As expected Ayanna gave him that look after he finished updating the team on the prison visit. She wandered back to her office, and looked back, and he knew she wanted him to follow. He sighed, here we go.

He waited a moment, and then followed her up to the office.

"Shut the door," her large brown eyes shifted to the door.

He nodded and closed the door behind him. He stood just in front of the door, hoping for a quick exit. He crossed his arms and waited. He had no desire to talk about any of this right now.

"You good?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"This is how you're gonna play it huh?" She shook her head at him. "Fine. Just contact SVU and have them send those four profiles over."

"Can't Reyes do it?" He glared. He knew she was just trying to get him to talk to Liv.

"He could, but I didn't ask him to do it, did I?" Her eyes bore into his, and he felt himself shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Fine. I'm not sure what happened. One minute we were fine and the next she told me to stop threatening gang leaders so I don't get killed."

"Sound advice actually," Ayanna muttered.

Elliot shot her another glare. "I pulled over because she was upset and I wanted to talk to her, but she just got out of the car and left." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what the hell is going on anymore."

Ayanna threaded her fingers together and leaned forward. "You're an idiot."

"Apparently," he muttered.

"No seriously."

"I can leave now, right?" He said with snark, his hand on the door handle.

She shook her head. "You threaten a gang leader. A gang leader that nearly killed her and her son. A gang leader who killed the other captain she worked with. You threaten that man and you expect her not to worry ."

"Worry, yes. Bail out of the car, not so much."

"I don't know her well. In fact most of what I know I learned from you, and the 1-p-p rumor mill." Her eyes found his again. "If she was that hurt and pissed about you abandoning her for ten years, imagine and pissed and upset she would be if you died ."

The words hung in the air like the swirling smoke of a dive bar.

Once she felt he had enough time to process her words she suggested, "Go home Elliot. You're exhausted." Worry laced her brow. "Get your head together before reaching out again."

He nodded. She was probably right. He should let Liv calm down. He should let himself sleep .

Unfortunately, he couldn't get himself to do either of those things.

-000-

Olivia drove around for a little bit before heading home. At one point she started in the direction of Elliot's place, but after a few minutes changed her mind. She wasn't sure she was ready to see him, and he probably went back to work.

She parked at her building and sighed. She had a couple hours until Noah would be home. She could sneak in a nap and maybe find the energy to get Noah through all his homework.

She hit the button for the elevator and waited. She knew that she overreacted a little this morning, but even now she felt so much anxiety over Elliot.

She entered the elevator and hit the button for her floor. That damn wedding band . She knew things had been weird. She knew he was massively triggered right now. That was all the more reason to put pause on whatever this is. The last thing she needed was to start something just for him to change his mind and back off of her. She couldn't handle that.

She exited the elevator and was surprised, but not really, to see a familiar person sitting on the floor next to her door.

She approached, "You look a little stalker ish sitting here. You have a key," she reminded.

He shrugged. "I wasn't sure you wanted me here, and I didn't want to scare the shit out of you by sitting on your couch when you got home."

She was grateful for that. She might have actually shot him because that kind of surprise would be very triggering for her. "Probably smart, actually." She tried a smile but it failed. She reached out her hand to pull him to his feet. She wiggled her key into the door. "Come on in," she invited.

She felt his body right behind her. He was always in her space, and part of her loved it. The other part wanted to run away terrified.

She dropped her stuff on the counter and he followed suit. He must have come straight from work because he still carried his bag of documents and his laptop.

She turned and he was still really close. His chest was practically touching hers and her breath caught. She couldn't meet his eyes because it would be too much. "Wanna sit," she invited while staring at her feet.

He lifted his hand to her arm, brushing it softly. "Yeah." She could see him craning his neck, trying to make eye contact, but she couldn't breathe, and meeting his gaze would only make it worse.

His hand found her elbow, and he tugged her gently in the direction of the couch. They sat and she realized she would have to look at him eventually. She sighed and lifted her eyes to his.

His eyes searched hers, and she knew he was so confused and he really wanted to know what was going on.

She bit her lip, realizing how much she wasn't expecting this, him . But he was here and she had to say something.

He beat her to it, "Liv, I'm sorry. I need to be better. I need to do better."

She wanted to scream " it's not about that" , but how the hell was he supposed to know that all of this wasn't as much about him as much as it was about her.

"El, it's not…I…" why did her brain turn to mush everytime she tried to communicate with him. It really didn't help that his hand somehow found its way to her knee.

She tried again, keeping her eyes on his hand on her knee. Of course it was his left hand, and of course that band still sat there, taunting her. "It's not anything you did," she started.

He looked even more confused, and she sighed. She couldn't imagine how confusing this all was for him, and he wanted to talk, and she felt like she couldn't. His eyes were heavy on her, and she had anxiety pooling in her chest. "I'm so tired." She knew she was avoiding this. He knew she was avoiding this, and the disappointment was all over his face. She wanted to but she just couldn't.

She stood abruptly. "I can't do this right now." Her hand was on her stomach, pressing into the anxiety housed there.

He was suddenly right there with her, both hands holding her elbows. "Just talk to me Liv. I just.." he paused. "I can handle anything you have to say, but just don't shut me out." His dewy blue eyes found hers, and she took a minute to breathe. "Please," he begged.

Everything inside of her wanted to run , but his hands on her elbows kept her firmly in place. She laid her head into his shoulder, and kept her eyes closed. His hands dropped from her elbows and encircled her waist. She swallowed her fear, but her voice trembled when she finally spoke. "I'm scared," she admitted. "I'm can't lose you, and I know you're going to say you're fine and careful and whatever, but it's not just that. You left and it was devastating," she tried to hold back her tears but they wet his shirt anyway. "If I lost you. If you died…" she whispered, "I wouldn't survive that."

She felt his arms tighten around her and his lips brush her hair, "I'm not going anywhere," he promised.

"You can't guarantee that." She whispered

"There are never any guarantees Liv," his voice firm but loving. "Either of us could be hurt in the job, and not just that." He hesitated like he was considering his next words. "Kathy died in an explosion Liv. She was a civilian and she died in a horrible way. We could have never planned for that." He kiss the crown of her head, "There are never guarantees, but that shouldn't keep us from being together for whatever time we have left."

She tried to absorb his words, his reassurances. She had been desperately trying to keep her heart from hurting, but it was hurting anyway.

The mention of Kathy didn't bother her, but her ring on his finger did . She needed to tell him. To say something, but she froze. Instead she retreated, "I really am tired, Elliot." She murmured. Then she remembered how bloodshot his eyes looked. She pulled back, and put a hand to his face, "When did you last sleep? Like actually slept?" From the circles beneath his eyes she suspected it had been days.

"Honestly, I have no idea really." He hesitated again. "I've had a lot of flashbacks lately," she knew from their previous conversation that the flashbacks included his dead wife. "… it's just easier not to sleep."

She rubbed her thumb over the stubble of his cheek. "I'm going to take a nap," she hesitated, but she was worried about him. She closed her eyes and swallowed back her fear. "Come nap with me." She pressed her face into his shoulder, trying to hide the flush on her cheeks, but he nodded.

"Okay," he agreed but his voice was unsure. "I'll try."