There are an infinite number of Universes, for every choice presented to you that you did not take there exists a version of you that did take it. These choices are terrible and wonderful and you will never know what is on the road not taken, perhaps that's the kindest result.
Out of the infinite number of Universes ever-present we find two that are similar and yet very different. In both exists a Penny, an aspiring actress with a broken heart and a penchant for spending too much on shoes. There's also a Sheldon, a genius physicist whose life needs to be surrounded by routines. And there's also a Leonard, a good man that allows the worst parts of himself to take over until there's nothing good left.
In both Universes these three individuals meet and become involved with one another, in both there is a prank war, in both there is Halo and Thai food and whiteboards, in both Leonard chases after Penny but this is where we find the first truly important decision that will define these two Universes, and the glimpses that we can catch, each moment is light reflecting on the waves of a river bank, gone before you realize it fully.
In one Universe Penny doesn't give up, she's scared because despite her misgivings, moving into Los Robles has been a great experience, and she doesn't want to mess it up but she can't live without not knowing, she knows that she's burning a bridge with Leonard but Penny doesn't want fear to rule her life.
¨Hey Moonpie, I like you.¨
In another Universe Penny is scared, she doesn't want to rock the boat, she finds Leonard's crush a little cute and she looks longingly at the tall scientist working on his laptop and convinces herself that it will never happen so she finally accepts Leonard's invitation.
¨Uh, yeah, we can do Dinner.¨
Some occurrences happen almost identically in several Universes at once, though the characters in these plays orchestrated by the Universe might not be the same.
In one Universe Penny is happy because Sheldon in his own way admitted to liking her back. Leonard was unhappy but eventually learned to accept their relationship and even started dating Leslie Winkle, this time he would not let his fear of her fierceness get in the way of being happy.
For this Penny the fact she was able to overcome her fear makes her want to start taking acting seriously, because Sheldon appreciate and enjoys her company but she knows that there are no free rides in the Cooper train, she can't stagnate because he will always move forward and she doesn't want to be the one that holds him back. She stops going out clubbing and starts going to acting classes recommended by Sheldon, she limits her drinking because she finds it easier to run lines, Sheldon is there to help her and even if she feels like strangling him sometimes she knows that he's happy for her. He wants her to be happy succeeding in her career of choice because he doesn't care that she's Penny the actress, or Penny the waitress, he cares that she's Penny and that's all he wants she thinks as she runs up the stairs.
¨I got it! I got the lead!¨ Penny bursts into 4a right after getting the news, she got the lead for a play, it was a decent sized theater and the role just felt right. A struggling young woman working as an assistant to an old disabled writer that was still trying to finish her last book.
Sheldon looked up from his laptop and gave her a small smile before going back to his work ¨You were the obvious choice, had you not gotten it I would have seriously put into question the sanity of the casting director.¨
Penny felt her smile diminish a little, sometimes she wished he could remember that celebrating was more than just acknowledging the event. Shaking her head Penny went to kiss the side of his head and then hug him from behind. It had taken a long time for Sheldon to be comfortable with touching but they were able to reach the point where she could touch him spontaneously and he would not freak out, it was one thing to touch his arm and it was another to hold him like this and even though he would harrump and complain she knew that if he truly minded he would move away or ask her to stop. Because that had happened, the sting of it was removed when he would shily touch her hand afterwards.
¨Are you proud of me Moonpie?¨ she said softly against the side of his face.
He moved his face to face her a little better but to her it felt like he had snuzzled ¨I'm always proud of you, I was certain that if you applied yourself that this would be the natural result. Good job Penny.¨ She held him tighter and tried to keep herself from crying. Sheldon Cooper did not ever say something he did not mean. He probably didn't even realize how much he had helped her, running lines with her, watching Youtube videos on how to act (because she didn't always had enough for her classes, helping her come up with a plan on how tackle auditions instead of just winging it and he did those thing just to help her, not because he wanted to get in her pants but because to him that was the right thing to do for your girlfriend. He still wasn't allowed to clean while she slept tho.
¨Penny?¨ his voice was soft
¨Yeah?¨ her voice came out hoarse with unshed tears but it was equally soft.
¨Only Meemaw may call me Moonpie.¨ Wackadoodle, she couldn't help but laugh. Only Sheldon would fail to read the mood but still make her laugh.
Now wiping tears of laughter from her eyes she kissed him again ¨Let's go celebrate!¨
¨I suppose it is Anything-can-happen-Thursday.¨ a lift of his lips matched by her.
¨Wackadoodle¨ came out more wistful than she thought but yeah, she was happy that she decided to give it a try with him. He still frustrated her to no end but she really couldn't see it any other way and he always managed to surprise her in the most endearing ways.
In another Universe, that Penny was trudging up the stairs tiredly but with a pep on her step. She hadn't wanted to audition for the play but strangely enough it was Sheldon that had looked at her and just asked ¨Why not? Aren't you an actress?¨ and it felt enough like a challenge that it lit up a fire under her ass and she auditioned out of spite alone. Of course she didn't get the lead but they liked her enough to play a minor role, it was better than nothing and it would show Sheldon that she was an actress. She hoped that Leonard was in their apartment, maybe they could celebrate with a bottle of vodka and then have some alone time. She wanted to shut off her brain for tonight.
Going to her apartment to change, she took a moment to consider if she should even say anything, it was a minor part and she was hoping that it could lead to more opportunities but…maybe it just wasn't in the cards for her. Shaking her head she decided to tell them if just to show Sheldon.
Walking into the boys apartment she was happy that only Leonard was there at the moment ¨Hey Hon, I have some good news.¨ She tried to inject cheer into her tone.
¨Hey Penny, did someone leave a big tip?¨ Leonard said as he turned away from his desk and smiled at her.
¨Nope. Remember that play I auditioned for? They casted me!¨
¨Oh, that's great! You'll do great as the lead. Err, will you have to kiss someone?¨ Leonard scrunches his face in worry and Penny really tries to not let it get to her, of course that's what worries him.
¨No Sweetie, and I didn't got the lead, I am playing the editor which is a small role but I can put it in my resume now!¨
¨Ah, cool, cool, so no quitting the Factory just yet, waitress by day and actress by night.¨ Leonards laughs but Penny feels the sting of tears. Leonard was a nice guy but sometimes he acted as if her dream of acting was nothing more than a hobby and it sometimes made her feel small, especially when he compared their jobs and tried to show her how much of a big deal he was.
¨Yeah, not quitting just yet.¨ She said quietly. Leonard picks up on her tone and not knowing how or why she's not happy anymore he immediately changes the subject hoping she'll be distracted.
¨I got just the thing to celebrate you moving up the world.¨ He says moving to the kitchen and pulling a bottle of something, she doesn't care what it is but she hopes it will make them drunk enough to have sex but not drunk enough to puke, she had missed lunch and the last thing she needed was puke in her carpet.
She nodded and smiled at Leonard, he looked so happy, as if he had passed some sort of test or won a prize.
¨Let's go, before Sheldon and the rest come back.¨ He practically drags her across the hallway and Penny swallows the sigh threatening to become a sob. Maybe she'll be enough one day.
Another wave and the light moves in unexpected ways, again the same moment flashes in two places. A scared Penny sits on the toilet looking at a pregnancy test, the enormity of missing 2 pills doses is not lost on her, the last time she was in this situation was back when she was 16 and she still feels the same way as she did back then. She's not ready for this, maybe she'll never be.
In one Universe Sheldon enters her apartment and finds Penny in her bathroom, his mind takes but a moment to analyze everything in the room, including the pregnancy test and the distress on Penny's face. They been dating for 2 years and the topic of children had come up, he was not averse to the idea but knew that she was not receptive so this must be a shock to her, especially with her career taking off recently, Penny found a love for theater and live performance and Sheldon agreed that she thrived in it, TV and Film only stifled her potential and failed to capture her brightness.
Taking a seat on the bathtub (thankfully some of his cleaning habits had rubbed off on her) he waited for Penny to look at him but her eyes seemed glued to the little stick in her hands.
Finally only one line appears and Penny takes a breath so deep that if he didn't know better he could swear that she was coming up from being underwater.
And she finally looks up at him with a wan smile ¨I'm so relieved.¨ a shuddering breath and only because he is familiar enough with her he knows to expect the 'glomp' and he adjusts his body so as to prevent himself from falling into the bathtub.
¨There, there¨ Sheldon rubs her back ¨We'll be more careful and perhaps we should plan a visit to Planned Parenthood just to be sure, and they also have the necessary expertise to perform an abortion should it be necessary.¨
Shocked green eyes turn to look at him ¨Ar-Are you sure Honey?¨
Sheldon nods and holds her hand. His eyes never leave hers ¨If we ever are to become parents then it should be a decision taken after careful consideration and where we both agree to it. I was a witness to what happens when 2 people stay together 'for the kids'¨ a grimace of bad memories crosses his face.
Penny sags in relief between his legs and finally gives him an honest and tired smile.
In another Universe Leonard is the one to enter her apartment, he leaves the bottle of Vodka in the coffee table for later and goes in search of his girlfriend, finding her in the bathroom just sitting there quietly. Maybe she had started early and Leonard smiles because that means Fun Penny comes out to play. It isn't until he's halfway into the bathroom that he notices the stick in his girlfriend's hands.
Leonard gasps and then smiles, 'I'm going to be a dad' he thinks happily. He knew that his girlfriend had said she didn't want kids but this was a sign, they were meant to be together and this would only make her closer to him. He would not be like his own parents, he would love his child with everything he got. He could picture it now, He would purchase a house near the University and his girlfriend would finally stop working to take care of the children, he would arrive home after work and have his beautiful wife waiting for him. Their kids would not be left wanting for love and affection, she would make sure of that. She didn't know it yet but she would make the perfect mom for his children.
A shuddering breath from the other occupant takes him back to reality and he see that his girlfriend is crying and he can't stop himself he jumps in joy and exclaims ¨I'm going to be a dad!¨
¨No. You're. Not¨ her voice is cold and he finally takes a look at the stick in her hand, one line. Oh, so that's why she's crying, poor thing.
¨Hey hey, it'll be okay, we can keep trying¨ his hug gets rejected and she's suddenly in his face.
¨What the hell is wrong with you Leonard?! You know I don't want kids. You told me that you understood.¨
He shifts in place, giving her the look, the one that got her to go out with him in the first place. ¨But, I thought that you would change your mind,¨ he whines ¨We got back together and things have been going great, so I thought this would be good.¨
His girlfriend is standing there, her mouth is open in shock and what he really hopes is not disgust.
¨Fuck. You. Leonard.¨ she spits out and leaves the bathroom, he can hear the bedroom door slam close and muffled sobs from beyond it.
¨I just can't catch a break, god!¨ he mutters in frustration. When was Penny going to realize that he only wanted what was best for her? She was always too emotional and failed to see the big picture. He would give it a few minutes before going out, he had left the Vodka bottle in the coffee table and it was only a matter of time before his girlfriend cracked it open to drink directly from it. He would go out and apologize and if she was in the mood maybe he could apologize with his body as well.
This time the waves move and the moments are similar but not the same, too many things have changed, the similarity only in intent and you know this is the last time.
In one Universe Penny is happy but anxious. She has been doing theater for a couple of years now and their play had finally picked enough steam for her to be noticed in the big leagues. Broadway. The only snag in this plan was that she had just moved in with Sheldon, he had his entire life here in Pasadena and she really couldn't see her life without him in it. Maybe she can travel to New York and then back. She has the money to do that now, She really doesn't want to do long distance.
¨Sheldon? Honey?¨ Blue eyes turn to her and give her his full attention. After explaining how she appreciated that, Sheldon had adapted once again. Penny took a deep breath and explained it all, this was huge for her career, she could finally reach that unattainable dream but she also didn't want to leave him, she wanted it all and she wanted Sheldon to not give up on them, on their relationship.
After her explanation, Sheldon just sat there without an expression and then nodded to himself. ¨When are we moving?¨
¨Wha- Sweetie, hold on¨ she looked at him in disbelief ¨Did you hear me?¨
¨Penny, Penny, Penny¨ how could he sound so arrogant she could never know ¨I can work from anywhere in the world. I can open my email and find several offers from Universities to Private companies all wishing to 'poach' me. I am sure that adapting, finding new acceptable restaurants as well as a well stocked comic book store will not be an easy task and I find myself already dreading it. However, the alternative, of losing you is simply not acceptable and one I refuse to even entertain for a moment or to put it colloquial terms 'you go, I go'¨
Penny couldn't keep the smile off her face, leave it to Sheldon to be sweet, condescending and then right back to sweet. Going to where he was sitting she rounded on him and hugged him from behind, she found it soothing and she knew that he thought so as well even if he covered it with big words to try and explain how it was actually good for his health whe she did this. Wackadoodle.
¨Thank you Sweetie. For being you, for everything.¨
In another Universe Penny gave up on acting, Bernadette had been nice enough to find her a job as a sales rep for the pharmaceutical company she was working at. Leonard had made a joke about how the shorter the skirt the bigger the sale and she had felt cheap. But she didn't have any other options and Leonard had been not so subtly telling her that it was time to grow up.
She was actually great at this job and was going places. Except she could never win with Leonard. She had just explained how her boss wanted her to travel to the Texas offices for 6 months to train a new team and Leonard just about lost his shit, he had accused her of wanting to go and cheat, to wanting to leave him behind and before she even knew how or why She was the one apologizing to him. She couldn't forget the face of disappointment her boss had given her when she rejected the opportunity. Maybe by the time she got to the end of this bottle of red wine she would be able to forget not only about that but also about her shitty life. Maybe Leonard was right about her.
Some people are mirrors, reflecting and enhancing your light.
¨Love you Moonpie.¨
And some people are voids that consume all of the light in their grasp.
¨Pass me the bottle Leonard.¨