Chapter 22 - Excruciating

But wasn't just a long road. It was a painful one.

In the first year Shawn had stayed with Jon, after his father had first abandoned him, Jon had hardly seen him cry at all. He recognized, now, that Shawn had probably saved the tears for his pillow, but at the time, Jon had never paid enough attention to notice. In the time since social services had taken Shawn from home, Jon had only seen real tears twice. And only once while Shawn was sober.

But for the first week in the hospital, it seemed like Shawn's eyes were welling up all the time, and he hardly went a day without at least a few minutes of crying hard. He cried before going into surgeries; he cried when he was left alone for too long; he cried because he wanted to go home. He also cried that he wanted his parents, which cut Jon right to the core.

The doctors were of no help with this. Most of the nurses took pity on Shawn, but Ashley was the only one who took Jon into a separate room to talk with him about what was happening.

"He's coming out of shock," she explained gently. "Most of his organs shut down after the accident in response to the blood loss. His body's been protecting him from the pain, but coming down from that, after the amount of adrenaline released . . . In simple terms, he's going to be emotional for a little while. It's nothing you're doing wrong, and it's nothing he can control."

"There's nothing you can give him for it?"

She smirked. "I could give him a hug, but I think it'd be better if it came from you."

It wasn't exactly easy to hug the kid right now, even if Jon had been more comfortable with it. Shawn's right arm hadn't been injured beyond a couple of scrapes that were mostly healed, but for the first week, until he was ready to take solid foods, his right hand was where the IV was. The best Jon could do was talk softly to Shawn, pat his shoulder, and mop away the tears with tissues when Shawn physically couldn't. That, and make sure he was in the building before and after every surgery and major procedure.

And there were a lot of them. By the second or third day, Jon didn't even bother asking questions about what needed to be done. He just signed consent forms and stayed close.

It was about a week and a half into Shawn's stay when a specialist spoke to Jon about the bones in Shawn's elbow. So many specialists had spoken to him so far that it wouldn't have stood out to him, except his one brought bad news.

"The bones in his elbow have begun healing, but they aren't set correctly," the man said carefully.

"Okay. So, another surgery?"

"No, he'll need to be awake. But we'll keep him on strong painkillers through the procedure."

Jon didn't like the sound of that.

An hour later, he was sitting by Shawn's bedside while the specialist adjusted his elbow. Ashley had her hand on the control knob for the meds, for all the good it was doing. Shawn was clearly in agony.

"Jon." Shawn looked up with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Make him stop."

Helpless, Jon looked over at Ashley. "Can you turn up the pain meds?"

"I'm giving him as much as I can."

Another pop in his elbow. "Ahh!" New tears replaced the old ones.

Jon's voice rose threateningly. "Can't you hear him? Do something."

"I want my da-ad." Shawn's voice cracked, and he broke into sobs.

Ashley shook her head. "I can't turn it up higher, it's against regulation—"

"Damn your regulations! My son is in pain!"

"Jonathan!" Her eyes flashed as she looked up at him, and for a moment, he was sure she was going to slap him. But she just looked down at Shawn. "I know this is hard. But the better you hold still, the faster it'll go."

"I can't, it hurts."

"I know. That's why your foster dad is going to do something nice for you after this."

"No he's not. He already missed my allowance once."

Ashley gave Jon a look, and Jon threw his hands up. "Come on, don't give me that! What's he supposed to spend it on?"

"Oww!"

Ashley frowned, and her eyes shifted down to Shawn. "How about he spends it for you? What do you want?"

Shawn winced at another pop, but he said, "Surprise me."

"He can do that," Ashley said, ignoring Jon's hand signal to cut it out.

"You have to go with him. To make sure he actually does it."

"I have to work, Shawn."

"After your shift, then. I'm patient."

"Since when?" Jon burst out. He wasn't sure how he felt about this.

Ashley shook her head. "Sorry, Shawn. I don't usually get in a car with men I don't know."

"You know Jon! He's my buddy! I can vouch for him, he's a total gentleman. His last girlfriend, he never even went into her house after dates. She kept inviting him, too."

Jon breathed in to ask how Shawn even knew that, but just then came the loudest crack of all, and Shawn let out a truly bloodcurdling scream, followed by a few more sobs.

"Whatever you want, Shawn," Jon said quickly.

"I'm off in an hour," Ashley said.

Shawn wiped away his tears and lay back against the pillow, breathing hard. Shawn looked from Jon, to Ashley, then back at Jon, and he smiled.

So that's how Jon ended up driving with Ashley down to the local shopping center, where there was a little second hand store and a supermarket. Jon didn't even get the chance to ask Shawn if he'd be okay in Jon's absence; Cory had arrived with an big cardboard box of things he'd brought to entertain Shawn.

"His best friend puts you to shame," Ashley teased as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, don't rub it in."

She laughed. "So what are you gonna pick up for him?"

Jon thought about what Shawn had with him so far. From the looks of it, he had mostly been spending his allowance for the past few weeks on dates and cassettes—he had quite a few of them. And he hadn't gotten through all of the comic books John brought him. "Probably just some snacks or something," he said.

"He could stand to put on the weight."

"I guess."

"Well, if we're hitting a supermarket, I'm gonna pick something up for you."

"What, a prescription?"

"No. Well, kind of. I thought you could use a drink tonight, I was going to grab you a bottle of whatever you like."

Jon grimaced. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"You don't drink?"

"Not so much anymore. His old man…"

Realization filled her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You couldn't have known."

"I should have. My dad was the same."

He blinked. "I-I'm so sorry."

She shrugged. "He took off when I was nine. Haven't seen him in almost twenty years. But I get how Shawn feels about alcohol."

"And yet you offered it to me?"

"Yeah." She sighed, then said, "The kid obviously feel safe with you."

He smiled dryly. "I landed him in the hospital."

"It's not your fault, Jon"

"I let him ride my bike."

"You must've been the coolest foster dad ever."

Jon let out his breath. The rest of the ride was silent.

Ten dollars wasn't enough to put together a box as impressive as Cory's, but they were able to make a pretty nice care package, and Shawn would get to keep all of the items, while Cory mostly brought things for him to borrow. Jon offered to give Ashley a ride home, but she shook her head. "I have an agreement with him," she said. "I'm here to make sure you see this thing through."

"You think I'd go to all that trouble and forget to bring him the bag?"

"Hey, I'm just keeping up my end of the bargain."

But Shawn was asleep when they got back to the hospital, so they ended up waiting around for a couple of hours, chatting about nothing. He talked about the first year Shawn had stayed with him, and she laughed at his stories about the pig Shawn picked up at the trailer park and about Shawn sneaking off to the mountains for a secret weekend at Feeny's cabin. She told stories about nursing school, and about patients even more colorful than Shawn.

Finally, a staff member came out to tell them that Shawn was awake, and they went to bring him the bag. He smiled the whole time he was pulling items out of the bag, commenting on each and thanking them both. It occurred to Jon, not for the first time, that he might have been a troublemaker, and he might have had a lot of educational gaps, but at the end of the day, he was a nice kid.

"I've got to get going," Ashley said when he finished. "Get some rest, Shawn."

"Yeah, I will. Hey, uh... Ashley, how long have you been working here?"

"Let's see, it'll be five years in May."

"So, what's Christmas like?"

Jon had almost managed to forget. It would be Christmas in a few days.

Her eyes flickered sympathetically. "For the first time, I've got enough seniority to take the day off."

"Must be nice. So you get to spend the day with your boyfriend?"

"Just family."

"I see." He gave her a big smile. "Well, it's too bad you won't be around. Jon was gonna bring in croquets, they're really good."

Jon raised his eyebrows. "I'm doing what?"

Shawn gave Jon a look. "You could always drop by. Jon's a great cook. He'll make it worth your while."

Ashley reached out and brushed Shawn's hair back. "Tell you what, Shawn. For you, I'll drop by."

"Great." Shawn grinned, and Ashley gave Jon a little smile before she left.

Jon crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing! Do I have to do everything around here?"

"What are you talking about, Shawn?"

"Ask her out! Before someone else gets her!"

Jon's voice caught. He'd heard Shawn could be a match maker, but he hadn't exactly expected him to apply that to Jon. "Don't you think I'm a little busy to be dating right now?"

"You spend all your time hanging around the hospital where she works!"

"Shawn..." Jon shook his head.

"Oh, come on, man. Are you even looking at her?"

"No. I'm not."

Shawn scoffed. "Your loss, dude."

Jon rolled his eyes. "Go to sleep."

"Fine, fine." Shawn settled back in the bed. "Night."

"Night," Jon said.

"Wait. Are you staying?"

"At least until you fall asleep."

"Good," Shawn said, and his eyes closed.