Chapter 28 - Testimony

Shawn was withdrawn the next morning, ignoring Jon as he got ready for school. He quietly asked if he could walk, and Jon gave his permission. He had been driving Shawn each day since he had gotten back from the hospital, but Shawn's limp was gone now. He'd been going in for checkups a couple of times a week, and the doctor was very pleased with his progress. For now, there were still restrictions on what Shawn was allowed to do, but the doctor seemed to think he would be fully back to normal by summer.

Summer. Jon still didn't know what that would mean for them. But he had to try to make peace as soon as he could.

When Shawn got home from school, Jon asked, "Can we talk?"

It was a testament to how far they'd come that Shawn didn't roll his eyes. Still, his jaw set. "Fine."

Jon swallowed every bit of his pride. "I wanted to apologize. You're right, fostering is about what's best for you, and what's best for you is for Chet to finish his reunification work."

Shawn didn't move or speak, but his expression softened.

"You know how much I care about you, Shawn."

"I know." Shawn sighed. "I'm just nervous he'll miss the deadline. I wish there was something I could do."

"Well, maybe there is."

Shawn looked up at him.

"We've got that court hearing in June, and you're going to have a chance to make a statement. Knock it out of the park, and I'm sure they'll be willing to grant an extension."

"Really?"

Jon had heard stories from Shawn's social worker. "It wouldn't be the first time something like that happened."

Shawn perked up. "Can you help me?"

"I think you should write this one on your own. Happy to proofread, though."

"Okay! Thanks, Jon." With that, Shawn headed toward the stairs.

Jon didn't see him again for over an hour. He came downstairs as Jon was starting to pull out the ingredients for dinner. He held out a scrap of paper, torn from his notebook, and Jon sat down to read it. Eraser marks covered the page, but Jon had practice reading Shawn's writing.

Living with Jon this past year, I've learned a lot of things about family. But the most important thing I know about family is that they never give up on you. I'm finally old enough to notice how hard a single parent had to work to support a family. My dad has kept me alive and healthy through thick and thin, and he always comes through for me in the end. Even if it meant selling blood plasma or doing odd jobs to make ends meet, he made sure I was taken care of.

When I was in second grade, I wanted nothing more than to learn how to ride a two wheeler. We didn't have the money to buy one, so my dad took me to Toys R Us and taught me how to ride a bike in the isles.

When I was in fifth grade and couldn't afford a Nintendo like my friends, he filled the evenings by telling me stories.

When I was in sixth grade, and he couldn't send me to summer camp, he dug out his old skateboard and took me to the skate park, and he rigged up a sprinkler system for me to play in, so I wouldn't feel left out.

Over the years, we've come across a lot of people who have worried about me because of where I lived or what I wore. I'm the first to admit we were poor, in more ways than one. But my father always had his own ways of showing how much he cared about me. When my mother left us, he searched the whole country to bring her back to me. And this Christmas, when I was in the hospital after a bad accident, he came to see me and celebrate with me. He brought me my favorite candy, he watched movies and played games with me, and he made me believe I could overcome anything. Today, I am fully healed from all of my injuries.

The most important thing I've learned this year is that making a mistake isn't the end. My dad has made some mistakes, like every dad does, but they haven't stopped him from loving me, any more than the mistakes I've made have stopped me from loving him. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him. Because that's what family means.

With every word, Jon's heart sank further. It felt like such a twisting of events, but his bigger concern was that Chet wouldn't show up to court at all. Slowly, Jon lowered the page.

"Well?" Shawn asked. "Don't leave me hanging!"

"It's good, Shawn. I'm—" He cleared his throat. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Jon!" Shawn took back the paper with a huge smile. "Look, I know I haven't made things easy for you, but I really do appreciate everything you've done for me these last couple of years."

Jon blinked back tears and reached out for Shawn's shoulder. He pulled him in and kissed him on the forehead.

The one other time Jon had done it, Shawn had just stared at him in confusion. This time, he took it in stride. "Help you with dinner?"

"No, no." Jon took a deep breath. "Go get your homework done."

"I don't have anything due tomorrow."

"Okay." Jon couldn't get the words to come. "Uh."

"I'm gonna go copy this out, it's kind of hard to read."

"Yeah," Jon said, and he went back to working on dinner.

Shawn came down when it was ready, and he chattered away about his day at school and his plans for the weekend. He didn't seem to notice that Jon didn't respond much. He stayed in for the evening, watching TV for a few hours while Jon alternated between watching with him and grading papers. When Shawn went upstairs to go to bed, Jon walked over to the phone and began to dial Alan's number.

He stopped himself halfway through. Alan was the wrong person to call. He didn't want advice. He wanted a friend. He considered Eli, but decided Eli wasn't the best person to help him process this kind of emotion. He thought about Ashley next, but it felt unfair to burden her with his pain, no matter how comforting he thought she might be.

He called her anyway.

He happened to glance up at a clock and come to his senses after the second ring—it was after eleven, he shouldn't have been calling her—and went to hang up when he heard her say, "Hello?"

Jon winced and brought the phone back to his ear. "Hi, Ashley. It's Jon. Sorry for calling so late."

"Hi Jon." Worry filled her voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's..." His voice cracked. "Ah. Tell you the truth, I just wanted someone to talk to."

A short pause. "Well, I'm your girl. What's going on with Shawn?"

He smiled despite himself. She always knew. "He's got his court hearing in about a month. He wrote his testimony, about his father."

"Did you read it?"

"Y-yeah." But all at once, he had no idea what to say. His thoughts about all of this had always contradicted each other; he had never tried to speak them aloud or truly make sense of them.

Ashley didn't speak. She just left him the space to collect himself.

It all came out at once. "Shawn wants to go home to his dad, how could he not? That's his father. I want Shawn to have everything he needs, I want his dad to get it together, but I've watched that man break Shawn's heart so many times, I can't trust him, even if by some miracle he checks the boxes, he's gonna take off on Shawn again, and sooner or later that kid's gonna break. I wanna throttle that man every time he lets Shawn down. Meanwhile, every time Chet does show up, I feel worse, like I don't want him to succeed, and I want to believe that it's because I don't trust him, after all the times he's hurt Shawn, and sure, that's part of it, but if I'm honest? I-I want to adopt Shawn. I've never wanted anything this much, and it doesn't even make sense, because I went into this expecting to have Shawn for a few weeks, a few months, never to keep him. I let him go the first time, and it was easy, I was happy for him, and that makes me sick now, the thought of losing him again, I..."

His voice cracked, his eyes prickled, and he suddenly remembered where he was. "I'm so sorry, Ashley."

"No, no, it's okay, Jon."

He swallowed. "I love him, Ashley. I don't even know how to tell you how much I love that boy, and it's always hurt, but...I love him more every day."

"You make that pretty obvious."

Jon almost laughed. "Can you blame me?"

"For loving Shawn? I don't think anyone could help it."

"Yeah. Just wish his father felt the same way." He drew in a shuddering breath. "Shawn told me today that the reason he's been trying to set you and me up with each other is that he doesn't want me to be alone when he's gone."

"He cares about you," Ashley said.

"Yeah, I guess. Honestly, I'd kinda thought... well. It doesn't matter."

"Thought he might be playing house? Starring us as Mom and Dad?"

"I guess he wasn't."

"Maybe not purposely."

Jon couldn't bring himself to hope. What was the point? "I don't know what to do."

"I wish I could help. Can I do something for you?"

"I don't know what to ask for."

"I have an idea. It's not much, but...if it would help, I'm going to see if I can get approved to be a court-appointed support for you at the hearing."

"You can do that?"

"I can try. I think one or both of you could use a friend that day. And it wouldn't be my first time in a custody court."

"Your parents?"

"Yeah."

He nodded before remembering she couldn't see him. "Thanks, Ashley."

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"No, maybe you're right. I'm...I want Shawn to be happy, and I'm honored to be even a tiny part of your lives."

He wanted to tell her she was more than that, or that he wanted her to be more than that. He was resigning himself to the reality that the stage of life he was in forced him to hold back the way he felt from the people he cared about the most. "I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"Still on for movies Saturday?"

"Yeah. See you then."

"Good night, Jon."

"Good night."

He hung up, but it took him a long time to move from his place to start getting ready for bed.