Chapter 5
Saving the Ice Princess
The map Temmie had thrown to them did more than just mark where their friends were, it also gave them a new power: the ability to walk along real roads! The sand dunes parted to reveal a nicely paved path that led from the shore and deep into the beach-ish Dark World where they would arrive at the Upturned Icebergs.
As they journeyed, the Fun Gang came across a lot more people and little side quests than they had before. The Dark World was opening up to them and Ralsei was especially relieved to find more people they could befriend rather than fight.
First off, they met some hunting eel folk. The confrontation almost turned nasty until Kris rubbed Ralsei really hard and zapped the eels, giving them the power of electricity! They thanked the heroes for making them much cooler and making their jobs easier, too. For that, they handed over a bunch of Dark Dollars.
"I feel all tingly now," Ralsei muttered later.
"It's going to take forever to brush out your fur, too," Susie snickered.
Ralsei zapped her in reply.
They next met some small kids so lathered in suntan lotion, no one was sure what they were underneath. They were looking for a treasure they had buried and since lost. The gang searched the sand dunes, looking for where it might have gone. There were several X's that marked the potential spot. It was up to them to discover that this was a puzzle. They need context clues from the kids.
"We buried it under a big X!" one said.
"But that X was not palm trees," the second kid. "What you thought it would be like right out of the movies?"
"We might have left a shovel there, too," the third kid said thoughtfully.
Looking at the map, Susie and Kris spied an X made of crossing surfboards, and sure enough, there was a discarded toy shovel. The trio helped the kids dig out the treasure, only to uncover a monstrous sea turtle. Kris pacified the beast by saying they could all share the treasure.
When the fight was over and the treasure chest unearthed, the kids happily unlocked it to uncover chocolate! Only, it had since melted in the hot sun. The beach sand had not been the greatest insulator because they didn't bury it deep enough. Still, the kids and turtle shared the melted chocolate. Kris and Susie also helped themselves and got super messy.
Later, Susie groaned, "You'd think we'd learn our lesson and overeat chocolate…"
Kris replied with a ripping belch. BUUURP!
Ralsei sniffed, "You need to have a balanced diet to stomach all the chocolate you two consume!"
"Like your cakes?" Susie asked.
"No! Stuff like apples and carrots!"
"Excellent, you can make us carrot cake and appl strudel later," Susie said.
They next encountered marauding sand people. Kris pacified them by explaining that they weren't the droids they were looking for. The sand folk apologized and went on their way.
"Pointless movie knowledge coming in handy! Nice," Susie applauded.
"I guess it somewhat makes up for you dodging your homework, Kris," Ralsei said, shaking his head.
They eventually stumbled upon a crumbling sandcastle. However, it was not abandoned, but transformed into a thriving city. Beach Bums, Sand People, Reefers, and an assortment of beach-visiting monsters had all set up shop. There were amazing restaurants, shops where they could upgrade their weapons, and places to hang out with the people. It was tempting to stick around, but they needed to get to Noelle as fast as possible.
They did drop by a weapons shop where Susie could purchase a Shark Jaw Axe.
"Sweet! It's got rows of blades!"
Ralsei upgraded his towel to a full beach blanket.
"Warm and great for all kinds of purposes."
Kris bought a foam-enforced blade.
"Awesome! You can shoot water out of it if you blow really hard at one end," Susie laughed.
"Kris has ana amazing collection of swords," Ralsei added appreciatively.
They hurried over to a fountain to try it out. Kris sprayed their friends with water from the fountain, cooling them off and making them laugh. But they couldn't stick around forever. With the map in hand, they saw they were almost to their destination. Just behind the sandcastle, they saw the towering, white cube mountains that were the Upturned Icebergs.
"Kinda reminds me of the coolers we brought," Susie snorted.
On the road again, they began encountering stranger folk, creatures that resembled half-eaten snacks and melted cooler treats. Fighting them was a bizarre experience. The best way to pacify them was to take a bite or lick and convince them that they were still tasty and could find fulfillment somewhere else.
"I feel really bad for this," Susie said, licking some frozen banana from her lips as they left another resolved conflict. "I feel like we're encouraging people to their deaths."
Kris couldn't respond. Their heart rate was too high after watching Susie go after that banana. Ralsei found it difficult to respond as well, as he was busy trying to get the sticky goo from a grape popsicle out of his fur and off his snout.
When they arrived at the foot of the Upturned Icebergs, they found two hulking knights waiting for them. These behemoths dressed in white, crystal armor had their visors down so Kris could not see who they were inside. They had massive snowflake crests adorning their helmets and wore angel badges on their breastplates. Kris shivered a little, remembering the darker experiences they once had with Noelle during her first foray into the Dark World.
The knights crossed their heavy polearms, blocking the way to the icy stairs that led up the Upturned Icebergs. One of them growled, "Halt! Unless you have an invitation from the Ice Princess, you cannot cross beyond this point!"
"Yes, we've had enough riffraff trying to invade her court," the other knight simpered. "All these discarded snacks have been causing such a ruckus and keep trying to foul up our wonderful kingdom!"
"Oh! I get it," Susie said, knocking her forehead in a 'duh!' kind of way. "I also hate it when you get open food at the bottom of the cooler. It mixes together with the ice and becomes a slushy if nastiness!"
"Susie, you routinely eat moss and chalk," Ralsei pointed out.
"Yes, but that is the good stuff. It's untainted by everything else that has fallen into that unwashed cooler over the years! Yuck!"
"Right… Well, while that is fascinating, it doesn't immediately help us out with these knights," Ralsei grumbled.
"Isn't it easy? We bash them nicely over the heads, and while they lightly dizzy, we rush past them," Susie said.
"You do realize that we can hear you, right?" the knights said together.
Kris asked them who the Ice Princess was and how they could get an invitation to meet her. The two guards turned their heads creakily towards each other and then laughed.
"Who is the Ice Princess? Only the most beautiful person imaginable?"
"She is so smart!"
"And witty!"
"And brave!"
"She just arrived today!"
"Ever since she came, all the chaos that's been tearing through our little kingdom has come to an end! She's even increased the temperature, so we are all doing very nicely now in this hot, desert world."
"Yup, that sounds like Noelle," Susie said. "You guys could always pop down to the beach and take a cooling dip in the sea, you know? I bet you busy guys could use a nice vacation!"
"A vacation would be nice, but who would watch out for the stairs?" the first knight asked.
"We could take over the job for a couple of hours," Susie suggested. "We'll even wear your armor to take off the weight!"
"You'd take our skin?" the second knight yelped.
Susie grimaced. "Errrr…. No, you can keep it then."
"How do we know you three are trustworthy?" the first knight grilled.
Ralsei adopted his cutest expression and said, "My good knights, is this the face of someone who would lie to you?"
"Hmm… Hard to tell. I trust this blue person, though. They look cold, expressionless, and haven't said much, Perfect qualities in a guard!"
"Awesome! Then Kris will take over your duties to watch the stairs and we'll make sure to keep an eye on them, so they do their job right," Susie said eagerly.
"Alright, you three have yourselves a deal! Please take care of the entrance to our lovely kingdom!" the knight sang together as they skipped off hand-in-hand.
As they watched them vanish over the horizon, Ralsei said, "You two have thoroughly corrupted me. I'm not sure how much longer I'll get away with my cuteness!"
"You mastered sarcasm, I think you'll handle lying just fine," Susie said, sharing a grin with Kris.
They waited a little longer to make sure that the knights were long gone before hurrying up the stairs. Kris hoped that Berdly was handling his mission well on his own. They understood that he was trying to impress Susie. A worthy endeavor, but it was hopeless. One thing Kris could hope for was that Berdly would at least see greater worth in himself by successfully saving one of their classmates and retrieving the first half of the key.
As they trio climbed, they were buffeted with freezing winds. Susie pulled her friends close and huddled with them as they climbed, so she wouldn't freeze in place. Her breath came out as puffs of smoke and flame. Ralsei wrapped his large blanket around the team to help insulate them. For their part, Kris was concerned about what they would fine.
Susie was right; the description for the Ice Princess sounded a lot like Noelle. If Noelle was using her ice powers freely, there was a chance, however small, that she was using them inappropriately. It would be terrible to have to confront a Snowgrave situation with her.
It took a while to ascend all the stairs, but eventually the Fun Gang emerged on top of the first iceberg. There were different licorice bridges that connected the several icebergs. The furthest icy platform had an open party on it where a bunch of anthropomorphic snacks were all celebrating something. Blasts of icy wind emanated from their party.
Kris pointed and Susie agreed, "Yup. That's where Noelle's got to be."
"Hey you! Stop!"
"You lied to us!"
"So much for this cute mug," Ralsei sighed.
"I can't believe they're already back," Susie groaned, turning to face the oncoming knights. "What, did you forget something?"
"Yes! We forgot that we're not given any vacation time!"
"Or paid leave!"
"In fact, we don't have any job benefits!"
"Sounds like you should quit," Ralsei replied.
"And abandon our Ice Princess to you ruffians? Never! En garde!"
The knight readied their polearms, and the battle began. Kris quickly checked them out to see what strategy they should employ. What they needed to do was fill the suits of armor. Kris ordered Susie and Ralsei to run and grab up some the sticky, slushy stuff that was all over the iceberg.
"Blaaaarg! It's the disgusting stuff!" Susie complained.
Kris used their foam-enforced sword as a funnel, and they poured the gunk down the first knight's visor.
"Woah! Hey! You can't use all our tasty field décor- Oh! That's delicious!" the first knight said excitedly.
"There's something seriously wrong with your brain," Susie muttered.
"You're right! We don't have brains!" the second knight chimed in. The knights then attacked in a brilliant ballet dance, swinging their polearms around in graceful tornadoes of wood and steel. They were much more skilled than any of the other enemies they had encountered. All three heroes took some damage.
"Ouch! Kris! What's going on here?" Susie demanded.
Kris indicated that they needed more. They must fill the knights entirely to seize them up. Kris did change up the approach, however. They worked together with Ralsei to fill the knights up and had Susie alternate between defense and challenging the knights to flexing contests. This way they could build up TP and Susie could distract the knights while avoiding the weird slush.
Kris also made sure to get plenty of glances of their girlfriend showing off her sexy figure.
"What? You call that a flex?" the first knight mocked. "Try this on for size. Have you seen my beach ball? It's this big!" And he made a large O with his arms.
"I don't know, did it go that way?" Susie asked, flexing one arm, nearly bursting her spiked floaties. "Or this way?" She switched to the other arm.
"How is she not dying of embarrassment?" Ralsei asked.
"Because she doesn't have to do this!" Kris said, ramming their sword once again through the first knight's visor and helping Ralsei slide in the horrible slush.
As the knight's suits of armor became full and grew heavy, they weren't able to unleash their attacks with as much grace and precision. Soon, they could only lash out pathetically with their polearms. Susie easily deflected their attacks, allowing Kris and Ralsei to completely fill them up. By the end of the fight, the entire iceberg had been cleared of gunk and the two knights became muted, slushy statues.
Kris looked down at their boots and saw that they were leaking. They'd regain movement eventually. Pointing this out to the others, they quickly raced across the licorice bridges to reach the distant party.
When they arrived at the party, they saw Noelle upon a dais, conducting a boisterous band and leading everyone in a crazy dance. The anthropomorphic snacks danced with such reckless abandon that when the Fun Gang tried to force their way through the crowd, they were beaten up and thrown back.
"Ouch! It's a freaking candy crush in there!" Susie growled. "How the hell are we supposed to reach Noelle is the music is this loud and everyone's dancing so stupidly!"
"Perhaps we can wait for the music to die down?" Ralsei suggested.
"Yeah, I don't see that happening. I don't think they've paused for a break this entire time," Susie said, having to shout as the music grew even louder.
Kris tried having a dance off with the nearest snacks, but they did not pay any attention to them. All three heroes tried it out. It had worked before, perhaps it would again. But after fifteen minutes of dancing and raving, Susie and Kris even trying to cleave a way through with an exotic tango, they made no progress. Though Kris didn't complain too much since their face got to be smooshed by the crush right into Susie's chest.
Though she did land heavily on top of them a second later.
"OOOF!" they gasped together.
Susie hurriedly scrambled up, adjusting her bikini top and blushing. "You saw nothing, Ralsei!"
"But I did!" he insisted.
Susie rushed up to him and gripped him by his towel. "Look pal, things are already awkward enough right now! I want you to forget that emb-!"
"Susie, I saw something off about Noelle! Look!"
Feeling suddenly very sheepish, Susie put Ralsei down and awkwardly readjusted his hat and towel, mumbling a lame apology. Both she and Kris followed Ralsei's pointing finger and focused harder on Noelle.
Their reindeer friend was clearly not behaving like herself. She was clearly tipsy, weaving from side to side, nearly toppling over. She could be shy and clumsy, but this was downright weird. Almost like she was drunk. Her face was red, and she had crimson mustache on her upper lip, as if she had been drinking a very stainy liquid.
Kris and Susie shared a worried glance and kept watching. Noelle never stopped dancing and conducting. She would a couple of time wobble over to a small table where a glass full of red drink waited for her. She would chug it without missing a beat and get right back to play, periodically blasting everyone with a wave of ice. This would trigger a cheer from the crowd, they'd do the wave and reshuffle a bit. They too never stopped dancing.
"This is too weird," Susie muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Kris observed that the glass would magically refill itself. If they wanted to save Noelle, they needed to force her to stop drinking from that glass. Susie hurriedly grabbed up Ralsei and readied to herself to throw him once more like a javelin.
"Is this our solution to every problem now?" he shouted.
"Won't know until we try!"
Susie expertly threw Ralsei, but a sudden blast of icy wind from Noelle hurled the fluffy boy right back at Susie, who stumbled and crashed into Kris. This was not the lucky pervert scenario they had hoped for.
Once they had untangled themselves, Kris moved around the party, looking for any gap that would give them a chance to push their way closer to Noelle. They eventually discovered a strange hole in the crowd, right at the edge of the mosh. Kris waited to see if anyone would step into the gap. When no one did, they cautiously slid in.
Nothing happened.
They tried to force their way forward and were thrown with an elbow to their gut. As Kris staggered back, Noelle unleashed another blast of cold wind. The crowd cheered, did the wave, and then Kris noticed some of them reassembling. From the vantage point created by the small gap, they watched snack people pair off and disappear in a shower of sparkles. Their places were soon filled by other anthropomorphic snacks.
Kris' brain worked furiously, and they waved the others over to explain a developing hypothesis: this crush of dancing candies was a game. Snacks vanished if they were paired off. What if they could thin out the crowd by getting the snacks to match?
It was then that Kris relaced that flanking the gap were two glittering, dark blue sour people. Kris and Susie hurriedly wrestled these two to meet. They collided and vanished in a burst of sour sparkles. No new dancers came to fill their slots.
"Well, that's dumb," Susie said, though she wore a big grin. They now had a plan!
The three friends worked feverishly to match up the dancers, making them disappear in showers of tasty sparkles. Each time Noelle unleashed another blast of magic, the crowd would reshuffle, sometimes eliminating patterns and paths that the heroes saw.
"Dammit Noelle! Stop that!" Susie shouted, but to no avail.
Pair by pair, they carved a wobbly path through the mob and made their way to Noelle's icy dais. There were no stairs or handholds. Susie boosted Kris and Ralsei onto the stage before leaping on herself. She slipped and skidded a few feet on her tail. Kris tackled Noelle as Ralsei rushed forward and smashed the glass, splashing crimson liquid everywhere.
Noelle didn't wake up from her trance but tried to continue dancing. Susie crawled over and helped flatten her. Kris couldn't tell if it was the pressure, the drink, or the sheer flood of emotions, but Noelle's face turned deep red.
The party came to a sudden, screeching halt. Even the music cut off with an odd scream and scratchy needle audio clip.
"That can't be good," Susie grunted. "But we needed to stop you, Noelle. Sorry." She got up and hauled the reindeer upright. Her friend's head lolled in utter shock. "Guys, I think we broke her."
Kris pulled over a chair and directed Susie to put Noelle on it. Ralsei eyed the crowd nervously. All the snack people were completely frozen in place. It was hard to read their expressions. It was clear now that the band and orchestra that had been playing the blaring music is also made up of snack people. It makes Susie more than a little hungry.
"I kinda want to eat one of those guys…"
Kris tried to shake Noelle back to reality. Just then, the backdrop to the dais shattered.
KABOOM!
"WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH! What's going on here's who stopped the party? Come on now, who wants some Fruit Punch!?"
The Fun Gang wheeled about wildly to face the newcomer. They starred up into the grinning face of a large, chilled, anthropomorphic fruit punch can. He winked at them as the crowd erupted in fresh cheers. He threw his fist out to the side, conjuring a large fist of fruit punch that crashed into the dancers, drenching them. They sprang to their feet and danced with renewed vigor.
"Who the hell is this guy?" Susie muttered, her voice small with surprise.
As if to answer her question, the crowd chanted, "Fruit Fist! Fruit Fist! Fruit Fist!"
"Okay, okay! Hold up! Stop everything!" Susie roared. "The Dude, Crab Cakes, and now Fruit Fist? What the hell is going on with this quest? Who came up with these names? I mean, on our first quest we met a fluffy boy named Ralsei-!"
"That's me!"
"Lancer, which is a cool name, Rouxls Kaard, who sucks but he's got a neat name I guess, Malius, Clover, and so on! But now this? Is The Dude's imagination that weak that his Dark World is that lazy naming is the norm? Or is this all a plot to make me hungry?"
Kris' answer was simple, "Yes."
"LIKE THAT HELPS!" Susie shouting, shaking them.
"It doesn't matter what my name is, it only matters that you three crashed our sweet party! And when I say sweet, I do mean sweet!" Fruit Fist exclaimed happily.
Ralsei groaned, "I can smell the overdose of sugar from here."
"I bring joy and refreshment to these people! I help them cool off on a hot day and turn the drab into fab! Fabulous!" he shouted, punching another magical fistful of juice. "This hot girl needed some time to cool down. Turns out she's working up a real heat and some sweat, overthinking things! So I'm helping her cool down and enjoy her day."
"But instead, you made her so tired she's gone comatose,' Susie accused.
"Only because you stopped the fun prematurely," Fruit Fist countered.
Kris and Ralsei shared an uncomfortable glance. Yeah, a day at the beach with Susie had obviously gotten Berdly in a bit of a twist. Susie had a soft spot for Noelle and tended to ignore the lingering crush from the reindeer. Failed romance didn't mean you couldn't be friends! But Susie was still not versed well enough in having friends to yet fully understand that some feelings were a little too strong to go away even after some weeks or months.
"In any case," Ralsei said, interjecting forcefully. "We're taking our friend back. You can all enjoy your party, though!"
"Yeah! And stop drugging people!" Susie snarled, spitting on the spilled drink.
"Oh, I can't let you Lightners and outsider leave, not when your friend still needs to cool off! This is her coronation party after all! One sip of the drink and her desires were unleashed, and she could finally cool off!"
"Kris, can I smash him in the face?" Susie asked.
Kris drew their sword. It was time to end this ridiculous farce.
Fruit Fist chuckled and snapped his fingers. "Alright, let's have the proper ambiance for a dance off!"
The band struck up a crazy, wild tune. Kris shivered. There was a dangerous familiarity to that music. Images of crazy, corrupted bosses blossomed in the back of their memory.
Fruit Fist began spinning and dancing, throwing a fierce barrage of magical fists made of juice. The heroes had to dance to avoid the attacks. The candy people rushed the dais and stretched themselves out across the floor, forming a sticky carpet with their bodies.
"Gah! What the hell! This isn't fair," Susie raged.
"All's fair here!" Fruit Fist laughed.
Susie's eyes flashed. "That does it! I'm mad, I'm hungry… I'M HANGRY!"
She ripped up the candy people from the floor and began eating them. Kris ordered Ralsei to go on the defensive while they hurled some of their gear at Noelle trying to wake her up. They needed her freezing power.
Fruit Fist retaliated by slamming them with an entire fist of drink. Kris became instantly punch drunk.
"No!" Susie screamed.
Ralsei cast a healing spell, bringing Kris out of the strange stupor. The delay was just enough for the snack people to fully congeal the other heroes' feet and seal them to the platform. Being caught off guard gave Fruit Fist the advantage and he attacked again right as Kris threw more supplies as Noelle.
"That's not going to work!" Fruit Fist laughed.
He shot out more magical fists. The heroes were forced to aprry the attacks as best they could, but they became drenched in the magical liquid. Kris managed to shout to them to keep their mouths shut fast, otherwise they'd become just like Noelle.
"Your HP will go down in an instant! The more I dance, the more powerful I become!" Fruit Fist bragged.
"Come on Noelle! We need you to help us now!" Susie roared.
"She's drunk so much of my wonderful juices, there's no way your words will reach her," Fruit Fist taunted, flexing his tin muscles.
WOOOOSH!
A blast of ice washed over the dais and completely coated Fruit Fist. "Gah! Wha-?!" And then the boss monster was completely frozen.
"S-Sorry guys… I don't know what came over me…" Noelle mumbled, sounding like she was coming out of a deep sleep.
"Noelle!" the three heroes said together. With the candy frozen, it was easy to rip up their feet, breaking the candy people.
Susie and Ralsei rushed over to check that Noelle was fine. Kris meanwhile went over to Fruit Fist, who was vibrating with anger as he tried to speak, but he couldn't move his body. Kris shoved them over and the boss crashed, his top rupturing. The magic liquid went all over the place, intoxicating the dancing crowd even more.
There was still a path through the raging mob. As the band and orchestra struck up a new tune, Susie put Noelle over her shoulder and ran after Kris. They led the way back towards the bridge. Ralsei dashed behind, barely keeping up. Together, they sprinted across the bridge and past the knights, still oozing and leaking slush.
Kris quickly searched for something they could use as a sled. It was time to push over another frozen individual. They knocked over one of the knights and rolled them towards the stairs. Everyone climbed aboard and with a kick they sped down the icy stairs and soared into the sand dunes.
It took a while before they finally slowed to a halt. And with Noelle still slumped over like a sack of potatoes, they made their way back to the sandcastle village.
"Wait a second…" Susie suddenly said. "Weren't we also supposed to grab a key half back there?"