Chapter 5 - Cry for Help

Jon went straight to the Mathews after school. He would have stuck around and tried to pick Shawn up to give him a ride back to the apartment building, but Shawn almost never came straight home after school. He either spent time with Cory, went out with girls, or hung out with other friends—as far as Jon knew.

He wasn't with Cory today, though. Cory was the one who came to open the door for Jon. He didn't glare, But he didn't smile, either.

"Jon," Alan said, coming into the living room to greet him. "Good to see you. Can I get you something to drink? Coke?"

"Sure," Jon said, biting his tongue before he could accidentally ask for a beer. He followed Alan into the kitchen, where Alan tossed him a can, and they both had a seat at the kitchen table. Cory disappeared up the stairs, and they were alone.

"Amy's out taking Morgan to dance class, and Eric is out who knows where, so it's just us."

Jon glanced toward the stairs.

Alan nodded. "Give Cory some time. He's a little protective of his best friend." He smiled. "And so are we."

"Not exactly sure if that's encouraging."

"Best way you can change his mind is to prove you're taking good care of Shawn. And I know you are."

"I wouldn't be so sure. If you saw me in class today…"

Alan shook his head. "Cory already told me what happened. You ask me, you went to easy on him."

"I embarrassed the kid in front of his peers. That's not the kind of…" Jon cut off suddenly. He had almost said a word he didn't want to say. He tried again. "That's not the kind of guardian I want to be."

Alan nodded. "I can understand that." He hesitated, taking a long drink. "Well, you two set expectations back when he was first staying with you, didn't you?"

"Yeah, we did."

"So you have something to fall back on. Start there. You have a foundation, build on it. Kid like Shawn needs a lot of consistency, God knows he hasn't had it."

Jon took a deep breath. He knew that that was what he needed to do. "We didn't exactly set any rules about what happens at home if he mouths off to me in class."

"Well, did you after ever have to deal with him mouthing off to another teacher?"

"Yeah, I guess." Jon thought back to that first year. There had been a couple of minor instances of misbehavior at school. Jon had usually let school consequences suffice, but he had always made sure to follow up with a conversation. Jon was as badly at fault as Shawn was today; he figured he shouldn't add onto the detentions they would both be serving, but a conversation would be good. Still… "I dunno, Alan. I think this is a lot bigger than that. I'm not even sure what to say to him."

"He's gonna need some time to adjust to all of this," Alan said. "Kids say a lot of hurtful things, but you got to understand, at the end of the day, it's almost never about you. He's still hurting over his parents."

"But I can't fix that. It's the one thing that isn't my fault."

"I know that. Deep down, so does he."

"So how do I get through to him when he still mad at me?"

Alan shrugged. "You could always start by apologizing."

"I didn't—"

"Not about his parents, I meant to apologize for today."

Jon knew he had to do that. But… "Will that make me look weaker?"

"Absolutely not. It'll make him feel safer."

Jon lowered his head. "I'll apologize. But I don't think he's going to apologize back."

"Be patient with him. But don't let him walk on you, Jon. Set boundaries, stick to them, just… don't expect him to thank you for it."

"Believe me, I don't."

Alan chuckled. "The joys of parenting."

Jon didn't know if that was exactly fair. Alan had experienced more of those joys in his life, watching his kids grow up. Then again, Jon had gotten to see a lot of Shawn's finer moments also, that first year. It just seemed like the kid had taken such a massive step backward.

Jon knew it wasn't Shawn's fault. But overnight, it had become Jon's problem.

Alan sat back in his chair. "Shawn is lucky to have you, you know."

"You really think so?"

"I do. Almost as lucky as you are to have him."

Jon's voice caught.

"Hey," Alan said. "I've seen you with him. You love that kid."

"I…" Jon shook his head. He couldn't feel any of that, not now. He was far too overwhelmed.

"You do everything you can for him, and he doesn't even care. You lay awake worrying about him, for all the good it does. When he does something stupid, something that's going to come back to bite him, you wanna throttle him. And it kills you, because you know you have to let him find his own way, he's gotta learn for himself, but meanwhile you'd give anything to save him from the growing pains. If only you could just get through to him. It tears you apart."

Jon realized his jaw had dropped. He couldn't have summed it up so perfectly himself, even though it was exactly what he was feeling. "How did you know?"

Alan smiled and gave him a couple of claps on the shoulder. "Yeah," he said. "You love that boy."

"Yeah," Jon said, although it wasn't exactly warm fuzzies he was feeling. "I guess I do."

God help me.

Jon drove back home filled with confidence. He was going to do things right. He would make a dinner that Shawn would like, he would apologize for what he had done in class. He wouldn't expect Shawn to apologize back. He would grant mercy, by not adding to the school consequences. He would listen to Shawn's concerns, even the ones that hurt to hear.

And then he walked into an empty apartment.

It wasn't even dinner time. He knew he probably shouldn't have expected Shawn to be home yet. But as much as he feared it, some part of him had been looking forward to this conversation, and to have to put it off was frustrating.

No. He couldn't be feeling frustrated about that. It wasn't fair to Shawn. In the past, they had always had a rule that Shawn would let him know in the morning whether he would be home for dinner or out with friends, but they hadn't exactly talked about that today, so Jon didn't even know what to expect. He had set a curfew of 10, though. Shawn would know that that rule still held.

Jon ended up eating dinner by himself. He was used to that, though having to cook for two and save the leftovers was a different experience.

He sat down in front of the TV and tried to let the time slip by, tried not to agonize over where the kid was and what he was doing. He stood up and started pacing at 9:45, and by 10:30, he had called everybody Shawn knew. Nobody had seen him. Jon told himself that if the kid hadn't come home by 11, he would go out and search for him, starting with the police station.

Shawn strolled in at 10:55.

Jon faced toward the door as he did, arms crossed. This wasn't how he had planned for the evening to go, but he was too upset to stay calm right now. "Where were you?"

Shawn immediately stiffened, his chin lifting with stubbornness. "I had a date. Two dates, actually."

"I'm supposed to believe that you got two girls to go out with you on a school night?"

Shaun's breath caught. "Believe me or don't, man. Hell if I care." He started toward the stairs.

"Whoa, whoa." Jon grabbed Shawn's sleeve, pulling him back. "I'm not finished with you."

"And?"

"And we had an agreement. Your curfew is 10."

"You're seriously holding me to rules you made up a year ago?"

"Did you seriously think I wouldn't?"

Shawn stared at him, baffled, and Jon realized he had gotten this one wrong. Shawn really hadn't expected the same rules to apply.

Jon took a deep breath, starting over. "Look, man, I'm sorry I freaked out on you. But...yeah, Shawn. All the old rules are still in effect."

"So, what? You gonna ground me if I come back after curfew?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Good luck with that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not my dad, you can't do that."

"I've done it before."

"Yeah. I let you."

It was dead silent in the room as the words sink in. The kid had a point. Jon couldn't do anything if Shawn didn't agree to it. Technically, he guessed, that was true for all families. The kid always had the option to run away, to refuse to obey whatever punishments were given. Shawn had always had the option to skip a class, skip detention, ignore teachers who told him to talk to them. And now, Shawn didn't rely on Jon for anything... except food and shelter and clothing. "Nice try. You really want to bite the hand that feeds you?"

"You're not going to stop. I looked up my rights. You're not allowed to stop."

"Shawn…" Jon didn't want to get into a power struggle. That felt like admitting he had already lost. "Look, I'll let you off the hook for tonight, you didn't know. And I'm not gonna add anything to the detentions."

Shawn applauded sarcastically. "Bravo. You know what the best part is? You really think I'm going to thank you for that!"

Jon had no idea what to do with that. Maybe this had been a bad idea. "We'll pick this up in the morning. Just go to bed."

"When are you going to catch on, Jon? You can't tell me what to do."

Jon knew it was wrong. But he did it anyway. He stalked toward the kid and yelled, "You wanna bet?"

Shawn flinched for all he was worth, but only for a second. He came to his senses, seeming to realize the threat was empty, and stalked toward the stairs.

Guilt flooded through Jon, and he hurried after him. "Hunter..."

"Leave me alone. I'm going to bed, like you told me." He sped to a run.

Jon stopped at the foot of the stairs, watching him go.

He couldn't back out. He had agreed to house the kid. Believed it was the right thing. Figured he might actually be able to do some good here.

...What had he been thinking?