Author's Note: The next several chapters will see Elizabeth and Nathan finally having discussions about the S8 mess. Though others have used Joseph as well to counsel them, the inspiration for this part actually came from DDSweets. She gave us permission to use her idea. A Special thank you to Cinda for reading these chapters to make sure that we touched on everything.
The morning dawned early, and Elizabeth looked forward to the counseling session with Joseph but with some trepidation. Her feelings for Nathan were even more apparent to her and everyone else who has eyes to see because they were on full display. She and Julie had quite a discussion when they got home and put Jack to bed.
Her cheeks flamed even now at just the thought of the comments made, leaving no doubt that Nathan knew exactly how he affected her and used it to keep her off balance the entire night. Then, of course, her dreams of him after finally falling asleep did nothing to help as she recreated the scene by the pond where he kissed her as they stood by Sargent, hearts pounding and struggling to catch their breath. Oh, how she wished he had. Then, the dream morphed into the day she warmed his Serge. He had taken it off and stood there with his muscular arms crossed, his henley pulled taut by his biceps.
A knock on her bedroom door, followed by her sister opening it, pulled her out of her thoughts.
Looking at Elizabeth's flushed face, Julie knew that her sister had been thinking of Hope Valley's Mountie.
"I made tea for us and laid out the muffins Clara sent home with me last night. Jack is still asleep, so I thought it would give us a chance to talk about what you have planned for today, and there was something else I wanted to talk to you about."
Elizabeth smiled, got up, and put on her robe." Sure. Let's go downstairs."
A few minutes later, having enjoyed a few sips of her tea, Elizabeth became aware that her sister was nervous.
"Julie, what's wrong?"
"Elizabeth, what would you say if I told you I wanted to move to Hope Valley permanently?"
"I guess the first question I want to know is why, followed by the second, which is, what would you do?"
"The why is easy. It's because you are here, and I'm tired of Hamilton society. I've discovered that I'm happier here than anywhere else. I want to stand on my own two feet and decide my fate rather than be an accessory on a rich man's arm. As for what I would do, I've talked to Rosemary and Dottie about the dress shop, and I'm considering buying it. I was playing around with some dress sketches, and Fiona saw them and was excited. I also thought maybe I could teach the children art once or twice a week with your permission."
"Have you talked to Father about any of this? Owning a business, especially if you have employees that will count on you for work and a steady paycheck, is a lot of responsibility and hard work."
"Which is why Rosemary and Fiona offered to guide me for the first six months," Julie replied.
"It sounds like you have thought about it; however, I think a conversation with Father is in order before you begin shipping your things here, and there's not much room in the rowhouse, so you'll have to…."
"Actually, Elizabeth, I had planned to move in with Fiona. She and I talked about it because we have become so close. I hope you don't mind."
Elizabeth smiled and leaned over to hug her sister. "Julie, if that is what you want, you have my blessing. Just keep in mind that she won't have much room either. You know you tend to overpack every time you come."
"Thank you, Sister," Julie said, then slyly added, "Besides, you'll need the extra room after you and Nathan get together."
Elizabeth blushed but said regretfully. "Unfortunately, I don't see that it is a concern. Nathan will never open his heart to me again. Not after the way I treated him and Allie."
"Oh, Elizabeth," Julie giggled. "You know Aunt Agatha always says never say never."
'Aunt Agatha has never met Nathan Grant, either.' Elizabeth thought to herself.
Later that afternoon, as Elizabeth headed towards the church for her counseling session, she couldn't shake off the anxious feeling that had taken over her. Just then, Nathan rode by on Newton, and her heart sank at the sight of him. He looked tall and handsome on the saddle, and a sense of longing washed over her. Despite his smirk and silent greeting, she couldn't help but feel distracted by his presence. Unlike before, he didn't stop to say hello leaving her lost in thought. It wasn't until Lucas appeared by her side that she snapped back to reality.
"Can we talk?" Elizabeth was startled and turned abruptly to look at him, surprised he was there.
"Lucas, I'm unsure what you feel is left to say." Elizabeth said, "Plus, I have a meeting with Joseph, and I don't have time."
She stepped around him and continued towards the church, but Lucas just stepped in front of her, stopping her, unwilling to give up.
"Elizabeth, look, Julie just…." Elizabeth interrupted as anger took over.
"I know you're not about to say that my sister lied or misunderstood because you should know I confirmed the information with multiple sources, including your mother. Not that I felt my sister would ever lie to me or that I needed to verify what she told me, but I expected you to try to say that."
Lucas looked shocked, and she knew that it was precisely what he had been about to do.
"You don't have siblings, so let me tell you a secret. Most siblings have each other's backs, and trying to pin one against the other, especially sisters, never turns out well." She recalled her conversation with Nathan where he had tried to warn her about Lucas.
There's nothing wrong with being a book lover.
Yeah. He's a lover, all right. I'm just not sure about the book part.
I am sorry.
For what?
If your job makes you believe the worst in people.(1)
Her cheeks flamed as she recalled how she had defended him just like she had defended Billy Hamilton when Jack tried to warn her, but in the end, both men were right. She recalled the conversation after leaving the infirmary and seeing there was a light on in the library.
Madam Librarian. What keeps you out so late?
Uh, there was an emergency with one of the children. Everything's fine, just a case of literature being taken too literally.
They say a little learning can be a dangerous thing.
I don't believe that.
I'm on the fence.
Uh...Why are you so interested in setting up the library?
Hope Valley needs one.
Is that the only reason? Because, if I have in any way led you to believe... Never mind.
Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But as I got to know you, I became fascinated by your goodness. "Dangerous Liaisons". One of my favorites. I wanted a library because it seemed like a good thing. No disrespect. (2)
Lucas had barely known her by that point, and she certainly hadn't given him a lot of encouragement at that time since she had been skeptical of him…. until the library. How could she be so stupid? Nathan had been right and if she were a gambler, she would bet money that his supposed love of reading and books beyond children's books was fake. Elizabeth was suddenly overcome with the urge to ask him about his proclaimed favorite book. She had a nagging suspicion that he hadn't read it just like the Virginia Woolf book.
"I do have one question for you, though."
"What's that?"
"Did you even read Dangerous Liaisons?
He was unprepared for the question, and she could see he was scrambling for the answer as she glared at him. Elizabeth couldn't help feeling disappointed in him but even more in herself by being taken in by this man.
"Well, I…. Well, um …. No, I haven't read it in its entirety, but I skimmed it…. once."
"And yet, according to you, it's your favorite book," Elizabeth said, shaking her head and giving him a look of disgust. "You know what I think. I think you memorize certain parts to be able to quote them but have no idea what the book is about. I'm guessing you got the idea somewhere that it wins the ladies over and helps maintain the scandalous gambler persona you like to play?"
Lucas went to protest, but Elizabeth wasn't finished. "I have read it just recently, and let me tell you, it gave me nightmares with you featured prominently in them.
She rolled her eyes in frustration as Lucas preened, very pleased Elizabeth was dreaming about him and taking her words as a compliment.
"I assure you, Lucas, the dreams were not flattering to you. In fact, it made me come back and reclaim my life, beginning with getting rid of you." Her words wiped the smile off his face, and she had to suppress a laugh.
"But that notwithstanding, what you have taught my son about lying being okay and that all you need to succeed in life is a good poker face is reprehensible and further proves you are not a suitable match for me and my son. Now if you will excuse me? I'm not interested in whatever else you wish to say, and as far as I am concerned, we are done here."
Elizabeth stepped around him and continued towards the church. However, Lucas wasn't willing to give up and reached out and grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving.
"Elizabeth, this isn't over." He growled.
"Yes… it is. Let …. go…!" Elizabeth said, her jaw clenched as she attempted to pull her arm out of his grasp.
"I'm not giving up, Elizabeth. Unlike Nathan, I intend to show you I'm willing to fight for our love."
"Lucas, there is no love left to fight for because love never existed between us." She attempted to pull her arm away, but he wouldn't release her.
"I disagree!" Lucas shouted. "You are just being irrational!"
Before Elizabeth could even comment, Bill came up beside her. "Is there a problem here?" Bill said, having seen their interaction.
"I'm not sure, Bill. Is there a problem, Lucas?" Elizabeth asked, brows raised.
"No," Lucas said as he let go of her arm and straightened his suit. "Just a little lover's spat, Bill!" Then, after giving Elizabeth a hard look, he walked away, leaving her seething with anger.
"Are you okay, Elizabeth," Bill asked, placing an arm around her.
"I am now, or at least I will be. I'd better go because I don't want to keep Joseph waiting," She hugged him, adding softly, "You are still my hero, always coming to the rescue. Thank you for that, Bill."
"Not always," Bill said sadly, his words full of regret.
Fully understanding what he meant, Elizabeth stopped and replied, "Only because I wouldn't listen," With eyes glistening, she continued on her way.
Bill watched her walk away, noticing that the spring in her step, the sparkle in her eyes was gone, and the light within her was dimmed. She may not blame him and feel it was all her fault, but in his heart, he still felt he should have been more vigilant. He sighed heavily as he went to his office. Between her and Nathan, who was acting oddly as well, he had his hands full. Even worse, he had no idea how to fix it.
Joseph was already waiting for her at the church when she arrived. He was sitting on a swing, but she noticed he also had the door open to the church, leaving it to her where they would go. His welcoming smile helped to put her at ease as she approached.
Nathan arrived back in town from rounds and went to Bill's office. Nathan walked into Bill's office and immediately sensed something was wrong.
"Hey, Bill."
Bill's pained expression confirmed his fears. Nathan's heart sank as he asked about Allie, Jack, and Elizabeth - the three closest to Bill's heart.
"What is it? Is it Allie? Is Jack okay? Is Elizabeth all right?"
His mind instinctively worried about them because they were closest to his heart as well. Jack and Allie were like Nathan's own children, and he loved them without question. But his chapter with Elizabeth was closed, and he would never let that be reopened, at least not if he could help it. He felt a pang in his heart; however, he had become used to it, along with the anger and the pain.
But he was determined to show her she meant nothing to him, and he had moved on and was doing just fine. 'Maybe it is time I take Mei out to prove to Elizabeth that I have done just that.'
"They are fine. I'm just worried about Elizabeth," Bill said. "What brings you in?"
"Just checking in to see about the upcoming court schedule and if you have found anything more about Dylan and his parents?"
They spent the next hour talking about the cases Bill would need Nathan to attend and the little bit he found out about the Parks. By the time he left, he still couldn't shake the sadness and despair about Elizabeth that had settled over him. He practically ran out of Bill's office so he could go back to the jail and be alone with his thoughts. He had to work harder to reinforce that wall he constructed to keep his feelings for Elizabeth where they belonged... buried deep.
Elizabeth sat down next to Joseph and gave him a tremulous smile. He could see that her eyes were welling up with tears, sensed that they might need privacy, and urged her inside. After leading them in an opening prayer, he asked her why she was requesting counseling.
"I need help finding my way back, Joseph. I'm so lost that I don't even recognize myself or know if I'm coming or going anymore." Elizabeth sobbed. "I need to make significant changes in my life, but it all seems so overwhelming since I messed everything up and hurt the people closest to me as a result.
"Was there a certain event that led you to this decision?" Joseph asked.
"Dangerous Liaisons."
"Excuse me?" Joseph asked, confused by her answer.
"The book Dangerous Liaisons."
"I'm afraid I'm not familiar with it."
"Trust me. I would have been surprised if you had. I only recently read it after someone told me about it. It resulted in a nightmare where let's just say, there was no Hope in Hope Valley, and it became a town of immorality with Lucas Bouchard at the helm. You and Minnie and the Coulters moved away."
Elizabeth then gave him a very brief synopsis of the book and the nightmare.
"That is some dream, and from what you describe, that book is definitely not one I would have known about. How exactly did it come into play?"
"Lucas once said it was his favorite book which, now that I think about it should have tipped me off if I had been paying attention. Oh, Joseph, I have so many things I regret and wish I could change or go back and fix. It is all so overwhelming that I don't know where even to begin."
"Let's start with the regrets to identify what you feel was wrong and work from there. Why don't we spend the next few weeks meeting each day here and go from there? I have an assignment for you. I want you to think about your biggest regret in the past, say three years, and write down what it is, why you believe it happened, and any other details that will help you talk about it. Then tomorrow, we will go over it.
Julie had Jack, so she went to grab her journal and some paper, saddled up Sargent, and went to her land, knowing that she would have better privacy up there.
(1) S6 Ep7
(2) S6 Ep7