Elizabeth was sitting by herself a few hours after their talk. Sensing she needed time alone, Rosemary went home, Julie and Jack went to see Fiona before having supper at the café. What was she going to do? The courage she managed to stir up at Julie's words now faltered in the silence and time to allow her brain to begin dismantling it. She had already removed her mirrors from her wall, wanted nothing to do with her jewelry, and put everything away in the bottom of her closet. She even removed the pictures of her husband except for the ones in Jack's room because she knew he would be furious and disappointed in her actions and couldn't bear to look in his eyes.

She had changed so much after the embrace and quickly spiraled after deciding to court Lucas. A knock on the door disturbed her thoughts, and she dreaded to see who was on the other side. At first, she sat frozen, sure there was an angry mob ready to slap a scarlet letter on her like in The Scarlet Letter. (1)

"Calm down, Elizabeth," she told herself as she went to answer. Recalling Julie's words, she mumbled to herself, "You are really letting your emotions get the better of you."

"Bill! What brings you here?" Seeing the look on his face, she said, "Is something wrong?"

"May I come in?"

"Oh yes, Please," Elizabeth said, moving towards the settee.

"I can't stay long, but Nathan wanted me to let you and Joseph know he had to leave town and wasn't sure when he would return. Gabe will come in the morning to act as our Mountie until he returns."

"I see," Elizabeth said as tears began falling down her face.

Bill pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start, Bill. I think I need to process some more before I say anything else."

"All right, but my door is always open, and I'm only a call away if you want me to stop by. Maybe we could take Hero and Sargent for a ride up to your land and have lunch tomorrow. How does that sound."

"It sounds lovely. But I'm not sure I can show my face around town right now. How could I have changed so much and stooped so low that I hurt everyone in my path? As I process everything, I don't even recognize who I am. It's like I'm watching someone else live my life, and I don't like who I am."

"Why don't I make us some coffee, and we can talk about what's going on." Bills said, getting up and moving towards the stove. "Why don't you make a couple of sandwiches to go with it, and we can call it supper."

"Don't you have to get back?" Elizabeth said.

"Nope, I was just giving us an out in case you didn't want to talk or took it badly," Bill said with a wink making Elizabeth chuckle. "Before he left, Nathan told me that I might want to check on you and looked pretty worried about you, so I ensured they knew where I was. Now get moving on the sandwiches."

A little while later, they sat at the table with their coffee, sandwiches, and a fruit salad that Elizabeth had made up.

"I noticed that the pictures and the mirror on the wall are gone. Is that why?"

Elizabeth sat wringing the handkerchief among her fingers.

"Yes," she whispered. "I can't look at myself, and I'm so ashamed of what I have done and who I have become. There are dresses in my closet that aren't meant to be seen in pleasant company. I can't bear to even look at pictures of Jack."

"Bill, Nathan said everyone in town knew of the kiss on the bridge because some of my students saw us, including Allie. He also said that you and he saw the one in the library. But they also knew what had happened because Lucas bragged about it. Is that true?"

Bill gave a heavy sigh and, with eyes full of regret, nodded."As much as I wish I could deny it, I can't. It was common knowledge."

"Why didn't anyone say anything?" The deep despair was clear in her voice.

"Would you have listened back then?" Bill asked. "Because we didn't feel like you would, and we didn't want to risk alienating you any more than you were."

"I knew it! The town thinks I am a loose woman. Elizabeth Thornton, the merry widow."

"Elizabeth," Bill growled. "First, you must stop this train of thought. Has anyone in town made you feel like they think ill of you? No, they haven't. I know this is embarrassing for you, but stop being so melodramatic."

Elizabeth looked at him, unsure of how she felt about his harsh words.

"I'm sorry about being so harsh, but people have babied you for too long and not held you accountable. I'm done letting you wallow in misery and continue to spiral out of control. It's time that you find that inner fire that Elizabeth Thatcher had. That is the real you and the woman that Jack fell in love with. You were treated with kid gloves when you should have gotten tough love. I failed you over the past year and failed to keep my promise to Jack Sr. That will stop today, do you understand?"

Elizabeth nodded but stayed silent, just absorbing his words. Bill was exactly what she needed. Someone that would tell her what was what and risk any repercussions. She also knew that it wasn't easy for him.

Elizabeth, I love you like my daughter and know how hard Jack's death hit you. Though Jack Jr. was an unexpected blessing, you never got a chance to grieve properly. Suppressing everything never leads anywhere good. I know because when I lost my son, Martin, I was alone because Nora took off to parts unknown, and I didn't know where she was until she showed up here in Hope Valley. Instead of facing my grief, I threw myself into work and focused on it until I came to Coal Valley, met Abigail and you, and reconnected with Jack Sr."

The tears that had been welling up spilled over and fell down her cheeks as she felt this man's overwhelming love for her. He never hesitated if she needed anything, and she had treated him poorly. Bill gathered her in his arms and began tearing up himself. Not many could move him like that, but Elizabeth was one of the few. She had become the child of his heart, and it hurt to watch the past year's events unfold, especially as he saw Nathan and Allie caught up in the disaster. He held her as she cried, rubbing her back and soothing her with words of love. Finally, tears spent, she pulled back and looked up at him.

"Bill, you don't owe me anything and didn't fail me in any way. I cannot allow you to accept any responsibility for the mess I created though I appreciate your sentiment. But I owe you an apology for so much, and I can't even express how sorry I am for everything."

"How about we accept each other's apologies and move forward as of today into the rest of our lives, leaving that all behind us?" Elizabeth started to object, but Bill silenced by placing his finger on her lip.

"Sweet girl, I know you feel I did nothing wrong; however, I still do in my heart. Nothing you can say will take that away. I should have stepped in sooner, but I left you to your own devices instead. So, I accept your apology. Will you accept mine?" Elizabeth nodded and embraced him once again.

"Elizabeth, you know you weren't the only one who changed due to what happened."

"Are you referring to Nathan?"

"Yep, I mean, the mustache is bad enough, but what's with that patch thing?" Bill rolled his eyes in disgust, making Elizabeth giggle.

"I heard Fiona has been trying to convince him to get rid of it but to no avail. It looks so strange and hides his smile." Elizabeth said.

"But it's not just the facial hair. Have you noticed suddenly he's become more…. Confident?" Bill said. I couldn't help noticing your interactions at the platform and the café the other night when he asked your opinion."

Elizabeth chuckled. "He does have a way of catching me off guard and keeping me guessing. One minute he's teasing, and the next, anger slips through, but he immediately hides behind that façade afterward. One of the things I like most is hearing his true thoughts when he drops his guard, but the flip side is that it's also painful and difficult to hear."

"Now you know what it was like for him," Bill said. Then after a few minutes, he changed the subject. "A little birdie told me that you have been caught ogling him on a couple of occasions." Bill teased.

"Well, that red-headed birdie needs to keep her beak shut because she told him about my preference for his supper outfit and my comments on his scent. She promised me that she wouldn't share any more of my secrets with him."

Bill chuckled."I hate to tell you, but it is obvious how much you love him, Elizabeth. You wear your heart on your sleeve every time you see him. You aren't fooling anyone, least of all him."

"Trust me; he already knows since I admitted it to him in counseling. A lot of good it does me now. He obviously doesn't feel the same way and, based on today, can barely stand me. There's no way he will ever look at me like he used to."

"I wouldn't go that far, Elizabeth. My mother always said never say never. You hurt him as deeply as anyone can be hurt, and he has bottled it up. It is still buried deep, and he tries to act like he is fine and dandy, but he isn't fooling anyone that truly knows him. Gabe even said the same thing about him acting strange. Don't tell him I said this, but he acts more like Lucas."

"I'm not even touching that comment with a ten-foot pole," Elizabeth said, laughing. "I can't even think what Nathan would say to that comment."

"You're probably right," Bill said. "But you know how much I love giving him a hard time. In any case, he isn't as indifferent to you as you think. After all, he went from not acknowledging you and acting like he doesn't care to taunt you by wearing the shirt you like. I'll also tell you that he was bothered by the fact that Belinda and Dean walked you home, and Dean was carrying Jack. One might even say that jealousy was involved, but as I said, you didn't hear that from me."

"If he was, it was because someone was carrying Jack. I think I will need to get a wagon or something so that when it happens, I don't have to rely on the men to get him home."

"Let me get him one. It has been a while since I bought him a gift." Bill said.

"Oh, Bill, do you think Nathan is doing the same thing I was?"

"I don't understand what you mean."

"Well, I tried forcing myself to be with Lucas and ignore what was in my heart, and we know how that turned out. I'm just wondering if he could be going through the same. It could explain growing the mustache and the patch and even changes in his personality. When women have breakups, we always change something about ourselves, like maybe get bangs or change their hairstyle or even how they dress to appear that we are fine with the breakup and are moving on. Of course, underneath, we are a mess, and as what happened in my case, we go from the frying pan into the fire."

"HMM," Bill mused, "I guess that could explain a few things."

"We had a conversation the night Ned was so sick, and I stayed outside the infirmary so that Florence would feel comfortable going home to rest. Nathan was finishing rounds." She let the memory wash over her as she told Bill what happened.

"You must be cold."

"I'm fine."She had told him, but he still grabbed the blanket from the back of his saddle anyway. Because that was just how Nathan was, He was a protector by nature, so whenever he saw a need in someone, he would seek to meet it. In her case, he was astute in reading her and always looked beneath the surface until recently. That night he gently draped the blanket over her shoulders. His wonderful unique scent clung to it, flooding her with warmth just before sitting beside her.

"I said I was fine."

"Sure." He had replied, knowing that she had been cold.

"Thank you, that is better."She had conceded once he flashed his knowing grin.

"You know, I used to think it was me you didn't like."He had teased her. Even now, she recalled the mischievous sparkle in his eyes reflecting in the lamplight just before he added, "Now I'm starting to realize it might just be that you're headstrong."

"Very funny. You know that isn't true, right?"

"Yeah. What part, exactly? What are you doing outside, anyways?"

"Florence let me walk her home, but only after I promised I'd sit right here."

"You're a good friend."Elizabeth frowned as she recalled these words. She hadn't been a good friend to many people but especially to Allie and Nathan. She recalled that even then, she hadn't been comfortable with him saying that, so maybe even back then, she had an inkling of what was happening. That night she quickly changed the focus back to him.

"Allie must be excited about her adoption ceremony."

"Oh, yeah, well, I don't think it's going to mean that much to her."Elizabeth had been shocked at his words, heard a hint of vulnerability, and wanted to reassure him. She knew just how much Allie loved him because of the things she had told Elizabeth and the different school projects she had done. In Allie's eyes, Nathan was her hero, and a legendary one at that. She teared up as she thought of Allie's speech at the Inquiry.

"Nathan, how can you say that?"

"I just mean that...She thinks she's just going to feel the same after."To Nathan, it was going to mean so much more. Now she knew it meant Allie was finally safe from the danger of her father returning and taking her.

"Well, that speaks volumes about you. She knows it won't change how much she loves you or how much she feels you love her."Thinking about her words now created a deep pang in her heart, realizing that rather than treasure Nathan's love for the gift it was, she had carelessly discarded it for nothing but smoke and mirrors.

"You know, adopting Allie is the single best thing that I have ever done with my life. I'll never understand why my sister married Dylan Parks. Or how, after Colleen passed, how he could run out on Allie.

"Haven't you ever lost someone so close to your heart that it tears you apart?" she had asked him.

"Not yet." (2)

Those two words had been carved into her heart as the look that accompanied them left her no doubt that she had the potential to cause him that level of hurt. In the end, she had done precisely that, and all because she had chosen to run instead of facing her fear.

Aunt Agatha once told me that the pain of losing someone you love through a breakup could be similar to the devastating pain of losing a spouse or child to death. Coping with that loss would take time as the person experiences feelings that accompany grief, such as anger, sadness, and depression. As with grieving a death, that person would need to figure out their path and their unique timing for how long it would take."

"Others might disagree, but from what Gabe said and what I have observed, I think your rejection of him was devastating, not to mention the last words you said when you went to his office. He was devastated afterward for a while, though you didn't notice much since you and he avoided each other. I think you could be on to something. I think if you asked him that question now, he would answer differently."

"It is the only thing I can think of because he is definitely not himself. I mean, look what happened to me after losing Jack and then Nathan and Allie. I changed to the point that I no longer recognized myself and was so focused on being with Lucas and making it work that I neglected my son. The more I attempted to force a relationship with Lucas, the worse it got."

Bill left shortly after, saying he would check in tomorrow and they could go for that ride. Throughout the rest of the evening, until she went to bed, she couldn't stop thinking about their discussion and Nathan's heartbreak.

'Could that same thing be going on with Nathan? If it was, how did she begin to fix the damage she had done.'

(1) Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlet Letter. Boston, J. R. Osgood, and Company, 1878

(2) S8 Ep6