Ladybug knew a train wreck waiting to happen when she saw one. So when she spied her favorite blogger about to do something stupid, she sure as hell wasn't going to let it play out. She silently rushed up behind Alya and caught her wrist just as she was about to throw. The girl had given her a frightened glance before flashing the heroine a nervous grin.
"Hey there, Ladybug," she said sheepishly.
Ladybug gave her a deadpanned look. "It's dangerous out here. You need to get to safety."
"Yeah, no problem." Alya pointed to the scene before them. "But you have to get Adrien out of there! I think Blackspell's planning a shotgun wedding!"
Ladybug followed her line of sight. Panic set in as she saw her crush at the altar with Blackspell. They were hand in hand, the girl in black staring eagerly into Adrien's uncomfortably grinning face. The model's back was to Ladybug so she couldn't make out his expression, but everything about his body language said "get me out of here".
Oh, this was so not happening! If Adrien got married now, who knew how long it would be before they got a divorce! That's if there even was a divorce! What if Adrien decided he liked this villain? Or worse, what if she trapped him with a kid? Wait! Didn't Alya say it was a shotgun wedding? Didn't that usually involve a pregnancy? WAS SHE ALREADY PREGNANT?! OH NO OH NO NONONO-
"Uh, Ladybug?"
The red-clad heroine had to physically shake away her train of thought. Her bluebell eyes grew fierce as she glared at the villainess.
"Don't worry," she said through gritted teeth. "I'll make sure to crash the wedding before they get to the I do's. Now, get going!" She shoved the blogger towards safety and urged her to run. Once she was sure her friend was out of harm's way, Ladybug turned back to Blackspell, yo-yo in hand. She'd need her Lucky Charm if she wanted to stop this before-
"Hey, you two gonna kiss or what?"
Oh, what NOW!
Blackspell simply could not be happier. Adrien was going to be all hers, once and for all. Sure, they were a bit young still for marriage, but she was positive their fathers wouldn't mind. Adrien, on the other hand, was having an existential crisis. This was going a hell of a lot farther than he was prepared for. Worst still was that he saw no other way out except to go along with it. Ladybug, please hurry!
They shared a few quick vows (well, she did; Adrien just mumbled something that seemed to be an agreement) and she was about to have her petrified puppet of their headmaster pronounced their union when they were interrupted.
"Hey, you two gonna kiss or what?"
Blue eyes turned to the altar and laid on a woman she could've sworn was never there before. Her white hair looked stiff in its messy updo, and a pair of golden goggles hid part of her face, though the villainess could still make out the woman's eyes beneath the tinted lenses. The stranger leand against Stone Damocles, resting one arm on his shoulder with a grin. Adrien's jaw dropped. Why, why, why was the thief here? Blackspell growled. If she could burn with a glare, this bitch would've been ashes at her feet.
"Excuse you. This is a private affair," the villainess spat.
"Oh, don't mind me," Spades said as she righted herself. "I was just passing through and thought I'd check out the ruckus. You two make a cute couple, by the way. The kids are gonna be gorgeous."
Adrien shuddered at the mention of kids. It wasn't a thought he enjoyed having. His reaction went unnoticed, however, as Blackspell puffed out her chest. "Of course, they will be. As if that was even up for debate."
"Perish the thought!" Spades caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She smiled as an idea formed.
"Well, I'll leave you to it, then. Hope the honeymoon goes well. It'll probably be the last happy moment you two have." The thief waved as she started to walk off. She counted the steps, waiting for her words to sink in.
"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?!"
Spades smirked at the villainess' shrill voice. Turning back to them, she cocked her head to the side, feigning confusion. "What's what supposed to mean?"
"Why would our honeymoon be our last happy moment?" Blackspell huffed. "Our marriage is going to be perfect!"
"Oh, I'm sure it will be!" The thief raised her hands up in submission. She moved up beside Adrien, hands behind her back as she leaned closer to Blackspell. "All I'm saying is that things just... go sour after the honeymoon phase. It's a natural occurrence." She gestured between them, putting a casual hand on Adrien's shoulder. "I mean, sure, you guys are happy now, but give it a year or two. Sooner or later, money starts getting tight. He's never home anymore. You're trying to balance kids and a career, and to be honest, it's stressing you out. The love making just isn't as good as it used to be, so sooner or later someone's gonna start shopping for a newer model, and that never ends well. So after the divorce and a custody battle, one of you ends up paying alimony and the other is wishing they never signed the damn prenup, because you know the bastard's gonna take everything. Even poor Fido." She looked at the model with a frown. "The kids loved that dog, you monster."
Adrien stared back at her, mouth hung open. H-how? Why? As he tried to wrap his head around her words, Spades took a quick glance towards the roof. 'Just about time, then,' she thought.
Blackspell tossed her blonde hair behind her, once again glaring at the thief. "Please, as if that's going to happen to us. Adrikins and I love each other. And there isn't anything you say that will change that. So, why don't you just move on along, now? You're interrupting my happy ending." The villainess waved her hand at the thief, shooing her away.
Spades sighed, patting Adrien's back. "I guess you're right. None of that would ever happen to you guys. It's insane to think so." She gave a thumbs-up behind the model's back.
"Exactly, so-"
As soon as she felt the toy wrap around her waist, Spades grabbed hold of Adrien's torso. He gave a small yelp in surprise as he was pressed firmly against her body.
"Guess you'll have to settle for being left at the altar, Bridezilla," the thief said with a cheeky grin. With a salute, Spades was jerked backwards, taking Adrien with her. Blackspell watched in horror as the man of her dreams disappeared over the Parisian rooftops. Her scream broke more than a few windows.
Ladybug yanked back on ger yo-yo with all of her might. Soon enough, the pair came flying up toward her. They landed on the roof and rolled from their momentum. When they finally came to a stop, Adrien found himself on top of the thief. He quickly lifted himself off her and stared down. Spades smirked up at him.
"Well, this is an interesting position," she said. The red on the boy's face made her chuckle. He muttered a soft "sorry" as he got to his feet. Spades pouted. "Oh, don't leave on my account. I was just getting comfy."
Ladybug growled. She had had about enough of this... this... THIEF! How dare she flirt with her crush right in front of her! As Adrien fought a deeper blush, the red-clad heroine stormed over to them, hands on her hips.
"What are you even doing here, thief?" She hissed. Spades blinked up at her.
"Well, hello to you, too, Spots." She stood to dust herself off. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you weren't happy to see me."
Ladybug glowered, folding her arms. "I'm not. What are you doing here?"
Spades chuckled and shrugged. "And here I thought we liked each other."
"Look, I don't have the time to deal with you, right now. In case you haven't noticed, Paris is in trouble."
"I noticed, lovebug. Pretty much why I'm here. I was hoping to see that cute little butt in action."
The heroine was nearly as red as her suit. "I don't need an audience! Least of all, you!"
"Oh, boo!" The thief said with a pout. She then gave a flourishing bow. "Well, then, might I offer my services? You look like you could use an extra set of hands."
"I already have a partner, thank you very much."
"Oh, yeah! Where is the kitty cat, anyway?" Spades asked, looking about. "I've certainly been missing him, too."
"That's what I'd like to know," Ladybug muttered under her breath. As far as she was concerned, Chat was going to get an earful for leaving her alone to deal with this pest. Unbeknownst to them, Chat had been watching the whole exchange. He let out a nervous laugh at the mention of his alter ego, causing both girls to look at him. Adrien cleared his throat.
"Uh..." was all he managed to come up with.
Ladybug sighed. "I'm sorry. I should've asked if you were alright." In her anger, she didn't realize how clearly she had spoken to him.
"Oh, no! It's alright. Thanks for the save, by the way," Adrien said, rubbing his neck. "I owe you both."
Adrien smiled at his Lady, blushing again. Despite her sudden rage, the heroine was just... captivating. Part of him wished he could be as bold as he was under the mask. He wanted to kiss her hand and throw a cheesy pun at her just to see her beautiful face smirk at his foolishness. But he couldn't. Adrien Agreste didn't do things like that.
It was at this time, though, that Ladybug remembered that she was standing in front of Adrien Freaking Agreste. Oh, God, he was smiling at her! A nervous giggle bubbled out.
"Oh, it's nothing! I... you... job and all, hehe."
"Speak for yourself, Red," Spades said. "I, for one, don't typically do pro bono work."
Ladybug rolled her eyes and turned to the thief. "Ugh, why are you still..." Her words trailed off as she took notice of what the other girl had. "What is that?"
Spades quirked a brow, her fingers combing the inside of a wallet. Adrien frowned then checked his pockets. He looked at her in disbelief. He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised, but he hadn't felt a thing. When the hell did she find the time to pick his pockets?
"Your boyfriend said he owed us, right?" The thief said, pulling out a credit card. "I'm thinking the black card he's got would be payment enough."
"Give me that!" Spades didn't resist as the items were swiped from her hands. Ladybug handed them back to Adrien, her eyes never once leaving the thief. The model muttered a thank you, though not much else. He saw the tension building between the two masked women. If he didn't do something soon, this was going to turn ugly.
The boyfriend comment was kind of nice, though.
"I think you've overstayed your welcome," Ladybug said, and Adrien winced at the harsh chill in her voice.
"Ladybug, wait-" the model tried to say.
"What, don't you think I at least deserve a thank you? I did help out, after all," Spades said with a cheeky smirk.
"You got one already."
"No, you got one, along with the goo-goo eyes." With a flick of her wrist, Ladybug's yo-yo zipped out of her hand to walk the dog. "Seriously, it was like the world didn't exist for a second. Kinda makes a girl jealous."
Both teens watched on in horror as Spades did a few more tricks with the yo-yo. Ladybug's yo-yo! Adrien glanced at his crush, knowing full well that nothing he said was going to calm her from here on out. Ladybug's face was beet red as she shook. She clenched her fists so tightly, it was a wonder she didn't draw blood. She was beyond furious. She didn't think it possible, but the damned thief was quickly making Chloé look like a saint. Ladybug swung for her yo-yo, but Spades dodged her this time, mischief clear on her face.
"Give it back!" Ladybug snapped.
"Ooo, you've got a temper, Red," Spades said in between snickers.
"I swear to God, you stupid thief-"
She was cut off by her own gasp as Spades leaned in closer, her free hand cupping Ladybug's chin. The thief kept the yo-yo behind her back and just out of reach. Not that Ladybug was reaching for it anymore. She was much too focused on the thumb tracing her lips.
"If you really want it back, I could trade it for a kiss," Spades said in a sultry purr. "We both know how much you enjoyed the first one."
Now, let's be fair. Adrien Agreste may have considered himself to be more or less a gentleman, but he was still a hormonal teenage boy. And two very attractive girls were standing right in front of him in a very suggestive pose. At the mention of the kiss, his mind instantly went back to that night, and he couldn't help but compare it to now. He was a lot closer this time. If they were to start kissing now... When did his jeans get so tight?
A loud slap pulled Adrien back to reality. It had happened so fast that it took him a moment to process it. Ladybug... actually hit her. He didn't think his partner was capable of such a violent response.
Spades held her cheek, just as surprised as Adrien. There wasn't any coy look on her face, anymore. The playful mood she was in had evaporated. She stared into Ladybug's eyes and saw nothing but hatred. In fact, the heroine's whole body seemed to vibrate with it. 'Damn,' the thief thought. 'Always have to take it too far, don't you?'
Never before was Luna more grateful for her acting ability. She didn't need Ladybug to see how much that actually hurt her. As long as she stayed in character, no one would ever know. She painted on a playful smirk and prayed her goggles hid how it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"I'm guessing that's a no," she said evenly.
Ladybug opened her mouth to scream when the building beneath them shook as though something had struck it. Another tremor hit, nearly knocking the three off their feet. Ladybug ran to the edge to find the source. Sure enough, at the base of the school, Blackspell's stone mob was rushing the wall and beginning to scale it again. This time, they were joined by what appeared to be a massive tree monster. Blackspell rode atop of it as thick, limb-like branches slammed into the building's side and hoisted the faceless creature up to the roof.
"Just great," Ladybug spat. She turned to Adrien. "Blackspell's heading right for us. We need to get you to safety before-"
"Well, it's a good thing I'm here, then," Spades said, taking Adrien's wrist. Ladybug's brow tweaked.
"There is no way-"
"You don't have time, remember?" She tossed the heroine back her yo-yo. "I'll see to it he gets somewhere safe and hides. You take care of Bridezilla. I'm not the one with superpowers."
Ladybug caught her toy and looked between them. She didn't trust the thief, not by a long shot. But she couldn't leave her to fight off an akuma, either. As much as she hated to admit it, Spades had a point. Ladybug ground her teeth.
"Fine," she said. "But if anything happens to him..."
"Come on, Spots. I'm a thief, not a mugger."
"IF anything happens to him," Ladybug began again. "Then I personally will see to it you get tossed in the deepest hole there is and never get the chance to see daylight again. Are we clear?"
"Crystal," Spades said.
"Good. Get moving. I'll buy you some time." The heroine spun her yo-yo and took aim at another building. Once it was secure, Ladybug swung down to confront the villainess.
Spades watched her fall out of view before running in the opposite direction, dragging Adrien along with her. The boy gave a shout in mild protest, but she ignored it. They needed to get off the roof. Higher ground was turning into a target, so the best place to hide would be below. Coming to the building's edge, Spades gave a quick look down to make sure it was clear. Then she dug into her belt.
"I need you to get on my back," she told Adrien.
"Huh?" The model said.
"We're going to propel down. I don't have time to secure you, so I need you to hang onto my back as tight as you can, okay?" As she spoke, she fastened a length of rope to the rooftop and threw it over the edge.
"I'm bigger, though. Shouldn't I be the one-"
"No, because I've done this more times than you. And I'm stronger than I look, so unless you weigh like three hundred pounds, get over her and hug my back."
Adrien thinned his lips but did as told. It was a bit awkward to piggyback the thief as he was a bit taller, but she managed to support him, anyway. He locked his arms and legs around her, and soon, they were dangling on the building's side. Spades was silent as she guided them to the ground, which left Adrien alone with his thoughts. He suddenly realized just how close he was to the thief. Her every curve was pressed against him, and he was once again made aware of just how constricting his pants were. His blush returned in full force as he cursed his teenage hormones. Oh, God, did she notice? He tried to adjust himself only to make her temporarily lose her footing. She quickly corrected herself, and they both let out the breath they'd been holding.
"Okay, you're gonna need to not move," she told him in a strained voice. "It's not going to be pretty if I drop you."
Adrien nodded against her neck. "Yeah, no problem."
As soon as their feet touched the ground, the two untangled from one another. Luna detached the rope from her belt and let it hang before grabbing Adrien's hand again. She led him to a nearby window. Peaking inside, she made sure the coast was clear before taking out a glass cutter and setting about getting them inside. Adrien watched her work. She certainly knew what she was doing, cutting a hole just big enough for her arm to reach in and unlatch the window lock. For the first time, the hero actually studied his "foe". She couldn't have been much older than him, yet the way she held herself and the skill she had made her seem as though she had years on him. Her gaze was focused and sharp, which for some reason, unsettled him. Why was she suddenly so serious?
Sliding the window open, Spades gave Adrien a foothold to help him slide in first. She followed him in with ease and shut the window behind her. Her lips pursed at the hole she left. There was too much of a trail, but not enough time to clean it up. She needed to divert attention in case Ladybug couldn't hold Blackspell's interest. She looked at the boy beside her.
"We need to split up," she said, pointing down the hall. "You head that way and find a broom closet or something to hide in."
"What about you?" Adrien asked.
"We can't assume Ladybug can hold off the hoard forever on her own. So I need to lay a false trail while you get away."
"This isn't something you've faced before, though. This is an akuma. You're just a normal person. How can you possibly-"
"I don't need magic powers to be useful," Spades said. "And I am far from normal. Now, unless Chat Noir's already joined the fray, those stone freaks could be here any minute. Go. Hide."
Adrien's eyes widened. He really didn't like the way she worded that. Before he could question it, Spades was off in the other direction, making sure her footsteps were as loud as possible. Adrien bit his lip. He wanted to run after her, but he also knew Ladybug needed him. He had to trust the thief could take care of herself until they cleaned up this mess.
'My mess,' he thought.
With a sigh, Adrien ran to the nearest empty room he could find. Locking the door behind him, he opened he shirt for Plagg to fly out. The black kwami folded his small arms.
"I better be getting a whole wheel of Camembert for this," he muttered. "I hate witches."
"Save it, Plagg," Adrien hissed. "We need to help Ladybug."
"What about that thief chick? Didn't it sound like she knew a little too much?"
It did sound like that. But how could she have found out? A cold sweat found its way on the model's neck. What will she do if she does know? Adrien shook the thought away.
"We can worry about it later. Plagg, claws out!"
Author's Note: God this took longer than I would've liked to finish. But I'm happy with the length of it. Still sticking with the T rating, though I'm really starting to push it a bit.