Chapter Twenty-Six - The Dreamer
When Severus awoke, he reached his arm out to find a cold empty space. Confused, because he was sure that he'd fallen asleep nestled into Remus' arms last night, he opened his eyes and was greeted by a blurry silhouette in front of his enchanted window. Blinking the sleep away, Severus realized it was Remus. He was standing in front of the window, covering his thin naked body with a sheet. The early light of the gray dawn was seeping through and for a few moments all Severus could do was just stare at him.
How the bloody hell did they fall in love so deeply for each other? It still amazed Severus sometimes that he was in love with one of the boys he'd once hated the very most when he was a teenager. Remus Lupin, every professor's favorite student, the one with the very dark secret that Severus had once obsessed over. One of the Marauders that always played pranks on him and made Severus' life hell with their bullying…but Remus wasn't that boy anymore, and neither was Severus the boy who'd despised and bullied Remus as well…
This whole time…since the moment they were born, since they'd first boarded the train to Hogwarts, since they'd first laid eyes on each other and spent seven years of school together hating each other, even after school was over, leading them to the first war, then the second war, through everything… They were unknowingly tied together as soulmates… It was just never the right time…until now… They had to grow up first. They had to lose everything first in order to finally see each other… And with the new versions of themselves, they found everything they had lost.
And the memory of last night was still wrapped around Severus like a favorite blanket, comforting and warm and home. The way those hazel-green eyes like a forest in summer had lightened up when Severus walked into the living room. Severus saw the sun sparkling in those eyes as Remus asked him for a dance, the way his soft and alluring voice crooned to Severus as they swayed to the soft melody coming from the gramophone. Severus remembered how he could barely speak. His heart was beating so fast, his body trembling to feel such a strong feeling of love coming off Remus in waves and directed towards him. Severus never thought he was deserving of such love.
And when he had laid Remus down into the sheets of his own bed, seeing the sun again in Remus' eyes, he knew Remus was falling so deep into love with Severus. Severus knew, because he was helplessly falling every single day himself. And with it, came waves of heartstopping grief and fear and pain and heartache, knowing that this thing between them couldn't last. Severus was already missing what hasn't been broken yet. Betraying Remus was the very last thing Severus ever wanted to do.
Last night, Severus knew as he had pushed himself so deep into Remus, trapped in his vulnerable hazel eyes as Remus reached completion, it was a look that Severus had never seen before. It was so raw…and it made the threat of the task so much worse, it made the invisible noose around Severus' neck feel tighter, because Severus knew, he knew that once he performed Albus' task, that there was no way their relationship would ever survive it. Remus had opened himself up to Severus completely. Letting him see all of the broken parts of him, the scars and the trauma. Letting him see each and every beautiful thing that made Remus who he was, and how dare Severus to let Remus do it, knowing full well what all this was only going to lead to. Why the hell was Severus so selfish? To just let it all happen?!
As he gazed at Remus standing in front of his bedroom window, Severus grew very angry with himself. Remus had even admitted that the feelings he had for Severus were stronger and deeper than he'd ever felt for Black, and Severus was going to destroy that. He was going to destroy Remus. He wanted to just cry and scream and rage and go to Albus Dumbledore and break his fucking nose. He should end this with Remus, before they were in so deep, but then watching Remus, the gray dawn washing over him, the way the sheet draped over his bare shoulders, remembering the way Remus looked at him last night, held him as he fell asleep, the tender caresses and lingering kisses… Severus knew it was too late. It was too fucking late. He was too selfish to end it between them.
Severus entertained the thought of them having a future together. Of growing old together in the cabin. Harry, growing up and bringing his own family to visit them. Remus writing his songs, reading his books on the porch swing. Severus joining him after spending a few hours in his lab. Watching the quiet lake, the sunset together, holding hands, and seeing that smile… Going to bed with him each night…running alongside him each full-moon… Severus' heart ached at what he couldn't have, it ached for a future so out of his reach, that he could barely even see it anymore. Soulmates or not, their love had a death sentence to it and a fresh new wave of grief and hurt and heartache went through Severus again that he almost cried out, but he held it, making it burn through him, causing the pain to feel even worse as he realized the magnitude of what he was going to lose. Severus just wanted a life with Remus, he wanted a life with his son… Was that too much to ask for? Severus silently begged the universe, to anyone above that could be listening, that once he completed Albus' task, to just take Severus somewhere so he could die alone, that way he would never have to see the betrayal in their eyes.
Severus sighed and stretched, turning on his back and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before quietly getting out of bed. He pushed all of the depressing thoughts out of his head, but his heart was still aching, the noose was still tight around his neck, choking him, the death sentence echoing in his head. But as he gathered Remus into his arms, pulling him close from behind and resting his chin on Remus' shoulder, it all faded away to a barely tolerable echo, where he could easily ignore it. Remus turned his head a bit towards Severus with a sweet smile. Severus' favorite one, the smile only reserved for him. Severus took a deep breath, taking in Remus' scent of clean sweat and of the love they had made to each other during the night. It was intoxicating.
"Good morning, Severus," Remus said so softly and endearingly sweet. The way Remus' voice sounded as he said Severus' name, it caused his stomach to flip over and he suddenly had half a mind to just pick Remus up and throw him back into bed so that Severus could ravish him.
"Good morning," Severus said back. "Why are you up so early? The sun hasn't even risen yet. Come back to bed with me."
"I couldn't sleep, but going back to bed with you does sound like a wonderful idea…" Remus said. "This window… It's enchanted, isn't it? We are supposed to be underground. It's amazing. Hogwarts is amazing, it always manages to surprise me sometimes."
"I thought you knew every nook and cranny. Aren't you the creator of the Marauder's Map?"
"Ah, my greatest achievement," Remus huffed out with pride, causing Severus to chuckle a bit.
"You were always too brilliant for this school," Severus muttered as he started to leave soft kisses on Remus' bare shoulder, kissing each tiny freckle. "Why couldn't you sleep, baby?" he muttered again.
Remus sighed out with exhaustion, "The full-moon is approaching. I could sleep for days once the transformation is over, but before it I get terrible insomnia. I've only managed to fall asleep long after you did and I had no dreams for once, but then I just woke up and I felt so wide awake and restless that it grew painful to lay in bed… Severus," Remus said with hesitation. "The wolf… It's stirring in my soul… It… It wants to look for the wolf that claimed it as its mate…"
Severus looked up from his kisses, catching Remus' eyes in the reflection of the window. They were flecked with gold. They weren't like that before they had fallen asleep. Then Severus glanced down at Remus' neck and for the first time since he awoke, he noticed that the Glamour Charm Remus had been putting on it was off. Severus hadn't seen the scar in a while, not since it was fully and freshly healed.
And Severus had the craziest thought. He wanted to kiss it. He wanted to make that scar into his own bonding claim on Remus and take away the claim Rowan left on Remus' soul. It probably wouldn't work… It won't work actually, but Severus still wanted to do it. To show Remus that Rowan wasn't going to take this away from them. Remus belonged to Severus, to himself, to Harry… Their little family… Not to Rowan and Greyback and their pack.
Severus hesitantly began to kiss Remus' neck, inching closer and closer to the scar, and when he had reached the edges of it Remus pulled away with a shiver.
"What are you doing?" Remus asked with disgust in his voice.
"Remus… Forgive me," Severus said, letting go of him.
Remus turned around to face him, putting a hand to the scar and his eyes were full of the disgust that came out in his voice, and Severus realized that the disgust Remus was feeling wasn't directed towards Severus, but projected onto himself.
"Remus, you are no monster. You are human," Severus said, reminding him gently. And with those words, the disgust in Remus' eyes seemed to clear a bit.
"You make me feel human, Severus, but sometimes it slips away from me. This scar is just an ugly reminder of it… They both are…"
Severus placed a hand on Remus' bare chest, over the burn scar, feeling the beat of his heart.
"Do you want to know what Harry told me about that one," Remus said, indicating the burn scar…Werewolf: Classified Dark Creature….
Severus nodded.
"It can be easier to bear it if this can remind you of what you are not, instead of what Greyback wants you to believe you are. Use it to fight against his voice in your head."
Severus snorted with half amusement and half shock that Harry had said that. "I knew he was smart, he just doesn't apply himself. Follow them, Remus, live by those words, use these scars to make yourself stronger, not weaker. Don't let them have what they want."
Remus leaned closer to Severus, kissing him softly on the lips. Severus kissed him back, then turned Remus back around so that he could face the window again with his back pressed against Severus' body, his hands firmly gripping Remus' hips. Remus dropped the sheet, the soft fabric pooling over their bare feet.
Severus whispered into Remus' ear, his warm breath making him shiver, "Let me shower that scar in kisses. Let me take away Rowan's residue from you. Let me take back your soul."
Remus gasped at those words.
Severus took that as a yes and he began to kiss Remus' ear then down to his neck, all the way to the scar and began kissing and suckling it, leaving the biggest hickey over it. Severus was very proud of his improvement of the scar.
Remus then turned around again and caught Severus in a deep kiss. Severus moaned into it and suddenly picked Remus up, taking him to his bed. He laid Remus down among the sheets, kissing him so gently over and over again. Remus had wrapped his arms and legs around Severus, but was still able to summon the jar that was tossed to the floor last night with an outstretched hand.
As soon as Severus entered Remus, causing him to gasp from the shock of being filled, it started to rain. The heavy thrumming of the rain banging against the window pane. Severus, who was slowly thrusting himself into Remus while kissing him, pulled away from their kiss and said, looking over his shoulder at the window, "It's raining."
"It's been storming on and off all night. I'm surprised you've slept through it."
And even though Severus wanted to get up and check on his Animagus Potion, he just couldn't tear himself away from Remus. He kept up his steady rhythm even when the first strike of lightning lit up their room. He felt Remus jump a bit after the thunderous boom that followed. Severus just pulled Remus closer to him, going in as deep as he could. And once they had both reached their climax, Severus didn't even bother to pull out right away, enjoying Remus enveloped around him.
They shared mindless conversation together, flirting and making each other laugh, occasionally exchanging soft heartfelt and lingering kisses every now and then. It was like a dream Severus never wanted to wake up from, but he still felt the noose of his fate around his neck, never letting him forget that soon this dream that was his life would turn into a nightmare… It made Severus appreciate this moment with Remus all the more…storing away every kiss in his mind, storing away every time Remus laughed and Severus could feel the vibrations of it in the werewolf's chest. Remus' gentle whispers and his smile, the way his hazel eyes shone as he gazed at Severus… Storing it all away to keep Severus from breaking completely when all of this would be gone. Soon, Severus began to notice Remus drifting off to sleep and he didn't wake him, leaving loving kisses on his temple, inhaling Remus' sweet scent….
Severus watched the rain beating against his window as Remus slept in his arms, their legs tangled together under the covers. His mind drifted back to his Animagus Potion...
If Severus was lucky, once the lightning storm was over, the potion sealed in its tiny crystal phial would start to turn a blood-red. But he wasn't allowed to look at it any longer or check on it. It must now remain in the dark, undisturbed, while every sunrise and sunset Severus would have to say the incantation: Amato Animo Animato Animagus' while touching the tip of his wand to his chest until he felt a second heartbeat. Once he felt it, then that meant the potion was blood-red and ready.
The next step was that Severus would have to find a quiet spot alone to sit and meditate, closing his mind and thinking of absolutely nothing at all until an animal would appear walking towards him in his mind's eye. Once that happened, Severus would have to say the incantation again then drink the potion, then the transformation would begin.
According to the books, meditation was the hardest part. You had to completely close off your mind against every single thought, but luckily Severus was a master of Occlumency. He was not worried one bit. And if Black and Potter could pull this off as teenagers, even the bloody rat, then Severus knew he was more than capable of pulling this off, and even quicker then they had. Severus was really hoping that this may be completed by spring. The thought of Remus being alone in that shack, remembering how deathly cold Severus had found him after the full-moon in December, Severus shuddered at that and left a lingering kiss on Remus' soft and slightly parted lips, then fell back into a light sleep himself.
.
.
Soon January turned into February and with it, endless rainstorms that melted away the snow, and whatever was left it became slippery sludge on the ground. Everything was just so wet and drafty all of the time, and to the discomfort of Remus, the air was cold all of the time as well, especially in the corridors.
It was the first Saturday of February and because of the rain, the first lesson of Apparition for the sixth years had to be held in the Great Hall. All of the tables were pushed aside against the walls, and in rows were hoops with each student taking a spot in front of one. Severus and all the other heads of houses had been roped into chaperoning the lesson, just like every year before it. Severus hated this. Whose idea was it to think that sixteen was a good age to practice Apparition, and to have over fifty students do it all at the same time? The splinching disasters were a menace, Severus had stories over his sixteen years of teaching.
Severus walked through a group of his Slytherins, scolding a group of girls who were giggling at a group of Slytherin and Hufflepuff boys that were standing nearby them. Severus rolled his eyes at them with annoyance and casted a warning glare. It quieted them instantly. The students near him were the quietest in the Great Hall, waiting under Severus' watchful glare as the other heads of houses tried controlling the noise level from the rest of the hall. Severus sighed out loud with annoyance and impatience, then scowled when he caught Draco acting suspicious as hell in the very back of the room with Crabbe and Goyle.
Severus sighed again with annoyance. He would much rather be spending his Saturday in Remus' company instead with a bunch of teenagers who couldn't stop bloody talking so that the lesson could get started!
The noise level had finally begun to lower enough to hear Draco arguing with his friends, Severus was just about to make his way over there when Minerva suddenly shouted, "Malfoy! Be quiet!"
That was bad luck and timing. Whatever they were arguing about had looked and sounded pretty intense, it had even almost quieted the hall for a moment. Severus wished he'd caught what Draco had been saying to Crabbe and Goyle, he was just surprised that his godson had even shown up to this. Severus guessed Apparition could be quite useful if you're planning on becoming a Death Eater.
Movement towards a Gryffindor group near the middle of the hall suddenly caught Severus' eye, and he scowled again with a greater amount of annoyance than he had felt before when he realized it was Harry changing his spot to stand behind Draco and his friends.
What the bloody hell is that kid up to?
Still standing besides the subdued group of Slytherin girls, Severus glowered at Harry from across the hall, but his son didn't notice it or he was choosing to ignore it.
One last group of Ravenclaws joined the hall, followed by Granger who sat far apart from Weasley, and the noise level intensified… Severus' head was now pounding, promising the start of an unpleasant migraine. He drew his eyes back to Harry and Draco. Harry had said something to Draco to cause the Slytherin to whip his head around and fix him with an angry and cold stare.
Severus suddenly remembered them running around his quarters during the past summer, chasing after Harry's practice snitch, the annoying ruckus they would cause together… Those two boys… Arch enemies for years… Then friends for one summer and now arch enemies again… It was so hard to see them hating each other again, or Draco at least pretending to, pushing Harry away and causing Harry to really hate him in return.
Would they ever get back that easy friendship they once had once the war was over? Why couldn't Draco just give Harry a sign that his coldness and hatred wasn't real, that he was doing it to keep Harry out of his situation? Then it wouldn't be so hard for Harry. And Severus wondered about his own daunting task for the millionth time, would Harry forgive him? Forgive Draco? Severus wasn't sure anymore, and the only thing that made him feel just a tiny bit better was knowing that whatever happens during the war, Harry and Remus would have each other.
Suddenly, a sharp twinge behind his eyes pulled Severus out of his thoughts and he roared out, "Quiet!" without meaning to.
And at first, Severus was surprised at the echo of his voice, until he realized that Flitwick, Minerva and Sprout had all shouted quiet at the exact same time as he did. Well, at least it worked, because not one student was speaking and the instructor was now able to finally begin the lesson.
Bloody teenagers! Severus couldn't help but scowl, sending glares to students who were caught not paying attention.
When the lesson was finally over with just very minor accidents, Severus wanted to go to Harry and pull him aside but there were too many people around, too many Slytherin eyes watching, and so Severus only huffed with frustration as he watched his son leave with Weasley, Granger quickly walking past them. Their heads were bent together in quiet conversation, Weasley glaring at Granger as she passed. And Severus knew they were talking about Draco. Severus frowned with annoyance at that. He'd told Harry so many times to stay away from Draco, and Severus made a note to himself to speak to Harry about this later when he found the chance.
Severus didn't find Remus in his quarters, so he tried his office instead. He knocked to warn Remus of him entering, then muttered the password. The portrait door opened revealing the very person Severus had been wanting to see all day sitting at his desk, his brows furrowed as he read an open scroll of parchment with studious concentration.
Severus stepped inside and Remus suddenly looked up, their eyes instantly meeting, and Remus' careful concentration turned into a warm smile.
"Ah, Severus, love, you found me," Remus chuckled.
"And thank fucking Merlin," Severus said with a tired sigh as he crossed the office in a few quick strides and greeted Remus with a deep kiss.
Then when they pulled apart, Severus couldn't help but wince. His migraine was growing worse, causing him to turn around and throw himself on Remus' small office sofa. "Remind me again why I work with teenagers."
Remus rolled up the parchment he was working on and placed it on what Severus figured was his graded pile. Severus suddenly heard squealing and splashing and turned to see a hideous creature that resembled a rat with tentacles on its back in a tank with a few inches of it filled with water and rocks, it was sitting on the wide window ledge underneath the sunlight, near Remus' guitar.
"Bloody hell, what is that?" Severus said with disgust causing Remus to laugh.
"It's a Murtlap. Surely you should know, Severus."
"I do, it just surprised me." Severus wrinkled his nose at the waving tentacles as the creature started slowly licking the glass.
"I spent the better part of the morning walking around the Black Lake in search of him. It's for my third years."
"Sounds like quite an adventure, I would've rather joined you than be stuck at the Great Hall." Severus suddenly put a hand to his head, closing his eyes just a bit. The bright sunlight seeping in was making his headache worse.
"I take it that the Apparition lesson didn't go so well?" Remus said, getting up from his desk to join Severus on the sofa. His warm smile had become a look of concern. "Tea?"
"Yes, please…with a Headache Potion, a strong dose of it," Severus groaned with his eyes still closed, now massaging his temples.
The lanterns were suddenly dimmed in the office to a manageable setting that didn't trigger the pulsating pain behind Severus' eyes. Severus could hear the soft sounds of Remus moving around and putting the kettle over the fireplace. Closing the curtains to make the room darker.
Then when the kettle was ready, Severus heard the sound of two mugs being placed on the wooden coffee table and felt a dip in the sofa, along with gentle hands lifting up his head. Severus blinked and opened his eyes to find that Remus had sat beside him, cradling his head in his lap, his fingers gently massaging into Severus' scalp. He took a deep sigh of relief and closed his eyes again. He was already feeling loads better, maybe he just needed to be with his werewolf.
"We could've finished quicker if they would've just shut-up," Severus complained. "Also, it's always a disaster having about fifty students in one room learning the basics of Apparition, bloody teenagers don't listen!" And Severus revealed all of his frustrations about the day to Remus who listened with an understanding nod of his head and winced at the accidents that had happened.
"That does sound awful, I'm so sorry, dear," Remus said.
Now that he was done speaking, Severus let out a sigh of relief, thoroughly enjoying the comfort provided by Remus.
"If you weren't a professor, Severus, what would you have been instead? What even made you start working at Hogwarts if you don't like teenagers?"
"Hmm… No one's ever asked me that before…"
Severus thought about Remus' question for a few moments, still enjoying the rhythmic pressure on his scalp. His headache was slightly going away to Severus' relief and he was glad of it because now he could think again, think about his answer….
"I think I would've been better suited to researching and creating my own potions, just like what my mother used to do… Perhaps, even write a book on my experiments and research. It's the job of a true Potions Master… And my main project would be the Wolfsbane Potion."
"The Wolfsbane Potion?" Remus asked with surprise.
"Yes, I want to improve it, even try to cure Lycanthropy one day. And I know that's an impossible dream, but there aren't any limits to what you can dream of doing, aren't there?"
"Severus Snape, the dreamer," Remus said with such amusement and warmth as he continued to massage Severus' head. It lit a fire in Severus' soul to hear Remus speak of him that way. No one had ever seen him as anything more than a Death Eater, a dungeon bat and a least favorite professor.
A dreamer… Severus had certainly never thought of himself as one either.
"And why are you a professor?" Remus asked.
And the question didn't sound rude or condescending at all. Like most of his students or colleagues who had asked Severus that same question many times over in the past sixteen years, mostly after Severus was caught acting too harshly and mean or was showing the tiniest amount of patience with a student. Remus just genuinely wanted to know the answer, and so Severus decided to just give it to him.
"Albus," Severus sighed. "After I had unintentionally set the Dark Lord to the Potters, after Lily died…after I found her… I went straight to Albus. I needed to pay for what I've done and I begged him to kill me or turn me into Azkaban, but he had a different plan for me. He had me take the post of Potions Professor to keep a close eye on me, and when the time came, when the Dark Lord began to show signs of returning, I had to take back my old position as the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater and become Albus' spy."
"He trapped you," Remus said.
"Yes and I let him because at the time, I had felt so wretched with myself for what I've done, Remus. You have no idea what it feels like to betray your friends that way. It just goes to show how soulless Peter Pettigrew really is."
Severus felt Remus stiffen a bit at Severus' mention of the rat who'd betrayed him and his best friends.
"He was the one who killed Lily and James that night, not you."
"I know that now and I'm coming to terms with it, but during that time, I just wanted to die, Remus. I wanted to die, but then I started to feel like that was too easy of a punishment, it didn't equally measure up to the crime I've committed. I wanted the dementor's kiss. I wanted them to suck away my soul and just leave me as an empty shell, because that is what I had felt when I saw her lying there…"
Severus' voice shook, Remus brushed the hair away from Severus' face, tucking it behind his ear, not saying a word, yet encouraging Severus to go on with his touch.
"When Lily died, she took me with her. I begged Albus to arrange it, but he wouldn't allow that. He had a different plan for me and so I gave my soul to him… He was the dementor and I the criminal... And I let him use me to fight in the war without question… It's all for Lily, because she believed in Albus, his cause was her cause and plus, I was aiding in keeping Harry safe. It's what she would have wanted me to do, I know it with my very being. And yes, sometimes I make it known to everyone that I hate being a professor, that I hate being trapped into doing Albus' heavy work, but someone has to do it, someone has to gather the inside information that's pulling us through the war. Because of my position, Albus and I have been able to save a lot of deaths from happening... It's the only way I can live with myself."
It was silent after that. Severus knew Remus was thinking about what he'd said, and Severus let him.
"I think you've suffered enough," Remus finally said, breaking the silence. "Severus, I think Lily might have forgiven you for what had happened. It wasn't intentional. When you told that prophecy to Voldemort, you didn't know it was going to lead to her. And you've taken in Harry, you love him as much as a son… That is all she would've wanted in return."
"I know…" Severus said softly, feeling his heart twinge from the very old grief in his heart for his best friend.
"But you haven't forgiven yourself yet," Remus said and it didn't sound like a question.
"I don't think I ever will, just like you with Kaylie…"
Severus felt Remus tensing again, his rhythmic massage pausing, "You're right, I've accepted her death as something I couldn't prevent but…"
"Yeah…" Severus said to break the heavy silence that followed after Remus' words. He hasn't forgiven himself for it either….
"Yeah," Remus echoed back with a sigh. "Maybe, once the war is over and we miraculously make it through, then maybe you can start to forgive yourself and you can finally free yourself from Hogwarts and Dumbledore and just do what you've always wanted to do…take back your life."
There was no way that was ever going to happen. A life after the war…an impossible dream that Severus would never be able to live.
"Enough about me now, wolf. What about you? Is teaching the only thing you've ever wanted to do?"
"Teaching is the only thing I've ever pictured myself doing. Nothing else ever really interests me."
"You do have the gift and patience I've never possessed that is required for the field. You really know how to capture a class's attention without having to work for it."
"Well, I think you're a good professor, you have strengths."
Severus snorted at that. "You're just flattering me now. If you were at the Apparition lessons, you wouldn't be saying that… It was truly a disaster and I've lost my temper with a few students… And then Harry…" Severus was suddenly reminded of his son's behavior, causing him to groan, "Harry had to choose to sit right behind Draco. I know he did it to eavesdrop on whatever Draco was talking about to Crabbe and Goyle. I'm thinking Harry might've overheard something about Draco performing his task, the way he and his friends walked out of the hall after… I know it's in the castle, I just have to find out where."
"Does your head feel better," Remus suddenly asked.
"Much better," Severus answered.
"How about you try some of that tea now."
Severus opened his eyes, the dim lighting in the room was comforting. He sat up and Remus gave him the cooled tea that was waiting for him on the coffee table.
Severus took a sip of the tea, instantly feeling loads better. Remus watched him, his hazel eyes furrowed with thought.
"Severus, I need the map. If you say Draco is working on his task in the castle… He's going somewhere to do it and if Harry had heard something about it, that means he's going to be glued to the map until he figures it out. Harry told me months ago that Draco has been disappearing off of it. That map is perfect. It's my greatest achievement, so it's definitely not the map that is failing. It is something Draco is doing and I need to figure it out before Harry does."
"Don't worry, I'll get it to you."
Suddenly, a loud squealing interrupted them, causing Severus to flinch and spill some of the tea on himself. Severus gasped, and they whipped around to the source of the noise to find the ugly little creature baring its teeth at them, its tentacles pressed against the glass of its tank.
"For fuck's sake! I forgot that thing was in the room," Severus snapped, causing Remus to laugh.
.
.
The morning of the full–moon finally setting landed on Valentine's day, and like how all the other days before it were, it was cold and wet. It had rained and stormed throughout the night. Severus hadn't been able to sleep at all, knowing Remus as a wolf was in the shack that was in no way proper shelter for such a storm. And Severus could tell Remus was tired of it as much as Severus was, even more than Severus was, to be doing his changes in the shack, but it was the only requirement by the school board and parents who allowed him to teach without any complaints.
He paced his quarters all night, his thoughts on his Animagus Potion. Every morning and every night, sunrise and sunset, Severus without fail had managed to do the incantation, but he hadn't been able to feel a second heartbeat. It was such a disappointment, that Severus longed for a glass of red wine to smother it out, but he always remembered the promise he'd made to Remus. No more drinking for both of them.
Severus and Madam Pomfrey found Remus curled up on the broken bed soaked to the bone. The storm had finally stopped, but the clouds were still heavy and dark and the cabin was damp and so bone-chilling cold, that Severus worried about Remus getting sick again.
Severus wasted no time in casting a warming and drying charm on him and bundling up Remus with his heavy robes and carrying him out of the shack and back into the castle. Madam Pomfrey walked on ahead to make sure there were no wandering students out of bed so early in the morning. They took Remus back up to his quarters. Severus laid him in his bed, covering him up with multiple blankets and quickly lighting a fire. He then left Madam Pomfrey to check on Remus with her diagnostic scans so he could work on some broth with some healing potions in it.
Thankfully there were no serious injuries this time, just like the full-moon in January. Once Madam Pomfrey left, Severus crawled into bed and pulled an exhausted and still shivering Remus close to him, offering him Severus' body heat and Remus fell into an uneasy and nightmare-ridden sleep.
Severus stayed up. He never went back to sleep, only holding Remus and rubbing his back whenever he cried out from his nightmares, soothing him to go back to sleep. A few hours later, when the sun began to peak through the overcast clouds, Severus gently got up from the bed and closed the curtains.
Severus knelt down to Remus who began to stir, pushing a lock of hair away from his pale face. "I'm going to my quarters to get ready for the day. Where are your lesson plans?"
"On my desk in my office," Remus muttered with his eyes closed.
Severus bent down and kissed him on the cheek. Remus stiffened. Severus sighed. The after full-moon depression was beginning.
"I'll be back to check on you during lunch. I left a pot of broth on your stove if you get hungry."
There was no answer. Remus just bundled himself deeper into the covers.
With a heavy heart full of worry for his werewolf, Severus went into Remus' office. He found the lesson plans for the day stacked neatly on the desk, along with everything Severus would need for them. Today there were four classes, the first through fourth years. Severus flipped through the parchment, seeing his name on top of the third and fourth years.
Glancing over at the squealing Murtlap, Severus sneered with disgust, "Looks like you're with me."
As if it were answering him back, the creature pressed its tongue to the glass. Severus wrinkled his nose at it and turned his attention back to the lesson plans. He saw that Professor Vector's name was on the pages for the first and second years. And Severus knew he had nothing to worry about something going on between Professor Vector and Remus, but it still made his mood plummet even further down, remembering the few times he'd seen them together at the staff table, the teacher's lounge and the corridors. Vector always seemed to make it a point to speak to Remus, always causing him to shyly blush.
The idiot's crushing on Remus, Severus scowled to himself at the realization.
He was now entering the Great Hall, right away spotting the fair professor who was talking to Professor Sinistra. Vector probably personally offered to Remus to take over his classes for the next two days. Severus forced himself to go to the Arithmancy Professor, forcing his facial expressions to remain neutral and threw the lesson plans ment for him in front of his plate, startling Vector out of his conversation with Professor Sinistra. They both looked up.
"Your lesson plans from Professor Lupin," Severus drawled, ready to walk away.
"Oh, excuse me, Aurora." Vector bowed his head to the Astronomy Professor. Severus walked away, not wanting anything to do with the fair and handsome Professor Vector. He was quite a catch… Severus realized, and that annoyed him immensely. He hated him!
"Snape! Snape, wait up one second."
Severus rolled his eyes, stormed off and took his usual seat, trying not to let Remus' empty one beside him bother him.
"What do you want, Vector," Severus asked with zero interest in his voice as he poured himself some coffee.
"Remus…"
Severus slammed the coffee kettle down as Vector comfortably used Remus' first name. So, they were on a first name basis? When the fuck did that happen? Severus hadn't really seen them together too much, they didn't really hang out, only speaking if they found each other in the same room.
"You're the one that helps Madam Pomfrey with Remus' changes, how is doing?"
"He is fine. He's sleeping it off and should be back in the next couple of days," Severus answered in a clipped voice, giving off every signal that he wanted the professor gone.
"I'm glad then, no serious injuries this time?"
"It's none of your concern," Severus said, flipping over the lesson plans Remus had left for him, his eyes focused on the parchment.
"Who are you to decide that? I care for him and therefore it is my business."
Severus shot his eyes back up at the Arithmancy Professor. His blue eyes were staring him down, Severus met them with a greater intensity.
"Excuse me, but who the fuck are you?" Severus snarled.
"I'm his friend."
Severus snorted, "You're an acquaintance. And only to get you to bug off, like I said, he's fine."
"Can you just do me one favor then?"
Severus rolled his eyes.
"Give this to him for me?"
It was a note. Severus wanted to crumple it up and throw it back at him, but no one was supposed to know about him and Remus being together, so in a sense Vector was free to go crushing after Remus and it would look very strange to him for Severus to be getting upset over it. So he took the note, stuffing it in the pockets of his robes without sparing a glance at it.
"I'll make sure he does if you give me the courtesy of leaving me alone."
"Will do, thank you, Snape."
Severus just scowled and drank his coffee. The Arithmancy Professor finally left and Severus examined the state of the Great Hall.
The decorations in the hall were ghastly with pink and red paper hearts everywhere with tiny little cupids or they looked like cupids, Severus wasn't sure what they actually were. The winged creatures were flying around the hall showering unsuspecting students and professors with glitter and confetti.
If Remus were here, they would've been whispering together, cracking jokes at the state of the hall and the way some of the dating drama amongst the students was visible from the staff table. Pansy Parkinson was all over Draco who looked thoroughly annoyed. She had red roses on the table beside her plate. Severus was sure Draco had given them to her because he was expected to do it. Granger was sitting with Harry, who kept shooting glances at Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas who were sitting together, clearly arguing. Lavender Brown was all over Ronald Weasley, it was disgusting and it was clear that Granger was thinking the same thing by the way she kept glowering at them. Severus rolled his eyes and sipped at his coffee, going back to the very thorough lesson plans Remus had left for him.
Once he was done looking over them and started to eat his breakfast, Severus couldn't help but worry over Remus. Before he left Remus to sleep in his quarters, it was very clear that his full-moon depression was settling in, and Severus began to think of ways to pull Remus back up from it before he sunk so far down into his own darkness… Also, Remus had been doing very well to not drink anymore. Severus didn't want him to have another relapse like the one in December… Severus was always afraid of another one happening after each full-moon….
Severus picked up his coffee mug, about to refill it when he noticed that confetti had fallen into it. He slammed it down hard and stood up, gathering his things and left the staff table, ignoring the cautious looks between the other professors. He stormed through the student tables, his black robes billowing around his feet. His mood was becoming more and more rotten, Severus could feel it closing in on himself.
Suddenly, Severus stopped as he passed the Gryffindor table. He had just passed Harry who hadn't noticed Severus walking past him and that was because his eyes were glued to the Marauder's Map on his lap. His plate remained untouched in front of him.
Remus had been right about Harry becoming glued to the map, meaning he had heard something suspicious from Draco during the Apparition lesson.
Now, ever since that day, every time Severus saw Harry in the Great Hall or walking in the corridors or hanging around outside in the courtyard with his friends, his eyes were always on that blasted map. Harry had even taken it so far to the point that everyday during lessons, he would excuse himself to use the restroom more often than normal. Severus knew it was only an excuse to catch whatever Draco was up to.
And during their most recent mental-health check dinner which was just last friday, Harry had the bold audacity to eat while hiding the map on his lap, leading Severus to snap out, "No maps at the table!" Harry was forced to put it away, and Severus told him the next time that happened, he was going to take it away.
And that was exactly what Severus was waiting for, so he could get the map out of his son's tight grasp without seeming like he wanted it for something other than just simply taking it away. Severus knew Harry, he knew he was going to defy Severus' order once his back was turned.
And remembering how just before the full-moon, when Severus had walked Remus to the shack, he had reminded Severus again that he needed it before Harry found out where Draco was going.
Now was his chance….
"Potter, map, now," was all Severus said as he held out his hand.
Harry turned around and glared at Severus. And for a moment it was as if they were back to hating each other. The Gryffindors that were near them all stopped chattering and were silent, watching them.
Severus made sure to fix Harry with his special cold glare that he used to only have reserved for Harry before they grew to know each other.
"Give it here, remember what I said," Severus said with a nasty tone.
Harry sighed with defeat and gave it to him, and Severus knew this was going to earn him a very dramatic argument between them later. He rolled it up and stuffed it into his robes besides Vector's note.
"Eat your breakfast," Severus said to his son, before storming out of the Great Hall.
And of course Severus hadn't seen or heard from Harry since that morning. At least he didn't have to worry about having the sixth year lessons today, but he would have them tomorrow. And he would have to deal with the consequences of taking the map from Harry so coldly and full of his old hatred towards him without even a wink like they had agreed to show Harry that he was acting. Severus had forgotten due to his rotten mood that morning. But he'll deal with that later….
During lunch Severus had checked in on Remus as promised, but he was met with the same behavior from the morning and Remus wouldn't eat the broth Severus had made for him and he'd made it clear that he wanted to be left alone, cringing away from Severus' touch. So, Severus just gave him what he wanted, space, and he didn't bother to check on Remus anymore, even during dinner.
Severus sat at the Great Hall alone and in a rotten mood still, eating his food slowly and hardly even tasting it… Glancing around at the ugly decorations in the Great Hall, then staring up at the starry ceiling with its hovering candles, Severus suddenly had an idea but it would only work if Remus was up to cooperating… It wouldn't hurt to try… Severus thought. Maybe by now he's come around… The idea Severus had wasn't much either, but he just wanted to do something that could help pull Remus out of his depression. He just wanted a smile out of him….
Praying that he'll find Remus in a better state than before, Severus waited till midnight to go and collect him. And to his immense relief, he found Remus awake in his bed, the lantern lit, and he was reading. Severus was surprised to see it was the book he had given him, the blue one with the wolf on its cover.
"How many times have you read that book?" Severus asked as he entered the room, praying Remus wouldn't cringe away from him.
And he didn't… Severus let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding.
"This is my third time," Remus said, his eyes still on the passage he was reading and once he was done he marked his spot and closed the book, placing it on his night table. As he did that, Severus quickly scanned the room for any signs of drinking. Any hidden empty bottles, any scent of alcohol… And again to his relief, there wasn't.
Severus did notice a small bowl of finished broth sitting on the night table as well and he inwardly sighed again with relief at seeing that Remus had finally managed to eat something. He sat at the edge of the bed near Remus' feet, quietly observing him. He looked much better, the depression wasn't clouding his golden eyes so much, yet it was still there. The color was back in his cheeks. He seemed to be a bit more well-rested and he seemed very glad of Severus' company this time, not shying away or flinching from his touch. Maybe this full-moon won't be so bad after all….
"Why do you like it so much?" Severus asked, hiding the shaking relief in his voice of Remus finally seeming like himself again.
Remus shrugged with a crooked and shy smile. "It reminds me of you." And even though Remus seemed so much better, even though he finally graced Severus with a smile, it didn't reach his eyes. The depression was still over him, but Severus could see that Remus was fighting through it.
The answer surprised Severus and it came out in his voice, "Really?"
"Falling in love and bravely choosing to walk away from a path that people made you believe you were destined to walk. It's like you and Lily and with her loss, you finally realizing that you weren't meant to be on the side of darkness and power. You were meant to be here with us fighting for the light. And you bravely turned them away… Plus, this was the first gift you've ever given me. We were just friends and you just thought of me and wanted to do something nice. It's one of the reasons why I wanted to kiss you that day."
"That was the only reason?" Severus teased, yet his mind was mulling over what Remus was saying. Sometimes he felt like he was chasing the light instead of fighting for it more often than not.
"There was more… You were being irresistibly cute that day."
Severus snorted at that. "Me, irresistible? Now, that's a laugh."
No one's ever called Severus that before. He always just received looks of disgust and was made fun of for his greasy hair and large nose, the way he resembled a bat in his dark robes. He wasn't easy on the eyes, Severus knew that and long ago accepted that. But when Remus called him those things, irresistible and cute. He believed him. Remus made him feel all of those things and more.
"You don't believe me, Severus Snape, but you are far from the boy I knew in high school. You're quite a catch now."
Severus snorted a bit more loudly at that. "Stop flattering me," he teased.
Remus only shrugged with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes at all. That wasn't the smile Severus was searching for. During their little bit of flirting, it was easy for Severus to pretend as if Remus hadn't spent the morning sleeping and plagued with nightmares and begging to be left alone, refusing to eat, refusing Severus' comfort… But that small smile brought it all back, reminding Severus of why he was in Remus' quarters at midnight.
"I have something to show you, can you walk?"
"Severus, it's midnight."
"I know, but when has that ever stopped you before, Moony?"
And Remus smiled again, a bit bigger this time and full of wistful mischief that chased away the lingering depression for just a moment. Seeing that, Severus' terrible mood instantly evaporated. It was all he wanted out of his plan, and he knew the smile was because of Remus remembering all of his rule-breaking and night time wanderings around the castle with his best friends. The people Severus hated the most…
I'll take what I can get…
.
.
By the time they got to the foot of the spiraling staircase that led up to the Astronomy tower, Remus was leaning heavily on his cane. Severus frowned, thinking this might have been a bad idea. Over exertion wouldn't do and he was sure Poppy would somehow hear of this.
"Can you make it up the stairs?" Severus asked worriedly.
Remus stubbornly nodded, pulling himself up on the first few steps. Severus followed just behind him, ready to catch the werewolf if he should stumble.
Suddenly halfway, Remus stopped, his body trembling. Severus didn't say anything, just stood behind him, letting him rest. He knew how stubborn and prideful Remus could be when it came to showing physical weakness after a full-moon. Severus placed a hand on the small of Remus' back. He was wearing his green sweater over his pajama pants. The fabric was soft and warm, Severus could feel Remus taking deep struggling breaths.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you come all the way up here. This was stupid, let's just go back down," Severus suggested.
"No, I want to see your surprise," Remus insisted. "Just carry me."
"Are you sure?"
"It's not like you haven't done it before," Remus pointed out.
"Okay, hold on to your cane," Severus said. He lifted Remus up, cradling him close to his chest. Severus looked down at Remus and planted a soft kiss on his nose. "I think this is a bit more romantic, don't you think?"
"Severus, are you also a romantic?" Remus chuckled as he wrapped an arm around his neck to hold on. "Every moment I spend with you, I keep learning new things about you."
"Just don't bloody tell anyone. I wouldn't be able to stand the humiliation of it," Severus said as he climbed up the stairs. "I need to keep my reputation of being the meanest professor at Hogwarts."
"Don't worry, your secret is kept safe with me," Remus promised.
As soon as they got to the top, Severus turned so that Remus was able to see what he had done for him. "Look over on that ledge."
Remus did as he was instructed. Severus stared down at him, waiting to see his reaction light up on his face.
"Oh, Severus…" Remus said, with a bright smile and his eyes seemed to shine a bit more with unshed tears. That was the smile Severus was after… That beautiful smile….
On a spot of the ledge where they were meant to sit, there was a bluebell jar and a bottle of cider with two wine glasses. Near the small set up was a bunch of flickering candles. It was simple yet romantic. Severus really never thought of himself as a romantic before, he guessed Remus just brought it out of him.
Severus gently let Remus down, who kissed him lovingly on the cheek. "My hero," he teased, earning himself a mock glare from Severus. He then hobbled over to the ledge with his cane, the flickering candles reflecting in those eyes, hazel eyes that were flecked with gold. They were more beautiful than the stars above.
"Severus, this is so wonderful… You really didn't have to do this… I never cared much for Valentine's Day."
"I don't care for it either. This isn't really for that nuisance of a holiday, it's more for cheering you up. You've had a rough full-moon."
"Yes, but I've had worse."
"Come on, let's take a seat."
They both sat besides each other on the ledge with their feet dangling. The bluebell jar between them was giving off its warmth to them, warding away the cold damp breeze. Severus picked up the bottle and poured the sparkling cider into the two wine glasses, then handed one to Remus.
"It's non-alcoholic cider," Severus said when Remus took the offered glass with a raised eyebrow.
Remus smiled, "You've thought of everything."
"What can I say, I'm a romantic."
Remus chuckled at that. "Who knew?"
They clinked their glasses together and each took a sip. Severus watched Remus enjoy the sweet sparkling cider as he gazed up at the starry sky.
"I see now why you like sitting up here," Severus said, moving his gaze away from Remus and up at the sky. "It's just nothing but the skies and the stars, nothing else… A perfect place to think about things, to dream…"
"You're right, love. And I'm willing to share it with you… Oh, look, a shooting star, make a wish, Severus, quickly."
Severus caught the flash of white, then reached over and held Remus' hand. He closed his eyes and wished for them to be like this forever… No forced betrayals tearing them apart, no full-moon depressions… Just sitting on this ledge, drinking sparkling cider, gazing at the stars… Holding hands… Hearing his voice… Severus felt his heart ache at the impossibleness of it, but that was what a wish was for, wasn't it? Wishing for things that could never happen?
Severus opened his eyes to find Remus gazing at him, then gave Severus one of his sweet smiles as he leant over and placed a soft and gentle kiss on his lips.
"Was it a good wish?"
Severus nodded, then suddenly remembered the Marauder's Map still in the pocket of his robes. "Oh, before I forget…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the map, handing it over to Remus.
"You've managed to get it away from Harry?" Remus said with surprise as he took it and opened it with a tap of his wand. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Harry wants nothing to do with me now." Severus watched as the parchment began to reveal the mazes of corridors in the castle.
"Parenting isn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows. He'll get over it."
"I've tried using that and it still wouldn't open for me, it kept giving me insults," Severus said referring to the map.
"There's a special warding charm on it specifically for you. The only way you can look at it is if it's already been opened."
"That's nice," Severus said with sarcasm.
"Sorry, love… It was Sirius' idea if it helps you feel any better."
Severus rolled his eyes. "Bloody Sirius Black."
Remus frowned down at the parchment. "Draco is in bed right now." He closed it up. "Mischief managed… I'll take a look at it again later…"
"I have one more thing for you," Severus said. He forced himself to take out the note from Vector. He didn't want to give it to Remus, but Severus knew that it would be wrong of him to keep it from Remus who had every right to accept a letter from a friend.
Remus took the letter with curiosity, then chuckled when he learned who it was from. "It's from Vector." Remus opened it up and began to read it. Severus fought with himself to not look over and see what it said.
"You don't call him by his first name?"
"He doesn't like his first name much, prefers to go by Vector. Just like how Tonks is… It's what led them to being friends… The shared trauma of having a horrid first name, according to them… I think Nymphadora is a lovely name, but does Tonks ever listen to me? No, of course not."
"What's Vector's name?"
"Septimus," Remus said, causing Severus to laugh.
"That can't just be a coincidence that the Arithmancy Professor's first name means the number seven."
Remus shrugged, "I mean… My name is Remus…"
And Severus realized what Remus meant without delving too far into it. The story of Romulus and Remus, twin wolf brothers…the story of how Rome came to be.
Severus laughed loudly at that, his voice echoing in the quiet open air with only the stars to hear him. Remus laughed along with him.
Then when their laughter subsided, Remus folded up the parchment and tucked it into the pocket of his jeans. He picked up his cider and sipped at it.
"So what did Vector want?" Severus bravely asked, his curiosity of the note won over his reasons to not ask so that he wouldn't appear jealous. But of course he was bloody jealous.
"He just hoped I was doing okay and when I felt up to it, if I fancied a drink with him and Tonks at the Three Broomsticks. We haven't all hung out together in a long while."
"I didn't even know you hung out with him."
"It's not like that, Severus, we're just friends. It was only once or twice during the beginning of the school year."
"I know…"
"You're always invited to join us."
Severus shook his head with disgust and took a sip of his cider.
He caught Remus rolling his eyes with exasperation, his eyes turning back to the stars, holding his glass of cider in his hands.
"Remus, can we talk about the depression you always fall under during the full-moon?"
Remus kept his eyes on the heavens, swallowing as he took in Severus' question. His Adam's Apple bobbing up then down. And Severus wondered what it was he was thinking about. He didn't say anymore, silently waiting for Remus to respond. The question hung heavily in the cold air between them.
"I apologize for the way I get…" Remus said quietly. "Was I bad today? I'm afraid I don't remember much of it, it's all sort of foggy."
"There is no need to apologize, that's not why I'm bringing it up. I'm just worried for you."
"I'm sorry," Remus' voice cracked, now looking straight ahead.
"Remus…" Severus sighed, watching him, waiting for him to say something. "Please…talk to me, don't close yourself up like that from me."
Remus took a deep breath, looking down at his lap, at the cider in his hands, then to Severus. His pain and depression was so very clear in Remus' golden-flecked eyes, it almost took Severus' breath away, but he forced himself to remain calm.
"The full-moon…" Remus said with a shaky voice. "It's a big trigger, it traps me back into that cellar and a part of me knows that I'm not really there, but my body and my mind, it betrays me. I just can't stand being touched, it brings only pain… I can't stand being around anyone, I only see them as Greyback and the Death Eaters that were stationed there… Everything just comes back and I have trouble figuring out what is real and what isn't and the nightmares…they don't help at all… It has nothing to do with you, Severus, when I push you away. I hope you know that…"
"I do, Remus, but sometimes it is very hard… Just know that you can always talk to me about this."
"I know…" Remus said quietly. Severus could hear in his voice how hard it was for him to say all of that. "I'm trying…"
"And I understand that… I'm not trying to make you feel as if I'm pushing you to talk when you don't feel ready, I just want you to know that I am here for you… And I don't want you to feel like you have to close up around me either… We're a team, okay? We'll get through this together."
Remus reached out and linked his arm around Severus' own.
"You've been doing so much for me and I'll always be entirely grateful for it. I know you don't want me apologizing but I really am sorry if I've caused you any hurt feelings or stress. It's not you, okay, It's just me dealing with my shit… I love you, Severus. I love it when you touch me and hold me… It's just…" Remus sighed and he didn't say anymore, he seemed to be stuck with trying to get out what he was trying to say.
"Can you tell me about your nightmares? They seemed pretty bad this morning."
Remus looked at Severus with wide fearful eyes, shaking his head.
"Come on, darling…" Severus sighed with a bit of frustration mixed with understanding. He pulled Remus closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He moved the bluebell jar away so it wouldn't get stuck between them.
"I can tell you about the ones with the black wolf," Remus whispered as he laid his head on Severus' shoulder, his body shaking against Severus.
As an answer, Severus placed a kiss on his temple.
"I thought that with me accepting that it wasn't my fault Kaylie died, with her appearing in my dreams, they would stop, but they haven't… I'm still running up that hill, Severus, but this time Kaylie is beside me and the light, it's so bright, so close, just out of reach and I can see the silhouette of the black wolf… I can hear him calling me and I still don't know what it means… I'm still certain it's you… But I have you in the real world… I just don't know anymore… I don't understand… And I'm just running and running, wondering if I would ever reach the light… What do you think this means? Why do I keep having this dream over and over?"
"There is probably a deeper meaning to it than just accepting Kaylie's death. Next time you dream of it, try observing what's going on around you, don't focus so much on running to your destination. Maybe there could be clues around that may help."
Remus nodded, lifting his head from Severus' shoulder. His body was shaking harder than ever now. "Severus, forgive me, I know you want me to open up about what happened to me, about my nightmares and what I'm feeling during the full-moon, but I can't tonight… Can we just talk about something else?"
Severus held Remus tighter. "Of course, baby."
They both gazed at the stars.
"Look!" Severus said, reaching out a hand to point out the constellation that his godson was named after. "Draco." Severus gazed up at the twinkling group of stars, wondering if Draco's future might shine as brightly as that or would it dim out?
Remus smiled and pointed out another constellation, "Andromeda!"
"Fucking Black!" Severus spat out, causing Remus to laugh as they gazed up at the dog star.
"That star kept me alive…" Remus then whispered.
And before Severus could say anything in return or encourage Remus to continue… Remus quickly asked another question, as if what he'd said earlier had just accidentally slipped out.
"Have you ever wondered about us after the war?"
"All of the time," Severus said, his voice laced with concern. He wanted to press Remus more about what he'd just admitted, but he decided to just let it go… Pushing him could only lead into an argument and Severus didn't want their moment ruined. He just wanted to continue holding Remus and listen to him prattle on about the future under the stars.
"What do you see?" Remus asked.
"Us, in our cabin in the woods. It's summer and you're on the porch swing playing with your guitar. I'm coming up from my lab that's in the cellar. There is no longer a cage there. Harry comes over for dinner with Ginny Weasley and their kids. Draco arrives with them… The grandkids call him Uncle Draco…"
"Grandkids?" Remus laughed. "And Harry ends up with Ginny? You really think they'll end up together? You've thought about this multiple times, haven't you?"
Severus shrugged. "Isn't that the point of dreaming, thinking and hoping for the impossible?"
"You truly are a dreamer, Severus Snape."