Chapter Twenty - Nymphadora
The night was cold. The sun had set hours ago and in its place was the glowing moon. The frosty chill stung Remus' cheeks and nose, causing him to shiver just a bit, yet he was still content to sit under the yellow porch light on the back steps of the Burrow. Laughter and muffled conversations could be heard from the cracks of the open windows, along with the Wizarding network playing Celestina Warbeck and the Banshees.
Remus took a deep breath, then exhaled, watching his misty breath swirling in front of him. It reminded him of the night he and Severus kissed after Slughorn's Christmas party. The memory of the condensation from their breaths intermingling as one, with snow falling down all around them, landing on their shoulders, on the fabrics of their best dress robes and in their hair. The way Severus' eyes had glistened with emotion, dark obsidian eyes so full of vulnerability as he opened up to Remus and told him how he felt for him. The cracks in his mask finally coming apart. Just for Remus. Their hearts opening up for each other, walls coming down, their foreheads leaning against one another. And kissing over and over again that night, unable to stop. Unable to let each other go just in case it was only a dream.
And right now in that moment, sitting on the porch, Remus felt like it had only been a dream. A dream of a beautiful starry cold night that may as well never happen again….
Remus had been able to remain strong all day, not allowing himself to give in to his slowly growing fear of the possibility of Severus never returning from Voldemort's summons. All day, he had strictly forced himself to not think of the worst case scenario of this night ending, and instead only thought about the moment Severus would reappear, safe and without injury. How at any moment he would be back in Remus' arm, out of harm's way. But as the hours passed… It was getting harder and harder to imagine that moment happening, harder and harder to believe that Severus would ever be in his arms again… Harder and harder for Remus to pretend to himself that he was strong enough to wait without fear overtaking him. That the worst case scenario of this night may actually turn into reality.
Fear was such an ugly and relieving feeling for Remus. It washed over him. Now that he was alone, he didn't have to pretend to himself any longer or even to others that he was okay, like he wasn't afraid for the life of his boyfriend. Remus let his fear take over and it was sort of relieving to just let it flow, to let it rise and settle into his heart, to let it settle into his gut, causing him to feel sick. He let it settle into his lungs, into his chest, until pressure began to form and the rhythm of his heart began to skip beats.
And he was suddenly gasping for air. His vision became blurred. He buried his head into his lap, his arms curling around his knees into a fetal position with his breath coming out ragged. Remus let it happen, just for a few moments. Letting himself feel the panic at the thought of Severus' life in danger. Because this was the only time to let himself feel it, and oh it was so relieving to finally let it all go.
And when it began to finally cease,Remus opened his eyes, sitting back up and taking deep breaths, hoping it would help calm him down a bit.
Perhaps a drink of wine could help, but Remus banished the thought out of his head. He didn't want to let himself succumb to his vices, to rely on drinking when things got too hard, like the way Sirius had done. And especially not tonight, Remus wanted to be sober if Severus did finally return, needed to be sober and controlled and calm for Harry as well, who needed him.
The snow wasn't as heavy here at Ottery St. Catchpole than it was at his parent's cabin. At least Remus' hands were kept warm, enveloped in the softness of the green gloves Severus had given him for Christmas. And looking down at his gloved hands, remembering that very morning, Remus felt his heart wrench at the very thought of Severus being in the mercy of Voldemort for hours now. At the very thought of him being possibly tortured and hurt that very moment, and there was nothing Remus could do about it.
It was so hard to be inside the Burrow, to socialize with the Weasley's guests. To enjoy the party. To eat Molly's good food. To smile and laugh and pretend like his heart wasn't beating with suppressed fear and anticipation. To hide the fact that his senses were on constant high alert for any sound, scent or sight of Severus' arrival. Any sign. And the guilt…the guilt ate away at him.
Severus was most likely being tortured and Remus was here at a bloody party!
And when the hours passed with still no sign or word from Severus, the warmth and safety of the Burrow grew too hot and suffocating to Remus.
The good company, the music, the intermingling laughter, and conversations had all become too loud, too overwhelming, too exhausting…
It was all suddenly too much to hold a conversation, to smile, to laugh, to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn't, and suddenly Remus found himself struggling to breathe.
He needed space. He needed quiet. He needed to be alone somewhere so he could decompress his emotions. To not have to pretend like everything was fucking okay inside of him.
Before he could make his escape, Remus had spotted Harry sitting on the couches talking to Arthur. He was able to catch their quiet conversation about the recent raids on Malfoy Manor, and what Draco was trying to get fixed at Borgin and Burkes. And knowing Harry would be okay and not even notice him missing for a while, Remus had managed to slip away, disappearing out of the back door without anyone noticing.
The sound of party crackers were suddenly heard, followed by a round of laughter. No doubt the chaos was caused by the Weasley twins.
When Remus and Harry had arrived at the Burrow earlier that day, Harry was still stuck in his quiet mood behind his brick wall, still closed off, still shocked at Severus' sudden departure.
Molly and Arthur had realized right away the somber mood between them, and the fact that Severus was missing. Remus had only frowned and shook his head when they asked if everything was okay, not even sure what he was allowed to say. And the Weasleys understood and didn't ask anymore. They knew it had to do with the war. They knew the importance of what Severus did for the Order of the Phoenix and the secrecy of his role.
Once the greetings were over, Harry had seated himself in an armchair by the fireplace, refusing anything to eat or drink from Molly. Clearly not wanting to talk to anyone, he'd just silently waited for Severus' return. His green gaze resting on the dancing orange flames in the grate.
Ron and Ginny had sensed Harry's mood and decided to set up a game of gobstones between them on the coffee table, letting Harry be until he was ready to join them.
Remus had taken a seat on the other armchair, giving Harry space but still near enough to offer his silent support, accepting a cup of hot chocolate and biscuits from Molly. He'd quietly conversed with her and Arthur until Charlie, Bill and his fiancé Fleur Delacour arrived, followed by Fred and George not long after. Their attention was then taken away from Remus, leaving him to sit in silent vigil near Harry.
And just when Harry had finally seemed to break out of his silent mood, about to join his friends in a round of gobstones, Rufus Scrimgeour, along with the Weasley's third and estranged son, Percy Weasley, had both unexpectedly showed up to the Burrow to talk to Harry. Causing a tension so thick, it was hard to believe the Burrow was so full of lively chatter and holiday greetings just moments before.
Remus recalled the surge of fierce protection he'd felt for his cub. The growl that vibrated deep inside his soul from the wolf wanting to protect its pack. Remus didn't like the idea of Harry talking to the newly appointed Minister of Magic alone, and he knew Severus wouldn't either. But Harry demanded to go. There was suddenly no sign of the broken and stressed-out teenager he was just moments before, sitting in silent vigil for his father to return. And in the end, Molly and Arthur had looked to Remus to make the decision.
Remus had studied Harry for a few moments before answering, thinking how Severus certainly wouldn't like it, but Harry was indeed almost of age, and had proven he could stand on his own against his enemies countless times. And taking in Harry's clenched jaw, his green eyes filled with determination, Remus had found himself nodding his approval. No doubt Sirius and James would've been proud of their son and godson.
So as Harry and Scrimgeour went out through the back door, Molly, Arthur, and Remus had stayed in the kitchen along with the Weasley children who were all glaring at their brother.
Fred and George were standing in front of Molly who tried reaching out to Percy, close to tears, but Percy didn't say a word in return. His ears and the back of his neck was flushed, betraying how uncomfortable he was feeling from the whole situation, that he was forced to be there and had no intention at all to visit his family on Christmas. Every single one of Molly's kids were all wearing their new knitted Christmas sweaters, even Harry. Remus was wearing his sweater underneath his robes. All except for Percy, showing to his mother his clear feelings on the war, siding with the Ministry, turning his back on his family. Remus had noticed the way Arthur held his wife close to his side, his eyes glaring sternly at his third son. Remus couldn't imagine how hard this must be for the Weasleys.
While the Weasleys dealt with Percy, Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from the kitchen window, watching the figures of Harry and Scrimgeour walking in the backyard together. Remus had tried to use his werewolf super-hearing to listen in but to his displeasure and worry, there was a Silencing Charm in place.
But in the end, Remus realized he had nothing to worry about, because Harry had come back inside with red cheeks and a red-tipped nose from the biting chill outside, looking very proud of himself.
Remus had dusted the snow out of his hair and off his shoulders for him, pulling Harry to the side for an explanation on why Scrimgeour was leaving with a scowl on his face, refusing a cup of tea or coffee from Molly. It was clear that whatever the Minister had come to the Burrow for, he was certainly leaving without it.
Remus learned that Scrimgeour had come hoping to recruit Harry to be some sort of spokesperson for the Ministry, to make it look as if they were actively doing something to prevent the war from happening. Of course Harry denied Scrimgeour. And what Harry had told Remus, the statement he said to the Minister, agreeing that he was indeed Dumbledore's man through and through, it caused Remus to laugh. It was without a doubt now that Harry had James' and Lily's bravery and wit. Remus had pulled his cub into a hug, stating he was proud, causing Harry to finally smile.
After that, Harry seemed to be in a better mood. He returned with his friends to the living room, sitting beside them and starting a new game of gobstones, then after that, exploding snap.
More people started to arrive, members from the Order, friends and family from the Weasleys.
Soon the party was in full swing.
Remus had spent his time talking to the Order members, letting Harry be with his friends, yet kept a watchful eye on him. He was relieved to see Harry finally smiling and enjoying the Weasley's party with his friends, but was still worried for him because when Remus looked closer, the smile on Harry's face wasn't as bright, never reaching his eyes, which kept glancing at the fireplace, windows or doors every twenty minutes or so. Harry was still anticipating Severus' return and Remus couldn't blame him, really, especially when he kept doing the same thing.
And Harry wouldn't eat. He accepted hot chocolate and biscuits from Molly but it sat on the table untouched. Even when dinner was served to the teenagers first, Harry picked at his plate, moving the food around as he talked to the people around him. Remus had caught Molly's eye and she shook her head with a worried frown.
Later when the evening turned late, and everyone was well-fed and had moved onto drinking and dessert, Remus spotted Molly giving Harry a motherly hug in the kitchen, talking quietly to him. He was just going to get some more hot chocolate, Remus hadn't meant to intrude on such a private moment. He didn't even try to listen in on their conversation, but he guessed Molly must've been reassuring Harry that Severus was going to be okay. Then to Remus' surprise, just as he was backing away, Molly handed Harry a bowl with just a bit of mash potatoes who took it and finally began to eat. Remus had let out a sigh of relief. Harry was going to be okay, thanks to Molly Weasley. Remus was so glad of her support. He had made a note in his mind to thank her before the night ended.
Thinking of that moment of Harry and Molly hugging in the kitchen, it caused Remus to remember how Harry had wrapped his arms around Severus tight. How pale Severus' face had become from the pain coursing through his body, from the dark mark, the focal point of that terrible pain. How Harry refused to let him go. And for a moment, Remus had wanted to do the same. Hold Severus down, keep Severus there with him and Harry, safe. But in that moment, despite the panic and fear that consumed him, Remus knew he had to be the adult and pull Harry off of Severus.
The pain was so clear in Severus' voice, making Remus tremble as he replayed it in his head over and over, or maybe it was just from the cold.
Perhaps he should go back inside, but he couldn't will himself to do it.
Remus wasn't ready yet. Severus' voice was still haunting him. And he looked up at the sky, at the stars twinkling so far above him, and Remus silently prayed in his head to whatever higher power in the heavens above that any second now, Severus would appear before him safe and whole.
So very lost in his thoughts on the day that had passed, Remus hadn't heard the door opening and shutting or the brief increased volume from inside the Burrow.
"It's bloody freezing out here, Remus. Is this where you've gone to hide from everyone?"
Remus sighed, recognizing that voice without having to turn around. Out of everyone in that Burrow, he was so glad it was Tonks who sought him out. He really could use a friend right now to talk to, even if things were sort of weird between them. "You found me, and I didn't think anyone would notice me slipping away."
"Well, I've noticed, of course," Tonks huffed with a playful jilt in her voice, then it softened to a more serious tone as she continued, "I just wanted to give you your space before coming out here. You seemed a bit off in there."
"Was I that obvious?" Remus chuckled softly.
"No…" Tonks answered, not laughing in return. Her voice was still serious, soft, concerned and hesitant, as if she wasn't sure her company was welcomed. "I just know you very well."
Remus turned his head to see Tonks standing behind him.
She was dressed in black jeans that were ripped at the knees with her favorite wizarding band t-shirt of the Weird Sisters tucked in. She had on her dark-green winter coat and a Hufflepuff scarf was wrapped around her neck. Her hair was a golden-blonde, styled so half of it was up in a bun. The other half flowing down her back. Her eyes were a soft light-brown, and Remus had the feeling that was her true eye color. They looked very much like Andromeda's eyes.
And when it was clear that Remus wasn't going to say anything else, Tonks asked, "Is it alright if I sit out here with you? I'm afraid my stomach may pop out if Molly offers me one more dessert." Her voice was still full of hesitation.
Remus scooched over, allowing her some room.
Tonks had shown up at the party just after everyone else had arrived. At the time, Remus was in the middle of a very intense game of exploding snap with Harry, Ron, Ginny and the twins, and he was glad of the excuse of not being able to go over and say hi to her. They still hadn't spoken since their performance at Slughorn's Christmas party. And seeing Molly and Tonks speaking together, disappearing to the kitchen so they wouldn't be bothered by anyone, Remus wondered if Harry was indeed right about her crushing on him.
When Tonks had come back out with a wine glass in her hand and a napkin full of biscuits, from across the room they had finally caught each other's eye. Remus could only give her a shy smile, not sure if she was upset with him. Tonks gave him a hesitant and shy smile in return and that was just about it. They didn't go looking for each other's company, and during dinner they sat far apart.
"Nice Weasley sweater. Molly sucked you into her brood, didn't she?" Tonks teased, indicating the sweater Remus was wearing underneath his shabby brown wizarding robes.
Remus only shrugged at her teasing words, turning his gaze down to his hands. A flash of the way Severus had looked at him just that morning as Remus opened the first ever Christmas present from Severus Snape. Sometimes it still shocked him that his once school enemy was now his boyfriend. "It's warm, just like these gloves." Remus hoped his worry and fear of Severus' long absence, consuming him inside, wasn't heard in his voice.
But perhaps it was heard, because Tonks shot him a concerned look, but only asked, "They look brand new. Were those a Christmas gift?"
"They were from Severus," Remus said softly.
"Oh…" A pause. Tonks' cleared her throat. "So it was… He's the one you fancy?"
Remus could only nod.
Then it was silent between them. A horrible and awkward silence that Remus couldn't stand.
"Tonks, look, I'm sorry…"
"I'm happy for you and Severus, I really am."
They both spoke at the exact same time, then stopped.
Remus huffed with amusement, his gaze finally meeting Tonks' own. Her brown eyes were wide and dancing with amusement. And Remus realized just how much he'd missed talking to her, missed being around her and the cute quirky energy she always brought to him.
"You can go first," Tonks said with a small smile.
"No, you can start," Remus insisted.
Tonks scowled, nudging his shoulder with her own. "Quit being such a gentleman!"
Remus laughed, "I can't help it, I'm a pisces!"
Tonks smiled at his laughter. Any drop of hesitation in her voice was now gone as she replied, "I didn't know you believed in the zodiac signs."
Remus only shrugged in response.
"I'm a pisces too," Tonks said, her brown eyes catching Remus' own. Light-brown irises dancing with shy amusement.
"Maybe that's why we fit so well together…" Remus said, then added softly, "...as friends."
And the amusement in Tonks' eyes went out. "Yeah…friends…" She moved her gaze away from him, looking down.
"Tonks…" Remus sighed with guilt, running his hands over his face. The softness of the gloves rubbing against his cheeks. Severus… His heart twinged just a bit, but he pulled himself together. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to hurt you this way. I didn't mean to be so oblivious to your feelings."
"It wasn't wholly your fault now… I just…" Tonks stopped, then took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the threads from the rips in her jeans. "It was stupid of me to think that perhaps you meant me when you would talk about your crush. I shouldn't have assumed it, then get pissed at you for finding out I was very much wrong…"
Watching her as she spoke, Remus said, "So, you really do fancy me, huh?"
Tonks blushed, and she changed her complexion to a darker color to hide it. Her hair turned from blonde to turquoise. "How did you even find out?"
"It was Harry. He told me that Molly had the idea of you and me together, and that he'd noticed how sad you seemed the last time he saw you here… Then I just thought back to all the times we've spent together writing that song… And we haven't spoken since I left you to find Severus… You thought that song was for you… And I just left you without an explanation. Merlin, I'm surprised you're here giving me a chance to explain myself…" Remus stammered, causing Tonks to blush even more, embarrassing her more than what she must already be feeling.
Remus stopped, gathering his thoughts together. Tonks didn't say anything, only continued to play with the threads of her ripped jeans. He watched for a while before nudging her softly, trying to catch her eye.
"Tonks, you know I love you right? You're like my only friend these days… But it's not the kind of love you wish it to be…"
Tonks finally lifted her chin up, her brown eyes now a deep blue as she met his gaze. Tears glistened in her eyes, revealing the hurt she'd been hiding from him every time they'd hung out, when Remus never showed any signs of having the same feelings she had for him.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"It's okay, really, don't apologize," Tonks said with hurt and defeat laced in her voice. Her gaze traveled back down to her fidgeting fingers, twirling the black threads between her thumb and index fingers. "Like I've said, I shouldn't have assumed things…"
Then she looked back at Remus, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Remus, listen…" she sighed. "I know you're gay. You were in a long relationship with Sirius… I know that, I didn't forget that, but a small part of me still couldn't help but hope that perhaps you might still be interested in women, that maybe you'll want to be with me in that way… And I just fell hard for you…despite all the warning bells in my head, the voices telling me you don't fall in love with women, I just couldn't stop myself. And why couldn't it be me? Was I wrong to assume all of that?" Tonks' voice cracked, her heartbreak clear in the air between them. "Was there ever a chance for me?"
And to Remus, Tonks never looked so young to him than that very moment. For Merlin's sake, she was practically still a child at twenty-three!
He turned his gaze away from her as she finished speaking, lost on the field of tall grass swaying in the distance, trying to figure out what to say without hurting her even more, because there was never a chance. Remus couldn't fall for her like he had with Sirius in the past, with Severus in the present.
And sure he had thought Tonks was cute and quirky and fun… If Remus did like women he would've been interested, but he wouldn't go for her. She was too young. He was old. Twelve years apart was too far apart. She deserves someone better. They shouldn't even be friends, but for some reason, Remus couldn't bear the thought of denying her friendship, and he knew one day he would regret this very moment of not turning her away.
Perhaps when they first started hanging out, Remus should've been more clearer on that instead of just assuming she would know. That they could only ever be friends no matter if he was interested in men or women. He should've just told her from the beginning, then all of this could've been avoided. But he'd never thought he needed to because Remus never saw himself as desirable, as someone worth being crushed over by another. He never thought Tonks would start having feelings for him.
What did she see in him anyway that was worth liking? That was attractive? Compared to Tonks, Remus was just hitting his mid-thirties… Too old… Too much baggage… Too dangerous… And he was gay… He was a werewolf with a past and scars all over his face and body… Washed up… Greying hair… It was a wonder what Severus even saw in him as well….
And the reminder of Severus' absence again shot Remus through the heart.
Why isn't he back yet?
"Remus, It would be nice for you to say something right about now," Tonks' voice shook.
"Tonks…" Remus said, finally pulling himself out of his morose thoughts. "I'm completely gay… Believe me, back when I was in school, trying to figure myself out, I really did fight with myself on it. It was bad enough already that I was a werewolf, but to also be gay… It was just another thing that made me stick out, made me different from everyone else. And I used to think being different was a bad thing until Sirius taught me how wrong I was… I really did push him away for a while, trying to deny it. At first we both did, we both dated girls, but they never seemed right until we realized why… And of course Sirius embraced it once he was ready. He loved being different, sticking out, anything that would upset his family of course… But for me, it took a while. I kept trying to figure out what I was missing, why dating a girl like Marlene Mckinnon couldn't work for me… I couldn't fall in love with her like the way I was falling for Sirius, even though I tried so hard to fall for her instead…"
The whole time he was speaking he kept his gaze straight ahead. Remus then turned his gaze back to Tonks with a genuinely apologetic expression on his face.
"I'm sorry, I think I'm just bloody rambling now… Do you at least understand what I'm trying to say?"
Tonks' breath fogged up the air as she shrugged. "So no chance at all then…"
"No chance…" Remus sighed. "I can't love women the way I do for men, and it's nothing to do with you. I'm not rejecting you for who you are, it's just an attraction really…"
"Remus…" Tonks groaned.
"It's not you, Tonks, it's me…"
"Oh… Merlin, not the cheesy cliches now! Remus, I understand what being queer means. You can stop."
But Remus kept going, he had to finish what was on his mind, in his heart, no matter that he was using bad break-up cliches and he was just rambling. She had to hear this. That he wasn't hurting her on purpose.
"I really can't love you like that even if I wanted to,and I'm so sorry for that, but there is one thing I can do, and that is to love you as my dear friend."
Tonks' eyes warmed at Remus' last words. It was silent between them as they stared at each other. Then Tonks hid her face in her hands.
"Merlin…" She groaned. "This is so bloody embarrassing! I never meant for you to find out about my feelings, Remus! I never meant for them to get between us like this."
"It's okay, you're entitled to your feelings," Remus said gently, pulling Tonks' hands away from her face, revealing her blushing cheeks and her watery blue eyes. "And I'm sorry for just leaving you like that after our performance," Remus continued. "It looked like I just used you for your help and just left you… It was just that Severus had gone and… I should've just been clearer from the start… I'm so bloody sorry."
Tonks didn't say anything in return.
Remus just waited patiently, admiring the stars up above and the mist from their breaths.
The garden gnomes occasionally causing them both to laugh at the curse words Fred and George must've taught them. The gnome's comical antics kept the mood between Remus and Tonks light.
And Remus knew, hearing Tonks laugh at them every now and then, that they were going to be okay….
Then Tonks finally took a deep breath and reached out, taking Remus' gloved hand into her own.
"We should have both been clearer, Remus. This isn't all on you." She squeezed his hand. "No more apologizing, okay?"
"Okay," Remus only said.
"The song was for Severus Snape… The whole time I thought it was a girl you were crushing on, thinking it might've been me…because what other girl would it be?"
Remus shot her an offended look.
"Sorry!" She laughed then grew serious. "Why didn't you correct me when I used the wrong pronouns? You could've just told me your crush was a him, then I would've had some warning to prevent myself from looking like an idiot after you ran off."
Remus sighed. "I know… I know… And I was a right bastard for not writing to you after… Can I apologize again?"
"No," Tonks said "Do you love him?"
This time it was Remus who squeezed her hand. "Yes, I do."
At the same time a garden gnome shouted out a string of curse words.
Remus grinned, it reminded him of Severus' dirty mouth.
Tonks snorted out a small laugh, then said, "Then how could I be mad at you? I'm just glad you've found someone to make you happy. That I didn't get turned down for some random person, and that Snape really does mean something to you."
Her words warmed Remus inside.
He didn't deserve her as a friend.
Tonks who never seemed to see the broken and monstrous parts in him or cared about his baggage. Who always seemed to be genuinely happy to be around him.
She made him feel human. That's why he loved being around her, Remus realized, it wasn't just because of her bubbly personality. She'd never once cringed away at the slightest hint of him being a werewolf. She saw past that. She saw him.
And the familiar panic settled into him.
Remus couldn't deserve a friend like her. He was a dark creature, a fucking werewolf! He should push her away!
His father's voice rang in his ears.
Don't let others get close to you! Don't let them see who you truly are!
And Remus thought about pushing her away, but he couldn't imagine his life without Tonks as his best friend in it. They really just clicked into each other's lives, as if this was a sound decision from the universe itself.
As if the universe was somehow making up for the loss of his first and most dearest friends to Remus… The loss of his mother… The loss of Sirius Black… Remus' first love and a dear cousin of Tonks… The one who brought them together.
No matter how much Remus had previously thought that they shouldn't be friends due to their age difference, due to his baggage, due to him not feeling human enough to allow himself to get close to others; what his father taught him. That it would be better for Tonks if he pushed her away, safer, perhaps… Remus realized he couldn't do that.
And there he goes again…breaking his father's rule: Don't let others get close to you!
Remus had broken it quite a few times already, over and over. His father must be rolling in his grave, but for once, the guilt Remus usually felt over it didn't touch him this time. Let his father be fucking angry, let him roll in his grave, let his spirit haunt him with vengeance for disobeying!
Remus didn't care anymore.
It was an impossible and stupid rule. Lyall Lupin had no right to lay those expectations on Remus at a young age, to instill that lesson of him not being worthy enough to have friends and a family who would accept him for what he was. Lyall Lupin had no fucking right to isolate his werewolf son like that, and Remus was finally seeing that.
Even if Remus did end up regretting this friendship, allowing it to happen… Then so be it.
And what if… Maybe… He'll never regret allowing Tonks' friendship to happen.
He'd never regretted letting the Marauders befriending him or Lily. Never regretted befriending Johnathan Porter or creating a family out of Harry and Severus.
He'll never in his lifetime regret Severus and Harry.
He needed them and they needed him.
And the same went for Tonks.
They needed each other to be each other's best friend.
Remus calmed his whirling thoughts. The cursing of the garden gnomes still broke the silent air. The breeze rustled the tall grass and weeds in the field around them. Tonks' hadn't said anything in a while, content to watch the view around them.
Remus realized she was waiting for an answer, probably not wanting to push him.
He just knew one thing about all of this… That if there was ever a moment when he and Tonks couldn't be friends, it would be a mutual decision from both of them. It would never be one sided. Remus was never going to push her away like that without at least talking it out. He was never going to do what his father expected him to do any longer…with anyone….
And if Tonks wanted an out from this friendship, then he would give it to her, if being around him was too hard, if her feelings were still in the way… Remus was okay with whatever she decided to choose. Best friends or they go their separate ways.
"That really means a lot… And I understand if you don't want to be friends with me anymore. I understand if it's going to be too hard for you to be around me, especially when Severus is around, that you may need some space. Plus, you know I'm a werewolf, Tonks. You don't want to get mixed up in that." Remus felt a giant hole in his heart as he said that, afraid to hear her response, afraid of the possibility of them no longer being friends.
"No," Tonks frowned, and Remus let out a breath of relief. "I could never stop being your friend, but I may take up the offer of space… Just for a little while. To let myself grieve over the death of our romantic relationship I've created in my head."
Remus tried not to smile at that. He was feeling giddy at Tonks' answer. Despite everything, she still wanted to be around him, to be his friend. "Sounds morbid," he only said, the corners of lips twitching.
Tonks glanced at him, noting the fight he was having with himself of trying not to smile. She covered her face in her hands once again with embarrassment. "Merlin, why did I say that? What the fuck is wrong with me, Remus?"
"I have a list…" Remus said, still trying not to smile but was failing.
Tonks peeked at him through her fingers then laughed when she saw Remus smiling at her. "Ugh, bullocks! Come here, you!" she said with defeat, wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulder and pulling him close.
Remus hugged her back tightly, feeling like something inside him had clicked back into place, like a part of him was finally whole again. He didn't realize how much he missed their easy friendship until that moment. Not talking to Tonks, thinking of the possibility of pushing her away, that was impossible. Remus was completely sure of that without any doubts. This friendship was meant to happen, and no twisted rule of his father's was ever going to stop it.
"Hey, how about some wine to celebrate? I did miss drinking with you. A tipsy Remus is always fun to have around," Tonks said once they pulled apart from their hug.
Remus laughed at that. "What are we celebrating?"
"On both of us becoming best friends, of course! Let's pop open the last wine bottle, shall we?" Tonks grinned, pulling out a bottle of red wine from inside her coat.
"How the fuck did you hide that?" Remus laughed, thoroughly impressed by her stealth.
"I have my ways," Tonks slyly said, her eyes suddenly turning back to the soft-brown color she had before. Her hair was still the bright-turquoise she had changed during their talk.
Then Remus stopped laughing, his face suddenly warmed. "Tonks, I would love to, but… I'm trying to lay off drinking for a while."
"Oh…" Tonks gave him a quizzical look. And maybe she read something in his face because she didn't push him anymore on that subject, which Remus deeply appreciated. "That's okay, Remus. Do you want to have a cup of hot chocolate before I go?"
Remus smiled. "I could use a fourth cup."
"My gods, Remus!" Tonks laughed. "Maybe you should lay off the sweets as well."
"Hey, one vice at a time."
And so they did just that, sipping delicious hot chocolate that was almost as good as his mom's recipe in Remus' opinion, while catching up on everything they'd missed since the last time they'd seen each other.
"So you've been staying at your parent's cabin with Severus and Harry?"
"Yes, but please keep that information to yourself. No one knows about the cabin, except for the Weasleys and Dumbledore. I want it to be a safe place for Harry once we're in the thick of the war."
"Do you think that may happen at any time soon? It still seems far away."
"Yes, of course I do. Right now it does seem like we still have time but it's closer than we realize… It's best that we are prepared and ready for anything Voldemort may throw at us." Tonks shuddered at him using the dark wizard's name. Remus shrugged, taking a sip of his hot chocolate then adding, "And Tonks, if you need a safe place, I want you to use the cabin too."
"Remus, I couldn't…"
"Tonks, you're my best friend. I want you to be safe."
Tonks seemed to be at a loss for words. She only nodded, her eyes glistening.
"Are you going to cry?" Remus asked as she turned away from him.
"No, shut-up," she sniffed.
"Tonks…" Remus chuckled.
"You know… I'm okay with you calling me by my first name. Only my parents are allowed to." She wiped her eyes then took a sip of her drink.
"Nymphadora," Remus said, testing the name out. He loved the way it sounded. "I'm honored."
Tonks blushed, finishing up her hot chocolate then wiping her mouth with her sleeve. "So what were you doing sitting out here all by yourself? You seemed really down. Do you want to talk about it?"
But before Remus could answer, the door behind them opened, and out stepped Molly and Arthur. Tonks and Remus stood up, the unanswered question momentarily forgotten.
Remus flicked his hand at their empty mugs, banishing them to the kitchen sink.
"We were wondering where you two disappeared, everyone's just left except for the kids," Molly said, referring to her oldest sons and the twins.
"Apologies, Molly, Arthur. I didn't realize how long we stayed out here," Remus said with surprise. "Is Harry looking for me?"
"He wondered where you were, but he was content enough with Ron and Ginny to not worry," Arthur answered.
"I should go to him," Remus said.
"And I think I should call it a night," Tonks said. "Thanks for your hospitality, Molly, Arthur." Tonks gave Molly a hug and Arthur a brief handshake. "You two threw a nice party."
"Oh, are you sure, dear? You know we love having you here. You can stay the night if you want. It's getting pretty late now. Remus, you too. Harry would probably love to sleepover with Ron and Ginny."
"Don't worry about me, Molly. I can take care of myself alright. Plus, I have a cat at home to feed," Tonks said.
"You have a cat?" Remus grinned.
Tonks shrugged, "The little bugger…" she said with affection and annoyance. "His name is Oliver."
"What about you, Remus?" Molly said as Remus laughed. "It might be good for Harry to be with friends tonight."
Remus thought about Molly's offer. She was right, it would perhaps be better for Harry to be around his friends rather than return to the empty cabin where the absence of Severus would be harder to ignore. And he wondered if this was also Molly's way of pushing him and Tonks together.
She must think that he and Severus were just co-parenting, nothing more than friends.
Maybe it was time to tell Molly and Arthur the true nature of his and Severus' relationship, but before he could ponder anymore on that idea, the natural sounds of the chirping crickets and the croaking frogs from the marshes suddenly went silent. The gentle wind flowing through the tall grass suddenly stilled, and Remus felt the wolf inside him raise its hackles, letting out a growl full of unease and warning so powerful, Remus was just able to push it down before it rumbled in his throat.
Remus suddenly forgot about his answer to the Weasley matron.
The fine hair on his arms, the hair at the back of his neck began to prickle. His gut was suddenly telling him that they were not alone.
Remus stepped away from the group, to the edge of the stoop, surveying the marshes and field in the distance, alert for any sign or sound of movement. Any passing shadows or sounds of rustling foliage.
"Remus?" Tonks called to him, her voice hesitant with a bit of growing fear.
She must've noticed the way he suddenly stilled, the way his attention drifted away from them. The Weasleys grew quiet as well, looking around to see what had caught Remus' attention.
Remus gripped his wand so tightly, pulling it out of his robes and holding it close to his side, ready to defend.
Tonks stepped closer to him, placing her hand gently in the crook of his elbow, trying to get his attention. "Sweetie, what is it?"
Remus didn't answer her.
Something was watching them in the field…waiting to attack.
"I don't see anything," Arthur said, pointing the light that was glowing from the tip of his wand ahead, illuminating the field.
"The wards would have alerted us if anything breached them, wouldn't they?" Molly asked with uncertainty.
"Unless they went down?" Tonks gasped, squeezing Remus' elbow. "It wouldn't be the first time they were breached, right? Remember Harry's attack in the orchard?"
And something suddenly gleamed. A stalk of grass trembled.
"Stop there!" Remus abruptly commanded.
Arthur did just that, pointing his wand straight ahead. With Tonks following him, still grasping him, she and Remus slowly went down the steps. His eyes focused on the patch of foliage the light was shining on, creating dancing shadows in the darkness… Then he saw them… Gleaming red eyes and sharp yellow fangs.
Horror went through Remus, causing him to almost drop his wand. As soon as that familiar scent from his nightmares reached his senses, a figure suddenly appeared in the yard in front of him and Tonks with a loud pop.
For a moment they were all stunned with shock at her sudden appearance. She took the chance to raise her wand and create a ring of fire around the Burrow.
And standing there, in the glow of the flickering flames, there was no mistaking her heavy-lidded eyes framed by long eyelashes. Her wild jet-black hair piled on top of her head. That maniacal laugh coming from her mouth.
Bellatrix Lestrange!
"Well, well, well, it's nice to see you, niece, say hello to my muggle-loving sister for me!" Her black eyes that were fixated on Tonks, then switched to Remus and the way Tonks was holding on to him tightly by the elbow. Her eyes widen, her smile madder than ever. "Oooh, is he your boyfriend?" Her voice quickly went from crazy and high-pitched to a disgusted shout, "How dare you spoil our family line even more! A werewolf?!" Bellatrix let out a dramatic shudder at the thought.
The last time Remus had seen Bellatrix was when she had casted that curse that led Sirius to his death. It took everything in Remus, everything to shove away the memory of himself holding a struggling and crying Harry back as Sirius faded away into the veil. There wasn't even a body to bury besides James and Lily, all because of this wretched woman.
And Remus was so relieved at the fact that he had succeeded in staying sober tonight, that he hadn't a drop of alcohol. That he was level-headed and controlled because if he wasn't….
Howling deep inside made his muscles tense up. Made his very soul tremble.
The sound of Bellatrix's blood flowing in her veins, the pulsating beat in her neck.
Remus imagined what it would be like to sink his fangs into that pale neck, to feel her life, her soul, shutter and die out. To avenge the death of his mate.
Suddenly Remus felt the fullness of longer, sharper fangs in his mouth. And knew those thoughts were no longer just his own. It was the wolf, and he knew the spirit of the monster that lived in his soul was showing on his face.
Remus allowed it this time, to let the wolf show, controlling it so it was kept just below the surface of his subconscious. He wanted to scare the crazy bitch who killed Sirius. He wanted to scare the shit out of her, the very life out of her. And this was just the way to do it if she thought werewolves were the worst thing that could happen to her family bloodline.
Never let the wolf show! Be in control! Remus ignored the lecture in his head, the guilt his father's voice always caused him.
He bared his fangs at her, a low growl rumbling in his throat. Tonks squeezed his elbow tighter. And Remus succeeded in what he was trying to do.
Fear shone in Bellatrix's black eyes, but it was short-lived because then she looked at something over Remus' shoulder and the fear went away. Sneering, her eyes widened with glee before she turned around and ran through a small gap in the flames and towards the field and the marshes beyond.
Before Remus could react to that, he felt himself being pushed aside.
"Harry!" Molly and Arthur shouted.
Remus quickly regained his balance and a jolt of fear went through him as he saw Harry jumping through a small gap in the flames, and running after Bellatrix. He didn't like how happy Bellatrix looked when she saw Harry coming after her. This must've been planned to possibly take his cub or attack him!
"Harry, nooo!" Remus shouted with panic and heart-stopping, mind-numbing fear, because in that instant, Remus also remembered the red eyes and the yellow fangs among the dancing shadows between the tall grass and weeds. The terrible scent that reached his nostrils before Bellatrix appeared in front of them….
Tonks had run after Harry but was stopped by the sudden blaze of the flames.
Remus ran to the flames, battling them besides Tonks, trying to get through. The heat singed their clothes and skin.
Then suddenly Ginny appeared out of nowhere and jumped the flames that lowered for one quick second. She ran after Harry, dressed in her pink bathrobe and her long, red hair flying behind her.
"Ginny!" Molly shouted frantically with fear for her only daughter.
Arthur tried running after her but was stopped by another surge of the blazing flames.
"Wait! Wait!" Tonks shouted as Remus and Arthur tried getting through with hurried desperation. "I think it's timed! Wait till it lowers again and we all jump at the same time!"
Remus wasn't sure if she was right. But they had no other choice. They couldn't get through the flames when they were that high and wild. They waited for the next opening with their hearts beating with hopeful anticipation, with terror and impatience.
They were losing time catching up to the kids before…
"Greyback is in that field!" Remus finally choked out with frustration.
Arthur's face went white as a sheet as he realized what that meant for Harry and his daughter. He looked back at Molly who was gathering the rest of her kids outside of the Burrow.
"How do you know that?" Tonks gasped.
"I saw him in the field, just before Bellatrix appeared."
"He was watching us? For how long?" her eyes widened with fear. "Remus, we were talking about the cabin and Snape..."
Remus shuddered at the thought and they didn't get to say anymore because the flames finally lowered and without any hesitation from any of them, they jumped.
Landing on the other side, Remus didn't waste another second. He took off through the tall grass and weeds, the stalks whipping him in the face. Tonks' heavy breathing was all he could hear as she ran besides him, along with his own fast-beating heart. Arthur followed a foot behind them.
After a stretch of time with them running and still no sight of Harry and Ginny, Remus shouted out with desperation, "Harry! Where are you?!"
He wasn't even sure if they were heading in the right direction anymore. The only thing that kept Remus going, kept them all going, was the fact that Greyback was in this field, unseen….
With each step ahead, with each thick blade of grass and weed slapping his face with razor-sharp leaves, panic and dread began to make Remus' head spin. Black spots were clouding his sight. Pressure forming in his lungs was causing them to scream for air.
But Remus pushed himself forward, even though he was losing control of his senses.
Every sound was too loud, covering up the important ones that could lead Remus, Tonks and Arthur to the missing teens.
Every scent was lost in the musty smells of the marshes, covering up any possible scent trails.
Remus was losing Harry, making him want to throw up from the intense fear and panic at the thought. Severus had trusted him with Harry… Severus trusted him… And for all Remus knew, was that Harry could be at the mercy of Greyback and Bellatrix. If they dared to touch Harry, dared to touch Ginny… No, Remus couldn't let that happen, couldn't fail them and Severus' trust like how he did with Johanathan Porter and his daughter, how Remus failed Sirius.
That wasn't going to happen again. Remus wasn't going to let Greyback and Bellatrix hurt the people he loved anymore.
And realizing that, Remus knew he had to stop running. He had to stop letting his fear take over his common sense and calm himself down, before he lost himself to panic.
He had to take a breath, close his eyes and reconnect to the wolf. He needed to fully tap into its powerful senses so he could track Harry and Ginny down, but he was afraid to stop running, to waste a single moment in trying to catch up to them… Remus squashed it down, he had to, there was no other choice, no other way. He couldn't find the missing teens blindly like this.
Remus finally skidded to a halt. He threw an arm to block Tonks from running any further.
"What's wrong?" she gasped out, sounding as if her heart was going to beat out of her chest.
Panting for air and her brown eyes wide, Tonks looked ahead, the light of her wand causing more shadows in between the stalks of grass and weeds.
Remus couldn't answer her. He closed his eyes, focusing on slowing down his heavy breathing. He had to be quick. He just needed a moment, even though it killed him… He reminded himself that running blindly wasn't going to help them find Harry and Ginny.
He caught the sounds of Arthur catching up, his own heavy breathing mingled with Remus' and Tonks' own.
"Why did you stop?" Arthur gasped out in surprise.
"Remus?" Tonks whispered his name.
"Just give me a moment." His eyes still closed, his breathing finally slowed down.
Remus took another deep breath, inhaling the cold air and tasting all of the scents around him, blocking out every useless noise and thought, any distraction, then exhaled, letting a deep breath out. Allowing the wolf to reach just above the edge of his subconsciousness. It howled and growled for freedom. Remus hated doing this, allowing the wolf to be so close to his humanity, closer than it ever was allowed when it wasn't a full-moon.
But there was no other way.
Remus allowed the wolf to take over his senses.
His hearing became the wolf's hearing.
The wolf began to catch the sounds of rustling from two young humans running in the marshes, their footsteps splashing in the murky water.
And it was the wolf who scented the air with Remus' nose.
It could scent the smells of many strangers around. The scent of its cub and a young female human. Their fear was heavy in the air, the wolf growled to defend. If it followed the scent trail, it would lead the wolf straight to them, straight to enemies and kill them. To protect its pack. And there was another scent. One that made the wolf quiver. That made its fur stand on end. The wolf-scent of its enemy was not far from its cub and human girl, along with another wolf who bore a scent the wolf couldn't recognize. Another enemy. It caused the wolf to growl with unease, then letting out a howl as it pinpointed the exact location to where its cub was.
Remus suppressed the howl just in time from escaping his throat. He pushed the wolf back, maintaining control. Fighting for dominance over the wolf until it whimpered with its tail between its legs and its ears flat against his head.
And Remus finally opened his golden eyes. He knew where to go.
"This way!" Remus shouted, his voice sounding more like a growl. He turned a straight left, following the scent trail as fast as he could. Purposely not giving Tonks and Arthur any time to react to what they'd just witnessed. All they could do was just follow Remus.
They didn't run for very long, until they finally saw the light of firing spells illuminating the darkness. The sounds of it echoing in the air all around them. Without a word to each other, Remus and Tonks picked up their paces, Arthur falling just a bit behind, until they pushed through the last bundle of the heavy grass and weeds.
They found themselves in a small clearing. Harry and Ginny were standing knee-deep in the muddy water, firing spells into the foliage surrounding them.
The sudden appearance of Remus and Tonks caused more spells to fire from their unseen enemies, forcing Remus and Tonks to drop to the floor. Harry just managed to block them from getting hit with a quick shield, the stalks around Tonks and Remus smoking from the spells that got past the shield and luckily missed them.
Harry's shield bought them time, a quick second to get to the kids and guard them from behind.
It was as Remus had feared, Bellatrix led Harry and Ginny into an ambush.
None of them spoke to each other as they battled it out. Blocking and firing back. Tonks stood behind Ginny and Remus behind Harry. At one point the speed and power of the spells being fired at them became increasingly intense. Arthur had finally caught up and was able to throw himself in front of Ginny without getting hurt, joining in on the fray.
Then the firing spells stopped. Remus reached behind himself and found Harry's wrist, squeezing it tight, silently warning him to not do anything brash, to follow Remus' and Tonks' lead.
The silence was terrifying. Not even a croak from a single frog or a chirp from a cricket was heard. They kept their wands raised, all ready for another round of spells. The lights shining from the tips of their wands caused dancing shadows. Remus could feel the Death Eaters watching. He wondered which pair of eyes were Greyback's. Which pair of eyes belonged to that unknown werewolf his wolf spirit had scented when Remus, Tonks and Arthur were lost in the field.
A loud growl vibrated around the clearing. Remus could feel Tonks trembling beside him. Could hear Ginny gasping in fear, Arthur whispering to his daughter to stay calm, to be ready to defend. He didn't hear anything from Harry, only felt him tensed up behind him from the growl ringing around the clearing. Remus held on tighter to his cub's wrist. No matter what happens next, Remus wasn't letting Harry out of his sight again.
Remus' eyes searched the shadowy depths of the thick foliage surrounding them. Looking for those red eyes, looking for the source of that terrifying growl that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. That caused the wolf spirit inside him to fight Remus for dominance. It wanted to attack and kill the enemy that had hurt it. That had threatened its pack. It was so agitated that it managed to bypass a small growl from Remus' control. It rumbled in his throat and for once Remus didn't mind the slip. It reminded him that he had beat Greyback once before in a fight, he could do it again.
At the sound of the small growl vibrating from Remus, Tonks quickly glanced at him with surprise then straight ahead again.
Just in front of her, the stalks rustled and Fenrir Greyback suddenly stepped out of hiding. His red eyes were gleaming as they found Remus, his yellow fangs bared into a twisted smile.
And Remus' stomach dropped, but he didn't dare show his fear, he didn't dare give Greyback the satisfaction.
He silently forced the small group to shift a bit, that way Tonks was shielded by Remus from Greyback.
"Ah, Remus Lupin… It's nice to see you again, my dear son."
That voice made Remus tremble. His heart stopped beating. He suddenly felt cold. Goosebumps formed on his arms underneath the sleeves of his Weasley sweater. And it was as if he were in that cellar again. When the night and early dawn met, and the cellar was at its coldest temperature. And the only thing that kept Remus grounded, kept himself from revealing the way Greyback affected him, was his grip on Harry's wrist and the comforting warmth of Tonks beside him. They took away the cold, they took away the threat of his fear spilling over. His son and best friend, they gave him strength to hold himself together in front of his enemy.
"You're supposed to be in Azkaban," Remus growled.
"Did you really think that crumbling prison could hold me down?" Greyback snarled, showing off his yellow fangs. His eyes fixated on Remus. "Come on, son. No hard feelings now. We'll leave your precious humans alone tonight if you reconsider becoming a part of my pack. I'm still waiting for you to become my beta."
Remus snarled his fangs at him.
"Think of what you can do, Remus." Greyback stepped closer.
Remus aimed his wand straight at his enemy's heart.
Greyback kept speaking, taking another step closer. "Don't let yourself be nothing but a trained dog," he growled.
"Enough of that!" Tonks spat. She shot a curse, but Greyback was ready. He blocked it with ease, laughing with his head thrown back.
Tonks glared at the shield. She kept her wand raised. "Can't you take no for an answer? Why are you so fucking obsessed with him?"
Her question stopped Greyback from laughing. He fixed his red eyes on her.
"Tonks!" Remus breathed. He didn't want Greyback to notice her there, to realize how much she meant to Remus. He didn't want his best friend to be targeted.
"And who are you, witch?" Greyback snarled, inhaling the air around them, breathing them in.
"Ahh, is that your mate?" he asked Remus with a sly grin, his voice dripping with disgust. "You can do much better than that, son. I have way more suitable bitches for you in my pack, unless you prefer something else."
Remus glared at him, not saying a word, not rising to the bait.
"Word on the street is that you love taking it up the ass. Now, I can arrange that for you, if that's what you're into."
Remus bared his fangs. "Fuck you," he only growled.
"Ahh, come on, son, be nice to your old man now. I have something for you, a promise to what's waiting for you once you've come to your senses."
Tonks and Remus kept their wands pointed at Greyback's shield.
"Rowan!" Greyback suddenly called out.
Just behind Greyback, the stalks moved aside to reveal a rather large man who was well-muscled with long russet-colored hair that just went past his broad shoulders, and had a matching-colored beard. His eyes were golden and were tinted with red, betraying the fact that he had killed and turned humans into werewolves. Remus could see the beginning of a large and jagged pink scar starting from his neck, trailing his collarbone and disappearing down his shirt. The bite mark that must've turned him, Remus figured.
The russet werewolf bared his fangs in greeting, surveying the group before him. Then his golden-red eyes locked onto Remus. His smile became wider, malicious, excited, as he then slowly looked Remus up and down, his eyes lingering too long on Remus' midsection.
Rowan then moved his gaze back to Remus' face, his lips curling. Remus had to suppress a disgusted shudder.
The russet werewolf stepped closer to Remus until he was just a breath away. "Such pretty golden eyes you have, Remus Lupin, not a trace of the color of prey's blood in them… How interesting…" Rowan inhaled Remus' scent, his pupils dilating with pleasure.
Remus didn't move. Didn't say a word. His wolf-spirit was full-on growling and snarling at its enemy. The only thing that gave off Remus' anger was the flare of his nostrils, the glare of his eyes and the tight frown of his lips. He could still feel himself grasping tightly onto Harry.
Rowan slowly raised a callused and scarred hand with thick long yellow fingernails and brushed the back of his knuckles against Remus' cheek, a sharp nail cutting into his skin.
Remus stiffened at the sudden sting.
The hand then cupped his chin hard. The fingers pressing into his jaw hard enough to leave bruises, hard enough to feel those dirty nails cutting into him.
"You know with my help, they can change… You'll be more desirable…"
And trapped under Rowan's acquisitive stare, Remus had a feeling this was the werewolf's subtle way of showing Remus his dominating strength he would have over him, if Remus should ever decide to join Greyback's pack. To be wild and murderous like them. To let his golden eyes become tinted with red.
As soon as Tonks saw the blood well up from Remus' scratches, she shifted to aim her wand at Rowan, but Remus stopped her. Letting go of Harry and grabbing the crook of her elbow, squeezing her to not react, to keep her wand on Greyback. Remus could feel Harry behind him turning around to see what was happening.
The russet werewolf didn't seem to have noticed the silent exchange between Remus and Tonks.
"Ah, you weren't wrong about Remus Lupin's good looks, Fenrir, despite his puny size…"
Rowan swiped a calloused thumb over Remus' closed lips. Those dirty nails scraping, golden-red eyes considering Remus.
"But then, you may be nice and tight…" Rowan crooned to him as he leaned forward, close enough to whisper against Remus' ear. His foul breath smelled of rotten flesh and blood. "Just what I prefer…" he whispered with a sadistic promise in his voice.
Then Rowan grabbed Remus' upper arm with his free hand, holding him still that Remus couldn't move, leaving him no choice but to let it happen. Rowan lowered and tilted his face at an angle, jaws wide, and Remus felt sharp fangs close tightly around his neck. Remus stiffened from the pain, his muscles tensed as he felt Rowan's fangs pierced into his flesh, dragging him down a bit, causing Remus to shift his feet to keep himself from falling. He could feel his own blood begin to stream down to his shoulder.
This act of Rowan's was meant to mark Remus as his mate. An animalistic tradition that could be found in some of the older werewolf colonies. Remus had read about it of course, seen the bite marks on the necks of his own kind as he did his spywork for Dumbledore. However, Remus never dared to try it himself. This binding of mates could be done by force or by consent. Remus never dared mention it to Sirius and never had any intention of telling Severus about it either.
A bite-mark to the neck, werewolf to werewolf, it binded them. The mark would be there forever until Rowan's life ended or Remus left a similar mark on another werewolf, rejecting Rowan. And Remus wasn't worried about it, he wouldn't feel its full power until he sunk his own fangs into Rowan's neck as well, of which Remus had no intention of ever doing.
Tonks flinched at the sight and Remus held her arm down tight enough that it must've hurt her because she didn't retaliate. Remus couldn't have her draw her wand on Rowan and attack just yet and risk him lashing out at her. He needed her to hold Greyback down, just in case he took Remus' moment of weakness as a chance to get to Harry or anyone else.
Rowan gripped Remus' jaw and arm even tighter as he continued biting down, blood streaming down his arm and dripping to the muddy ground. Remus didn't dare show how humiliated and downgraded he was feeling inside. Of Rowan touching him, speaking to him, claiming him in such a way…in front of everyone. Remus only kept his angry glare on Greyback who evilly grinned back at him with a wide smile. Remus dared not show any of those emotions swirling inside, except for his anger, showing Greyback he would one day pay for this. That this wasn't going to break him.
"Get the fuck off him!" Harry shouted from behind Remus.
Rowan pressed his fangs into Remus a bit harder, feeling the magic of the bond coursing through Remus' blood. Then Rowan let go and whipped his attention to Harry, glaring at him for the interruption. His grip on Remus' jaw loosened just a bit.
"Don't turn your back, stay where you are!" Arthur scolded, careful to not say Harry's name, knowing the seriousness of the situation.
Remus found his chance at Rowan's distraction. He tore his face away from the werewolf and had his wand pressed against Rowan's neck in less than half a second.
Rowan turned back to him, snarling his fangs. "Who said you could move?"
"You think that's going to work?!" Remus spat at Greyback without taking his glare off of Rowan. "Are you fucking shitting me right now?! A fucking mating bond?! Remember that I bested you in a fight, Greyback. I can do it again!"
Tonks gasped and Remus inwardly cringed at what he'd revealed. He hadn't meant to, but he was so angry at Greyback that the name of the bond just slipped out.
Remus then growled. The rumble coming out loud in his throat. "Get back!" he said to Rowan. "Get back or I'm blasting a hole in your fucking neck!"
Rowan only smiled, but complied, going back to Greyback's side and behind the shield. "He's not only pretty, but feisty. I see now why you're so keen about this one," he sneered at Greyback.
Greyback chuckled, then said, "You know what, I think I'll go easy on you and your doggy owners tonight, Lupin, let you think about my offer… And Rowan's as well, of course."
The werewolf indicated with a nod of his chin to Rowan, who gave Remus a predatory smile, showing off his fangs that were dripping with Remus' blood. Remus bared his fangs back, keeping his wand straight at Rowan.
"He's quite a catch, don't you think? Every bitch in my pack would murder you in your sleep if it meant that they could have that beautiful scar on their neck instead of you," Greyback continued, then chuckled again, "You know where to find me, son."
Greyback held up a small knife. It was lit up, blue and glowing. Rowan put his hand on it and they were gone.
Then a few pops surrounding them from the field were heard. The Death Eaters that were hiding.
Remus, Tonks, Arthur, Harry and Ginny were all finally left alone with the tips of their wands still illuminating the darkness of the field and marshes, gasping for breath. But before any of them could say anything about what just happened, a crash rang out from the distance followed by an orange blaze of light and screaming. Black smoke rose up into the sky above and Remus could hear the sounds of a burning building crumbling down.
"Molly!" Arthur shouted, and he took off towards the Burrow before any of them had a moment to react.
They all ran after him, not saying a word to each other. Shock was settling deep into each of them. And once they'd finally made it out of the field and back to the Weasley's yard, they were met with a devastating and horrifying sight.
The Burrow was engulfed in flames.
Remus quickly scanned the yard, and was relieved to see that Molly and all of her kids, plus Fleur, were all accounted for. That was one thing to be grateful for after all this, that no lives were lost. No one was seriously hurt… Remus couldn't help but think. This night could've ended up so much worse.
But even though Remus was trying to see the bright side of this devastating night, it was hard. The Burrow was a staple, a place to feel at home with always good food or just a cup of tea and a warm place to rest, sympathy and comfort usually offered by the Weasleys after a long shift for the Order members. It was the first real family home Harry had ever experienced. Remus could see the anger and devastation on Harry's face as he watched the Burrow burn to the ground. That same look was mirrored on most of the Weasleys, and it tore at Remus' heart.
He wondered if this was why Severus was called away, why it was taking so long for him to return. Was it because they were planning this attack the whole day? Was Severus one of those Death Eaters that had remained hidden in the field as they ambushed Harry and Ginny. Did he watch Rowan put his hands on Remus? Did he watch him sink his fangs into Remus' neck, claiming him as Rowan's to mate with? Would Severus know what it was? What it meant? Did Severus watch Remus just stand there and let it happen? Remus inwardly shuttered at those thoughts and refused to think anymore of it.
Arthur hugged Molly tightly. Turning away to give them their privacy, Remus and Tonks joined Charlie and Bill, both shouting out an extinguishing spell to put out the fire. Fred and George were already successfully saving the bottom level. And together with Tonks' and Remus' added help, they were able to quickly put out the rest of the flames, but not in time to save the towering bedrooms. They were nothing but a charred-up, smoking frame now.
The Weasleys and Fleur had then all portkeyed to their Aunt Murial's. Only Arthur, Charlie, Tonks, Remus and Harry remained behind.
"We'll try and repair the house in the morning. It shouldn't take too long with some help from the Order," Arthur was explaining to Charlie as they surveyed the damage.
"Do you think mum will be okay?" Charlie asked as he picked up a piece of burnt, splintered wood.
"She's strong, and she won't rest until Ron and Ginny are settled," Arthur said. "Charlie, I want you and Tonks to go and alert Albus and the Order what has happened. We need to have an emergency meeting at Hogwarts. I'm going to stop by Murial's and see if Molly is okay enough to join us."
Tonks nodded in agreement. "How in Merlin did they break through the wards is my question," she frowned.
"That is what we need to discuss," Arthur said, glancing at Remus, his eyes traveling to the bite-mark on Remus' neck for the first time that night. "Among other things…" he added with a grimace, his face growing a bit green.
"I'll be there too, I just need to drop Harry off…" Remus said, not daring to meet Arthur's eyes, shame coursing through him at what Arthur witnessed tonight.
He probably sees me differently now, a dark creature like Greyback and… Remus couldn't finish the thought in his head, mentally shuddering at the thought of Rowan.
"No, I want to come with you," Harry protested at the same time Arthur said, "No, Remus. I want you to stay home with him. Harry needs rest, you do too… And we need someone with him just in case they attack again. That cabin is the safest place besides Hogwarts."
"Remus, Arthur's right. You have to take care of that bite," Tonks said gently. "It's covered with dirt and soot, you don't want it to get infected."
"We can wait at Hogwarts," Harry insisted with a worried glance at Remus. "Madam Pomfrey is there."
"Then I think Harry has the right idea, Madam Pomfrey should take a look at it," Charlie said, his eyes widening when he realized what they were talking about.
Remus clapped his hand to his neck, causing the bite to throb painfully. Wiping away the soot and dirt, feeling the dried, crusted blood around the wound and the fresh bloody stream still slowly trickling down. The last thing he wanted was to enter Hogwarts with this, for all the Order members to see more visible evidence that he was not like them but a dark creature who'd been marked to mate with another. He inwardly shuttered again with disgust, and this time humiliation.
Remus turned his gaze away from them and towards Harry. Taking in his cub's dirty clothes, his shoes drenched and caked with muddy water. His eyes were bloodshot with exhaustion and shock. Scratches from running in the field covered his face and arms.
Arthur was right. Harry looked beaten and exhausted. He even sounded exhausted, as if the adrenaline in him finally ran its course, leaving his body crashing down from it.
And if this attack really was the reason why Severus was gone for so long today, no doubt he would go straight to Dumbledore and the emergency Order of the Phoenix meeting once Voldemort dismissed him. It was better that Remus just took Harry home. Severus could just fill Remus in on everything later…hopefully.
Besides, Remus wasn't ready to show the bite to Severus. Remus wasn't ready to show anyone else for that matter. And perhaps Arthur didn't want anyone to see it just yet either, maybe that was the reason for him urging Remus home. Perhaps they were going to discuss what to do with him now. Imagining the looks of fear and disgust that would probably come his way, Remus suddenly didn't want to be at the meeting, so he only nodded, "You're right, Arthur." He ignored Harry's sigh of defeat.
"Here, take this." Charlie handed the charred wood to Remus. "Use it as a portkey, it's not wise to Apparate just now with the wards down. We can't have you leading a magical trail to your home."
Remus nodded, taking the wood from Charlie, then pulled Tonks into a tight hug.
"Tonks, I'll write to you tomorrow. I want you to help me put up more wards around the cabin and that way it will show itself to you whenever the need for it arises."
Tonks nodded, briefly placing a light hand on the side of his face. Remus felt the tender throb of a bruise forming.
"And we can talk about what happened, right?" Tonks said with a stern tone in her voice that meant Remus wasn't getting out of that inevitable conversation. And she seemed to want to continue, but Remus shook her hand off and they pulled apart. He didn't want Tonks to say anything about it, to ask if he was okay. He didn't give her the chance to, he only beckoned Harry to him.
"Portus," Remus whispered, pointing his wand on the wood. "Put your hand on it, Harry," he then said in a louder voice.
Remus knew he was right about Harry being exhausted, knew he made the right choice to take him home, because Harry didn't argue against him anymore. He just did as he was told without a word or even a sigh of resignation, placing his hand on the portkey that glowed with blue light.
And just before Remus felt the familiar pull around his navel, his eyes found Tonks once again and he hated the quiet concern he saw swirling in her brown eyes.
Review Responses
Guest #1: Thank you for not minding the wait! I always feel bad for making you guys wait, but I don't want to rush my work then risk it coming out bad with a bunch of typos lol.
Imaginer.012:Thank you for your wonderful review! I'm happy you told me all your favorite parts haha! And thanks for the compliments! Also thank you for not being upset over the wait, I just don't want to rush and risk the chapter coming out terrible lol
LunePrimus:Thank you for your review and telling me all of your favorite parts and your thoughts on them. Those types of reviews do keep me going sometimes and helps me ignore the bad/mean ones lol. I hope you're doing okay and that you enjoyed this chapter.
Guest(Sunshine):Thank you! I know my week was so crazy, that I called off today from work just so I can have a mental health day and finally get this chapter posted. Hope you're doing okay!
CityGirl7768: Thank you so much for your kind review. I got this a couple days after I received a bad one for Already Home. It sort of took my motivation away, then your review brought it back! So thank you so much!