said with a grin... while wearing a full body cast and in a wheelchair. "I'm small, but I'm quick. Lots of practice from dodging spitballs in math class."
After Cady separated from the team, Glen and Trisha were about to continue walking when they noticed Heath is sitting on a stump crosslegged and checking his nails. "Aren't you coming?" Glen asked.
"No. I'm going to wait for Lenny and Bert and make them protect me for the whole game." Heath said.
"Wouldn't that be against the rules?" Glen asked with a raised eyebrow. Not that he'd mind if Heath gets disqualified.
"Do you see a rules person anywhere?" Heath said in an annoyed tone as he looks around the area. "Worry about your own fluffy tails."
Glen rolls his eyes as he and Trisha walk off.
"And break!" Harriet said as she and Georgia grinned as they brought their hands together before raising them up in the air. Bradley did too but didn't look as enthusiastic as the two girls. "Okay, dude. You do realize that this is all just pretend, right? And that it's just paint? So say, if you... like, hit Heath...
"Wait. Heath is a deer?" Bradley's mood suddenly lit up and snickered. He really wanted to stick it to that rich boy. "Tubuloso..."
Kris annoucne through the loudspeaker. "Start your paintballs! Game on!"
"All right!" Bert cheered as he raised his gun in the air. "Let's go bag some deer!"
"Aha! I am down with that!" LeShawn excitedly agree with Bert. Then they and Lenny saw Olivia splashing some yellow liquid from a jar.
"What are you doing?" Lenny asked in a confused tone.
"Masking my scent so the deer don't smell me coming." Olivia said as she prepares to go hunter mode.
LeShawn and Bert cringe with disgust, while Lenny is still confused. "Tell me that's not-"
"Pee?" Olivia finished her sentence. "Yes. Yes, it is! In fact, it's some of your pee. I've been collecting boys' pee since we came here, just for this occasion."
"Ewwww!" Bert and Lenny said in unison.
"You've been collecting guys' pee for months?!" LeShawn asked to see if he heard right. "That is seriously (BLEEP)-ed up!"
"Oh, don't worry, I've still got some more if you need some." Olivia said, holding up another jar of collected pee.
"We're not actually hunting deers, we're hunting other campers. You don't have to hide your scent." Bert told the big girl.
"You mean, I collected guys' pee for nothing?" Olivia complained, before throwing the jar away and it split in front of the boys. Bert and Lenny backed away in disgust, while LeShawn just stood there staring at the jar in front of his feet, fortunately its content didn't spread to his toes. "Girl, you are one sick mutha." LeShawn said.
Lenny and Bert have been walking through the woods for a long while now, and they're already tired out.
"Aw, man." Bert grunted. "We're back to where we started and we haven't seen one deer."
"Ahem!" The sound of someone aggressively clearing their throat got the two boys' attention as they looked to see Heath sitting on a stump glaring at them. "What the hell took you guys so long?"
"Were we supposed to come find you?" Bert asked.
"Duh!" Heath said as if it was obvious. "Alliance, remember?"
"Ohh, ohh!" Lenny eagerly raised his hand. "Can I join too?"
"You already are, dumbass! That's the point!" Heath yelled at the blonde meathead. "Now go find me some berries! I'm craving something sweet and juicy!"
"AWW YEAH!" Lenny, without thinking, did as Heath told as he ran deep in the woods to find some berries.
"Shouldn't we be, y'know, hunting?" Bert asked, since he believes Heath would care more about winning the challenge.
"He is hunting. For me." Heath informed Bert, before rubbing his chin. "But you know what? Berries won't fill me up. Go get me a big bag of chips."
"In the forest?" Bert asked confusingly.
"In the dining hall, poindexter. Now!" Heath ordered as he pointed to the direction of camp. Bert sighed and slumped back to camp. "And not barbecue! Preferably sour cream and onions if they have any!"
CONFESSIONAL - BERT
"Okay... Heath is a real slavedriver." Bert angrily ranted as he had it up to hear with Heath and that attitude of his. "And in nature, hunters would never go find food for the deer! Heath won't hear this, right?"
"The huntress is a finely tuned machine. Her senses heightened by the thrill of the chase." Olivia narrated her hunting journey as she kept her eyes open for any Bass members wearing antlers and tails. Sniffing the air, Olivia spotted something and quietly hid behind a large enough bush. "Suddenly, our huntress spots a magnificent buck in the clearing." Olivia peaked and saw DJ still embracing her inner deer as shown by the girl munching on some grass. "If she's to succeed, the huntress must demonstrate patience and control."
And just like that, Olivia's own body doesn't follow her steps as she suddenly farts. Both her and DJ's eyes widened as the latter raised her head up and looks around to find the source of the noise.
Bert is hiding under a lunch table outside the mess hall, waiting for Lunchlady Hatchet to leave, so he could be able to retrieve a bag of chips for Heath. Just then, the lunch lady walked out the door, wearing her purple bikini with blue flowers on it, and has on her bright orange float ring around her waist. She starts whistling as she walked pass Bert.
"Whew..." The nerd sighed in relief and tries to get up, but accidentally hits his head. "Funky buttlov-" he groaned, but quickly covered his mouth. Lunchlady stopped for a moment, thought she heard something, but just continued on her way and resume whistling.
Bert quickly went inside the mess hall.
A bird lands on one of DJ's antlers as she still eating grass.
"The huntress moves in, aware of every proton in her environment." Olivia continued narrating as she's getting ready to shoot the Bass deer in front of her... only for a large snake to slither onto the big girl, making her jump up from her hiding place. "Aw, crap!" Olivia screamed as she threw the snake away from her, which landed near DJ, causing her to run away like a deer would.
"Haha! It's on, DJ!" Olivia yelled, as she holds her gun and chase after the Bass deer. "Your butt's a hamburger and I'm one hot barbecue!"
Bert went to the pantry and just grabbed the nearest bag of chips he spotted and ran to the door as fast as he could. But then he hears whistling. The psycho lunch lady is coming back! So he quickly hid under one of the lunch tables. Lunchlady enter through the door, this time wearing pink goggles.
After Bert sees Lunchlady's big burly feet walked passed him, his tiki fell out of his pocket.
Lunchlady stop in her tracks and ceased whistling when she heard a tap. She suddenly caught a fragrance of salty chips. Bert tries to sneak to the door, but accidentally made the floor creak with his light step. This made Lunchlady raise her head in alert and sneered.
Bert decided to just make a run for it, and dashed back into the woods as fast as he can. He's unaware that the bag has a hole in the corner, and a lot of chips are falling out.
CONFESSIONAL - BERT
"So I'm running for my life from this psycho lunch lady when all of a sudden, it hits me! I'm doing this for Heath?!" He asked out loud in anger. "I don't even like him! Why did I ever think he was a nice guy?!"
After getting far enough from the mess hall, Bert decided to stop for a moment and catch his breath. Then he decides to eat a few chips himself. Heath won't notice.
DJ continues running like a deer from the pursuing Olivia.
"You're my burger now, DJ!" Olivia yelled while panting. And like any true hunter, Olivia refuses to give up on her hunt for DJ. She tries to take shot after shot but DJ manages to evade them.
DJ sees a river in front of her. Luckily for her, there's a rock in the middle. DJ gallops on the rock to get across. But Olivia slipped and got hit right between her legs. "Oh gawd!" Even though she's a girl, it's still very painful there.
Bert was walking through the woods with a frown and a bag of chips under his arm. He then heard some rustling in the bushes and a voice calling him. "Psst!"
"Whoever you are, go ahead. Shoot me. You can't make today any suckier!"
Cady popped out of the bushes Bert just passed. Since they're on the same team, she thought it was okay to follow him for a while. "You're a hunter, I'm a deer. Slight food chain issue with me shooting you. How goes it?"
"I'm so done with this game." Bert yelled in irritation.
"What happened? Have you bagged any deer yet?"
"No. But I did risk my life to steal a bag of chips!" Bert explained while holding up the bag of chips with a sarcastic smile.
"What took you so long, dweeb?" The two brunettes met up with Heath, who's still sitting on his stump, with the rich boy glaring impatiently at Bert.
"Here!" Bert held the chip bag out for Heath. "I hope you know what I had to go through to get those–"
Heath rudely swiped the chips away from Bert's hand. "Yeah, that's a great story." Rolling his eyes in disinterest, then looks inside the bag. "Uh, there's like... eleven chips here." He complained.
"What? I didn't eat that much, did I?" Bert thought in confusion, as he sees Heath sniff inside the bag before recoiling in disgust.
"And they're barbecue! I told you I don't like barbecue!" Heath crumbles the bag and throws it at Bert, and crossed his arms. "Go exchange them for dill pickle!"
Bert was about to pick up the bag... but stopped himself. He's fed up taking orders from Heath. So he said one word he'd never thought he'd say to any bully.
"No."
Heath and Cady gasped. The latter panicked, afraid what the former would do.
"What did you just say to me, geek?!" Heath asked threateningly. He was peeved off. No one has ever said "no" to him. No one!
"I'm just gonna... yeah." Cady walked away, while also taking the crumpled-up bag with her, since it still contained some chips even if they're crumbled up.
"Take it back." Heath immediately ordered Bert.
Bert took a deep breath and worked up the courage to say the word again to Heath's face. "No."
"Take. It. Back." Heath ordered once again, standing up. He's not going to let some short, pimpled-faced nerd talk to him like that.
"No, I'm tired of being your slave." Bert yelled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete."
"You'll be sorry, you geek!" Heath threatened, when suddenly-
SPLAT!
"Ouch!" Heath screamed in pain, as he was shot in the left arm. "Whoever you are, I'll find out and get you for this!"
He gets another shot, this time in the forehead, making him fall off the stump. Bradley and Harriet high-five each other.
DJ is still running from the pursuing Olivia, both now running up a steep hill. Despite becoming out of breath, Olivia refuses to sstop and keeps trying to shoot DJ. "The... huntress' courage... and desire... will not... stop!"
The hill leads to the 1000-foot cliff the campers all went up for their first challenge. DJ stopped at the edge of the cliff, having nowhere else to run. Olivia has now got her cornered. "You're mine now, deer." DJ began to sweat as Olivia aims her deadlocked.
Olivia put her thumb on the trigger and... nothing happened. Only the sound of clicking, having run out of paintballs. Olivia then grew nervous as DJ's nervous look turns into a glare. "Huh? Um, the huntress knows that her prey will stay there for a moment, paralyzed in... uh, fear?" The tall girl says nothing as she head towards Olivia. "And respect? The deer cannot best the huntress." DJ then got into Olivia's face. "Hey, girl. C'mon now." Olivia laughed nervously. "Let's talk about this."
DJ picked up Olivia and threw her down the cliff, splashed into the water. She then happily galloped back down the hill.
Lenny was picking some blueberries from some bushes, when he saw Heath approaching. "Hey man, look! I found some blueberries! See?" Heath then smacked them from his hands. "Oh."
"Follow me." Heath said, still marching. Lenny obeys.
Cady is walking through the woods, eating some of the crumbs. "Mm. Barbeque, heh. Mm, the king of chip flavors. Heh. I don't know what's Heath's deal anyway? Mm. Mm."
Unbeknownst to her, she's leaving a trail of those crumbs behind her.
Bert has Sam on his sight.
"Hey! Bert!" Heath shouted.
Sam gasped and ran off.
"Oh. Nice going! I totally had him!" Bert tells Heath.
"We've been talking about you." Heath gestures himself and Lenny.
"We have?" Lenny asked, as he doesn't remember Heath saying anything about Bert to him.
"Shut it, Lenniot. We've decided to give you one last chance. If you take it back, you can rejoin our alliance."
"Take back what?" Bert asked.
"The 'N' word. No." Heath said.
"I don't wanna take it back. I meant every word of it." Bert stated.
"You are nothing without me!" Heath screamed, poking Bert's chest. "You're just some loser nerd who's at the bottom of the social ladder!"
"Like I don't get told that enough at my school!" Bert said. "And do you know why we keep losing challenges?"
"Yeah, because they're (BLEEP)-ing stupid! That's why!" Heath raised his hands up and rolled his eyes.
"No! Because you're so busy being a jerk that you don't even try. All you can think of is bossing us around!" Bert yelled.
Heath just glares at Bert, then he takes off his deer nose and throws it at Bert's face. "Unh!" Bert yelped.
"Dork!" Heath shouted.
"Oh, that's it!" Bert said.
"Bring it, nerd!" Heath shouted.
Olivia drags herself through the woods, dripping wet. "You can leave the huntress with less ammo than she thought she had. You can throw her over a cliff." She takes off one of her shoes to pour some of the lake water out, and a little red crab falls to the ground. "You can even leave her with a case of toe crabs." He angrily throws his shoe down and raised her fists up. "But you cannot break her SPIRIT!"
She suddenly heard a twig snapped. She hid in the bushes to see who was approaching. And as luck would have it for Olivia, it was Denica - a Bass deer.
"Fresh meat." Olivia whispered with an evil smile.
Heath and Bert got into each other's faces, with Lenny torn between them.
"I am giving you one last chance." Heath warned.
"Why? Because you know you can't win without your little alliance?" Bert asked.
"I can make your life a living hell here!"
"Too late, Mr. Come-Put-Cream-On-My-Nasty-Pimply-Back! What do I have to lose?"
LeShawn is walking through the woods by himself. "Two hours of sneakin' around in the woods and I haven't shot a damn thing." He stopped to lean on a tree while he takes off one of his sandals to rub his feet. "And my feet are killing me. Sandals really aren't that good for walking this much." He then puts his sandal back on "What kind of messed-up person actually does this for fun anyway?"
"Fine! Be all alone then! Nerd!" Heath's voice came from behind some bushes.
"Yeah, I'm a nerd! And proud of it! It's better than working for you!" Bert yelled back. LeShawn looked over the bushes, and spotted Heath, Bert, and Lenny in an argument. At least LeShawn thinks it's them, since his vision is a little blurry.
"Bring it, four-eyes!" Heath shouted.
"Oh, that's it!" Bert shouted back.
LeShawn just shrugs and takes his shot, which hits the back of Heath's head. "Ow! Who was that?"
"Oops!" LeShawn emerges from the bushes and walked up to the other boys. "I guess I should've gone to an optometrist before I came out here! Ha, sorry about that!"
"You did that on purpose!" Heath accused. "Gimme your gun! Give it!" He ordered Bert, who just shot Heath right in his butt. "Oh God, my ass!" Heath dropped to the ground.
"Dawg, you're trippin'." LeShawn complimented Bert.
"Heh. Just looked like a lot of fun when you did it." Bert said. He and LeShawn shared a good laugh.
"Stop laughing!" Heath shouted.
Denica is drinking water from a pond using her hand. Unaware that Olivia is hiding up a tree above her, sitting on a branch.
"This is the shot of the day. With one paintball, hunter and prey's mutual destinies will be fulfilled." Olivia narrated, as she's aiming at the unsuspecting Denica. But then, she once again farted.
Denica stood up and sniffs at the air. "Beans. Olivia!" She looked up at the tree Olivia is hiding in. More farts came from within, confirming the gassy girl's hiding spot.
"Nice try, Fartina!" Denica quipped. "You almost had me!"
Denica runs off before the fat girl can get a shot. Olivia's flatulence killed off the leaves around her, exposing her, making her slipped from the branch and fall to the ground, still farting.
CONFESSIONAL - CADY
"I thought it was a cinch to win." Cady said, while still in a body cast for some reason. "I almost made it all the way through without being hit by a single paintball."
After finishinng all the chips and crumbs from the bag, Cady threw it away. Then she noticed a pile of blueberries on the ground, the same ones Lenny picked for Heath a while ago. "Mm, berries."
Cady was about to have some when she suddenly heard a growl behind her. She turned to see a big grizzly bear growling at her, with crumbs around its mouth.
"Eyy, big fella. Want some berries?" Cady asked the bear nervously, offering it a handful of the berries. But the bear roars at Cady so loud, the berries were blown out of the girl's hands and her clothes blown off of her. But fortunately she still had on her bra and panties.
CONFESSIONAL - BEAR
The bear enjoys pouring the chips some out of the bag into its mouth. To its disappointment, it's all empty now.
Now extremely pissed off, Heath got up and take off the antlers. "Gimme that!" He grabbed Lenny's gun and starts shooting at LeShawn and Bert.
"Oh, now it is so on." Bert declared, as he and LeShawn shoot back. Leading to an all-out battle, with Lenny hiding behind Heath.
Denica is drawing a skull on a tree with a spray can.
"What is that smell?" Denica turned around to find Curtis standing behind her.
"It's Olivia's stink. It's following me around like my juvenile record." Denica said.
"Well, I'm heading back. This stupid game must be almost over by now." Curtis said, as he was about to walk the opposite direction.
"You're going the wrong way." Denica said.
"Excuse me? I was a CIT, remember? I have a natural sense of direction. Camp is this way."
"No. It's that way."
Each decide to just go where they believe camp is. But not seeing where they're going, they accidentally bump into each other... got their antlers stuck to each other.
"Very funny. Now get off!" Curtis said.
"Hey professor, this isn't my idea of fun either." Denica said.
"Great, Denica. Just great."
CONFESSIONAL - DENICA
"Sure, we could've taken those lame-o antler hats off, but Mr. Counselor-in-Training would probably go blab to Kris and have us disqualified. And hey, I kinda liked it."
"Now what?!" Curtis yelled.
"You wanna make out?" Denica quipped, making Curtis' eyes widened.
Bradley, Georgia and Harriet heard a bunch of screaming and splattering. They sneak up by some bushes and spotted Bert, LeShawn and Heath shooting at each other with Lenny ducking behind Heath. So the Killer Bass starts shooting at them, surprising the Gophers.
"This is really fun!" Bradley tells his teammates.
"Attention human wildlife and hunters!" Kris's voice announced from the speakers. "Please report back to camp! It's time to show your hides and tally up the scores!"
"Tsk tsk tsk." Kris said as she paces back-and-forth in front of the campers. Currently all of the Bass and Gophers, with the exception of Curtis and Denica, were lined up back at camp. Cady, having been the victim of a bear mauling, was currently in teh infirmary tent in a full body cast, only her eyes were visible through her bandages and cast. Olivia is covered in mud and bruises, while Heath, Bert and LeShawn are covered in blotches of orange and blue paint.
"Stealing from Lunchlady. Eating chips in the woods. Being mauled by bears. Do you know what I see here? I see a very undisciplined group. I see a disgraceful mess. I see a massive waste of paint product. And I have to say... that was awesome! Haha! When you guys opened fire on your own team? Wicked TV, guys."
"Hey." Harriet spoke up as she noticed two other Bass are missing. "Where are Curtis and Denica?"
Just then, some grunting got everyone's attention as they watched Curtis and Denica come into the scene... while walking in unison due to their antlers still bbeing tangled up.
"This is too much." Glen smirked at this.
"Ohh Curtis, you sly dog, you!" Olivia woo'd.
"Don't look at me. It's her fault she won't keep her antlers off me." Curtis accused. Insulted by that remark, Denica kicked him in the jewels. "Can't even bend over."
"Easy, Denica. Our medical tent is really only equipped for one at a time and Cady's pretty messed up." Kris said. Georgia helps Denica and Bradley helps Curtis. "Well, since three members of the Gophers are dripping in paint..." Lenny turns to show his back all covered in blue paint. "Make that four members. And some of them aren't even deer. I think we have our winner!"
The Killer Bass cheered.
"You're off to a hunting camp shindig!" Kris said.
The Bass cheer some more. Curtis can only groan in response, still in pain, and fell to the ground.
"Gophers, I'll see you at the campfire ceremony. Again." Kris said.
That night, the Screaming Gophers are once again at the campfire. None of them is more annoyed about it than Heath, who really lets his teammates have it.
"I mean, seriously. Twice in a row? What the hell is wrong with you people?" Heath complained. "I can't wait to see Bert get kicked off. I just wish I could vote off two campers at once." He glares at LeShawn, who gives one back.
CONFESSIONAL - CADY
"Heheheh. Okay. I know I got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling good about this. I'm a quick healer. And besides, Heath's as mean as a snake, dude. His own team shot him like eighteen times. They'll never kick me off."
CONFESSIONAL - LESHAWN
"Who did I vote for?" LeShawn, sitting crosslegged, explained who got his vote. "Well, Heath's been a pain in the ass since day one. But I gotta say... Cady."
CONFESSIONAL - OLIVIA
"Yeah, that Cady." Olivia ended up agreeing with LeShawn and also had to vote for the bear victim. "She's no good to us anymore."
CONFESSIONAL - LENNY
"I think it was totally awesome that Barry stood up to Heath." Lenny admitted, as he heard about what happened between Heath and Bert. Then his expression shifted towards worry. "But now he's dead meat."
"There are only seven marshmallows on this plate." Kris told everyone as she held up the plate full of marks of safety. "When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper–"
"Who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return The Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave. We get it already!" Glen interrupted and quickly finished the rest of Kris' speech that she always says every episode. "Can't we just get this over with?!"
"Fine then! Whatever. Spoil the moment. Trisha. Lenny. Olivia. Glen. LeShawn." Bert was shaking in his stump and crossed his fingers as Heath gives him a sadistic smile while running a finger through his neck. "Bert."
Heath was immediately caught off-guard by this as Bert caught his marshmallow. "Campers, this is the final marshmallow tonight." Kris told everyone as Heath tried to keep his cool with Cady only being able to blink as Kris was silent... before finally announcing who stays. "Heath."
He then immediately got up to grab the marshmallow from Kris' hand, and face his teammates. "You are all lucky, okay? Very lucky! Especially you, Bert." Glaring at the terrified nerd. "Now you're gonna get it good." Heath warned, squeezing the marshmallow in his clenching fist.
Bert gulped.
"Cady. The Dock of Shame awaits, girl." Kris told the poor wheelchair-bound girl. "I guess we can help you get there."
"I'll do it!" Bert volunteered. If only to get away from Heath for a moment.
"Bye, Cady!" Glen said. He's going to miss her, sort of.
"See ya, missy!" LeShawn said.
"Take care, dudette." Olivia said.
As Bert pushes her wheelchair through the dock, Cady is trying to say something, but the bandages muffled her words.
"I know. I can't believe I stood up to him, either." Bert said. "But now he'll be targeting me."
Cady muffled again.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. And I still have my good luck charm! See?" Bert showed Cady the little tiki he found. "I got it from Boney Island last week. Cool, huh?"
Cady's eyes widened upon seeing it, remembering that Kris told the campers not to take anything from that cursed island. She realize that might be the reason why their team keeps losing. She muffled louder, trying to warn him.
"Bye Cady. Take care." Bert gives Cady a kiss on the cheek. He accidentally pushed her down to the water.
Author's Notes:
Kris and Olivia both said "Yes, yes it is", à la Phineas Fletcher from Phineas and Ferb.
When Bert hit his head under the table, he tried to say "funky butt-lovin'", which came from the 1993 movie Rookie of the Year.
Of course, Curtis is the one who gets his nads kicked.
The next chapter "If You Can't Take the Heat" will be significantly different from the episode. I'll give you a little hint, another nerd will be picked on.