Five minutes into the drive he must have had enough of the silence. "I'm sorry Liv, really. I just. Ugh. He could have killed you, and he threatened Noah. I couldn't do nothing."

She knew he couldn't help it, and she loved him for it. She could take care of herself, but sometimes it was nice to think that she might not have to. Still, threatening Oscar Papa was insanely stupid, to say the least. "I understand El, I really do, but I wish you wouldn't have done that."

He shook his head, "We talked about this, you would have done the same, worse even."

"It's not that." She was well aware he had shown immense self-control in there. And she was serious, if the roles were reversed, she want sure she could have stopped hersoelf from shooting the man. But Oscar papa was incredibly dangerous, even in prison. "I just," she hesitated. "I think he's done with me and Noah. Until today he didn't know you existed. And now he does."She sighed and leaned back into the seat. "I just don't want him to take all of that as a challenge. Killing you wouldn't be the worst thing he's ever done, and your connection to me would be a bonus incentive." She took a slow breath. She wasn't going to cry. Not here, but the thought of him ending up like a Duarte was almost too much.

"I'll be fine Liv. I can take care of myself." She watched him with wary eyes. Sometimes they were too alike. She wondered if one day they would allow each other to take care of each other in the way they used to.

She sighed, "How many gang leaders and mob bosses do you think you can threaten without eventually getting killed?" She closed her eyes. God, she couldn't even look at him right now. The thought of his absence, a permanent absence felt like too much.

To her surprise he pulled over. She still couldn't meet his eyes because she was a little terrified about what she might find there. Add to that this feeling growing in her chest made her not trust her actions at the moment. She kept her eyes closed. He wasn't ready, she reminded herself. That damn wedding ring on his finger was a clear reminder of how unavailable he was. How unavailable he'd always been.

It was that thought that made her cry. The despair over the fear of this never being anything more. He reached for her hand and she felt the irresistible urge to run.

Without thinking she grabbed the door handle and flung the door open. She couldn't be here. Not right now. It was too much.

She rushed down the sidewalk, and despite her head start he was to her in a second. "Liv!" He grabbed her upper arm and her momentum stopped suddenly, causing her to spin into him and her hand slammed into his chest as she tried to keep her balance.

Her eyes were on his and she knew he could see the obvious tears streaming down her face. She wasn't ready to show him this. Her obvious need for him. She wasn't ready for him to know. Not while his wedding band suddenly sat ominously on his finger. She wouldn't be second best, second choice because if she was honest, he was and always would be her first choice.

"I can't do this right now," her voice was low and desperate. Begging him to just let her go.

"Let me at least take you to work or home or whatever you want." His hand was on her cheek and the emotions churning in her chest were escaping as tears. And he was probably confused by all of this because she was obviously not forthcoming with her thoughts and emotions. Add to that, she was having this meltdown in the middle of a public sidewalk.

She hated that her usually carefully guarded emotion was now completely out of control and he could see it all. She needed to get out of here.

"I need to go." The desperate look in his eyes made her want to stay, but she couldn't stay because she needed to get the hell out of here before she admitted things to him that he wasn't ready for. She pulled her arm out of his hand hurried away, leaving him staring after her, probably confused as hell.

-000-

What the actual hell just happened? He watched her retreat and resisted the urge to chase her down again. She clearly needed to get away from him and that thought was discouraging. He thought they had made a little progress over the last few days. He swore the look in her eyes as they talked meant something.

He shook his head and turned back to the car. The pain in his chest was a real physical sensation and he just wanted to scream. He wasn't entirely sure what he did this time, making all of this more frustrating than it normally would be.

He pounded one hand against the steering wheel. He lost his temper at Papa, but that action didn't seem to be the real issue here, and he wished he had a clue about what happened.

He dropped the car into drive, and headed back to the OCCB offices. Ayanna would want an update on what was happening at the prison, and he knew he would be distracted and still trying to figure out what was going on with Liv, and not the prison. Ayanna would inevitably pick up on his distress and question him about it and he rewlly didn't want to talk about any of this. And on top of everything he was so damn tired.

Sleeping was impossible because every time he closed his eyes she was there, and with her came the overwhelming guilt he felt at the idea of moving on. He had hoped wearing his band would help with the sleep issues. Like maybe if she knew he thought of her and missed her she might leave him alone. It didn't help, and he suspected the stupid idea had probably further alienated Olivia.

Why was he always so damn stupid? And why was the timing always so wrong? For once he wanted things to go right. For once he wanted them both to be happy, and he knew he couldn't be happy without Olivia.

-000-

Olivia walked off her emotions before getting an Uber. Problem was, she had no idea where she wanted to go. She could go to work, but she was so distracted that working would be torture. She could go home, but her apartment would be quiet and lonely. Maybe that was all she was made for, maybe this was the way she was meant to live her life. Alone.

With that depressing thought she had the Uber take her to work. She needed to get her car so she could just drive for a while. She couldn't be anywhere right now, and driving around aimlessly was the closest she could be to nowhere.

The Uber driver dropped her off and she didn't even go inside the precinct. The second she set foot in there someone would need something and at the moment she felt like she had nothing left to give.

She climbed into the driver seat of her car and shut the door. She didn't even turn the ignition. She felt overwhelmed and so so lost. She felt unmoored and unsettled, like she was being tossed about, at the mercy of the wind and rain. Unfortunately, she knew what or rather who could provide that mooring, but she had a feeling she needed him far more than he could ever need her. The thought triggered more tears, and she felt exhausted.

She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes. She flipped the visor mirror down. God, her make up was a total mess. She dug through the console, until she found a package of tissues towards the bottom. She blotted the ruined mascara away and she looked a little less like a hot mess.

She needed to go home, and sleep. She couldn't do this shit day anymore. Maybe some sleep would provide some perspective. Maybe, but probably not.