notes: My favorite chapter is finally! I had to reread parts of HOO for this and my reluctance to caused a delay. If you like this chapter, PLEASE leave a review because they make my heart soar. Enjoy!
3.
I have GOT to start locking doors, is all Leo can think when the bathroom door bursts open in the middle of his nightly shower, voice dying mid-solo as Piper waltzes in like nothing's wrong and she's the Greek goddess of bathrooms.
He scrambles to cover up his scandalous body parts as she closes the door behind her, her expression warped and distorted through the fogged-up glass. The bar of soap in his hands slips from his grasp and lands on his foot. He yelps.
"Holy Hephaestus, can you knock? I'm kind of in the middle of something here—"
"We need to talk." Piper levels her gaze at him. She crosses her arms and leans against the bathroom door as if he's totally not naked right now.
Whatever this is about (you already know, his brain informs him, to which he tells it to shut the fuck up), Leo doesn't understand how it warrants her cornering him in the shower. That's just crossing a line. But he supposes they've been crossing a lot of them, lately.
"You could've asked me after my shower," he hisses, sweeping wet hair out of his eyes.
"You're always busy, you know I couldn't. You barely even eat with us anymore. I have to talk to you about this right now, or you'll run away again. And don't deny it. We both know that's what you do best."
He freezes. He considers her words, and hesitantly turns off the water. She only glares, pink lips pressing into a narrow line as the silence between them is measured by the water that drips from the faucet to pool between his feet.
He opens his mouth, but she's the first to speak.
"Have you been avoiding me?"
Leo swallows.
He sees the island again, crystal clear in his mind.
"Is that really how you feel?" Is his eventual reply, and he can't help but wince around the words as they escape him. He's sure that they can both tell how wrong they sound, but he thinks of the truth and knows he can't tell her. He's been making modifications to the ship nonstop since he's gotten back from Ogygia, only diverting what little time he allows himself in-between to make general repairs and take inventory below deck. He knows that his friends want to hear more about what happened and how he's faring now (after all, he's the only passenger on board to disappear and come back), but he just can't face them. Not after how abandoned he'd felt on those pristine shores those first few days. Not after he'd felt sure that he'd never see his friends again; not when he knows that what he's planning won't get Percy and Annabeth back any faster, and that if anything, it could result in taking yet another person from their crew. And Piper is the last person who would understand what he's doing, why he's doing it. He doesn't want it to hurt too bad if something happens to him in the end—and she has Jason anyway, so at least she'll have someone else there for her when he's gone.
He hates the look of hurt that crosses her features and focuses on bringing heat to his skin. The water evaporates, conjuring steam against the glass so that it obscures her pained look from his eyes.
"It's not just 'how I feel'," Piper says in a low voice. The mist does little to mask the intensity of her gaze. "It's what you've been doing. I don't know exactly what happened while you were gone, but I haven't missed the fact that you've been withdrawn ever since. We keep trying to pretend that everything's okay, give you space so that you'll come to us on your own time. But it's not working. We need to talk. We can't afford not to, since we don't know what might happen anytime soon."
"Nothing bad is going to happen." he snaps, though he's not sure who his words are meant for: her, or himself. "Everything's not going to turn out like Percy and Annabeth, you need to stop telling yourself that. They're the ones in danger, focus on them. You're all just wasting time worrying about me when they're the ones counting on us to reach the Doors—"
"This is because you're still blaming yourself, isn't it?" She balls her fists at her sides. "Jason and I told you that it wasn't your fault, and we meant it. I thought you knew that by now!"
"Well, who cares what I think? It doesn't matter, it's not like that's gonna get them out of there any faster!"
"This still has nothing to do with the reason why you've been ghosting us and burying yourself in work for the last three days!" she cries, and even though her words were devoid of a command, he can feel the thrumming power of her voice wash over him, a prodding force in the back of his mind telling him to pay attention and focus on her. It makes goosebumps break out across his skin despite the warmth running right beneath its surface.
"I wasn't ghosting you." he mutters, rubbing his hands along his arms, "I was taking time to myself, okay? Forgive me if I didn't think anyone would miss me, what with Frank having Hazel and you having Jason—"
"Stop it. You know we care about you." Leo gets a little too much satisfaction from the way her cheeks flush red, but finds it in himself to not bring it up. Not when he knows that he's already decided to leave things this way, that her and Jason will still have each other when he's gone.
"You're right; I do know. But I need more space." He swallows thickly again, the sound of the ocean crashing in his ears beyond the walls. He feels the ghost of the sun's warmth on his skin and the shift of loose sand beneath his toes. "Just this once. Please."
At first, Piper doesn't make a move, her posture just as rigid as before. But then she exhales, her entire body deflating, and he finds his limbs going slack at the same time, the cold sea air that seeps through the walls suddenly making itself apparent on his soaked skin.
"Just this once." she echoes, voice firm. She leaves the bathroom and the door clicks shut behind her.
He shivers for the first time in years.
Four hours later, Leo is lying awake, fully dressed, and feeling like an utter piece of shit.
He stares at the Ogygian crystal that shimmers in his hands and wonders why he's so bad at being good. Every time he tries to come up with reasons why he treats his friends the way he does, his brain keeps coming back with nothing. Sure, he doesn't know everyone all that well; he only just met Frank and Hazel, and Percy and Annabeth were on such high pedestals even before they went to hell that Leo's pretty sure he'll never climb to their level. Piper and Jason are the closest friends he has, but he still treats them the same way as the others, distancing himself from them as he forms his plans alone. There was truth to Piper's words—he was running, like always, and that's what he did best. Maybe this time he should talk to someone and tell them where he planned to go.
He shoves the crystal beneath his pillow and climbs out of bed, starting for the cabin door. Waves of ocean light ricochet off the surfaces in the room. He's not sure where he's going, knowing how predictable it would be to head to the boiler room or main deck to survey the controls. He gets his answer when he swings the door open and nearly knocks into someone else, their mouth open and hand poised in mid-air.
Piper gives a sheepish smile. "Can I come in?"
There are a million responses swimming around in Leo's head, but what comes out is: "Wait. Were you about to knock?"
"I'm not a barbarian." Piper rolls her eyes as she slides past him into the room.
He closes the door. When he turns to face her, she's wearing one of Jason's Camp Jupiter t-shirts with a pair of Hello Kitty pajama shorts, her gaze fixed down at the floor. He can't tell what she's thinking, but he has a feeling it's not far off from the guilt that's been eating at him all night. If he wants to smooth this over, then he needs to apologize for today—for the last three days, and for the way he's been acting.
She clears her throat first. "I know what you said about needing more space, but—"
"I'm sorry," Leo blurts, and he hopes it sounds earnest, "For being an ass this week. And for avoiding you guys. I think I was feeling a little…well, hopeless, while I was gone."
"I'm sorry for cornering you." Is her immediate reply, eyes shining. "And for not really taking how you felt into consideration. I missed you. A lot. And I was selfish for trying to force you to spend time with us once I—once we had you again."
That makes him smile. He spreads his arms and wags his eyebrows at her. "Aww, you do care. Hug it out?"
"Gross. I'll pass." She scowls, but doesn't move to escape when he wraps his arms tightly around her. Her swatting only makes him laugh, a goofy grin stuck to his face.
When he moves to let go, she grabs his wrist, halting him.
"I wanted to ask…" she says slowly, "About Calypso. Not what happened, just—" she stops. "Hazel showed me her drawing today, the one you asked her to do. She seems beautiful, Leo." Her expression turns impossibly soft, smile glinting in the dimness of the room.
Leo ducks his head to hide the flush that rises to his face. He's not really sure what to say to that.
When he doesn't answer right away, she lets out a soft sigh. The next thing he knows, Piper's tugging him toward his bed with a light grip on his wrist. Leo lets her guide him across the moonlit floor, heat pricking his cheeks when she arranges them side by side on the disheveled sheets. He lets the silence hang between them as he searches for the right words, but his mind is quieted by a soft squeeze to his hand. When he looks up, he's overwhelmed to see nothing but encouragement and kindness in her eyes.
You have to tell her. The thought comes unbidden. She looks at him so sweetly, eyes wide, sea light shimmering against the walls behind her. Tell her NOW, it comes again, and he shakes his head, dislodging it.
He takes a deep breath.
"What's love supposed to feel like?"
That's not what he meant to say; it comes out as a whisper. He feels like he's about to die from embarrassment when the bed suddenly dips, prompting him to open eyes that he doesn't remember closing. She's closer than before, face hovering above and adjacent to his own.
He shudders when Piper reaches down to touch him, the warm pads of her fingers skimming his brow. Her murmured breath fans his face like the ocean breeze.
"Is that what you felt? Love?"
She starts raking her hand through the length of his hair. As he gazes upward, the way the sea light dances across the ceiling reminds him of crystal reflections against cave walls. Tell her. The words scorch his lungs, retreating deep within his chest. He closes his eyes against the sting.
"Love feels…" He hears her swallow and looks at her again. Her smile's a little shy, a little wistful. "Did I tell you about what happened, before? With Khione?"
The back of his neck heats up. "I don't think I really gave you the chance to."
"That's okay—or at least, it is now." Piper pulls her knees beneath her and tugs him along, gently cradling his head in her lap. She looks down and casts him a side-ways grin.
"When I had to face her, I felt so useless. I didn't think that I was a match for Khione, let alone her and her brothers. And when she cornered me, and I thought I had nothing and no one to fight with…that's when I felt it. I could feel it when I brought Festus back, when I saw her freeze Jason, when I lost you. Love is powerful , all-consuming. If it wasn't for the way I felt, I couldn't have done anything."
"You're not useless." He says it with conviction. It's ridiculous that she'd even think that about herself, when he feels like he's done more than enough to prove that's his label, not hers. "You brought Jason back to life; you saved us from Medea—"
"And I know that now." She shrugs as she sweeps the hair from his eyes. "I think that learning to love myself is part of that, too. It's hard but it's rewarding. Love makes me feel strong. And it's the funniest thing—when she caught my arm and froze it, I thought it was over. But the emotion I felt was the only thing that helped me break free."
"So, love empowers you?" When he thinks about it, he isn't sure where his feelings stand. He can't say that the ache in his chest makes him feel powerful—powerless might be more like it. He doesn't know how he's going to save Calypso, or how he'll find his way back to Ogygia's pristine shores.
But when he blinks at Piper, his thoughts shift out of focus. There are no more gleams of light skimming stone walls. Just the flash of her eyes in the moonlight.
"Not just that…" she breathes. "Love burns."
They don't stop her when she enters the cabin.
No one could then, not even if they tried. She knows it's almost empty now, what with the looming end of summer and the majority of those who chose to stay at the Big House off to nurse their wounds. The few campers left behind have the decency to conceal their looks of pity, curtains drawn as they tinker in their bunks.
She doesn't have to be a child of the Underworld to feel the ghosts that haunt this place. Where there was usually noise, there was silence. The perpetual blanket of tools that littered each surface has for once been cleared and put away. Piper walks past the forge—flames reduced to embers—and feels as if she's on autopilot, like she's not really here. She feels possessed, in an odd way, by the memories of it all. The last few months play in her mind against her will like one of her Dad's movies.
Promise me you won't die, she had asked, and he'd promised. And then came the prophecy: to storm or fire the world must fall.
Hazel and Frank had told them everything when it was over. If she had made him swear on the River Styx like he'd done for her, would it have made a difference? She'd felt so stupid, to believe that something as trivial as her emotions could overpower the Fates once again.
She can still smell the smoke when she finally reaches his bunk. They had said goodbye and burned his shroud this morning. But she hadn't said anything when they asked her to say a few words. She let Jason speak for her, because she couldn't.
She climbs into the bed and presses the button on the panel that he labelled for her, the one that would sink it to the private room below.
When she's out of sight of the rest of the cabin, she lets the sobs overtake her.
She was right, before. It burns.