Chapter 27 - Matchmaking

Jon got home from Chubbie's earlier than Shawn had normally gone to bed before his stay at the hospital, but later than Shawn had been falling asleep lately. Tonight, though, he wasn't surprised to see Shawn and Cory on the couch watching TV. It wasn't a school night, but Jon still had to ask, "Matthews, your parents know where you are?"

Shawn piped up, "They said he could stay the night, if it's okay with you."

"Fine by me." Jon headed toward the stairs.

A moment later, Shawn was limping after him. Jon knew what was coming, but he slowed down anyway so Shawn wouldn't hurt himself on the stairs.

"Wait up! Jon!"

Jon sighed heavily and turned to face Shawn. "I got her number. Happy?"

"Great! Did you kiss?"

"Not any of your business."

"So you did!"

"No, Hunter. We didn't."

Shawn grinned, and Jon realized he'd only said it to get Jon to confirm or deny. "Well, you must have had a nice time. Otherwise you'd be grounding me."

Jon rolled his eyes. At the end of the day, he was thankful for this particular scheme of Shawn's. He wasn't going to tell Shawn that, though. "I'm just being lenient because you got home less than a week ago."

"You're saying I have immunity?"

"Don't push it, Hunter."

"Fine, fine." Shawn held his hands up. "Are you going to call her and ask her out again?"

"Don't need to. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow."

"Ni-ice! I'll be sure to clear out."

"No need. She'd like to see you, too."

Shawn scoffed. "Jon, my friend, maybe you need a little refresher on what a date is."

"It's not a date. Ashley's a friend."

"Right." Shawn gave a sarcastic look. "Your friend, who's basically the hottest person you know, who you couldn't take your eyes off of tonight. Enjoy your cold shower."

"Good night, Shawn."

Shawn grinned, and he limped his way back down the stairs.

Jon had half expected Shawn to try to ditch him and Ashley again, but she wrapped Shawn in a tight hug as soon as she entered the apartment, asking how he was doing. He spent half the night chattering about the month he'd spent in the hospital after she'd been transferred and his eventual return to school, and she spent the other half of the evening making them alternatively laugh and cringe stories about patients, and by the time she was packing up to go, the three of them were planning a picnic for later in the week.

Over the course of the next month, Jon lost count of how many mealtimes the three of them had spent together. Shawn made uncomfortably suggestive comments from time to time, but he didn't try to abandon Jon and Ashley. On the contrary, threatening to confine him to his room while Ashley was over proved to be more effective in convincing him to do his homework than any other threat Jon had ever used.

Part of Jon wanted nothing more than to send Shawn out, to have Ashley to himself. Most nights, he had to hold himself back from kissing her when he walked her to her car, or from asking her out on a real date. After Debra, he'd promised himself he would hold off on dating for a little while. Debra had been horrible about the whole thing, but she also wasn't wrong that it wasn't fair for him to put a woman in a situation like this. Jon's attention would be divided for as long as he had Shawn. Maybe when Shawn went back home...if he went back home...and if it didn't break Jon's heart...

On an evening in mid May, Shawn and Ashley sat in front of the TV half watching a movie while Jon worked on dinner. She was telling him stories about a trip she'd taken a few years before with her mom and sister, and Shawn was excitedly asking questions with all the awe of someone who had never traveled before.

"I'm sure you've been to some neat places, too," she said as she finished her story.

"Not too many," Shawn told her. "The first year I was staying with him, Jon promised to take me to Europe if I could get my grades up."

"Did you pull your grades up?"

"Yeah! I'd had D's and F's, but by the end of the year, I got all C's and one D. But then I went back to my dad that summer, so the Europe trip never happened."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No, it was good. But now I'm back here, and I brought them up even more this year! Two A's, a B, and three C's."

"Good for you! So you're going to go this summer?"

"Yeah!"

Jon blinked, looking up at Shawn.

"That's great!" Ashley looked back at Jon, grinning, and he made himself smile back, glaring at Shawn again when Ashley wasn't looking.

Shawn ignored him. "I'm really excited."

"Where are you going in Europe?"

"Oh, all over! Italy, France, Switzerland, uh...well, we're not finished planning yet."

"Well, that's okay. You have a few months to plan."

"Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you come with us?"

Her jaw dropped, then she laughed. "Uh, Shawn, nurses don't get summer vacation."

"How much vacation time do you have?"

"I...I have a few weeks saved up..."

"Great! Come with us!"

Jon finally found his voice. "Shawn," he said, but then he was at a loss again. It felt too late now to tell Ashley they weren't actually going to Europe, but Jon wasn't sure what Shawn was trying to do. Normally he would have assumed Shawn was trying to coerce him into taking him on vacation, but Jon would have been happy to do that. Shawn was the one who was convinced he was going back to his father.

Ashley saved him. "Shawn, that sounds like a special trip for the two of you. Traveling is never really about where you're going, it's about who you're spending time with. You should go spend the time with your foster dad."

"No, no, you're totally invited! Jon was talking the other day about how he was hoping you would come."

"I was not!" The words came out before Jon could stop himself, and then his cheeks began to burn. "I mean..."

Ashley laughed before giving Shawn a look. "Shawn, I think your matchmaking is giving your guardian a hard time."

Jon let out his breath with no small amount of relief. Of course Ashley knew what Shawn was doing.

Shawn laughed uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"

"It's been pretty obvious. It's sweet, but it's a little invasive."

He had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry, Ashley. You guys don't exactly make it easy. But hey, I got Cory and Topanga together. Can't blame me for trying."

Ashley let out a laugh, but Jon focused in on his cooking. Not for the first time, he wondered why Shawn was doing this. It was one thing with his best friend, who had clearly had a crush on Topanga for a long time before he ever dated her. But unless Jon had been putting out signals before he was even consciously interested in Ashley, that wasn't it.

But watching the way Shawn scooted up close to Ashley as their eyes fell back on their movie, Jon wondered if there wasn't something more here. Shawn had, at first sight, been clearly smitten by Ashley's appearance, but he wasn't acting that way anymore. Jon had seen him drool over a girl enough to know. The way he was acting around Ashley, Jon had never seen before. He clearly loved her, but he also respected her. He listened to her, and he did what she asked. It was almost as if...

No. Jon couldn't be thinking that way. Shawn wasn't his. Neither was Ashley.

But if Shawn was thinking that way...

Amy had told Jon that he should be honest with Shawn about his feelings. He hadn't had any idea how to bring it up, but maybe this gave him an opportunity.

When Ashley was gone, Jon took to the stairs and went to find Shawn listening to music in his room. "Hunter, why's this so important to you?"

Shawn frowned and took off the headphones. "What?"

"Why do you care so much about me dating Ashley?"

"I don't. I just think you'd be a cute couple."

Jon gave Shawn a look.

Shawn smirked. "You like her, don't you?"

"Maybe I do. Why does it matter so much to you?"

Shawn's voice caught. "Because . . . because Ms. Pierre was right! You rearranged your entire life around me, man."

Jon frowned. It wasn't quite what he had expected to hear. "Shawn, we talked about this. Do you think you owe me something?"

"No, but you—" Shawn's breath caught. "You're not going to have much of a life left after I go back to my dad. I was just thinking, you know, when I'm gone . . . you shouldn't be alone."

Jon's jaw dropped. That was the last thing he was expecting Shawn to say.

Shawn's brow furrowed. "What did you think I was doing?"

"I dunno." Jon let out a long, slow breath before he decided to just take the plunge. "Honestly, I was almost thinking maybe you wanted Ashley to be your mom."

"How would that . . ." Shawn gave Jon a scalding look. "Jon, what do you think is going to happen here?"

This had been a mistake. But he couldn't stop being honest now. "I don't know."

"I'm going back to my dad. That's how this works."

"Shawn—"

"He gets the help he needs, I go back to him." Shawn's voice shook. "That's how this works!"

"And what if he doesn't?"

The words hung in the air.

Jon had never been this honest, but it was time to stop lying to the kid. "He hasn't started the training, as far as I've heard."

"You think he's going to fail? You think he'll leave me?"

"I really don't know."

"You think he hates me?"

"No, Shawn."

"That's what you're saying!" His voice cracked.

"I'm saying I don't know." Jon took a step closer. "Look. I'm sure your dad . . . I'm sure he loves you, in his own way. But his track record . . ."

Shawn pulled in a shuddering breath. "What are you saying?"

Jon was silent. He'd said enough.

Shawn's chin trembled. "I'm not staying with you."

"Shawn . . ."

"You're not my dad!"

"No, but I'd like to be."

Shawn eyes hardened, and his voice rose to a full yell. "I have a dad!"

"I know you do. But if he doesn't come back?"

"You think he's not coming back?"

"I said I don't know, Shawn!"

It was Shawn's turn to fall silent, eyes wide.

Jon hung his head. "All I know is, I love you like a son."

The next words came out as almost a whisper: "You think my dad doesn't?"

Jon breathed in to say, again, that he didn't know, but the heartlessness of the words struck him, and his breath stuck in his throat.

"Get out," Shawn said. "Please. Go away."

For a moment, Jon stood, frozen, gasping for the right words.

"Get out!"

"Okay. Okay." Jon stepped out of the kid's room and into the hallway.

He had been right. He never, ever should have said anything. Even if Chet never came back, Shawn wouldn't want Jon. They'd have to find another home for him. With a kid as good as Shawn, it would probably be easy.

For the second time since Shawn had moved back in, Jon stood in the hall listening to his quiet weeping. Only this time, there was truly nothing he could do.