Olivia stood at the door, heart pounding, suddenly forgetting the conversation she rehearsed on the way over. They stared at each other for an uncomfortably long minute.

He turned, leaving the door open, and said, "Come in, Liv."

She followed him in and shut the door behind her. Her heart pounded, her nerves overpowering her. He sounded tired. He sounded defeated. And that was on her.

She followed him into his kitchen. He leaned into his counter, palms down on the granite countertop. She sat on one of the barstools across from him.

There was another uncomfortable moment of silence before he asked, "What do you want Liv?"

She tried not to feel offended at his tone, after all, she the one continually shoving him away. "Um," she started. She put her hand on her belly, trying to quell the nerves building there. "About today."

He surprised her when he turned away and rummaged through his cabinets for a coffee cup. "We don't need to talk about it. It's fine."

"It doesn't feel fine," she said quietly.

"It is," he insisted. "This is what you want right? For me to back off and give you space to figure things out?" She didn't love the bite she felt behind his words.

"Come on El, you know this isn't what I want."

"What do you want Olivia? I'm tired of pushing. I know I missed a lot, hell, I missed everything important that happened in your life, but if I can't spend time with you then I'll never know about any of it." He rubbed his hand behind his neck in agitation. "I don't make you happy, Liv. Today showed me that. Maybe you've known all along. Our relationship isn't easy and natural like it seems to be with Langan."

She didn't even know what to say to that.

He started for the door, "I can't even get you to go to lunch with me. What? Did he ask you like twenty minutes before coming? Maybe you should think about why it's so easy to tell him yes when all you ever tell me is no."

He walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

Did he just walk out on her? Oh hell no. She followed after him. Once outside the building, she yelled, "Get your ass back here Elliot!"

He turned, "To do what? Tiptoe around the issue and then have you run. Guess what? I can run too."

He turned away from her, and she grabbed his arm. She was somewhere between angry and devastated and she felt hot tears of frustration falling from her eyes. "You did run. For ten damn years." She was angry crying now, and it was getting embarrassing. She let go of his arm, "Whatever Elliot. Just go. I can't stop you. I learned that a long time ago." She winced, knowing that was a deep stab.

He whipped around and she saw the Stabler fire she hadn't witnessed in years. "Is this going to hang over me forever? Or just, what, seven more years? Then will we be even?"

"Now you are just being petty," she said in frustration.

"No. I'm not. I get that I hurt you. Guess what? It hurt me too!"

"You CHOSE it! I didn't! One day you were here and the next you were gone! How the hell did you expect me to deal with that!?" They were yelling. Probably making a scene. She couldn't find any reason to care.

He started to walk away again, putting some space between them, but turned back, "I knew you would be better off." He sighed and his voice leveled, "And you were. You thrived. You survived. That would have never happened with me there. I held you back."

She took a step toward him, her voice softening, "You know that's not true."

"I don't know that. Do you think you would have made Captain with me here? Adopted Noah? Built the life you have now?" He shook his head, "There was no way you would have any of those things if I stayed. I wasn't good for you." His eyes dropped to his feet, "and I'm beginning to realize that I may still be holding back." He backed away from her, "Just go home Liv. Noah needs you. I'll be fine."

With that he turned away and began his run.

-000-

Olivia stood there. Stunned. He didn't really believe that. Did he? Suddenly, she realized he probably did. Since they were partnered he had her back. He would have taken a bullet for her. She had no doubt about that. He would have protected her at any cost to himself. She wandered to her suv and sat in the driver's seat.

The conversation from that night at the hospital played through her mind.

I was afraid if I saw you, if I heard your voice, I wouldn't be able to leave.

At the time it felt like a terrible excuse for ten years of silence, but now…

He couldn't tell her. He wanted to do what was necessary for her and he couldn't let her talk him out of it, because she certainly would have.

She leaned her head against her steering wheel and cried. It made sense. He might have sacrificed her, for her own benefit. That was something that handsome idiot would do. She knew it.

He hurt her, but in the process he hurt himself. She was holding onto all this pain, but was he right? Would the good things in her life be there if he had stayed? If she dug down and was truly honest with herself she knew she would have none of these things if he stayed. He took up too much room, and she sacrificed a lot of herself, her ambition, to make him stay.

Damn it. She hated when he was right, well, kind of right. She opened her car door and went back to his apartment. He was so pissed when he left that he failed to lock the door.

She slipped back in, and dropped her bag and coat by the door. She glanced at her watch, trying to figure out how long that man could realistically run. Judging by the look of his body, she could be here awhile.

Texting Amanda

O: How would you feel relieving my babysitter and hanging out with Noah.

A: I can grab him. The girls have been asking to have him over. What's goin on?

O: I'm at Stabler's

A: Oh?

O: Get your mind out for the gutter, we are SO far away from that right now.

A:Should I ask why?

O: Probably not. There's been a lot of yelling, and now I'm sitting on the couch waiting for him to come home from a run.

A: I might need clarification on that

O: I'll explain when I pick Noah

A: Which will be when?

O: I have no idea. He could kick me out the second he gets back or we can work this shit out. Not sure which way this will go.

A: He won't kick you out

O: He told me to leave earlier so who knows?

A: I'll need deets when this is all said and done.

O: Consider it payment for watching Noah

A: Agreed

-000-

She was so damn infuriating. He checked his watch, three miles… the knotting in his stomach hadn't released yet so he continued running.

What did he expect from her? She had been very clear about how much he hurt her. She had been very clear that she wasn't ready. She didn't trust him and that was glaringly obvious. Hell, she kept Noah away from him so long because she was protecting Noah from him. The thought made the twisting anxiety in his stomach worse.

Five miles. He didn't know what to do anymore. She thwarted every attempt he made at reaching out, and aside from working joint cases he rarely saw her. He tried to find hope in the 'I want to,' but wanting was significantly different than doing.

Trust. That was the central issue here, and he wasn't sure if he could ever win that back. No matter how hard he begged for her to give him a chance, she might never trust him. And that was on him. He knew better when he left, and he left anyway.

He knew patience mattered, but he couldn't stomach seeing her with someone else. He couldn't handle it when he was married and he definitely couldn't handle it now. She could move on from him but there was no world in which he could move on from her. .

He thought of the way she acted with Langan. She was at ease with him. Probably because he helped her out of a scrape and helped her adopt her son. He probably hadn't disappointed her in the way he had.

Eight miles. Darkness began to fall as the sun sank below the skyline. He should go home. To what end? He basically kicked Liv out so he'd be going home to a quiet apartment. He could call her and apologize, but he seriously doubted she'd take his call.

He made it to his building and he felt tired, and the run didn't do much to lift his brooding mood. He was so stuck in his own brain that he didn't notice that Olivia's suv was still parked in front of his place.

He opened the door and pulled off his hoodie and shirt, discarding it in his room on his way down the hall. He stepped into his kitchen, and finally noticed Olivia sitting silently on his couch. He took a couple more steps towards the fridge and grabbed a water bottle off the shelf. He cracked it open and took a long drink without taking his eyes off of her. Silence permeated the room.

She broke the ice, "You really should remember to lock your doors," she forced a smile.

He downed the rest of his water bottle. "Clearly," he replied. He leaned against the counter with his arms folded, keeping his distance from her perch on the couch. Maybe he should put his shirt back on? Nah. It was fine.

He felt her ever perceptive brown eyes studying him, and he wanted to snap at her to stop it because he felt done with the whole talking thing. "Elliot, I…" he watched her struggle to find words while he stood motionless. She seemed to switch gears, "I wanted you to know that Trevor and I are just friends."

"Okay. You didn't have to stay to tell me that. I could have easily been informed over a text." Why the hell did he keep snapping at her?! .

Silence.

"Elliot. I need you to talk to me."

"Why? I'll tell you how I feel and then you'll backpedal and tell me you're not ready. I already had enough yelling and emotional drama for the night. Just say what you want to say so you can go home and I can shower and go to bed and we can pretend like this night never happened."

He hated how harshly the words spilled from his mouth. In all honesty he would love for her to stay, but he couldn't stomach anymore of this tonight. He was just tired.

Olivia's eyes dropped to her hands, and she shifted nervously, a far cry from the commanding presence she held in every room. Right now, she looked different. Right now she looked vulnerable.

He inched closer. The change in her demeanor startled him. He was nearly to the couch when her eyes flicked back up to his nervously.

The pull she had on him was otherworldly. No matter how much he wanted to give this up for the night, he found himself moving towards her until their knees were touching. Both sitting quietly on the couch.

"I love you," the words felt like they burst out from her lips, like she couldn't contain them, even one more minute.

Elliot's brain didn't seem to be processing the words. She kept her nervous eyes on him, while he stupidly tried to figure out what to say. All he could come up with was, "What?"

He heard her let out a nervous breath before she scooted even closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his knee, "I love you," she repeated.

This time her words washed over him and he put a hand to her cheek. "Do you?"

She let out a nervous chuckle. "How many times are you going to make me say it?"

"Not sure yet. My brain is having a hard time keeping up with what's going on right now."

She nodded in understanding, and clarified. "I love you, and that's why this is so hard," she admitted.

He brushed his thumb over her lips softly, and she closed her eyes, savoring his touch.

"I love you Elliot, and I'm terrified and it's paralyzing." She opened her eyes and bit her lip. Hee body radiated discomfort. "I've never loved anyone the way I've loved you." Her eyes started to tear up, "No one can hurt me in the way you can El, and it scares the shit out of me."

His fingers continued caressing her face, wiping the tears away. "Olivia, I could never hurt you."

She sighed, "But that's just it, you already did. I was SO sure of you. You were my partner and my best friend. I loved you. And then one day I came to work and it was like you never existed. I want to trust you as much as I did then. I want to lose myself in you, but I can't. I can't let myself because the small part of me that isn't sure is louder than the part that is."

He felt so many pieces clicking together. She jerked him around because she was scared. She pushed him away because she was scared, and she wouldn't give him a chance because she was terrified of how much she would lose herself in him. The thought was heartbreaking and humbling, and damn it, he loved her. He'd always loved her. .

The act of baring her soul on this couch was the most intense show of love and affection she ever allowed him. Her honesty and vulnerability laid bare the fear and pain that she kept locked away. He felt tears pressing the corners of his eyes while he tried to find words to express what he was feeling.

I'm an instant he pulled her into his arms, pressing her head into his shoulder while she cried. "Liv," he whispered, and her tear filled eyes lifted. "You have been my everything for longer than I like to admit. Everyone knew. My kids knew. Kathy knew. I was helplessly in love with you and I was hopelessly in denial. The moment I realized how much you meant to me, and how thoroughly I could derail your life I had to go. It felt impossible. I should have called, saw you, did something, but I felt paralyzed." He pulled her face closer to his, "I wanted to save you from me."

"Elliot?" She whispered with her eyes tightly shut.

"Living without you was one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. But you were right. If you stayed I wouldn't have the life I have now. I wished things could have been different, but the truth is, no matter the choices we made, our relationship was going to be hard and complicated." She opened her eyes, "But it doesn't have to be hard and complicated anymore." Her lips were incredibly close to his, "I'm choosing to trust you Elliot." Her lips lightly brushed on his, "but please don't break my heart again."

She kissed him softly until he pulled away. "Never," he responded before kissing her. It was an apology. It was a promise. It was everything.

Deciding on a part three that probably has no plot other than what happens next lol. We will see. Maybe. Not sure. Maybe Ill leave it, I mean we all KNOW whats coming next lol.