*I tried something different with this one. The story is told only through a conversation after the fact. Let me know what you think!*

Olivia didn't look at the clock before knocking, Amanda's slightly disheveled appearance clued her in to the late hour. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't even realize what.."

Amanda waved her off. "I crashed on the couch while watching a movie." She ran her fingers through her tangled blonde hair. Olivia perked over Amanda's shoulder to see Sonny crashed out, snoring and everything.

Amanda waved her in, "Don't mind the mess.." she began grabbing Barbie's off the floor.

"Amanda, Stop cleaning." Olivia nearly laughed, "I'm the one who's here at an ungodly hour."

Amanda smiled gratefully, and walked over to the couch. She pushed one of Sonny's feet, causing his entire leg to flop off the couch, "Hey," his eyes opened sleepily, but he straightened when he noticed Liv standing behind Amanda.

"Oh hey Liv," he rubbed his eyes and flipped both his legs off the couch.

Amanda grabbed his elbow, pulling him up off the couch. "Go to bed babe. This isn't a work visit."

"Yeah okay," he mumbled as he shuffled back towards their bedroom.

Once Sonny disappeared around the corner, Olivia sunk into the couch cushions. "Why the hell do I do stupid things?"

Amanda sat down next to her, "Because you like to self sabotage," she gave a self-deprecating laugh, "been there a billion times." Amanda leaned back next to Liv, "Wanna tell me what happened?" She looked over Olivia's attire, "clearly you had a formal function tonight."

Olivia's fitted formal wear was a pretty good clue. She knew she looked perfect tonight. Flawless from her perfectly done makeup to her painted toes. She sighed, "Another fundraiser."

"Who'd you take with you?"

"You know the captain over in counterterrorism?"

"Yeah, you have had lunch a couple times right?" Amanda asked.

"He asked me to go with him a few weeks ago," Olivia responded.

"Huh, that's pretty ballsy, I mean, I think it's common knowledge there is a certain slightly temperamental over protective detective pursuing you pretty hard."

Liv gave her a side eye, but honestly it was true. It felt like most of the force knew about Elliot's pursuit of her. Elliot was fairly intimidating to most, even some higher ranking officials. His reputation, and his commanding presence created discomfort for most of her peers. His active pursuit of her seemed to ward off most men's attempts to ask her out. Still, every now and again, someone gave it a shot.

"Well, Bell brought Elliot."

"Oh God," she stood up and headed toward the kitchen, "Want a drink?"

"Is that a question?" Liv nearly laughed.

"I guess not," Amanda smiled as she opened the cabinet to reach for some glasses. She yanked out whatever alcohol she kept above the fridge.

Amanda continued the conversation while pouring their drinks, "Well I mean why not? The man looks damn good in a tux."

Olivia blew out a long breath, "Tell me about it."

Amanda handed Olivia her drink, and resumed her position on the couch. "I'm guessing he has to do with the 'stupid things' you mentioned earlier."

Olivia took a drink from her glass, and set it on the coffee table, "Doesn't he always?" She leaned back into the cushions and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I swear I become a special level of stupid when he's around. It's fine when we are working, but outside of work I become this idiotic mess."

Amanda drank her drink quietly and Olivia knew what she was thinking, but appreciated her willingness to just listen at this point.

"The night started okay enough. I didn't know he was coming. I should have figured, he's Ayanna's plus one a lot, especially since stuff with Denise went south."

"Understandable," Amanda commented.

"Anyway, you know how Elliot gets when I go out with anyone."

"Jealous, possessive, overprotective," Amanda listed the worst three offenders.

"Yes." Olivia let out a frustrated sigh, "He has always been like that. Even back when we worked together, and he was married."

"I could tell you why…" Amanda smirked in her direction.

"Hush you." Olivia knew why too, but this wasn't about that.

"So he's doing that thing, you know where he watches me like I'm the only person in the goddamn room."

"It's kind of sweet actually."

"Not so much at a work function, no. Also, I'm on a date, remember?"

"Right, right. Continue."

"Well my date steps out to take a call, and then he is there, completely in my space. It was like he was waiting for just the right moment to come over."

"Probably was."

His hand is on my back and he's talking right in my ear, and all I'm thinking is this is why the entire world thinks we are sleeping together.

"Fair assessment. What was he saying?"

Olivia felt the blush fill her cheeks. "Not important."

Amanda grinned over her drink. "Seems important."

"Do you want to hear the rest of the story or are we stopping here?"

"No no. Go on." She waved her on.

"My date comes back, and of course that's a little uncomfortable. Especially since Elliot thought he should keep his hand on my lower back while we all talked."

"That's kind of hot actually."

"Maybe a little," she admitted, "but this is a work function, and I am there with someone else!" She continues, "Elliot starts asking my date all sorts of questions."

"Oh Lord."

"Yeah. I know he's trying to make the whole thing uncomfortable on purpose, and I'm trying to find Ayanna because she's his goddamn handler. That's not supposed to fall to me anymore, but I don't see her anywhere so I'm stuck with two men trying to one up each other. Elliot still insists on having his hand on my back,"

"Still hot," Amanda quips.

"Shush. My date excuses himself to the bathroom because the whole interaction had been awkward as hell. At that point, I'm just pissed at Elliot."

"Understandable." Amanda grabs the unopened bag of fruit snacks one of the girls left on the coffee table, and pops one in her mouth.

"I drag him outside, and it's freezing, which is good because no one is on that terrace." Amanda offers her a fruit snack and Liv shakes her head, "I start yelling at him. I mean, he's obviously doing this all on purpose. And he just keeps smiling which makes me more furious so I storm off, but he catches my elbow, and he starts apologizing."

"And he's Elliot, and he's looking at me, the way he looks at me, and I'm suddenly in my kitchen with him again, and he's in my space, breathing my air, and then I…" Olivia covered both of her eyes, attempting to hide either her embarrassment or frustration. "I kissed him. Me. He didn't start it. I did."

"Good for you," Amanda applauded.

"No, not good. One minute I'm yelling at him to leave me the hell alone, and the next I'm making out with him on an abandoned terrace. No wonder he doesn't know how to act . I constantly give him mixed signals and say stupid things I don't actually mean. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"Commitment issues, abandonment issues, the unreasonable need to control every aspect of your life… "

She shot her a glare.

"Again, not judging. Been there. A lot actually." She leaned forward with her elbows resting on her thighs. "What happened after that?"

"Well, my head is spinning, and I'm getting lost in it, but then I pushed him away, like the kissing was his fault. It wasn't, but I started yelling at him again. I was still mad at him. I told him I could take care of myself, and I did just fine during his ten year abandonment."

Amanda visibly winced, "Low blow?"

"Yeah. He started to leave, and I felt bad, but then my date finally found us, but I lost Elliot in the room full of people, and it's not like I could ditch my date and track him down." Oliva sighed and fell back into the couch cushions. I told my date I was sick, and I took an uber here." She closed her eyes and laid her arm behind her head. "Why did I kiss him? I know I'm not ready, and I told him that a while ago. I just, ugh."

"I can tell you why you kissed him, but you aren't going to like my answer."

"Okay why? Why do I yank him around so bad? One minute I'm impulsively kissing him, the next I'm yelling and saying things I don't mean. I stay away for months at a time because every time I see him, I send mixed signals, driving the poor man crazy."

"You kissed him because you love him," Amanda started. Olivia started to protest but Amanda held her hand up to stop her, "Let me finish. You yank him around because in one moment you want what he's offering, but the wanting freaks you out and you push him away." Amanda sighed. "Maybe you think if you keep punishing him, and pushing him away, he'll leave and prove you right."

"You're probably right," Olivia admitted.

"Here's the thing, Liv, you have yanked him around, punished him, shut him out, and pushed him away, and he's still there. He wants you, on your terms, and in any capacity you allow." Amanda's eyes grew serious, "That man loves you, and God knows you love him. The only thing stopping this from happening is you."

Olivia felt tears welling in her eyes, and she wiped them away before they could fall to her cheeks. "I just can't do it. It's like trying to jump in a cold swimming pool on a hot day. You know you will feel amazing if you just dive in, but you're resisting the initial shock of the cold water. I'm standing on the edge of the diving board, willing myself to jump, but I can't get over the potential discomfort enough to dive in."

Amanda reached for her best friend's hand, "No risk, no reward right? The stakes might be high, but the reward is high too. The more time you wait the more time you waste." Amanda squeezed her hand, "I want you to be happy Liv. I want you to choose joy. You can do this. Just close your eyes and take the plunge."

Olivia sat for a few moments, processing her best friend's words. She made a decision, and pulled herself off the couch.

"Where are you going?" Amanda smiled, likely knowing the answer.

Olivia grabbed her coat and bag then responded, "I think I need to talk to a slightly temperamental overprotective detective I know."

Amanda smiled, "Don't wimp out." Olivia glared back at her, "No seriously. You owe this to yourself. Call me in the morning." Amanda gave her a knowing grin.

Olivia slipped out the door, took a deep breath, and gathered courage to do what needed to be done to find her joy.

What do you think guys? Does there need a part 2 to this one?