The next day Elizabeth sat by the pond pondering what she and Joseph had discussed during the second session. She felt a little calmer as she finally began getting her life back on track. It started with breaking things off with Lucas immediately after her return to Hope Valley though he was still vowing to "fight for their love." She cringed when she heard that phrase from him because, as she told him, there was no love to even fight for. But it was still overwhelming and seemed an impossible task. "One thing I am sure of is that I am determined not to let fear win this time around," She vowed to herself. Her thoughts drifted back to Joseph's words from earlier about involving Nathan. Was he right? What would Nathan's response be? He had been acting so differently that she wasn't sure what to expect, and it scared her.

'Elizabeth, you know that only God controls time; however, there's a burden you are carrying that is the core of why you can't get better. I think you already know what it is, don't you?"

Elizabeth nodded. "As I said, it's my biggest regret, but I don't see…"

But Joseph interrupted her. "What is it? You have written it down, but I think it's time to acknowledge it out in the open."

"The biggest regrets I have involve Nathan and Allie. I don't see any way to repair the damage I caused to my relationship with them. It is such an insurmountable task from where I am standing."

With God guiding you, nothing is impossible, Elizabeth, you should know that."

Now I have another assignment that will be tough, but it might clarify a path for you to take. However, I think that only by sharing your regrets with Nathan will you finally be ready to move on fully."

"Joseph, what is the point of sharing them with him? He has probably moved on, and I'm the last person he would be interested in. By sharing anything with him, I will either make the awkwardness worse or cause problems for him.

"Are you still struggling with fear of losing someone you love?" Joseph asked.

"No, if this whole debacle has taught me anything, it is that not following your heart, and trying to be something you aren't, just causes harm down the road."

Joseph gave her an amused glance as realization dawned at what she had just said. "I'm following my heart Joseph and protecting Nathan by not sharing my feelings, but I'm not trying to be something I'm not."

"Aren't you?" Joseph said. "I want you to answer this question, and we can discuss it tomorrow at our next session. In the meantime, I will reach out to Nathan about joining us in the session after that so you can begin the process. Nothing is insurmountable when our Heavenly Father is part of it. Because of His urging, I feel Nathan needs to join us the day after tomorrow. Now here is what I want you to ponder.

With a heavy sigh full of despair, she pulled out her journal and the paper that was tucked inside. Opening the journal, she saw where she wrote at the top MY BIGGEST REGRET IS LETTING FEAR WIN. She then unfolded the paper and began to read what she had written. She recalled how she had been struck with the sudden urge to write it out as if she were writing him a letter, and the words and tears had flowed as she did. Just like yesterday, the tears flowed as she reread the words.

My biggest regret, Nathan, is that I even walked into the Jail that day and callously lied when I told you those things. If I could change anything, it would be that you and I would have married and formed a family with Jack and Allie.

Nathan, I love you and am in love with you. I have been since our early days. You weren't wrong that day when you said that I felt the same way you did. I mean, I told you that I was afraid to lose you as I did, Jack. If that sounds like a comparison, it is not. It just means my love for you is as deep as what I shared with him. When I ran to my land after your declaration, I had half hoped you would come after me. But please don't take that as a criticism or accusation. You have always had my feelings at the heart of your actions, so never think I am criticizing you.

Nathan, my mind races and keeps me up at night because I'm always thinking of you and reliving the early days when we still had our usual ease between us. Every time I see a flash of red, I look for you. I'm not looking for Jack, but you.

If I could turn back the clock, I would have faced my fear with you by my side, and our conversation at the Jail would have been different. I would have ensured that love defeated my fear. I wouldn't have run from you that day you made your beautiful declaration. Instead, I would have told you how scared I was and that I needed you and loved you too. Maybe we would be married and expecting our first child by now, and I would know the taste of your kisses and how your lips feel on mine.

If I had the chance, I'd spend every hour of every day treasuring your heart and keeping it safe. I would ensure that you and Allie never had any reason to doubt how much I love you.

Instead of doing any of that, I sit here struggling with the reality of what I missed out on and a lot of if onlys.

Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock to that day and follow Emerson's advice on the plaque, you made me. It would make me happy beyond belief. But now that I have finally found myself again, I wish for your and Allie's happiness, just like you wanted for me when you stepped back when I chose Lucas.

I pray that you find the love you deserve and that it will make your heart whole again, Nathan. Though it will hurt to see you with another, it is my own fault that I hurt. You, Allie, and Jack are the reason that my heart keeps beating, even if I can only love you from a distance.

Elizabeth noticed it was getting colder and closer to supper. Gathering her things, she folded the letter and placed it in her journal. Suddenly she heard male voices, and fearing discovery since she was struggling to get her tears to stop, she mounted quickly and sent Sargent into a gallop in a hurry to return home.

Nathan was brought up short as he saw Elizabeth riding Sargent. The familiar pang entered his heart.

Bill noticed where he was looking and said, "I think Elizabeth is finally on the path to getting back on track. First, by dumping Lucas as soon as she arrived back in town and now doing counseling, she seems very determined to get back to who she was. From the looks she gives you when you're not looking, I would say her feelings for you are still there."

"I'm not going there, Bill, so forget it," Nathan growled, refusing to even think about it.

"From what I hear, you have become the town's most eligible bachelor," Bill teased. "Are you any closer to choosing?"

Nathan rolled his eyes at the bachelor remark. "There's no choice to make because the feelings aren't there. They are all nice, and there's a bit of attraction but no real spark." Bill saw an opportunity of things still working out for Nathan and Elizabeth, but how to bring it about was still unknown.

Elizabeth was finished getting Sargent settled and grabbed her journal to head home when Nathan and Bill arrived at the livery. She kept her face hidden, but both men knew she had been crying. When Bill asked, she mumbled that she was fine and went to leave, but in her hurry, she bumped into Nathan and almost dropped her journal. Nathan had reached out and steadied her, and they were both rocketed by the familiar sparks that were set off every time they touched. With a quick "I'm sorry." She left.

Nathan was still standing there watching her when Bill said, "Hey, what's that?" pointing at a folded piece of paper on the floor. Nathan reached down, and as he unfolded it, he recognized Elizabeth's handwriting and his name.

As he read it, he was floored, and the emotions it created were overwhelming.

'What would have happened if he had gone after her that day? What if he had called her out on the lies before she even left the Jail? He could see it in his mind when he read about the kisses, marriage, and even her pregnant with their first child. Suddenly he knew that though the clock couldn't be turned back, one thing could be changed. But was it something he could do? What if she changed her mind? Could things be settled just that easily?'

"Bill?" Nathan said. Without him knowing, Bill had come up beside him and had quickly scanned the letter himself. "I think you should return this to her and not let her know I saw it."

"Nathan..."

"Bill, I really don't want…"

"I will return the letter to her without letting her know you saw it on one condition."

What condition is that?" Nathan asked, his arms crossed in a protective gesture.

"There is just one thing that I want to point out to you, and I want your promise that you will let me finish before you comment. After that, you can leave, however. I hope you will think about what I have to say. Deal?" Bill said, raising a brow.

Nathan just studied Bill's face for a moment, searching for an indicator as to what was on the retired Inspector's mind. However, because of his former profession, it was futile as Bill was good at hiding what was going on in his thoughts.

"I've never doubted that you were the one Elizabeth loved and wanted."

"Really!" Nathan said skeptically, earning a scowl from Bill.

"Yes, really. Now I could tell you it's because I have known her for so long and I'd be right. However, since we are Mounties, let's examine the facts, shall we?"

"Except you are not a Mountie anymore, Bill!" Nathan teased.

"Are you through?"

"Yeah, for now," Nathan replied with a smirk.

"Let's start with comparing her reaction to Lucas being in danger and then how she reacted to the prisoner shooting. When you rode off after the explosion, Helen had to be held back to keep from running to the explosion. What you don't know is that Elizabeth held her back and told her it was too dangerous. She was very calm and collected, and as far as I know, when he got back to town, there wasn't any significant reaction. It could have been Hickam or Jesse in danger, and she would have been the same."

"Well, they weren't a couple back then, Bill."

"Neither were you and Elizabeth when she clung to you in the street," Bill stated emphatically. "Then there's the time that Jack got caught in a flash flood and was carried away by the rushing water. Landslides and other dangers were everywhere, and it was freezing too. When Elizabeth found out, she immediately went to a horse, shouting, "Anyone with a horse, follow me."

It was not even her horse. It belonged to someone who had gone to help rescue the Silverton miners. People were standing gawking at her until I told them to mount up. She refused to give up and searched until she found him, ultimately saving his life.

"Then there is your personal favorite, where she disobeyed your orders to go after Emily. Not to mention she jumped on Newton and ran after Robert when Sargent ran off with him on his back.

You should ask Molly how she went into an unstable mine at night to rescue Rosaleen Sullivan, who had gotten lost inside it. When Elizabeth truly loves someone, she will move heaven and Earth, facedown whatever danger there is, to protect her loved ones. In your case, she was protecting Jack, Allie, you, and, this time, herself. Unfortunately, she went about it the wrong way and caused a lot of damage."

They were interrupted by the door of the livery opening and Joseph stepping through. After his eyes adjusted, he immediately spotted Nathan.

"Nathan, I wondered if I might have a few moments of your time before you get back to work."

"I was just getting ready to leave, Joseph. I have a small errand to run before I head back to my office for an afternoon of reading briefs." Bill said before leaving.

"I'm heading to my office right now; why don't you follow me?" Nathan said. Joseph quickly agreed and asked God for the wisdom to know what to say.

"Nathan, as you know, I am counseling Elizabeth and helping her find her way back to the confident and courageous woman that she was before her fears guided her decisions. Part of that involves recognizing and accepting the blame and accepting accountability for the wrongs she committed."

"Joseph, I don't think…"

"Nathan, I know that it will be hard for you, but it is what both of you need to heal fully. So, I would like you to join us tomorrow at 1 pm at the church. Our sessions typically run for an hour. May I count on your cooperation?"

Nathan desperately wanted to say no, but he reluctantly agreed to go. He was really glad that Allie wasn't there because he needed to be able to trust that Elizabeth was truly changing before he would let Elizabeth get close to her again, especially without him.

Later that night, he arrived at Faith's to pick her up for their date. He was a bit nervous and felt unsure of himself because he wasn't sure either of them was ready to move forward. It certainly had a different feel than the ones he went on with Julie. Maybe that should be a warning to him that attempting to be more than friends at this time wasn't prudent. There was also the issue that Carson was back, and Nathan knew they had things of their own to sort through. Though he knew that Carson had moved on, he wasn't sure he could move in without talking to Carson, whom he considered a good friend.

After knocking on the door, he waited for Faith to answer. Mei Sou had come outside and saw him standing there.

"Hello, Nathan, I think that Faith had supper plans tonight. Is there something I can help you with?"

Nathan turned and smiled at her. "Good evening, Mei, I'm Faith's supper plans, so I'm good, but thanks for asking."

"Oh? Um…Well…. then I guess I will talk to you later. Enjoy your evening." She took a few steps away turned and said, "I wouldn't mind a repeat of our supper in the near future."

"That would be nice. We will have to do that soon." Nathan said awkwardly. 'Did he just make a date while waiting for another date to answer?'

"When?" Mei said, giving a sultry smile as she stepped toward him.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not sure, but honestly, I really don't feel comfortable discussing it just now when I'm here for Faith, but soon."

Luckily Faith opened her door and spared him from any more conversation.

Once again, they chose the café because Nathan couldn't trust himself to see Lucas now. After all, anger still simmered under the surface for what he had done with Jack and Elizabeth. The conversation flowed easily between them though it centered around Carson and the probation before turning to Allie. Faith attempted to bring up Elizabeth, but he shut it down.

While they were eating, the Coulters arrived, and he could feel Rosemary's eyes watching them the entire time. "This isn't working, is it?" Faith asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You and I attempting to be on a date. I mean, I feel a bit of attraction because you are a handsome man. But I don't think it's enough to attempt more than friends." Faith said sadly.

"I would have to agree, Faith, and I'm sorry for that. Maybe it is because we are both still trying to work through the aftermaths of heartbreak. Plus, Carson is a friend of mine, and it just doesn't feel comfortable for me. I'm sorry because you are a beautiful woman."

"Thank you, Nathan," Faith said.

After paying their bill and escorting Faith home again, Nathan went home for some much-needed sleep in preparation for his counseling session with Elizabeth.

A/N Parts of this chapter came from a one-shot I wrote under pn1thrasher called Turning Back the Clock. Many of my readers had wanted me to turn it into a story so I thought I would just include it as part of this one.