A/N:

Cross-posting from AO3; will have 7 chapters in total. This multi-tasking fic fulfills many prompts!

1. "Land of Myth" gen-focused Merlin Discord server's (hereafter "LoM") 2022 Halloween bingo challenge: fills squares for 'Dorocha' and 'possession.'

2. LoM 2022 Halloween-themed dialogue prompt melee: uses four prompt lines in Chapter 1 (listed in ending A/N).

3. LoM 2023 "Contingency Plan"-themed dialogue prompt melee: uses two prompt lines (one in Ch. 5 & one in Ch. 6, respectively).

4. General LoM server prompt: The Dorocha possess people instead of instantly killing them (or perhaps freeze their souls and take over their bodies).

5. 2023 Merlin Bingo: 1 square per chapter (listed in respective A/Ns).

Thank you to the Land of Myth server—especially nsowlwrites97, kyrakaryanne, s0mmerspr0ssen, reelin_writer, Nelia_Fray, & N16—for helping me beat this fic into submission through brainstorming, constructive feedback, and supportive cheerleading. It takes a village (or a server) to complete a fic!

**TW: Self-sacrifice attempt misinterpreted as a suicide attempt, subsequent suicide watch. For additional details, please see the A/N at the end of Ch. 1 (contains spoilers for later chapters).** General T-level warnings for depictions of blood/violence, an (entirely made up) exorcism ritual, and the author's excessive fondness for italics. No slash/smut/profanity.

Chapter 1: A Different Kind of Darkness

Merlin—being what he was, living where he lived—was accustomed to darkness.

He knew how to enfold himself into the soft embrace of shadows in dim corridor alcoves and behind sturdy trees, and he knew when to close his eyes against the night to keep a flash of gold from giving him away. He knew the dank darkness of a cave: clammy hands sliding over his skin, moist breath carrying the tang of rusted cold iron, and a damp despair leaching into his bones to drain away all memories of sunlight. He knew the brutal darkness of death's doorstep: blood boiling in his veins despite the cool cloth on his brow, delirious visions of a gloved hand straining to reach a small white flower, and a mantra pounding in his mind. 'Don't let go. Don't let go. Don't let go.' Merlin knew the velvety darkness of a forest: leaves whispering sweet nothings through the verdant canopy, insects humming in perfect harmony with his magic, and—sometimes—a prickle crawling up the back of his neck.

This was a different kind of darkness: unspeakable things lurking beyond the safety of the ring of firelight, ice crystallizing in his lungs, and time stopping like his heart.

He'd expected to feel nothing.

The grit on the ruined flagstones bit into his cheek. He had never been so cold in his whole life, not even during the harshest winters in Ealdor. Frost gathered on his eyelashes; he knew his eyes were open, but he couldn't see. There was nothing but darkness: darkness surrounding him, suffocatingly thick, pressing in on all sides; darkness within him, choking him, straining against the confines of his skin.

Death apparently wasn't what he thought it was.

A chill wind buffeted his thoughts. ~Merlin,~ a gust whispered, ~Merlin.~

He felt someone's hand on his shoulder and flinched away. A veneer of ice cracked and flaked from his tunic.

"Merlin!" a panicked voice cried as warm hands—hot like branding irons—felt for his frozen pulse. "Can you hear me?"

~Merlin,~ the winds echoed, ~listen to us.~

Merlin's tongue was sluggish with frost. "Do you…hear the…whispers?" he rasped.

"Whispers?" The fiery hands rolled him onto his back, but the darkness clung to him like a shroud. "What whispers?"

~You know who we are.~

And—somehow—he did know: they were the voices of the dead.

"What…do you…" Speech was an uphill slog through knee-deep drifts. ~What do you want with me?~

~Balance,~ the ghostly voices hissed. ~You owe us. A life for a life.~

~What?~

~The disrespect!~ the voices huffed to one another. ~The insolence!~

Merlin struggled to follow. ~I don't—~

~You took our lives,~ the voices of his dead snarled, ~so we will demand yours.~

Maybe he wasn't dead after all.

~You're not going to die,~ the multitude sneered before condensing like mist into a single voice, ~Not yet, at least.~

Merlin knew that voice. ~Why are you here? I didn't kill you! I didn't even know you were dead!~

~Details,~ Morgause's smug voice said dismissively. ~My sister's hand held the fatal blade, but your actions forced her hand. You set me on the path that led to the altar at the Isle.~

The missing pieces fell into place. ~You used your own death to tear the Veil.~

~I wasn't going to let a perfectly good death go to waste. I knew the noble Arthur couldn't resist coming to mend the tear himself, and I knew you'd be right at his heels like a dog following its master. I will destroy you, and the Veil will destroy him.~

~No!~ Merlin struggled against the darkness. ~I won't let—!~

The dark shroud twisted itself around his lungs and squeezed as Morgause continued smoothly, ~But before you die, I will use your life to right some of your wrongs.~

Merlin fought harder as the darkness tried to crush him. ~I will save him, and I will stop you.~

Morgause's laugh was sharp and slick like a bloody knife. ~What chance does a weak, meddlesome serving boy stand against a high priestess in the spirit world?~

~I've stopped you before. I'll do it again,~ he gasped into the darkness. He was drowning in it—great lungfuls of oily, inky otherness.

~I'd like to see you try,~ she purred.

The last thing Merlin heard as the icy darkness dragged him into its undertow was Arthur's choked voice calling his name.

A/N:

Merlin Bingo 2023: This chapter fills square A1 - "Dark"

LoM Melee prompt lines:
—This was a different kind of darkness.
—Death apparently wasn't what he thought it was.
—"Do you hear the whispers?"
—"Don't let go."

TW explanation (suicide attempt, suicide watch):
In one scene, the Dorocha possessing Merlin makes an attempt on Arthur's life, and Merlin makes a spontaneous, self-sacrificial choice to deflect the weapon away from Arthur and towards himself. Arthur, unaware of the threat, understandably interprets this shocking event as a suicide attempt, so he and the knights implement a suicide watch. Because Merlin's friends believe he's suicidal, this fic does deal somewhat extensively with the topics of suicide, grief, alienation, and despair.

If you or someone you know ever feel like Merlin's friends believe he's feeling, or if you're struggling with feeling overwhelmed and isolated and don't know what to do, please know that real help is available. If you want to talk to someone but aren't sure how to get connected, contacting a helpline is a great starting option; I encourage you to check out either of the options below. You can talk to someone about how you're feeling right now and discuss your options for constructive next steps and available resources for further support. There are phone, text, and chat helplines, so you have choices about what you'd be most comfortable with.

Asking for help is a courageous choice, and I speak from experience when I say that it can make a world of difference. :)

Lifeline (National Suicide Prevention Helpline)
Call or text 988
(USA, 24/7, toll free, English & Español)
Chat option and more information available at their website 988lifeline dot org

Crisis Text Line
Text 741741 (USA),
or 686868 (Canada),
or 85258 (UK)
or 50808 (Ireland)
(Note: They may also have a WhatsApp option; please see website crisistextline dot org for current details)