First mate's log:

May 6, 1973

I had a good time at the Skipper's birthday party last night. Mary Ann wore a simple but stylish blue minidress. And the Howells' new chef is good. I probably would've had more fun at a barbecue, but the Bradys are supposed to be throwing one this coming Saturday, for Judge Brady.

Except, Judge Brady doesn't want to set foot in his grandson's house while "that woman" is visiting. I know this because the Skipper and I came back from his birthday party to find the old man sleeping on our porch. The Skipper woke him up and we found out that he wanted to go back to Blenford, but of course the ferry doesn't run that late.

The Skipper refused to take him back until the regular run this morning, but he did let the old man sleep on our couch. We didn't ask him a lot of questions then, because all three of us were tired. The Skipper loaned him some spare pajamas, which were baggy on him, but mine would've been too tight. I went and got him a spare blanket and pillow.

It wasn't until this morning over breakfast that the judge told us what happened. At first, he said he didn't want to burden us with his personal problems, but the Skipper insisted, since we had done him an unexpected set of favors. At first the judge was calm but he got angrier as he went on.

He said that his oldest great-granddaughter (Marcia) invited him over for dinner so he could meet her great-grandmother, who's visiting from Owensboro, Kentucky. His grandson and granddaughter-in-law would be gone, because they were going to a party. But he was looking forward to spending time with his great-grandchildren and it might be nice to talk to someone his own age for a change. (He hasn't met Jethroe Collins yet, who's even older. I should introduce them sometime, although they have different personalities.)

When he got to the Brady house, Marcia and Jan introduced him to Mrs. Hutchins, who was playing basketball with the boys. He could've gotten over that, but she proved herself unladylike in other ways.

"She actually had the audacity to ask me...Well, never mind."

The Skipper and I insisted he tell us. He said that she asked if it's true that judges don't wear any pants under their robes on hot days. He insisted that he always wore his trousers.

He would've left then, but he had promised to stay for dinner, and he didn't want to disappoint the children. The thing was, all six kids suddenly remembered they had other plans. He would've left but he decided it would be more polite to stay. And maybe he'd misjudged Mrs. Hutchins and she just makes bad first impressions. I didn't tell him that I liked her when we met.

Alice didn't seem that surprised that she was serving dinner for two. In fact, she put on soft music, dimmed the lights, and lit candles before she told them dinner was ready. She also served them wine before dinner.

"It was clear what was happening," the judge told us indignantly but still with dignity.

"What?" I said, although I had a theory.

"Clearly, Mrs. Hutchins had designs on me and orchestrated this whole thing!"

I pointed out, "But Marcia's the one who invited you."

"Undoubtedly at the behest of her devious great-grandmother. And because I was a bit tipsy, I forthrightly told the lady, who is no lady, that I suspected her schemes. In vino veritas."

I didn't know what that meant, although when I asked the Professor later, he said it's Latin for "In wine, there is truth."

The Skipper asked, "What did she say to that?"

"She said..."

"What?" we both asked eagerly.

He harrumphed and then muttered, "She called me an old goat! So I told her she was no spring chicken herself. Then I took off like a bat out of Hades."

I resisted pointing out that she probably had goats and chickens, although probably not bats, on her farm. Instead I said, "But the ferry was still running around dinnertime."

"Yeah, my crew was manning it while me and Gilligan were at my birthday party."

"I went for a long walk in the night air to cool off. You have a lovely island by the way."

I said, "Thank you, but I can't take much credit for it."

The Skipper looked at me and then shook his head. He looked at the judge and said, "So you came here hoping we'd take pity on you."

"Yes, I must apologize for my behavior to you both last night. I was uncharacteristically emotional, after dealing with that woman. Not to mention the effects of alcohol when I have been a teetotaler since The Twenties."

"It's all right," the Skipper said. "I've had my share of troubles with women."

I haven't really, since I was lucky enough to meet Mary Ann when I was so young and hadn't really dated. Still, I have been confused by her, and Ginger, and even Marcia when I thought she had a crush on me. So I nodded but didn't say anything else for the moment.

"Thank you both, Gentlemen, for listening to my woes. If you could take me on the first ferry out, I would much appreciate it."

We did of course, and we talked about it, just the two of us, when he was gone, having paid us double the fare as thank you for our help. The Skipper grumbled to me that the judge would've had to pay for a hotel, if there were hotels on our island, but we were mostly putting him up as a favor to his family.

As for Mrs. Hutchins chasing after the judge, we both have our doubts, although we didn't tell him that of course. The Skipper thinks that Alice set them up and then convinced the kids to leave. I disagree, because Alice isn't really a matchmaker on her own, and I think she's more concerned with marrying Sam. I think it's more likely that it was Marcia and she got Alice to go along with it.

I did agree with the Skipper when he said, "I don't think Mrs. Hutchins would chase after him. She's got a lot going for her, and if I were her age, I'd consider myself a lucky man to get her."

I hope things work out OK and it doesn't ruin the rest of her visit, but for once, I feel like I'm involved enough in the Bradys' lives.

Carol Brady's diary:

May 7, 1973

Mike and I came back from Skipper's very nice birthday party to find my grandmother looking furious and my firstborn looking guilty. We dealt with Grandma Connie first. She said that the judge came by and she tried to be a good hostess, since Mike and I were away and she was the only adult home besides Alice. She was as friendly as she could be, because "that's the Kentucky way." He, on the other hand, was very stuffy and stodgy.

Then the kids all suddenly remembered they had other plans. So Grandma really had to play hostess, but she made the best of things, even if he wasn't the company she'd have chosen, "No offense to you, Mikey."

I managed not to laugh at that nickname as Mike said, "None taken."

She said that Alice served them a candlelight dinner, but she just thought Alice was giving them a fancy meal because they were adult guests and the kids were gone. "Then the judge had the nerve to accuse me of schemin' to catch him! As if I couldn't get a better man than him any day. No offense, Mikey."

"It's fine," he said briskly.

I asked, "What happened then?"

"Well, I called him an old goat, and he said I was no spring chicken. And then he stormed out!"

I had to stop myself from laughing at the idea of Mike's slow-moving and slow-talking grandfather acting or speaking like that. I did feel bad for both old folks of course.

She's sleeping in the family room, since we didn't have anywhere else to put her up, and she's not a complainer. Well, unless she's really riled up, as with the judge. We said goodnight and then went to Mike's den, where we'd told Marcia to wait for us.

She confessed immediately. Yes, Jan schemed with her, and the other kids went along with it, but it was Marcia's idea to matchmake her great-grandparents. "They've both been alone so long and they're good people. And, well, they're about the same age."

"That's not enough," I said. "You have to think about compatibility."

"How was I supposed to know if they were compatible if they didn't have a chance to spend time alone together?"

I was really struggling not to laugh. Obviously, Marcia has inherited my matchmaking gene, although I'm not as bad as Mrs. Howell.

Mike said, "It's best not to interfere in other people's love lives, no matter what age."

I decided not to remind him of the Greg & "Linda" debacle. We're not going to punish Marcia, since she did mean well. I just hope this doesn't ruin Grandma's visit. And, no, I don't know what I'll do about the party, but hopefully things will improve by Saturday.