Chapter 31 - Support

Shawn sulked a little during the week, but not nearly as much as he had any of the other times he knew he was going to be grounded over the weekend. It helped that Jon hadn't grounded him during the week, so he was still free to hang out with his friends after school. It also helped that Jon couldn't ground him from the thing he'd been looking forward to the most that weekend, which was the visit with his dad.

Sulking also would have taken away from his time asking invasive questions about Jon's love life, one of Shawn's favorite pastimes. "Do you like her?" he asked Monday night over dinner.

"Yeah, I like her."

"Do you really like her?"

"Yeah. I really like her."

"On a scale from one to ten, how much do you like her?"

"What is this, a quiz?"

"It's just a question."

She was a perfect ten, obviously, but the timing of the relationship was a three at best. "It's not that serious a relationship."

"Does she know that?"

"I haven't exactly asked her to be my girlfriend."

"Dude, she looks at you like she's in love with you."

Jon did a double take. The L-word had never been discussed.

"Have you even kissed her?"

"None of your business, Hunter."

"You haven't?"

"It's . . . different."

"Don't you want to?"

"I do."

"Do you think she wants to?"

"Probably."

"Well, take it from someone with a lot of experience in these things," Shawn said, which almost made Jon snort aloud. "Having a date who's more into you than you are into her is a godsend. If you want to keep her for more than two weeks, you're gonna need to step up your game a lot."

Jon raised his eyebrows. That wasn't actually bad advice. "You know, if you applied this kind of effort to your school work—"

"I'd be a huge nerd?"

"Finals prep starts in a week."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm way ahead of you." He reached into his backpack and took out a slip of paper. "Figured you'd want this."

Jon accepted the paper.

English - 87

History - 74

Math - 68

French - 92

Jon nodded, and he remembered what he'd learned from the last time they'd had this conversation. "I'm proud of you, Hunter."

"Really?"

"Really. I know you worked hard for these."

"But . . . they're not as good as last semester. And I'm not even taking as many classes."

"Yeah? Why do you think your grades dropped?" Jon handed back the paper.

Shawn frowned down at the page. "History's always hard. Feeny, you know? And French is always easy. But math . . . I guess it was hardest to keep up with math in the hospital."

Jon nodded. "That makes sense."

"So . . . gonna make me study two hours a day starting next week?"

"I don't know. What do you think is fair?"

Shawn looked down at the page again. "I think I can keep my A in French by just doing the review stuff in class."

"Okay."

"I don't think I can bring up my grade in history to a B. I don't think I'm going to bring it down to a D, either, but Feeny gives hard tests, and he gives good review packets, so I should do that."

"Good call."

"Uh . . . most of our English final is this analytical essay. I dunno if I can get an A on it, though."

"If you get it done during the first study week, I'd be happy to read it over and help you edit it."

"Okay. I guess I'll work on that first then, I can start the history packet when it's done." He sighed. "I really don't think I can bring up my grade in math."

"You're awfully close to a C," Jon said.

Shawn shrugged.

"What do you think is a fair amount of time to spend on it?"

"Maybe twenty minutes a day on just math? But I don't want to study on the weekends. Well, Sunday is okay, but not Friday. So maybe a half an hour a day, but not Fridays or Saturdays?"

"That sounds like a great plan. I'll hold you to it."

Shawn's jaw dropped. "You're okay with that? You're not gonna be all, Hunter, you should study for three hours a day or anything?"

"I'd rather you be able to look at your grades and figure out what's reasonable. And I'm proud that you can."

"Okay." He shrugged again. "You know I'm not gonna study, like, at all next year, right?"

Jon's reflex was launch into a long conversation about the importance of working hard in school and keeping his options open for college and his career. It occurred to him to wonder why Shawn was bothering to apply himself now if he didn't care about his future in the slightest, and he wanted to ask. But he didn't want to fight, and arguing had never gotten him anywhere in the past. So instead, he just looked Shawn in the eyes and said a heartfelt, "That's a real shame."

Shawn ducked his head for a moment, but sprang back quickly. "So what are you gonna do for Ashley?"

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"For a girl like that? The works. Sky writers, fireworks, serenade, horse and carriage."

Jon laughed. "And on a budget?"

Shawn frowned. "How good of a kisser are you?"

Jon rolled his eyes and brought his plate to the sink.

The next day, Jon slipped away from the school campus during his prep and picked up a cup of the kind of coffee he knew Ashley liked but didn't always splurge on, and he brought it down to the hospital. His break didn't line up with hers, but one of the other nurses recognized him and let him into the break room. He was just finishing up propping an index card against the cup, with her name on it, when she came in and threw her arms around him, grinning. "I just have a minute," she said. "Thank you."

He held her close, and he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. Her eyes were lit up when he let go.

The day after that, Wednesday, his phone rang after Shawn was in bed, and he ended up spending a long time on the phone, ranting and raving about his school day and listening to Ashley do the same, not wanting her to hang up even as the hour grew later and he knew he needed to sleep.

Neither of them reached out on Thursday, but she called him Friday to ask if she could come by earlier that evening to spend some time with him and Shawn before their late night date. He reluctantly gave his permission, knowing it would more or less undermine Shawn learning anything from his grounding, but also feeling pretty bad that he'd had to punish him at all for doing something any other teenager would be encouraged to do.

He was right about the undermining. Shawn was thrilled to have her there; Jon hardly got a word in. Shawn chattered continuously about his week at school and his progress with his leg and elbow, and at one point Ashley gave Jon a wink and a smile, and Jon knew he'd have his time with her.

Shawn didn't argue about going to bed on time—probably because it was Ashley, not Jon, who reminded him about the early bedtime—and Jon sighed heavily as he settled down on the couch.

Ashley came over and sat beside him, closer than she had before. "You okay?"

"Ah. Just sometimes get sick of the kid hating me."

"He doesn't hate you."

"He thinks I'm responsible for splitting up his family."

"That's why you think he doesn't listen to you?"

Jon frowned. "You got another take?"

"He's comfortable with you, Jon. He talks to you like you're his dad."

"Really?"

"Didn't you mouth off to your parents, worse than to anyone else?"

"Uh. I was kinda raised by my nanny until I went to boarding school."

"Oh." She fell quiet.

"Yeah . . ." He felt bad for saying it, like he'd shut her down.

"Well . . . it's pretty obvious to me Shawn loves you."

He chuckled. Shawn had told him the same thing about Ashley.

"I'm serious!"

"I know, I know. It's just . . . his court date is coming up."

"I'm started my training to come support you."

Jon winced. Ashley was doing so much for them. Helped him with Shawn, listened to him rant about his issues, went out of her way to be there for them, even to get trained to help them at the court . . .

All at once, he felt wrong about this whole thing.

Eli hadn't been wrong to push Jon to have a life outside of Shawn, or to get out there and date again. And he did like Ashley. He really did.

But he felt like he was using her, leading her on. His life was going to fall apart in a couple of months, one way or another, and she was going to get hurt if she stayed.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," he said.

"Why not?"

"I mean . . . you don't have to do that, Ashley."

"I know, but it's no trouble, and I want to support you."

"Me? Or Shawn?"

"Both of you."

"That's the problem, Ashley, there is no both of us."

"What are you talking about, Jon?"

"Shawn and me." He stood, beginning to pace. "What do you think is going to happen? The three of us are all gonna be one big happy family?"

"Is that . . . what you want?"

"It doesn't matter what I want. If the courts don't give Chet back his parental rights, they still won't let me keep Shawn. They'll send him to some two-parent home that'll actually be good for him."

"Who told you that?"

"It's how it works!"

She shook her heads. "Do you think I'll break up with you if you lose Shawn?"

"I think the closer you get to both of us, the more you're gonna suffer when he leaves here."

"So, what, you're kicking me out?"

"I . . . No, I . . ." He looked down at her, suddenly aware of what he was implying. "Maybe. I just don't want you to get hurt."

She stood up and faced him head on. "Jonathan, listen to me."

He stopped short, eyes on her.

"I've liked you since the day Shawn came in for his first checkup, and it's been amazing being friends with you. And yeah, Shawn was a big part of that. He's sweet, a-and hilarious, and a total handful, and I could see how much you loved him. You having a kid didn't scare me. I've always wanted kids."

Jon couldn't speak. He knew this tone. He'd heard it from women before. And he'd always frozen up.

"And yeah, if you get to keep him, I'd love to be here with you to watch him grow up, but . . . either way, he moves out for college in a few years. So I'm not dating you for Shawn. I'm dating you for what having Shawn says about you. You having him, that told me, this is a man who's not afraid of commitment. I knew you wouldn't walk away when things got hard."

Here it came. She was going to ask for commitment from him. And he was going to freeze up, and lose her, like he always did, with every woman he'd ever dated.

"I'm twenty-nine, Jonathan. I'm not looking for a casual relationship. You make me feel safe, and comfortable, and like I can be myself, and that's . . ." She shook her head. "I thought you wanted something serious, and if I got the wrong impression . . . please, please let me know now."

He tripped over his words, and he could see the hope draining from her eyes. She stepped back, shaking her head.

Jon suddenly stood up straight. He might have no control over whether he lost Shawn, but he wasn't going to lose this one. He couldn't. She'd been fully honest with him; he could do the same for her. She wasn't just the girl he was dating. She was his friend.

"I'm so sorry, Ashley. To tell you the truth . . . I don't know what I want. I do like you, the timing's just all wrong. I appreciate you going to all the work to become our court buddy, and yeah, I could really use the support, but it feels unfair to you. We haven't been dating for very long, and Shawn's been injured almost the whole time we've been friends, and . . . I care about you way too much to take advantage of you."

She put a hand on his arm.

"And . . . I've never committed to a woman before." He figured he might as well get that out there. "I committed to Shawn on a whim because he needed me, and I stood by that, but I've never had a serious relationship, and it scares me. And I've never told a woman that, and I'm only telling you because . . ." He winced. "I really, really don't want to lose you, but I can't ask you to be my girlfriend right now, either, and . . . I can't just put you on reserve until things smooth over with Shawn. That's not fair to you."

"Jon . . ." She shook her head. "If there's a chance we might be in this for the long haul . . . I'd love to be your friend while we wait."

"You're free to date someone else," he told her hesitantly.

"You gonna date other women?"

"No." He smirked. "You gonna date other men?"

She smiled. "Not even slightly interested."

He let out his breath. He wasn't losing her. In some sense, nothing had changed. She wasn't his girlfriend before, and she wasn't now. And yet, everything had changed.

Her eyes shone, and she looked away. "Sorry," she said. "Just . . . for a minute there I thought . . . I misread this whole thing."

"Thought I just wasn't interested?"

She shrugged, wiping her eyes.

He stepped forward and held out his arms, and she melted into them. "You're beautiful," he told her. "And you're funny, and brilliant, and you care so much. I'd be stupid to give you up, and I'd never hear the end of it from Shawn. Who's a very smart kid, by the way."

She laughed. "I know he is."

"Yeah." He sighed and pulled her in closer, smelling the sweetness of her perfume and wanting nothing more than to take it all back and ask her to be his girlfriend for real. "I'm looking forward to the long haul, Ashley. Whatever it brings."

Ashley squeezed tighter for a second before letting go. "I can't tell if we just broke up or got engaged."

He reached out to brush back her hair. "I'm here for you. And I know you got my back, too. Does it matter what we call it?"

"I guess not. But what do we tell Shawn?"

"Ah. Well, that's a good question."

"What have you been telling him so far?"

"I tell him when I take you out on dates. I tell him I like you, a lot."

"Do we have to tell him anything?"

Jon laughed. "He'll pester."

"Well, tell him we're both focusing on his court case."

"Smart. I think he'll actually accept that."

She nodded and took a step toward the kitchen. "Ice cream?"

"Yeah," he said. His insides felt lighter than they had in a long time. He should be torn up; his relationship had ended faster than most of Shawn's did.

But it hadn't ended. It had changed. They weren't in this for a flirty fling; they were in this for whatever came next. Ashley had looked him in the eyes and told him she'd rather be single for now than date anyone but him. The thought made him feel like he could fly.

He'd lost something, but he had a feeling he'd gained something much better. He might not have been her boyfriend, but he was still hers.

Maybe he'd lose Shawn. But he wouldn't lose everything.