Ianto lay in bed wide awake. He should have been proud of himself for wearing Jack out the way he did tonight. He should have been asleep by now. And yet his mind wouldn't stop racing.
He wished he could talk to someone.
Ianto knew that he wasn't much of a talker. He preferred to keep his feelings to himself. But every now and then, on nights like tonight, he wished it was different.
He was grateful for the friendships he'd formed with the team over the last few months. Something he never thought possible after betraying them all by trying to help Lisa and failing miserably, almost killing them in the process. At first, they had been sceptical and avoided social interaction, but eventually, they began warming up to him.
Especially during the months Jack had been gone, he'd finally begun to feel like a fully-fledged team member. They trusted him, and he got the impression that they liked having him around. Ianto valued their trust, but he didn't want to burden them with his insignificant worries.
He talked to Tosh about things sometimes. He knew about her feelings for Owen and how the idiot never noticed her efforts to get his attention. He'd opened up to her about his insecurities about Jack, at least to some extent. But she deserved more from their friendship than to listen to him whine all the time. There was no way he would call her in the middle of the night to unload his worries and fears. He already had said enough at the bowling alley.
He certainly wasn't going to talk to Owen. He knew he could count on the doctor to throw it back in his face at the first opportunity the next time they argued about something trivial. They got on better than they used to, but Ianto doubted that their friendship would ever go beyond superficial banter.
Occasionally, he would talk to Gwen when something was bothering him. She was always willing to listen when her friends needed her, regardless of the time. But whenever he told her about his problems, she tended to smother him with care. Sometimes, all Ianto wanted to do was talk; he didn't need anyone to solve his problems. He liked Gwen, but she often meant too well for his taste. Not that she was the right person to go to tonight anyway.
That only left Jack. Ianto's lips curved into a small smile. Talking was not his strong point either. In that respect, they were very similar. Sure, Jack spoke a lot. But he rarely talked about his feelings. If something was bothering them, they preferred sex and cuddling, and usually, that was enough.
Tonight was different. The sex had been great, and yet he wished he could talk to someone. Ianto looked down at the man sleeping next to him. Jack was snoring softly as he lay on his stomach, sprawled across the bed, his arm draped over Ianto's legs. He had long since given up nudging Jack to stay on his side of the bed. The captain was the kind of man who didn't do things halfway. Either he claimed the whole bed for himself, or he slept with his arms tightly wrapped around Ianto. Possessive and unwilling to let go. While Ianto often couldn't sleep in such situations, he found that Jack had fewer nightmares when he was this clingy, so he just let him. Right now, Jack had no nightmares. The evening at the bowling alley, followed by their sexual intercourse, had resulted in a good night's sleep.
Ianto leaned back against the pillow behind him and tried to relax. He reached out absentmindedly and softly tousled Jack's hair with his fingers.
In moments like these, he missed Lisa the most.
She'd always made a point of talking about their feelings. Ianto had never really wanted to, but she had had a great way of bringing him out of his shell. Sometimes, they'd talked for hours about their relationship and plans for the future. All those hopes and dreams that had never come true.
Everything had been so easy with her.
Was he overreacting? Nothing that had happened tonight was new. He should get used to it. Yes, he was in some kind of undefined relationship with Jack. But he should never fall into the trap of expecting exclusivity. Jack was just... so much more than that. Settling down for domestic life, it was ridiculous to even think about it. Flirting was second nature to him, and he didn't even realise he was doing it most of the time. They'd never discussed living monogamously, and Ianto certainly wouldn't expect it from Jack. Ianto knew and understood all of this.
Where did his jealousy come from?
He despised himself for being like this. He'd always assumed he wasn't the jealous type, but here he was, worried about Gwen's hand on Jack's arse and the man's delighted laugh when she showed him how to stand correctly while bowling.
Ianto squeezed his eyes shut.
He'd been relieved when Gwen and Rhys announced their engagement a few months ago. They were a great couple, and it seemed that Gwen had finally figured out what kind of man was good for her. She threw herself into the wedding planning, and it was difficult to talk to her about anything else most of the time. Then Jack returned from his adventures with the Doctor, and Ianto realised nothing had changed.
No, not true. Things had changed between them. Jack had come back to take things further. Dinner and a movie had been lovely. Since then, they'd been on several dates. But all the development in their relationship could not erase the sexual tension between Jack and Gwen.
While Ianto's thoughts returned to the evening at the bowling alley, he heard a faint whisper. He stilled his mind and listened intently into the darkness. Yes, there it was. A faint and indefinable voice came out of nowhere. No, wait, not out of nowhere. From the other side of the closed bedroom door. Had someone broken into the flat? He hadn't heard any movement, but it was worth checking, just to be sure.
Ianto gently moved Jack's arm away and placed it on the duvet. Jack moaned and shuffled, clutching the duvet tightly, but he didn't wake up. Ianto retrieved his trousers and slipped into them before quietly opening the door and stepping into the living room with the attached open kitchen. He quickly searched the other rooms in his small flat but found nothing suspicious. The moonless night left the flat in complete darkness, with only the streetlights casting shadows on the walls.
Ianto strained his ears, but all he could hear was himself breathing and the ticking clock on the shelf. He rolled his eyes after a while because he was clearly starting to imagine noises.
Then the whisper returned, and he froze.
'Ianto...'
Did the voice call his name?
'Ianto...'
"Yes?" he hesitantly replied into the darkness.
'I can tell you're upset.'
"What?" he blurted out.
A soft chuckle. The voice began to sound like a young girl.
'Don't be afraid, my sweet Ianto. I can smell your sadness and taste your desperation.'
"How... who are you?" Ianto hissed into the darkness. He hated how much this conversation creeped him out.
'I'm your friend. I'm your soulmate.'
Ianto creased his brow. "I don't think so."
'Let me prove it to you,' the eerie voice whispered in his ear.
"How?" Ianto began to realise that the voice was only in his head. The situation felt surreal.
'I want to talk to you. Open the closet door and let me out.'
Ianto's eyes widened. He'd thrown the doll into the closet the day before. With a few quick steps, he crossed the room and yanked open the closet door. There she was - the doll from the toy factory, looking at him with her big dark eyes.
For a moment, he stood in the doorway and just stared down at her.
'You can pick me up, I don't bite,' her voice chuckled in his mind.
Ianto's eyes flickered to the closed bedroom door, contemplating if he should wake Jack.
He quickly dismissed the idea. He wasn't going to wake his lover because he began hearing voices. There was little evidence that he wasn't just imagining this.
"What do you want?" he inquired, suspicious.
'I'd like to be your friend,' she said with a sweet and soothing voice. 'I have a feeling you need one.'
He looked at her, considering just closing the door and going back to bed. He knew it was exactly what he should do. Yet something made him hesitate.
Then he knelt and picked her up.
Like before, she locked her gaze on him. But it no longer felt creepy. A sense of calm washed over him, and he unconsciously relaxed as he felt the soft fabric of her dress beneath his fingertips.
"Hey," he said quietly.
'Hey, Ianto. My name is Penelope, but you can call me Penny.'