Chapter 29 - Weekend Plans
Shawn was back to his usual self the next morning. He dragged a little getting ready for school, and he rolled his eyes when Jon asked where his homework was, but for the most part, he seemed to be in good spirits, completing his morning physical therapy exercises and taking his meds without complaint, chattering away about his evening plans with Cory, since it was Friday night. Jon's mind wouldn't focus on what he was saying; he only just processed what Shawn was saying enough to know he wouldn't need to be home to make dinner.
Jon made himself focus on the lessons he was teaching that day, and he agreed when Eli invited him out that evening. He didn't feel like going out, but he knew an evening in by himself wouldn't be good for him, either.
He dropped by the apartment at the end of the school day to change, but he didn't make it to his room. No sooner had he set down his box of papers to be graded than the phone started ringing. Sighing, he went to answer it. "Hello?"
"Mr. Turner? It's Marisa Cortez."
Shawn's social worker. "Hi Ms. Cortez."
"I have some good news."
Jon's heart rate picked up. He couldn't imagine that it was. "What's that?"
"Chet Hunter started his parenting training. He's requested to resume visits with Shawn."
Jon felt like the air had been removed from the room. "That's great," he made himself say.
"He's requesting Saturdays. Could you bring Shawn to the visitor center tomorrow at 1?"
"Of course." Jon wondered what the chances were that Chet was requesting Saturdays because he'd gotten a job. It seemed doubtful.
"Good. He won't have completed the training by the day of the court hearing, but if he continues to show a good faith effort, I'm sure his appeal for more time will be granted. Are you willing to keep Shawn for another six months, if it comes to that? It shouldn't be that long, but I need to know if I need to look for another placement for him."
"Uh, no. I mean, yeah, of course I'll keep him."
"Thank you, Mr. Turner."
"Thanks."
He lowered the phone, and he slowly set it down on the receiver, turning to look around his apartment. Shawn's papers were strewn across the kitchen table along with his cereal bowl that he'd forgotten to put in the sink that morning. His shoes were carelessly kicked by the door, his laundry tossed on the couch. Candy wrappers littered the coffee table, dirt stained the rug, cassettes had been left on the table by the couch. Shawn's report card was on the fridge.
When Jon closed his eyes, he could hear Shawn's running through the house, his chattering, his snoring, his loud chewing, his scoffing and whining as Jon made him do his homework.
But Shawn was out tonight. It was quiet today.
Soon, it would be this quiet every day.
He'd once hoped for a happy ending to this story. But there was no happy ending for this story.
If Chet bailed, Shawn would be broken.
If Chet completed his requirements, Shawn would be happy, until Chet inevitably backslid and left him again. Then he'd be worse off than he'd ever been.
If, by some miracle, Chet had truly learned from his mistakes, changed into a good father . . . shouldn't Jon want that? Shouldn't that be the happy ending?
All at once, Jon couldn't take it. He cried out, grabbed the box of student assignments, and threw it across the room, papers flying everywhere, then he buried his face in his hands and let his roaring pulse fill the silence in his ears.
It took him a long time to catch his breath and lower his hands from his face. He moved mechanically as he walked into his room and changed out of his work clothes. He couldn't look at himself in the mirror. He almost called Eli to cancel, but he couldn't stay in this empty apartment a moment longer.
He ended up arriving at the bar an hour before they'd agreed to be there. His first instinct was to drown himself in shots, but he needed to be able to get home safe and sober and greet Shawn when the evening was over.
He hated what he had become. This was why he'd never wanted to settle down with a wife and kids. His friends who had told him all about how nice it was, to have that kind of stability and love and support at home, but Jon hadn't wanted to give up dating and drinking and being out as late as he wanted. He'd given up those things anyway, but he had nothing to show for it.
And he could have kicked his own ass for even thinking about his own pain in light of everything Shawn was going through.
Jon ordered a soda and an appetizer—sure, he'd have a beer or two, but he'd wait until Eli got there—and sipped at it while half watching the game on the TV behind the bar. He was halfway through his third soda when Eli came in and slid in beside him.
"I know that look," Eli said.
Jon blinked. "Oh, you do?"
"That little nurse dump you?"
Jon put down the soda, shaking his head. "I never dated her."
"Coulda fooled me. Shawn never shuts up about her."
"Since when do you talk to Shawn?"
"I don't. But he hangs out with Cory in the media arts room during break sometimes. Everything's all Ashley this, Ashley that."
Jon sighed. "Well, nothing's happened with her. At all."
"That's what's got you down?"
Jon gave him a blank stare. "You wanna know what's really on my mind?"
"Can't hide from your friends, Jonny."
"Shawn's on my mind."
"That was my first guess, the nurse was wishful thinking," Eli muttered.
"Looks like he's going back to his dad."
"That's good, right?"
"I dunno." Jon fidgeted with his glass. "Kinda like having the kid around."
"You know they'd never let you adopt him, right?"
"Yeah, I know," Jon said, but then he frowned. "Well. If his old man didn't come back."
"You're a single guy. They're not gonna let you adopt a kid."
"It's not illegal." He had already looked into it.
"It's frowned upon. You're not gonna get a judge who wants to grant you parental rights."
Even though he didn't quite believe it, he could feel his stomach sinking. "Why not?"
"Cause Shawn's a good kid. They'll find some couple to adopt him. Give him a mom and a dad. Any judge'll tell you that's better for him."
"Teens are hard to place."
"Yeah, but Shawn's healthy, he's smart, he's got no physical or mental disabilities, and he's a cute kid. On top of that, he's white. He'll get snatched up, believe me."
Jon shook his head. "How do you know so much about this?"
"Had a few cousins screwed over by the foster care system. Trust me. They're not gonna leave Shawn with a single guy."
"Chet's a single guy!"
"He's also his biological father."
Jon couldn't help but feel like he'd just gotten hit by a truck. It had taken him a long time to get to the point where he even believed he could be a good parent to Shawn, like his own home was a good home for the kid. He believed it now. Sending him to a stranger was just going to add more instability in his life. He even thought he might be able to convince Shawn that it was best to stay put. But if he couldn't convince the judge . . .
"Hey," Eli said. "I'm sorry, man. I know how much he means to you."
"There's got to be something else I can do."
"You're doing more than your share. And I'm worried about you."
"Worried I'm gonna get hurt?"
"That's gonna happen anyway. You can't stop yourself from caring about Hunter, and it's gonna be devastating, I get that, but . . . Jon, he's become your whole life. When's the last time you and I hung out? No, forget that—when's the last time you went on a date?"
"You been talking to Shawn about this?"
"What, does he tell you the same thing?"
Jon's voice caught. "It—it wasn't fair to pull a woman into all this . . ."
"Then don't. Date for fun. You've still got your friends for support. But you gotta do something besides worry about Shawn all night and day."
"I love him like a son, Eli."
"But he's not your son. And when he leaves, you gotta have something to go back to."
"I'm not ready to give up."
"Then don't. But even if you get insanely lucky, and you get to adopt Shawn and it's a nice happy ending, he still can't be your whole life. He has his own life. Raise him right, and he's off to college next year. And if you get insanely lucky again, he'll call you from his dorm once a week."
Jon clenched his teeth, anger suddenly rising. He had never given Eli permission to give him advice about this. "Can we talk about something besides Shawn?"
"I'd love to. So, what's new with you?"
"Well..."
Eli raised his eyebrows.
Jon grumbled under his breath. "Point taken."
Eli laughed. "So what's that nurse like? She as pretty as Shawn says?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"You guess? What's she like?"
"She's, uh... She's smart. Works hard, cares a lot about her patients, goes out of her way. They send her the teenagers 'cause she's real good with them, the kind of stories she tells sound a lot like the stories I tell from my classroom."
"You like hanging out with her?"
"Yeah, I do." He wanted to say more, but he didn't know how to describe it. She was easy to talk to, easy to laugh with. Showed an interest in his life, told great stories about her own. She made him feel good about himself without tearing Shawn down the way Ms. Pierre had. She cared about the things he cared about. They just...fit. Not to mention just picturing her in his mind was making him wish he'd asked her out tonight instead of agreeing to go out with Eli.
"Now I know that look."
"Ah." Jon brushed him off. "I'll ask her out on a date if it'll make you happy."
"What are you waiting for?"
Jon gave him a look, and Eli nodded toward the pay phones. "What?" Jon said. "You think I have her number memorized?"
"Do you?"
Jon stared at him a moment, then he sighed in defeat and went over to the pay phone and dialed her number.
He half expected she wouldn't pick up. She didn't. A female voice answered, but it wasn't Ashley. "Hello?"
"Oh, hi. I was looking for Ashley Enns."
"Oh, yeah, let me get her. Can I tell her who's calling?"
"It's Jonathan Turner."
The girl gasped. "So you're Jon."
"...Yeah."
She giggled. "Oh, Ashley!" she called in a dreamy voice. "It's Jo-on!"
A bit of shuffling, some whispered arguing, then Ashley's voice. "Hi Jon. Sorry about my obnoxious roommate."
"Hey, you got yours, I got mine."
She laughed. "Yeah, I guess that's true. So what's up?"
For the first time in years, he found himself actually nervous. Then again, he didn't usually ask out women he already liked as friends. "Uh, listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."
"Sure, you know I love hanging out with you and Shawn. What did you have in mind?"
"Uh." Jon rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go out...with me."
A short pause. Jon held his breath.
"Like, on a date?" she asked.
"Well. Yeah. Like, a real date, not like Shawn setting us up." His stomach turned, and he suddenly wondered if this was a very, very bad idea, especially right after her roommate had teased her. "Ah, hey, you don't have to—"
"I'd love to."
"Really?"
"Yeah." She laughed. "I've been...hoping you would ask."
Relief and surprise washed over him. "Oh! Great! Uh, how about tomorrow night?"
"Well, we were going to watch movies at your place. Will Shawn be disappointed?"
"You kidding? He'll be thrilled."
"Good point."
"So, can I pick you up at eight?"
"I guess. But everything fun is closed by nine or ten."
He blinked. "What do you have in mind?"
"I dunno. Maybe take me mini golfing or bowling or something?"
"Not a candlelit dinner kind of girl?"
"I am, but we had candlelight on our first date. Let's do something less cliché."
He smirked. "Not into clichés, huh? No long romantic walks on the beach? No, uh, dinner and a movie?"
"Hey, cliché dates have their place. Bit of a drive to the beach, though, and I like to get to know a guy a little better before I sit in a dark room with him for two hours."
"Fair enough. But you don't have to get to know a guy to let him beat you at mini golf?"
She laughed. "You're not gonna beat me."
"Now, that's a challenge I'll accept."
"Great. Pick me up at 2?"
"Yeah," he said, but then he remembered. "Uh, actually, I have to take Shawn to a visit with his dad at 1, it'll take at least an hour, and I gotta take him home after... Can we make it 4? Just to be on the safe side."
"If his dad doesn't show, you should be there for him, not getting ready for a date."
"Yeah, I guess that's true."
"Would Sunday be better?"
"Yeah, it might. Then we could still do movies with Shawn tomorrow night, if he's up for it."
"Let's do that, then. Pick me up at 2 on Sunday?"
"Sure. I look forward to it."
"Me too," she said, and he could hear the grin on her face.